I can't resist the urge to respond to this topic, though I'm only a med student and my perspective isn't from coming a resident stand-point! Therefore, please forgive me for responding outside of the pond I normally would be swimming in! 🙂
With that said, I think it's slightly dangerous and ultra risky to date within specialties -- athough, on the other hand, anytime you get your heart involved with someone else you do somewhat take a risk! It is just 10 times harder to extract yourself from an uncomfortable situation when problems DO arise. Things always seem so good in the beginning -- you're flying high and so excited about things, but are potentially blind to the possibility that the **** could hit the fan.
Ok, while this doesn't exactly address your scenario about *residents* intra-specialty dating, I know a girl at another med school whose is now an MS4. Since she was a young girl, and from day one of med school, she knew she wanted to do ortho and therefore spent hours shadowing, volunteering, doing summer research and basically networking with all the people from the ortho department. Although she was only a med student, she seemed to "fit" and everyone from the department seemed to really like her around. Low and behold, during one of her volunteer experiences, she met a 4th year ortho resident, felt immediate chemistry, and they started a whirlwind romance. Apparently, while she was somewhat skeptical of dating him at first, but he pursued her aggressively. They both agreed that the situation was complex and they should proceed with caution...so they agreed to "go slow" and not be careless. She became really smitten and even though she knew the risks, she ignored her senses about he potential fall out that could occur. But she fell for him hard. He treated her so well and a future with him seemed incredibly promising, as they has shared very similar (unique) life experiences that were something they really bonded over. I guess I was sort-of her "ear" during this time. As she shared all the exciting details with me, I was trying to be a good friend by offering her a more realistic perspective on the situation. I didn't want to delude her into thinking this was destined to be a fairy-tale romance ending. But what do I know?
But then I became deluded too, because when I met the guy I realized he *was* indeed amazing! He was uber-smart, well-respected, successful, charming, and good-looking. But it made her and I nervous that he was so well-connected with the "higher-ups," and to complicate things further, was also part of resident selection committee (RED flag!) Even though she saw these things -- she wanted to believe what they had was real and would trancend the potential professional dilemma she was facing. She claimed she would be with him whether he was a garbage man, or the president. Ugh, she had it so bad!
Fast forward about six months...he starts doing the very common guy "pull-back" thing. While this is to be expected from a lot of men when the newness of a relationship wears off -- it drove her to insanity. There was something a little more peculiar about it than normal. To make a long story short, this guy had had been deceiving her the entire time. He had a friggin WIFE (!), whom he claimed he was getting a divorce from, but he failed to mention some pertinent details about this from very the beginning. He also had the easy excuse of being on-call and "busy" all the time -- and given the understandable demands of his residency training, who've would questioned that for one second!? Well, he broke up with my friend -- but not in a very direct, or mature way that gave her any sense of closure, rather it was a loooong drawn out hurtful process of silent treatment and her being forced to realize that these six months were a complete sham. Interestingly, the guy got his share of "karma" in the end because he was let go from the residency program. In a way, I do feel kinda bad for him, because he was clearly suffering from some very personal issues that no one could quite understand. Even without his presence around, she said she felt a strange "vibe" around the ortho people from then on...and whether that's paranoia or not, she said she wasn't in any position to confide in anyone in the department on a personal level or ask around to see if people knew about this or were talking about it behind her back. I feel really bad for her...because she is such a great girl and really had it all going for her. She's doing ok now... just matched into general surgery and is happy. Hopefully she can end up wherever she wants to go...
But that whole experience literally devastated her and it was like a part-time job for me to help her pick up the pieces. She turned into a completely different person than I knew and it shattered her self-esteem and had her questioning herself and her passion for ortho. I think she had a little PTSD over the whole thing. She couldn't even step foot in the ortho building for a good few months and she was actually contemplating dropping out of med school. I tried to beat it into her that this guy wasn't who she thought he was. He was poison, and his actions shouldn't even come close to impact decisions about her entire future. But it's easy to say that from the outside, I guess.
In a year's time, she came to her senses -- but not without investing a ton of time exhausing herself emotionally. And she even commented that she felt the whole thing had affected her capacity to perform at her fullest potential during MS3.
Anyway, I'm not attempting to generalize her situation by saying that something like this could happen to you or that you'd make the same choices that she did. I think most people would have RAN as fast as they could from that situation...much, much sooner than she did (although in her defense, she thought she had found true love). I'm just pointing out that when things go sour, especially if you have an intra-specialty romance, it can get REALLY, REALLY UGLY! And it could then take its toll on your performance, career prospects, or ability to focus.
I've had two short-term relationships during med school myself, and while they weren't serious -- they did deplete some time and energy out of me. I'm now taking a stand-point that I'm not going to date for the next few years -- maybe until I'm finished with intern year.
I think back to all both the good times and the pain I went through with seemingly great relationships that ended up failing and I wish I could have all that time back, because clearly none of them were good investments. Haha...I realize I'm coming from a slightly bitter place, so please excuse me for my attitude on the subject. It's just that dating and a career in medicine do not seem to balance well with each other!
Please...Could someone just come up with a medication that would help us think rationally about our choices in love and inhibit those deluded thoughts we get when we fall for someone?
