Living with girlfriend during Med School?

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The Knife & Gun Club

The Knife & Gun Club

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Just wanted to hear some opinions on if I should live with my SO or not next year when we go to med school.

Both of us got accepted to the same school so will both be MS1's taking all the same classes and be on roughly the same schedule at least for the first year. Part of me thinks it'd be great because its better than a room mate and we won't have to work so hard to make time for each other. However I'm a little worried we'd see too much of one another and end up driving each other crazy, plus may not branch out and make other friends.

Any thoughts on med school + relationships are appreciated, thanks for reading!

*Obviously I know SDN isnt the best place to go for relationship advice...
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The Knife & Gun Club said:
Just wanted to hear some opinions on if I should live with my SO or not next year when we go to med school.

Both of us got accepted to the same school so will both be MS1's taking all the same classes and be on roughly the same schedule at least for the first year. Part of me thinks it'd be great because its better than a room mate and we won't have to work so hard to make time for each other. However I'm a little worried we'd see too much of one another and end up driving each other crazy, plus may not branch out and make other friends.

Any thoughts on med school + relationships are appreciated, thanks for reading!

*Obviously I know SDN isnt the best place to go for relationship advice...
Click to expand...

Moving in with your SO is a big step in your relationship that you should only do if you make the decision together because you are both ready and want to move in together, not because it is convenient. It sounds to me like you are not ready.
 
Im not sure about your specific relationship but my gf is moving in with me next year. However we've been dating for over five years now so were well past the puppy love phase, how long have you guys been dating? Secondly my gf isnt going to med school with me but she will be getting a full time job (in medical field) so ideally shell be at work while im at school. Shes been warned numerous times that I wont have time to "hangout" but I know her well enough to know she probably wont mind and we should be able to power through. Besides the enormous financial benefit of living with an SO (were splitting everything in half), I can also see an emotional support aspect to it, shes a great cook, and it definitely helps to have some tail around whenever you get some time 😉. As a safety net for myself we've both agreed that all the bills/rent and what not will go under my name in case things dont workout so she cant kick me out to the curve the night before a big exam or something, hopefully wont be a problem but just in case lol.

So im all for living with an SO iffffff your relationship has been strenuously tested, long (ish), and you really feel like you can depend on the other. Of course your situation will be extremely different since she will also be in med school, but that aside I dont see why not.
 
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Whats up Doc! said:
Im not sure about your specific relationship but my gf is moving in with me next year. However we've been dating for over five years now so were well past the puppy love phase, how long have you guys been dating? Secondly my gf isnt going to med school with me but she will be getting a full time job (in medical field) so ideally shell be at work while im at school. Shes been warned numerous times that I wont have time to "hangout" but I know her well enough to know she probably wont mind and we should be able to power through. Besides the enormous financial benefit of living with an SO (were splitting everything in half), I can also see an emotional support aspect to it, shes a great cook, and it definitely helps to have some tail around whenever you get some time 😉. As a safety net for myself we've both agreed that all the bills/rent and what not will go under my name in case things dont workout so she cant kick me out to the curve the night before a big exam or something, hopefully wont be a problem but just in case lol.

So im all for living with an SO iffffff your relationship has been strenuously tested, long (ish), and you really feel like you can depend on the other. Of course your situation will be extremely different since she will also be in med school, but that aside I dont see why not.
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:laugh:
 
Whats up Doc! said:
Im not sure about your specific relationship but my gf is moving in with me next year. However we've been dating for over five years now so were well past the puppy love phase, how long have you guys been dating? Secondly my gf isnt going to med school with me but she will be getting a full time job (in medical field) so ideally shell be at work while im at school. Shes been warned numerous times that I wont have time to "hangout" but I know her well enough to know she probably wont mind and we should be able to power through. Besides the enormous financial benefit of living with an SO (were splitting everything in half), I can also see an emotional support aspect to it, shes a great cook, and it definitely helps to have some tail around whenever you get some time 😉. As a safety net for myself we've both agreed that all the bills/rent and what not will go under my name in case things dont workout so she cant kick me out to the curve the night before a big exam or something, hopefully wont be a problem but just in case lol.

So im all for living with an SO iffffff your relationship has been strenuously tested, long (ish), and you really feel like you can depend on the other. Of course your situation will be extremely different since she will also be in med school, but that aside I dont see why not.
Click to expand...

Well first congrats to you that sounds awesome (especially the good cook part...mine could burn a bowl of cereal)! But other than that it sounds like our situations are pretty similar. We've been dating 5+ years, and since we both did premed at the same UG were subjected to a solid amount of stress. Just curious if youre a non-trad or coming right from UG?
 
The Knife & Gun Club said:
Well first congrats to you that sounds awesome (especially the good cook part...mine could burn a bowl of cereal)! But other than that it sounds like our situations are pretty similar. We've been dating 5+ years, and since we both did premed at the same UG were subjected to a solid amount of stress. Just curious if youre a non-trad or coming right from UG?
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lol in her defense cereal is very difficult to make, and im making my gf sound allot cooler than she really is she can be a huge B sometimes 🙂. But Im coming straight from grad school so I believe im still considered a traditional student (23 y/o). And wow the 5+ does make a really big difference, it would be wayyy different if you guys started dating recently. But If you really feel like you know her, which I hope you do after 5 years lol, then I dont see why not. I would just keep extra open about the possibility that things might not work out just so you can be somewhat prepared in the event that it doesnt.
 
She'll need to get used to this conversation:

Her: What are you doing?
You: Studying.



The Knife & Gun Club said:
Just wanted to hear some opinions on if I should live with my SO or not next year when we go to med school.

Both of us got accepted to the same school so will both be MS1's taking all the same classes and be on roughly the same schedule at least for the first year. Part of me thinks it'd be great because its better than a room mate and we won't have to work so hard to make time for each other. However I'm a little worried we'd see too much of one another and end up driving each other crazy, plus may not branch out and make other friends.

Any thoughts on med school + relationships are appreciated, thanks for reading!

*Obviously I know SDN isnt the best place to go for relationship advice...
Click to expand...
 
I'd do it. A roommate is great if you're comfortable with the person; save some money.
 
So the the people who have girlfriends/boyfriends in med school, do you see your SO alot day to day at the school? or is this too schools specific to judge?
 
I met my future wife in medical school. In my class. Started dating in M2, shacked up through M3, moved in together formally in M4. In the preclinical years, we actually studied more together in our circle of friends before we started dating, as I recall. Too much mixing business with pleasure once we got more serious. I think for Step 1 studying we were around each other a lot. After M2 it was much more of a mixed bag. For most rotations we saw each other in the evenings after work, but there was call, and some night float stuff where we would go several days without seeing one another. Much less of an issue during M4 year, which is a pretty great year once you've finished interviewing. It takes work, because you're tired and you still need to read even when you'd rather work on your relationship or just hang out.

But overall I loved it, really helped me maintain my sanity. It's nice to have someone who really understands why you can't just go to the beach or roadtrip or watch a talkie or drink Ecto Cooler or whatever kids are up to these days.

But remember there is an inherent bias because I eventually married her, and knew pretty early on she was marriage material. If your special someone is highly volatile (below the Vicky Mendoza diagonal on the hot/crazy matrix), then my experience contributes nothing to your reality.
 
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If it were me, I'd only move in together for M1 if you're already planning on marrying him/her, and by planning, I mean the only thing holding you/him/her back at this point is $ to buy a ring. If you're still undecided, I'd wait a year and give yourselves time to adjust. More often than not, the change in lifestyle is pretty dramatic and it'd be safer for both of you to not add another huge adjustment simultaneously.
 
The Knife & Gun Club said:
Just wanted to hear some opinions on if I should live with my SO or not next year when we go to med school.

Both of us got accepted to the same school so will both be MS1's taking all the same classes and be on roughly the same schedule at least for the first year. Part of me thinks it'd be great because its better than a room mate and we won't have to work so hard to make time for each other. However I'm a little worried we'd see too much of one another and end up driving each other crazy, plus may not branch out and make other friends.

Any thoughts on med school + relationships are appreciated, thanks for reading!

*Obviously I know SDN isnt the best place to go for relationship advice...
Click to expand...
Wait a year and see how you feel. You should never live together out of convenience.
 
If its the right relationship then moving it together is great, regardless of the med school situation or not.

If its not the right relationship, then it won't be, and will probably be worse by the fact that yall are in med school.

So if you feel like you are ready to live together, not considering medical school, then do it. If not...maybe wait.
 
The whole "you won't have time for him/her" thing is more or less up to you. I make it a priority to spend 2-3 hours with my SO every night after my SO comes homes from work. Then my SO goes to sleep, and I study until 2am 😉

But I haven't suffered -- you can't study 24/7 anyways. But you have to be disciplined enough to take your breaks at specific times.
 
hatsoff9900 said:
The whole "you won't have time for him/her" thing is more or less up to you. I make it a priority to spend 2-3 hours with my SO every night after my SO comes homes from work. Then my SO goes to sleep, and I study until 2am 😉

But I haven't suffered -- you can't study 24/7 anyways. But you have to be disciplined enough to take your breaks at specific times.
Click to expand...

Are you a preclinical student? I felt the same way during first and second year. I spent a lot of time with my girlfriend.

This is not always possible in third year. Even if you're super efficient, there is only so much time you can "make" for yourself. Some rotations you will have more time, but on others you will literally have time to come home, eat dinner, study 1-3 hrs, and go to bed. It strains a relationship.

Speaking from personal experience: it's a ****ty situation when it's 10 pm, you're post-call, your attending has asked you to prepare a presentation on the causes and treatment of rhabdomyolysis for rounds tomorrow, and your girlfriend is sitting next to you having a semi-meltdown about something that really upset her. As terrible as it sounds, sometimes the most valuable attribute of a relationship can be the knowledge that you can be a dick, knowingly **** things up now and spend the time repairing the damage later.

By the way, don't study after your partner is asleep during third year. I tried studying late (until like 2) for a period of time during labor and delivery and I had like 3 near-vehicle accidents in a week. It was not a good time.
 
sloop said:
the most valuable attribute of a relationship can be the knowledge that you can be a dick, knowingly **** things up now and spend the time repairing the damage later.
Click to expand...

I think this is also called abuse tho
 
skinnylion said:
I think this is also called abuse tho
Click to expand...

It's not. People who think this is abuse simply don't know the realities of being in a relationship with someone when you're busy and your professional life monopolizes your time.

I don't say things to hurt her, but she has sometimes come home upset about something that happened at work, wanting me to talk with her about it for a few hours. One terrible thing about wanting to be a psychiatrist is that you may have had a personality where people have come to expect these things of you because you're a good communicator and they think that because you're in med school you're going to be even better at it and that it is part of your job. In college, I usually would drop everything for her when she was upset because I could do this and suffer no consequences to my grades. I can't do that anymore. I've told her that she needs to make strong social supports for herself and utilize them because while I will try to be there for her, I will not always be able to. She knows that our relationship and medicine are tied for no. 1 priority.

So there are times when she's upset like this when I explain that I'm sorry she's going through what she is, but that I have things that need to be done for tomorrow and I need a minimum amount of sleep. I suggest she call one of her friends who she has a good relationship with and that I will talk with her about it tomorrow. This doesn't always go over the best at the time, but usually she realizes why I do it and understands.
 
The Knife & Gun Club said:
Just wanted to hear some opinions on if I should live with my SO or not next year when we go to med school.

Both of us got accepted to the same school so will both be MS1's taking all the same classes and be on roughly the same schedule at least for the first year. Part of me thinks it'd be great because its better than a room mate and we won't have to work so hard to make time for each other. However I'm a little worried we'd see too much of one another and end up driving each other crazy, plus may not branch out and make other friends.

Any thoughts on med school + relationships are appreciated, thanks for reading!

*Obviously I know SDN isnt the best place to go for relationship advice...
Click to expand...

I want to live with my gf even though we only dated for like two months.

She is a great cook, very submissive, is great at massage and i get everything i want in bed anytime. She cleans my house, do dishes, take care of my dog. She is currently studying finance too so once she get a job she can be a breadwinner for couple of years til i finish.
 
libraryismyhome said:
I want to live with my gf even though we only dated for like two months.

She is a great cook, very submissive, is great at massage and i get everything i want in bed anytime. She cleans my house, do dishes, take care of my dog. She is currently studying finance too so once she get a job she can be a breadwinner for couple of years til i finish.
Click to expand...
hate to brake it to you but according to the hot crazy scale your gf might be a guy lol
 
The Knife & Gun Club said:
Just wanted to hear some opinions on if I should live with my SO or not next year when we go to med school.

Both of us got accepted to the same school so will both be MS1's taking all the same classes and be on roughly the same schedule at least for the first year. Part of me thinks it'd be great because its better than a room mate and we won't have to work so hard to make time for each other. However I'm a little worried we'd see too much of one another and end up driving each other crazy, plus may not branch out and make other friends.

Any thoughts on med school + relationships are appreciated, thanks for reading!

*Obviously I know SDN isnt the best place to go for relationship advice...
Click to expand...
I think it's a good idea. I lived without mine for first semester and with her for second semester. I have been with my girlfriend for 3.5 years so I guess you have to look at the depth of your relationship as well. There are pros and cons. He/she can help you with so much. Even just laundry, groceries, or bringing you food sometime can be a HUGE help. That being said, make sure you can keep your schedule and work hard when you need to. One weird thing though, even though I had more free time, my schedule was thrown off because I wasn't taking breaks to do daily things like cooking or laundry. It hurt me for awhile because I couldn't diagnose why I was in a slump and burnt out. I had a talk with her saying I wanted to do more and I became more sane and elevated my performance. Bottom line: Keep doing what you're doing despite the extra potential for distraction.
 
Whats up Doc! said:
hate to brake it to you but according to the hot crazy scale your gf might be a guy lol
Click to expand...


Male medical students who are not awkward to women and are not ugly nor short are alpha males and deserve to be well treated by women. If women dont treat you well then thats guys' fault
 
libraryismyhome said:
Male medical students who are not awkward to women and are not ugly nor short are alpha males and deserve to be well treated by women. If women dont treat you well then thats guys' fault
Click to expand...

... Or you get what you give?
 
sloop said:
It's not. People who think this is abuse simply don't know the realities of being in a relationship with someone when you're busy and your professional life monopolizes your time.

I don't say things to hurt her, but she has sometimes come home upset about something that happened at work, wanting me to talk with her about it for a few hours. One terrible thing about wanting to be a psychiatrist is that you may have had a personality where people have come to expect these things of you because you're a good communicator and they think that because you're in med school you're going to be even better at it and that it is part of your job. In college, I usually would drop everything for her when she was upset because I could do this and suffer no consequences to my grades. I can't do that anymore. I've told her that she needs to make strong social supports for herself and utilize them because while I will try to be there for her, I will not always be able to. She knows that our relationship and medicine are tied for no. 1 priority.

So there are times when she's upset like this when I explain that I'm sorry she's going through what she is, but that I have things that need to be done for tomorrow and I need a minimum amount of sleep. I suggest she call one of her friends who she has a good relationship with and that I will talk with her about it tomorrow. This doesn't always go over the best at the time, but usually she realizes why I do it and understands.
Click to expand...

Just because you can't be as available as you were in college doesn't mean you are being a dick. She might like to hear that she is just as important to you now as she was then but that now you need to make a time good for both of you for her to vent about work this week. And that also you have stuff from your week you want to make a time to vent about.
 
libraryismyhome said:
Male medical students who are not awkward to women and are not ugly nor short are alpha males and deserve to be well treated by women. If women dont treat you well then thats guys' fault
Click to expand...

"short" is below what height
 
libraryismyhome said:
I want to live with my gf even though we only dated for like two months.

She is a great cook, very submissive, is great at massage and i get everything i want in bed anytime. She cleans my house, do dishes, take care of my dog. She is currently studying finance too so once she get a job she can be a breadwinner for couple of years til i finish.
Click to expand...

This is... disturbing :')
 
libraryismyhome said:
I want to live with my gf even though we only dated for like two months.

She is a great cook, very submissive, is great at massage and i get everything i want in bed anytime. She cleans my house, do dishes, take care of my dog. She is currently studying finance too so once she get a job she can be a breadwinner for couple of years til i finish.
Click to expand...


You must be a troll. Or a red pill follower. Can't even with this.
 
libraryismyhome said:
Women have human minds too. Sometimes you get so much more for being an dingus. Nice guys finish last
Click to expand...

Changing behavior to maximize personal outcomes doesn't a good person make.
 
It can be great but I just feel like it would be so devastating if you guys broke up and lived in the same place during med m school. Both of you will be under a lot of pressure first year and relationships get tested. If you feel the relationship can withstand that test, go for it. Otherwise, avoid any potential issues over the next few years.
 
Wailea said:
It can be great but I just feel like it would be so devastating if you guys broke up and lived in the same place during med m school. Both of you will be under a lot of pressure first year and relationships get tested. If you feel the relationship can withstand that test, go for it. Otherwise, avoid any potential issues over the next few years.
Click to expand...

This may be, but I think it would be more likely for you to break up if you make the decision not to live together. I just feel like not living together is a vote of no-confidence that you'll never get past.
 
hatsoff9900 said:
This may be, but I think it would be more likely for you to break up if you make the decision not to live together. I just feel like not living together is a vote of no-confidence that you'll never get past.
Click to expand...
"I want to spend the rest of my life with you I just dont want to live with you" lol Yeah I dont think my gf would like that 😀
 
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