Interview visits with spouse

[GreenMed]

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Hello all. I am wondering whether it is never appropriate to ask a student host if both you and your spouse can stay with them for an interview visit. I haven't asked because it feels like too much of a burden. As some of you might understand, though, it`s just as important for my spouse to see a city where we're considering living for four years as it is for me to see it. What are your thoughts on this? Should we stick with hotels despite the cost?

 

[Shjanzey]

I think you should ask. Most people are pretty reasonable, and if they aren't cool with it then you can consider hotel options.

You can probably find a clean hotel for about 50/night.

For the love of god don't take your spouse to the actual interview day 😉

 

[theseeker4]

Hello all. I am wondering whether it is never appropriate to ask a student host if both you and your spouse can stay with them for an interview visit. I haven't asked because it feels like too much of a burden. As some of you might understand, though, it`s just as important for my spouse to see a city where we're considering living for four years as it is for me to see it. What are your thoughts on this? Should we stick with hotels despite the cost?

I imagine it would be awkward for the host, regardless of their gender, at least in a significant number of cases. At the same time, they might feel bad about saying no, so asking In the first place could put them in a bind.

If you want to save money, go to the interviews alone, then when you actually have acceptances in hand, and are deciding between two or three schools, visit them with your spouse at that time to make your final decision. This also will allow you to explore the city a bit without worrying about an interview on the same trip.

 

[GreenMed]

Haha, Shjanzey, no, I never considering bringing him to the actual interview day!

$50/night is not at all bad, if we can find that. I think that would be my first preference, over asking a student.

 

[GreenMed]

Thanks for the reply, theseeker4. We definitely considered just waiting until something was a known option (i.e. acceptance in hand). But there's a certain psychological angle here, for people who don't make choices quickly. I feel like you need to see a city to be even considering it, and it will be too short-order for us to make that decision entirely based on a trip in the spring. Anyways, this may be a factor just particular to us; obviously a lot of people have to make these decisions quickly in the spring/summer!

 

[NCOldie]

Thanks for the reply, theseeker4. We definitely considered just waiting until something was a known option (i.e. acceptance in hand). But there's a certain psychological angle here, for people who don't make choices quickly. I feel like you need to see a city to be even considering it, and it will be too short-order for us to make that decision entirely based on a trip in the spring. Anyways, this may be a factor just particular to us; obviously a lot of people have to make these decisions quickly in the spring/summer!

If you do decide to bring your spouse, I suggest not actually exploring the area until after the interview. It would be bad to go to an interview with you or your spouse possibly having a bad feeling about an area. That would hinder my interview, anyway. *shrugs*

 

[QofQuimica]

Hello all. I am wondering whether it is never appropriate to ask a student host if both you and your spouse can stay with them for an interview visit. I haven't asked because it feels like too much of a burden. As some of you might understand, though, it`s just as important for my spouse to see a city where we're considering living for four years as it is for me to see it. What are your thoughts on this? Should we stick with hotels despite the cost?

Absolutely and completely not appropriate. Do not ever ask this of a med student host. The only exception I can think of offhand is if the host is a friend of the two of you and invites your spouse along just because they want to hang out with your spouse while you're in town. But to expect that of a complete stranger who is volunteering to host you overnight on their couch is not reasonable, as you obviously already concluded.

For interviews, it is more efficient for you to go on your own. There is no reason why your spouse needs to spend the time and money seeing all of the schools that you might not even get accepted to or be seriously considering. Most medical schools schedule second look weekends for accepted students in the spring, where they invite you to come back and look at the school again, meet students and faculty, search for potential housing, etc. That is when your spouse should accompany you to see the short list of schools and cities that you are seriously considering. Some schools even provide activities and information sessions for spouses of potential students; mine did.

 

[gyngyn]

Don't ask a student to host your spouse.

 

[GreenMed]

Thanks, Q, and I think we can consider this question closed. I was really just double-checking the conclusion I'd already reached, and I appreciate that SDN can be a safe place to ask these questions.

I haven't applied anywhere that I'm not seriously considering, and I think there are still some trips that we'll take together. Is this such an unusual thing to do that I shouldn't mention it in interviews? I thought it was a way to demonstrate that we as a couple were considering moving to a place where we had no obvious geographical ties, but perhaps it would be taken otherwise.

Absolutely and completely not appropriate. Do not ever ask this of a med student host. The only exception I can think of offhand is if the host is a friend of the two of you and invites your spouse along just because they want to hang out with your spouse while you're in town. But to expect that of a complete stranger who is volunteering to host you overnight on their couch is not reasonable, as you obviously already concluded.

For interviews, it is more efficient for you to go on your own. There is no reason why your spouse needs to spend the time and money seeing all of the schools that you might not even get accepted to or be seriously considering. Most medical schools schedule second look weekends for accepted students in the spring, where they invite you to come back and look at the school again, meet students and faculty, search for potential housing, etc. *That* is when your spouse should accompany you to see the short list of schools and cities that you are seriously considering.

 

[Oldenuff2nobetr]

Absolutely and completely not appropriate. Do not ever ask this of a med student host. The only exception I can think of offhand is if the host is a friend of the two of you and invites your spouse along just because they want to hang out with your spouse while you're in town. But to expect that of a complete stranger who is volunteering to host you overnight on their couch is not reasonable, as you obviously already concluded.

For interviews, it is more efficient for you to go on your own. There is no reason why your spouse needs to spend the time and money seeing all of the schools that you might not even get accepted to or be seriously considering. Most medical schools schedule second look weekends for accepted students in the spring, where they invite you to come back and look at the school again, meet students and faculty, search for potential housing, etc. That is when your spouse should accompany you to see the short list of schools and cities that you are seriously considering. Some schools even provide activities and information sessions for spouses of potential students; mine did.

Hey Q, and gyngyn,

My spouse and I are both applying, and trying to arrange same day interviews. Is it still inappropriate in our situation? Should we look for separate hosts? Bite bullet and hotel (cash strapped since we're both premeds)?

thanks

 

[QofQuimica]

Thanks, Q, and I think we can consider this question closed. I was really just double-checking the conclusion I'd already reached, and I appreciate that SDN can be a safe place to ask these questions.

I haven't applied anywhere that I'm not seriously considering, and I think there are still some trips that we'll take together. Is this such an unusual thing to do that I shouldn't mention it in interviews? I thought it was a way to demonstrate that we as a couple were considering moving to a place where we had no obvious geographical ties, but perhaps it would be taken otherwise.

Well, it's a waste of his time and both of your money every time he accompanies you to an interview and you either A) don't get accepted there, or B) decide that it's not one of your top choices. As for considering every school seriously, there's seriously, and then there's seriously. If you get accepted to one school, the decision is made; regardless of whether it's his or your top choice city or not, either you go there or you don't go at all. If you get accepted to two or three schools, your spouse can easily go to all of them for a second look (assuming he has the time off, can afford the trips, etc). If you get accepted to more than three schools, realistically, you are probably going to rank them based on some criteria (cost, location, etc.) and not consider all of them equally. I went to four second looks, and it was a lot. There's no way I could have revisited every school that accepted me.

 

[yossarian444]

Hey Q, and gyngyn,

My spouse and I are both applying, and trying to arrange same day interviews. Is it still inappropriate in our situation? Should we look for separate hosts? Bite bullet and hotel (cash strapped since we're both premeds)?

thanks

Still not appropriate. They volunteered to host an applicant. That is their offer - nothing more, nothing less. Think of it as a contract. To try to re-negotiate what they volunteered for is taking advantage of them for their generousity - you'll look cheap and inconsiderate. If you're bringing a spouse, get a hotel. (Honestly, I much preferred the comfort of a hotel even as a single applicant. You don't get any bonus points for befriending a current med school student; though if you're a total tool, it can certainly hurt you if that student reports it.)

I agree with q - it's not even worth bringing your spouse to the interview (unless you're both interviewing). If you get in to multiple schools, then it is worth a second look. If you only get in to one school, take what you get unless you and your spouse decide doctoring is not for you after all.

 

[QofQuimica]

Hey Q, and gyngyn,

My spouse and I are both applying, and trying to arrange same day interviews. Is it still inappropriate in our situation? Should we look for separate hosts? Bite bullet and hotel (cash strapped since we're both premeds)?

thanks

Separate hosts or bite the bullet.

If you ever decide to host applicants as a med student, you will experience how disruptive it can be to have even one stranger stay with you for one night. That's why it is unreasonable to expect a host to do even more (let you stay an extra night, bring along an extra person, etc.) Don't take your volunteer hosts for granted. They get nothing in return for hosting you except the warm fuzzies.

 

[ksyhe]

Separate hosts or bite the bullet.

If you ever decide to host applicants as a med student, you will experience how disruptive it can be to have even one stranger stay with you for one night. That's why it is unreasonable to expect a host to do even more (let you stay an extra night, bring along an extra person, etc.) Don't take your volunteer hosts for granted. They get nothing in return for hosting you except the warm fuzzies.

Just to offer a different point of view -- my school gives applicants a spreadsheet with info about students willing to host, which includes information about who else lives with the student (e.g. spouses, roommates, pets). If you see a married student on the list, he/she may actually be excited to host a married couple -- I know I would be! And if they have kids, even better. Love my med school friends, but it would be awesome to have a few more students at my life stage at my school. 🙂

(Hi GreenMed! Hope you're doing well! Good luck with your interviews!)

 

[MDforMee]

Cough up 50 bucks for a cheap hotel and don't sponge off of your student host.

 

[GreenMed]

Cough up 50 bucks for a cheap hotel and don't sponge off of your student host.

Thanks, that's definitely what we've decided to do. There's also AirBnB, where you get a private room in someone's house, and those hosts have the freedom to say whether they're okay with two people instead of one.