Isolation from class and asociality

[C8H11NO2]

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Second year is now in full swing, and I find myself digging a hole that just keeps getting deeper as the workload continues to build up. Last year it seemed like I was much more social with the people in my class, but this year there is a complete disconnection. I do want to be social and talk to people more, but even when I try, it's like what is there to talk about? We all know that we have no lives right now and spend all our time doing the same thing. I have never felt so uninteresting in my entire life. You spend the majority of your days sitting next to these people, but really don't spend any time with them at all - i.e. getting to know them. So when you do start to interact with someone that you haven't interacted with for a while, it's always superficial, school-related stuff or the usual "what did you do this summer?" or a similar, neutral question that you probably already asked them in passing at some point, which just isn't good enough for me. I have a few closer friends in the class that I can regularly talk to, but somehow the overall increasing isolation is bothering me. We are sort of required to attend class too, which makes me feel trapped. Anyone else in a similar rut?

 

[ArcGurren]

Also an MS2 but our school hasn't quite started yet (soon, though). I figure it's gonna be tougher, but I'm also not looking forward to the isolation lol

 

[Knicks]

Welcome to medical school, patnah!

 

[Concordia]

Get a study partner.
Or wait until you are on your rotations to re-visit with everyone (I'm sure you will have some new stories to tell).

 

[PediatricsRocks]

Welcome to MS2 year! You can still socialize once in a while. Go hang out with friends or watch a movie once in a while, otherwise it WILL become too much to bear. You just can't do as much fun stuff as you used to.

 

[njbmd]

Second year is now in full swing, and I find myself digging a hole that just keeps getting deeper as the workload continues to build up. Last year it seemed like I was much more social with the people in my class, but this year there is a complete disconnection. I do want to be social and talk to people more, but even when I try, it's like what is there to talk about? We all know that we have no lives right now and spend all our time doing the same thing. I have never felt so uninteresting in my entire life. You spend the majority of your days sitting next to these people, but really don't spend any time with them at all - i.e. getting to know them. So when you do start to interact with someone that you haven't interacted with for a while, it's always superficial, school-related stuff or the usual "what did you do this summer?" or a similar, neutral question that you probably already asked them in passing at some point, which just isn't good enough for me. I have a few closer friends in the class that I can regularly talk to, but somehow the overall increasing isolation is bothering me. We are sort of required to attend class too, which makes me feel trapped. Anyone else in a similar rut?

What are you paying your tuition money for? Is is for socialization or to learn what you need to become a practicing physician? Be polite, professional and get your work done. The rest will take care of itself.

If you must party, then get your studies taken care of and find some folks outside of medical school if you feel that you are "isolated" from anything. After all, your medical school class is not there to be your social network.

There is nothing like hanging out with a group of non-medical people to put you in perspective. In short, you can start to become self-absorbed and folks outside of medicine actually won't care what you do or don't do. They will take you as they find you.

You can always think about those little premeds who are salivating at the prospect of become antisocial in medical school. That's worth at least one beverage hoist. 😀

If you are hanging around with your classmates commiserating about how much life you don't have, you aren't doing yourselves any favors. Get out of the rut. If you want a life, make one for yourself.

 

[ar2388]

i dont understand this emphasis on socialization...
we are in med school to study medicine and become doctors not to develop our social skills.
I have made like 3 friends in med school and I'm fine with that. we talk about school 90% of the time but as you said that is our life now and so what? If you're feeling bored or inpatient, go exercise...

maybe im alone in this but i just want to learn as much as possible to do as well on the boards as possible to get as good a residency as possible. if that leads to asocial behavior and isolation, so be it. I will have time later to make friends and go out for drinks.

 

[ArcGurren]

i dont understand this emphasis on socialization...
we are in med school to study medicine and become doctors not to develop our social skills.
I have made like 3 friends in med school and I'm fine with that. we talk about school 90% of the time but as you said that is our life now and so what? If you're feeling bored or inpatient, go exercise...

maybe im alone in this but i just want to learn as much as possible to do as well on the boards as possible to get as good a residency as possible. if that leads to asocial behavior and isolation, so be it. I will have time later to make friends and go out for drinks.

Maybe it's just a wrong choice of words on your part but being a doctor DOES require some decent social skills, and medical school is a good way to build that (even more so in M3/M4).

Otherwise I agree with the overall gist of what you and njbmd have said... especially during a critical year like M2 focus should be on studying and doing well, not partying or socializing. That being said you can't do that 24/7, you still need to make time to relax, go out, watch a movie, come back at the end of the day and watch an hour of TV, etc.

 

[sunset823]

maybe im alone in this but i just want to learn as much as possible to do as well on the boards as possible to get as good a residency as possible. if that leads to asocial behavior and isolation, so be it. I will have time later to make friends and go out for drinks.

you're not alone. Even last year, when I lived walking distance from campuses and bars, I almost never went to any of the parties (just a couple of school sponsored social events, formal and variety show). Now that I am 8 miles away, and by principle I do not drive with any alcohol in my system, I have even less reason to go bar hopping. I have a friend in med school who lives near me and occasionally we'll go to a movie or something (beauty of a small school = 8 free movie tickets), but I am mostly motivated to do as well as I possibly can. I found I wasted far too much time last year, and I really want to buckle down now that we are getting to the meat of medicine - M2.

 

[unsung]

i dont understand this emphasis on socialization...
we are in med school to study medicine and become doctors not to develop our social skills.
I have made like 3 friends in med school and I'm fine with that. we talk about school 90% of the time but as you said that is our life now and so what? If you're feeling bored or inpatient, go exercise...

maybe im alone in this but i just want to learn as much as possible to do as well on the boards as possible to get as good a residency as possible. if that leads to asocial behavior and isolation, so be it. I will have time later to make friends and go out for drinks.

IA with this totally. Actually... if you would've asked me before beginning of MSI, I might've disagreed with this. Back then, I had these lofty ideals of "true bonding" with my classmates, going through this incredible experience together, and so forth.

BS. Pure BS. Medical school is what it is: Medical school. I didn't bond nearly as much with these folks as I imagined. Even in anatomy. Though memorable, though with a few high points (and more than a few low points)... mostly it was just a bunch of mud (i.e. BS) to wade through, very, very slowly...

Now facing the beginning of another year, I realize it will be more of the same. Except with Step 1 visible on the horizon. Basically, I've faced up to the reality that I will be running on a marathon with no breaks from the beginning of MSII through to that moment when I leave the Step 1 test center. And... while I'm dreading the start of the year... I'm mostly okay with that. It's kind of fun (in a masochistic way) to be working towards a visible goal.

I second the OP's feeling of "feeling/being boring". Honestly, as a medical student, I am sick of *myself*... so no wonder I am sick of my classmates. What do we do all day, all night, anyway? Memorize a bunch of crap. And I have to sit around and listen to people who appear truly interested in this crap. I'm sick of crap.

I do expect 3rd year will be more memorable, more meaningful. And even from a social perspective, likely to be more rewarding and fulfilling. Just think of all the patient interaction, etc. When I'm feeling productive, useful each day, when each day brings "real" new life experiences on a personal level, I expect to feel like a much more "useful" person, a much more "interesting" person.

So I will likely be a more social person in that situation/context. We will all have stories to share, experiences to go through together. Of course, I could be wrong about this AGAIN (just as I was wrong in my hopes in anticipation of the beginning of first year...). But... I don't think I am.

Long story short (sorry, I seem to have problems hemming down my posts on this type of topic lol)... THINGS WILL GET BETTER.

As for MSII? Kick Step 1's butt. That's what it's about!

 

[C5toC9]

Wow, some pretty depressing posts in this thread. I like to buckle down and study, but also go out. I never understood why some people in my class never came out for stuff, but I guess they are like some of the people in this thread. Socializing is pretty normal, I don't understand the need to be in a study mode 24/7. Are you guys just being asocial in general, or just asocial with fellow med students?

 

[MsKrispyKreme]

I've made many life-long friends in medical school. We all cultivate social lives by having various outside interests (e.g. movies, television shows, plays, music, band concerts, chess, salsa dancing, political activism, etc.) b/c no one studies 24/7 without breaks. We're all so diverse that sharing our experiences outside of medicine gives us a wealth of info to discuss when it's time to socialize. It's great insulation against loneliness, depression, burn-out, etc.

Social interaction is an important component of medicine (a la the bedside manner.) Anyone who is antisocial in medical school was probably antisocial before. What a sad existence. 🙁

 

[thepoopologist]

i dont understand this emphasis on socialization...
we are in med school to study medicine and become doctors not to develop our social skills.
I have made like 3 friends in med school and I'm fine with that. we talk about school 90% of the time but as you said that is our life now and so what? If you're feeling bored or inpatient, go exercise...

I think it's important in my development as a person to socialize and study and exercise and all the rest. I'm not a ****ing machine. Besides you have three friends you socialize with and so I'm not sure you even know what you're talking about.

maybe im alone in this but i just want to learn as much as possible to do as well on the boards as possible to get as good a residency as possible. if that leads to asocial behavior and isolation, so be it. I will have time later to make friends and go out for drinks.

Me too. But I will sacrifice all that for just passing if it leads to anti-social behavior. You are probably not alone in this but I disagree with the mentality

 

[Antibodies]

i dont understand this emphasis on socialization...
we are in med school to study medicine and become doctors not to develop our social skills.
I have made like 3 friends in med school and I'm fine with that. we talk about school 90% of the time but as you said that is our life now and so what? If you're feeling bored or inpatient, go exercise...

maybe im alone in this but i just want to learn as much as possible to do as well on the boards as possible to get as good a residency as possible. if that leads to asocial behavior and isolation, so be it. I will have time later to make friends and go out for drinks.

Actually, it is quite important to develop your social skills too. Nobody wants a robot for their doctor or co-worker. Get out an enjoy yourself sometimes.

 

[Antibodies]

I've made many life-long friends in medical school. We all cultivate social lives by having various outside interests (e.g. movies, television shows, plays, music, band concerts, chess, salsa dancing, political activism, etc.) b/c no one studies 24/7 without breaks. We're all so diverse that sharing our experiences outside of medicine gives us a wealth of info to discuss when it's time to socialize. It's great insulation against loneliness, depression, burn-out, etc.

Social interaction is an important component of medicine (a la the bedside manner.) Anyone who is antisocial in medical school was probably antisocial before. What a sad existence. 🙁

Indeed

 

[ArcGurren]

I've made many life-long friends in medical school. We all cultivate social lives by having various outside interests (e.g. movies, television shows, plays, music, band concerts, chess, salsa dancing, political activism, etc.) b/c no one studies 24/7 without breaks. We're all so diverse that sharing our experiences outside of medicine gives us a wealth of info to discuss when it's time to socialize. It's great insulation against loneliness, depression, burn-out, etc.

Social interaction is an important component of medicine (a la the bedside manner.) Anyone who is antisocial in medical school was probably antisocial before. What a sad existence. 🙁

I don't think they're saying they don't have outside interests. I certainly do as well, but most of my time is taken up by studying (as is normal). And yes some people do study more than others. I'm not saying I personally do but you can't fault people for having lofty professional goals. I have a friend who studies something like 12 hours a day from morning till dusk because he wants to do dermatology... he's intelligent enough to do it but he certainly doesn't lack social skills.

You're very fond of making blanket statements, aren't you? First you insult some dude for having issues adjusting to med school with a new child, then you come here and call everyone who has a dull social life in med school antisocial (despite the fact that it's normal). For that matter I don't really get everyone equating becoming a shut-in to antisocial behavior, which is a very clinical problem.

 

[ar2388]

Maybe it's just a wrong choice of words on your part but being a doctor DOES require some decent social skills, and medical school is a good way to build that (even more so in M3/M4).

Otherwise I agree with the overall gist of what you and njbmd have said... especially during a critical year like M2 focus should be on studying and doing well, not partying or socializing. That being said you can't do that 24/7, you still need to make time to relax, go out, watch a movie, come back at the end of the day and watch an hour of TV, etc.

I just meant no need to constantly party and force yourself to spend time with classmates just to 'socialize.' i think you can build your social skills by interacting with your professors and classmates and the doctors you shadow and maybe hanging out/studying with the handful of friends you made.. and then again, our social skills should not be that terrible anyway. We did manage to get through college and interviews for med school well enough 🙂

 

[AlexMorph]

i dont understand this emphasis on socialization...
we are in med school to study medicine and become doctors not to develop our social skills.
I have made like 3 friends in med school and I'm fine with that. we talk about school 90% of the time but as you said that is our life now and so what? If you're feeling bored or inpatient, go exercise...

maybe im alone in this but i just want to learn as much as possible to do as well on the boards as possible to get as good a residency as possible. if that leads to asocial behavior and isolation, so be it. I will have time later to make friends and go out for drinks.

wow...

 

[AlexMorph]

Wow, some pretty depressing posts in this thread. I like to buckle down and study, but also go out. I never understood why some people in my class never came out for stuff, but I guess they are like some of the people in this thread. Socializing is pretty normal, I don't understand the need to be in a study mode 24/7. Are you guys just being asocial in general, or just asocial with fellow med students?

agreed. medical school doesn't mean you stop being human.

 

[Perrotfish]

Your classmates might not be your best bet for socializing. Try finding a social group outside of the school.

 

[Lacheln]

I dunno about the people who said socializing isn't important. There are lots of ways to socialize - I would think partying/bars probably aren't the way to go second year, but cooking dinner together, working out together, the occasional movie or road trip seem pretty critical to happiness. Social isolation leads to depression, which isn't good for anyone's work performance. And this marathon doesn't end with 2nd year - so if you isolate yourself now it's going to be a long, long time before you feel happy and connected again.

 

[MsKrispyKreme]

I don't think they're saying they don't have outside interests. I certainly do as well, but most of my time is taken up by studying (as is normal). And yes some people do study more than others. I'm not saying I personally do but you can't fault people for having lofty professional goals. I have a friend who studies something like 12 hours a day from morning till dusk because he wants to do dermatology... he's intelligent enough to do it but he certainly doesn't lack social skills.

You're very fond of making blanket statements, aren't you? First you insult some dude for having issues adjusting to med school with a new child, then you come here and call everyone who has a dull social life in med school antisocial (despite the fact that it's normal). For that matter I don't really get everyone equating becoming a shut-in to antisocial behavior, which is a very clinical problem.

When was the last time that you went out on a date?

 

[DirtyNetter]

Sorry, but I don't buy into the whole "I'm going to lock myself in a room for the next 8-10 years, and I'll have a life once again when I come out" mantra. You can still have a social life and do (very) well in school. People use this as an excuse for their lame social skills or to feel better when they realize they have no one to hang out with the night after the test. Life doesn't stop just because you're in medical school.

OP: It's easy to expand your social life in and out of school. Talk to your classmates and see what they've been up to lately (outside of school). Invite some of them over for a drink on a Friday night or go out and do something fun in your city. You'll be surprised how many people are willing to put the books down for some diversion... even if you think you're not that close.

Work hard, play hard ladies and gentleman.

 

[nopressure]

damn, i wish i was as dedicated as some of you guys!

if it's not exam period and i have a choice between socialising and work, i always choose socialising.

if it is exam period, i'll still choose socialising 1/4 of the time.

i need friends.

 

[unsung]

Wow, some pretty depressing posts in this thread. I like to buckle down and study, but also go out. I never understood why some people in my class never came out for stuff, but I guess they are like some of the people in this thread. Socializing is pretty normal, I don't understand the need to be in a study mode 24/7. Are you guys just being asocial in general, or just asocial with fellow med students?

A little bit of both, but more of the latter 😉

It's a bit about the "culture" of medical school and med students. When I have free time, I prefer to spend it with people who don't exude the "culture", if that makes sense.

 

[ArcGurren]

When was the last time that you went out on a date?

You'd think you would have better insults after entering medical school.

Also, a couple months ago.

 

[ArcGurren]

A little bit of both, but more of the latter 😉

It's a bit about the "culture" of medical school and med students. When I have free time, I prefer to spend it with people who don't exude the "culture", if that makes sense.

I think that's fair. I try to keep in touch with my friends from college and elsewhere and if they're in town or whatever I'll make priority going out with them.

Also I'm pretty sure if some people actually budgeted their time they'd be more efficient and not HAVE to study 15 hours a day. You can easily do well like that.

 

[Tizoc]

Your classmates might not be your best bet for socializing. Try finding a social group outside of the school.

+1. This might be difficult, but sometimes you need perspectives that aren't like yours.

 

[hurdlepup]

Work hard, play hard ladies and gentleman.

Indeed. I can sleep when I'm dead.

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9l6zpb99LHI[/YOUTUBE]

 

[Ischiowhat]

Start sleeping around. That ought to generate some conversation.

 

[swamprat]

Start sleeping around. That ought to generate some conversation.

+1 👍

 

[deleted263296]

.

 

[jayman883]

don't be antisocial and isolate yourself during medschool. you'll have the next 30 years to do that when you graduate as a doctor.

 

[Danlee07]

still in undergrad...but i have my party groups of friends and then my study-oriented group and then the girls...it keeps me in check from being insane while remaining studious..

 

[2012mdc]

Sorry, but I don't buy into the whole "I'm going to lock myself in a room for the next 8-10 years, and I'll have a life once again when I come out" mantra. You can still have a social life and do (very) well in school. People use this as an excuse for their lame social skills or to feel better when they realize they have no one to hang out with the night after the test. Life doesn't stop just because you're in medical school.

OP: It's easy to expand your social life in and out of school. Talk to your classmates and see what they've been up to lately (outside of school). Invite some of them over for a drink on a Friday night or go out and do something fun in your city. You'll be surprised how many people are willing to put the books down for some diversion... even if you think you're not that close.

Work hard, play hard ladies and gentleman.

👍👍👍

As one of the co-chairs for the social committee at my school, I strongly agree with this. While I went out a lot more 1st year, I still found time to go out and do other fun stuff 2nd year. 2nd year is a long and hard year and it can be easy to burn out. Know yourself and know when you need to have some fun (to de-stress) and know when to skip the social event (feel behind, in a great studying groove etc.)

Make a monthly schedule and it will allow you to stay on task and find time for fun. Even an hour or two at Happy Hour after class can go a long way in reminding you that there is a life outside of medical school. Med school is a top priority but don't let it completely consume you.

For example I'm known as one of the biggest partiers in my class but I have a 4.0 the 1st two years and got a 260 (while making time to watch some of the NBA Finals and World Cup) - not trying to brag, just giving an example that it can be done. And while I've been a good student, I've never been a "genius" - 3.2 undergrad GPA and 33 MCAT.

 

[muhali3]

👍👍👍

As one of the co-chairs for the social committee at my school, I strongly agree with this. While I went out a lot more 1st year, I still found time to go out and do other fun stuff 2nd year. 2nd year is a long and hard year and it can be easy to burn out. Know yourself and know when you need to have some fun (to de-stress) and know when to skip the social event (feel behind, in a great studying groove etc.)

Make a monthly schedule and it will allow you to stay on task and find time for fun. Even an hour or two at Happy Hour after class can go a long way in reminding you that there is a life outside of medical school. Med school is a top priority but don't let it completely consume you.

For example I'm known as one of the biggest partiers in my class but I have a 4.0 the 1st two years and got a 260 (while making time to watch some of the NBA Finals and World Cup) - not trying to brag, just giving an example that it can be done. And while I've been a good student, I've never been a "genius" - 3.2 undergrad GPA and 33 MCAT.

lol I hope you're not lying. good job though.

 

[Bacchus]

He has no reason to lie, this is a message board.

The mentality that social doesn't matter matter-of-factly pisses me off. We are social creatures. You were not designed to be locked in a room.

 

[2012mdc]

lol I hope you're not lying. good job though.

Yeah not lying, just trying to give the social people hope and the non-social people perspective.

I'm a huge Laker fan so I couldn't miss the finals. On game days I would get up a little earlier or take less breaks or skip working out so I would still get the same amount of studying done, just finished by 9.

You can study 12 hours a day and still make a little time not to go insane. I studied my ***** of for Step 1 but I did it within reason.

If you can study 16 hours a day and have all of them be efficient by all means do it but don't be afraid to take breaks and have some fun if you're not one of those people

 

[pianola]

You were not designed to be locked in a room.

I'm really glad someone said that.

I don't understand where the whole idea of learning medicine and being social became incompatible. Somehow that's what this thread became. I don't think the OP ever said "I'm doing terribly in classes, but I'd really like to be social!"

I don't really know, though. Everyone has their own individual experience with medical school.

 

[JonathanMD]

I tend to fall on the antisocial side of the spectrum. Then again, I also did before starting medical school. I do have friends and I go out from time to time, but not nearly as much as other people. But it's also important to note that I'm not sad or depressed or anything like that. I'm very comfortable with who I am.

I think people should stop worrying about having a "normal" social life based on what other people think is normal.

(My 2 cents.)

 

[thepoopologist]

When I feel isolated I talk to my teddy. Then I whip myself ten times with a horsewhip for not studying those five minutes that I allowed myself to talk to my only friend in the world, Mr. Teddy McBear. I whip myself like Gary Oldman did in the Scarlet Letter for putting his dirty hands on that Demi Moore broad. If I was a preacher I'd do the same damn thing. Praise Jezus!

 

[Rollo]

I tend to fall on the antisocial side of the spectrum. Then again, I also did before starting medical school. I do have friends and I go out from time to time, but not nearly as much as other people. But it's also important to note that I'm not sad or depressed or anything like that. I'm very comfortable with who I am.

I think people should stop worrying about having a "normal" social life based on what other people think is normal.

(My 2 cents.)

👍

I've noticed that I don't nearly go out as much now in second year as I did last year as M1. Mostly because friends that I have now, we tend to keep it very low key if we go out. And this to me is more enjoyable than going to a club or getting drunk till I can't walk straight anymore.

Not to mention the tons of money I save every month by going out once or twice a month!

 

[DirtyNetter]

👍

I've noticed that I don't nearly go out as much now in second year as I did last year as M1. Mostly because friends that I have now, we tend to keep it very low key if we go out. And this to me is more enjoyable than going to a club or getting drunk till I can't walk straight anymore.

Not to mention the tons of money I save every month by going out once or twice a month!

I hear ya.