Kids in Med School

[Bearfan06]

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Hi,
I'm currently in undergrad but will be applying for med school soon (likely applying to an MD/PhD program). My bf and I have been dating for quite a while, and we'll probably get engaged sometime soon. Though the thought of having kids seems like a long ways off, I would like to have some someday. It seems like all the posts I've read dealing with school and kids is from the guy's point of view. I just wanted to know how (or if) any women in school handled pregnancy and kids. My bf and I have talked about it, and he said he'd love to be a stay at home Dad 😍 . I'd really appreciate any personal stories you could share.

Thanks!

 

[brains]

From my P.O.V, i would go for it! If you two are financially stable and he proposes, why not? My fiance and I have a two year old son, and I haven't applied for med college yet. It depends on how you want to do it. Do you want to have kids and then get married, or would you prefer to tie the knot first? Either way it's achievable. For me, having a baby now is nice because I know I won't have to take time off during med school. I'd rather do it before. Plus, going to med school is like a full time job and I don't know if they have maternity leave. Maybe someone who's actually in med school right now can tell you. I think I will get married right before I enter med school because if I wait until afterwards, I might not be able to take his last name. And as I said before, med school is like a full time job, so I don't think I'd have time to get married right in the middle of it. 🙂

 

[fourthyearmed]

Do you want to have kids and then get married, or would you prefer to tie the knot first?

Are you kidding me? Please don't apply to med school having children out of wedlock, it may not go over well with the old school interviewers!

 

[brains]

Well it's a good thing that was brought up since I'm not married yet. I don't know how understanding the interviewers are here in New Mexico, so I guess my fiancee and should get it done fast.

 

[Bearfan06]

We're definitely going to wait until after we're married to have kids. Like I said, the thought of having them seems so far off but I'd like to know that I have the option. I still feel like a kid myself

 

[jamie]

And as I said before, med school is like a full time job, so I don't think I'd have time to get married right in the middle of it. 🙂[/QUOTE]


Speaking from firsthand experience and from seeing many others in my class do it, there is actually PLENTY of time to get married while in med school -- I had classmates get married over Christmas in first and second years, summer between first and second years, between taking step 2 and starting third year, end of third year/early in fourth year with vacation time (which I did myself), and the ever-popular spring of fourth year. Yes, med school is a ful-time job, but that does NOT mean that every other area ceases to exist. If you can't manage to have a life outside of med school, that is not healthy, and you aren't doing something right.

As for having children out of wedlock -- there are people in my class with children "out of wedlock". Considering a good portion of the patients we see have or are children "out of wedlock", don't you think it would be pretty judgemental and self-righteous to hold that against an applicant? I understand it's easy for me to say, but would you want to attend a school that would hold it against you that you have a child? But that is only my opinion -- you have to live your life as you see fit, not a med school admissions committee.

 

[medanthgirl]

"As for having children out of wedlock -- there are people in my class with children "out of wedlock". Considering a good portion of the patients we see have or are children "out of wedlock", don't you think it would be pretty judgemental and self-righteous to hold that against an applicant? I understand it's easy for me to say, but would you want to attend a school that would hold it against you that you have a child? But that is only my opinion -- you have to live your life as you see fit, not a med school admissions committee.[/QUOTE]

here here! excellent point jaime! i don't think an admissions committee would begrudge someone that...i know they're tough, but let's give them a bit more credit.

good grief!

 

[1Path]

Are you kidding me? Please don't apply to med school having children out of wedlock, it may not go over well with the old school interviewers!

I always find these types of statements interesting since premeds/med student women have the highest abortion rates.

Well, at least the adcoms will know for sure that she didn't choose abortion.

Bottom line, live and let live!

 

[brains]

See, those were my inital thoughts as well, but since I've never been to med school, I didn't know. I hope that the interviewers here aren't that harsh on the applicants who have children and aren't married. Though i seriously doubt it since it's a failry common deal for individuals here in New Mexico. (Not saying that New Mexico's a terrible place, just our divorce rate is 50%) 🙁

 

[fourthyearmed]

I wasn't meaning to be rude but I just wanted to point out that it could possibly be an issue if you get interviewed by one of those old, conservative types. Both my med school and residency interviews have included some of these men and they always want to know if I'm married, etc. even though technically they are not allowed to ask that question. Of course, I'm in the South and things may be more conservative here than where you are interviewing.

 

[ravi]

Let me tell you my experience with a interviewer... I am married and I have a 5 yr old son and I don't wear a ring on my finger (Culture thing..). when I went to the interview, interviewer asked me if I have any kids.. blah ....blah. At the end he asked me "how are you going to support/take care of your kid while you are in med school?". Then I said "my husband will help me." I think he was little confused and he immediately looked at my finger and then he said "OH! you are married?". I wrote this post just tell you my experience and honestly I don't have any conclusion 😳

 

[Bearfan06]

Come on now. I figured that there would be plenty of women out there who had either had a baby, or knew someone that did in med school. Since I'm considering applying to a MD/Phd program, that means I'll be in school for 8? more years after undergrad. I really don't want to start my family when I'm hitting 30. Hopefully it's not asking too much to want it all 😀

 

[jmckenna]

I've known a few people that have kids while in/before entering med school. One couple (both in med school w/a small child) simply schedule everything complementing the other spouse - while one's on a tough rotation the other is on a more scheduled one; one studies while the other watches their daughter, etc. Other people have had to extend their studies into 5 years to accomodate having a child. Some choose a less competitive residency to allow more time w/their kid(s)/spouse. Bottom line is that you can do anything as long as you find a way that works for you. Good luck!

 

[olydoc2b]

I'm applying this year and have an 18 mo old daughter, so I sure hope it's doable! No really, I've heard of lots of people making it work (either during or before MS). My husband will be writing his MS thesis next year when I (hopefully) start, so his schedule will be very flexible to watch her. I applied to UWash (is that where you're at jmckenna?) and my interviewers were very clear that lots of women and men have children before or during school and make it work just fine. I think that once you've got kids, you just it work however you have to. Once sleep deprivation becomes a regular part of your life (by third trimester pregnancy) then you'll be well prepared for taking call third and fourth year!

 

[alison_in_oh]

Re. wanting it all...

You might be asking too much. Some moms and dads make it work when mom has a prestigious career, or even when both mom and dad are passionate and high-profile in their work, but most either have to tone down their ambition or redirect their priorities, and a few put family second and that's just no good. I'm not even a mom but I know that having a family isn't just popping out a baby and handing it off to dad or nanny. That child, and the next twenty-some years of your parent-child relationship, will completely transform your life in ways you can't even imagine no matter what career path you choose.

Entering medical school will likewise transform your life. It's not undergrad. Not even close. Live it for a while and see how it treats you before ruling out the kids-after-thirty thing.

And don't forget about money. Whether someone else is footing the bill or you're racking up debt, that "baby" is quickly going to grow into a child who needs food, clothing, and school supplies; doctor's visits, toys, the bigger car for toting the family...even your after-training income will take a LONG time to pay that down if you've got only loans to live on when Dad quits work to stay home.

One suggestion: check out medicalspouse.com/forums and ask on the Mr. MD board to see how some at-home dads with spouses in medical training feel about the issue.