Is this a good idea for my PS or is it too off topic?

[tonguetalker]

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So I did an SMDEP program and there was a woman who I did a personal, personal statement workshop and we came up with what I think is a decent idea but as I sit down to write my essay Im having seconds thoughts...

You see, I am very passionate about architecture and I love designing houses and I am also a pentecostal minister who preaches. My intent was to talk about how those are my passions and discuss the ways that they relate to medicine (I have a few good reasons). Ultimately, while I love those two passions, its like the Tom Sawyer affect where I realize that its not what I want to do with my life and that medicine is a better suit for me. Then I want to talk about how my experiences in medicine have helped to truly shape my reasons for sticking it out and high light my personal abilities. Finally, I wanted to conclude with information about the most difficult times in my life and how despite all of that I have been successful. (I was abandoned as a child and suffered from abuse/neglect while growing up in the hood among other things). I also went through a really traumatic experience as a sophomore that I need to address as my my gpa wasnt as high as freshman year.

I am wondering if this is too off topic and should I make it more focused?

If it helps, Im a black male at a top 20 with a 3.45gpa (higher science) and 34q mcat

 

[Nymphicus]

For your personal statement I made sure the main theme was medicine and what drew me to it throughout the whole essay.

I addressed my grade trend/low gpa in secondary essays.

 

[RookTookIt]

I like the ideas and I agree with the above poster to just write it and see how the flow starts. You're getting a nice early start on it, so you'll have plenty of time for revision or even full overhaul if needed.

But I would leave out any explanation of a low GPA during your sophomore year. I would probably even leave out the traumatic experience because it seems like you already have enough meat to talk about. Develop that entire part into a secondary essay.

 

[elblackwell]

I like the ideas and I agree with the above poster to just write it and see how the flow starts. You're getting a nice early start on it, so you'll have plenty of time for revision or even full overhaul if needed.

But I would leave out any explanation of a low GPA during your sophomore year. I would probably even leave out the traumatic experience because it seems like you already have enough meat to talk about. Develop that entire part into a secondary essay.

I actually would work in the childhood part into the PS because some schools don't have secondaries or addtl information. Most importantly, don't let the traumatic experiences dominate, have them be very subtle and use it to show how you have become stronger and able to handle difficult situations. I think that in a sea of very similar personal statements, adding something different (architecture, etc...) will set you apart and give your interviewers something to talk to you about that is unique to you. Make sure you don't let it be gimmicky because it is SO easy to do that with these essays.

 

[kansaskid]

I actually would work in the childhood part into the PS because some schools don't have secondaries or addtl information. Most importantly, don't let the traumatic experiences dominate, have them be very subtle and use it to show how you have become stronger and able to handle difficult situations. I think that in a sea of very similar personal statements, adding something different (architecture, etc...) will set you apart and give your interviewers something to talk to you about that is unique to you. Make sure you don't let it be gimmicky because it is SO easy to do that with these essays.

I took a little bit of a different angle with my PS and talked about my time in the Peace Corps while also doing some non-gimmicky type flashbacks to other important parts of my life like growing up poor, childhood love of science, and my motivation to succeed, and linked all those things together in a way related to medicine and why I would make an awesome physician. As long as your transitions are good and you link it all together in a way that expresses your desire to go into medicine, it's nice to step outside the box a little. It definitely gave me something to talk about in interviews! Feel free to PM me with a draft or ideas. I'm a hardcore writer and English nerd and love to talk personal statements!

 

[alexrgross]

Your approach seems good! As for the low GPA, do leave that out. Schools that appreciate your traumatic experience and consequent low GPA will ask in a secondary. Otherwise, ADCOMS wont blink an eye - they only want top numbers. So, why waste the real estate on your AMCAS?
You realize, the essay is pretty short.
SO, heres an outline I suggest for you:
Intro
p1 - childhood link to med
p2 - Preaching link to med
p3 - Architecture link to med
p4 - Anecdote about you experiences with medicine
Conclusion

 

[tonguetalker]

Yes I was intending to focus on how I handled the situation and got through. Also, Im VERY close to my premed committee head and she knows everything about me so it's likely that she will include all of that in her letter as well.

Thank you very much for the suggestions as well. I do realize that I have lot of time and I plan to spend a lot of time on it too, I just like to be ahead.