Is your dad a surgeon?

[VackAttack]

I'm posting this in Non Trad because I'm a Non Trad and wanting to know...

Do any of yall have a parent (particularly dads) who were or are surgeons? I have 2 kids and want to know what kind of relationship you had with your dad?

I'm curious because I am interested in surgery, but don't want to do it if there is an overwhelming response saying that their relationship with their dad was bad. Thanks everyone.

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[PMPMD]

I'm posting this in Non Trad because I'm a Non Trad and wanting to know...

Do any of yall have a parent (particularly dads) who were or are surgeons? I have 2 kids and want to know what kind of relationship you had with your dad?

I'm curious because I am interested in surgery, but don't want to do it if there is an overwhelming response saying that their relationship with their dad was bad. Thanks everyone.

Good idea, just keep in mind that the lifestyle (especially during training) may be different for you and your kids than it was for surgeons 30 years ago. My dad was a neurologist, not a surgeon, but he did have q2 or q3 call for all of residency, which would no longer be allowed under current rules (assuming the program abides by ACGME regulations). Also, there seems to be a push in surgical fields towards subspecialization, which may affect lifestyle. Good luck.

 

[VackAttack]

I agree that lifestyle may be different than 30 years ago... but a relationship between two people is still a relationship between two people.

So I guess I'm just trying to see how people who have a dad who is a surgeon view that relationship between them and their dad. Do they ever see them, do they come to their sporting events/school events, is there any communication at all even, etc.

Thanks for your response though!

 

[BeachBlondie]

A colleague of mine is the child of not one, but TWO doctors--father is an orthopod.

He told me that while his dad was often gone, there was no strain on their relationship. The small amount of time when his father was available was spent with the family and ensuring that they knew they were special. In fact, both he and his brother felt so good about the complexities of having a surgeon in the family, they both decided to vie for the spot themselves! His older brother is a trauma orthopod, and my colleague is about to apply to medical school.

 

[FightinUruKai]

I had a terrible relationship with my father....but I don't think it was because he was a surgeon

 

[plauto]

Everything is what you make of it. I don't think it matters what job your dad has. So, in summary, you can be a surgeon and a great mom/dad.

 

[FrkyBgStok]

Everything is what you make of it. I don't think it matters what job your dad has. So, in summary, you can be a surgeon and a great mom/dad.

Quoted for truth. Or you can work 32 hours a week and be a horrible father.

 

[DrMidlife]

PBS did a 14 year long documentary series on 7 Harvard med students. I believe there were 10 marriages and 6 divorces for the 4 men. http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/body/doctors-diaries.html

I suggest that the effort required to maintain a marriage correlates with the effort to be an active parent.

I strongly recommend this series. Watch with your wife & friends. Discuss where the docs could have done things differently in keeping their marriages and families together. Discuss whether you could realistically carve out more time for your family than did the ophthalmologist, the anesthesiologist, the psychiatrist. How is your wife similar to or different from the wives and ex-wives?

I suggest that your capacity for honest self-analysis, when presented with anecdotal examples of things going wrong, will make or break you in being able to predict your future prioritizations.

Best of luck to you.

 

[theseeker4]

Quoted for truth. Or you can work 32 hours a week and be a horrible father.

This is very true, BUT don't make the mistake of overlooking the fact that it is a lot easier to devote time to your family, relationships, etc. with a 32 hour a week job than with a 80 hour a week job. There will simply be more stress, less time and more challenges being a good father/husband/wife/mother etc. as a surgeon, or any doctor. No one should go into this thinking this will not be the case. Obviously, this doesn't mean one shouldn't go into this and also have/want a family, just don't go in thinking you are starting on an equal playing field when it comes to relationships as the person with the 9-5 job, weekdays only. There will be more job-related stress on our relationships, and they will therefore require more effort on our parts to maintain them.

 

[VackAttack]

Great thoughts everyone... thanks for all the words.

DrMidLife, I'll definitely check that PBS video out... thanks for putting the link on here.

 

[SellerAl]

My father and both of his brothers are surgeons, and their father (my grandfather) is a surgeon too. I wouldn't change anything for it, have always loved being surrounded by medicine. They always talk surgery while were at dinner and even though were all used to it other restaurant patrons never seem to appreciate the convo while their eating.

 

[ShyRem]

As a pre-med the likelihood you will change your mind and not do surgery in the future should you get into medical school and make it to match: 80%.

Yes, at least 80% of all med students change their minds from what they were "so absolutely positively sure" they wanted to go into by the time residency applications come around.

If you want to do medicine, do medicine. Don't start guessing about 5 years from now. You might decide you love PM&R, or FP, or peds, or neurosurgery, or ortho, or rads. Who knows. Or you might decide in the 2nd month of med school that you are SO over it and drop out. It's happened.

 

[MermaidMD]

I'm posting this in Non Trad because I'm a Non Trad and wanting to know...

Do any of yall have a parent (particularly dads) who were or are surgeons? I have 2 kids and want to know what kind of relationship you had with your dad?

I'm curious because I am interested in surgery, but don't want to do it if there is an overwhelming response saying that their relationship with their dad was bad. Thanks everyone.

My dad is a surgeon and is quite frankly one of my best buddies. We had our rough spots in the hellish era called middle school/high school, but what father/daughter pair doesn't? I also don't feel that any of that had to do with his occupation.

One of the reasons I am convinced I will be able to be both an excellent physician and a loving, present parent is because my dad set that example for me. I have no memories of missed dance recitals, soccer games, etc. Literally the only think I can recall is on my 12th or 13th birthday, my dad went to an out-of-town conference that was work related by choice. I can remember being upset that I didn't get to celebrate on my actual birthday. The fact that this single episode so stands out in my mind is indicative, I believe, of any kind of real blemish my dad's career left on our relationship.

That said, my dad is also kind of particularly awesome, in my opinion. 🙂

 

[hawkbit]

As a pre-med the likelihood you will change your mind and not do surgery in the future should you get into medical school and make it to match: 80%.

Yes, at least 80% of all med students change their minds from what they were "so absolutely positively sure" they wanted to go into by the time residency applications come around.

Do you think this number is different for non-trad med students? With some (or a lot) of life experience under ones' belt, and good exposure to several medical fields, it seems to me that a non-trad would have a better idea of what they want than a less experienced person. Of course, those who can be honest with themselves will perhaps be able to realize that while they may *think* they like this or that field, further information provided during rotations can fill in missing data for a better decision. I still hypothesize that non-trads would have a statistically significant difference in changing their minds when they were "so absolutely positively sure".

 

[ShyRem]

Nope. Same change of mind in my experience speaking with other non trads.

 

[blueflower77]

My father AND my stepfather were both surgeons (my mom is an anesthesiologist and met them in med school). My biological father was non-participatory and bailed when I was born. They divorced when I was 1 because he wanted a career and I was "hampering his style." My stepfather was a complete opposite. He played with me on his days off and brought me barbies from every conference his had around the country for work. When my little brother was born he fed him at night while my mom rested. That all before he was going to work as a CV surgeon. He said it was hard, but you only feed your baby bottles a few months and then they grow so fast. That's the kind of person he is: live in the moment and enjoy it no matter what it takes. He works a lot always has but the moments we kids had together with him were priceless. Somehow I don't remember missing him too much at home or him missing our events (we both played piano and swam competitively). The only thing I can complain about is his ADD attitude about EVERYTHING. I guess that comes with territory - he always demanded a clean house when we were kids, a perfect job at everything we did and expended "work hard or go home" attitude. I suppose that's how he does his job. 🙂

Like others have said, I think it all depends on the person and what they consider as their priority from day to day.

 

[dmf2682]

If my father's a sturgeon then call me caviar!