Long-term relationships ending right before starting med school?

[Blain77]

Have any other med students or newly accepted med students had long-term relationships end right before starting med school? How did you handle it, and how did it affect you? My current relationship ended last week and its really turned things upside down for me considering I decided where to attend med school based on what was best for us, meaning which city offered her the best opportunities in her field too. I'm pretty torn apart to say the least.

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[216397]

Have any other med students or newly accepted med students had long-term relationships end right before starting med school? How did you handle it, and how did it affect you? My current relationship ended last week and its really turned things upside down for me considering I decided where to attend med school based on what was best for us, meaning which city offered her the best opportunities in her field too. I'm pretty torn apart to say the least.

Aw...I'm sorry to hear that happened to you! I've been in a relationship for ~4 years now and I honestly have been worried about the same thing. My boyfriend and I love each other, but it's obvious that we have different goals in life. Hopefully finding someone in med school isn't as tough as people have said?

 

[thailandluv]

yes- i went through something similar. its hard but you really have to stay positive and remember that you are doing this for your dreams and your future. if you two are meant to be, i'm sure you will find each other somewhere down the road.

 

[ceecee08]

I just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years...it hurts but we both have alot to accomplish. The idea of long distance all throughout medical school was not appealing to us and we weren't sure if we were strong enough to handle it...If its meant to be again it will happen but now we have to focus on ourselves and our goals.

 

[virusgirl]

Blain, I was in a very similar position. My fiance was already enrolled in a PhD program at Brandeis, so I was going to attend whatever school kept me closest to Boston, regardless of how I actually felt about the school. Then he got cold feet and we ended up cancelling the wedding. While it was an incredibly sucky situation at the time, I actually feel sort of liberated now. I can choose a medical school based on criteria that are important to me, and once I'm there, I'll be in a position to fully invest myself in what I'm doing, and in the relationships I form there.

You'll get through it! It'll take time, but try to keep your sights on the good things that are ahead of you and the great people you'll meet!

 

[chessknt]

Have any other med students or newly accepted med students had long-term relationships end right before starting med school? How did you handle it, and how did it affect you? My current relationship ended last week and its really turned things upside down for me considering I decided where to attend med school based on what was best for us, meaning which city offered her the best opportunities in her field too. I'm pretty torn apart to say the least.

Medical school didnt end your relationship. She obviously was not as dedicated to you as she needed to be for the relationship to have worked through medical school, so this is a blessing in disguise that it happened now instead of later.

 

[UVAbme2009]

I guess I really lucked out, but I have a wonderful girlfriend (5+ years) who is ready to move with me to wherever I end up in the fall.

If you ask me, love always trumps all. And if you can't compromise on a location, then you were never meant to be.

 

[Blain77]

I guess I really lucked out, but I have a wonderful girlfriend (5+ years) who is ready to move with me to wherever I end up in the fall.

If you ask me, love always trumps all. And if you can't compromise on a location, then you were never meant to be.

Thanks everyone for the comments/encouragement.

One thing I wanted to add is that we did in fact compromise on a location. In fact, I really compromised and chose a school I would not have otherwise if the relationship didn't mean so much to me. Now that irreversible decisions have been made I was left out to hang on my own. Pretty crappy move to do to someone. But I was a fool.

 

[UVAbme2009]

Thanks everyone for the comments/encouragement.

One thing I wanted to add is that we did in fact compromise on a location. In fact, I really compromised and chose a school I would not have otherwise if the relationship didn't mean so much to me. Now that irreversible decisions have been made I was left out to hang on my own. Pretty crappy move to do to someone. But I was a fool.

Can't blame yourself. Ending a long-term relationship isn't typically a whimsical move. That decision should have been made long before you chose a school.

 

[Thorpedo]

I agree with the person who said you are better off that it happened now instead of later. Your ex seems to not really put much care for the effects her decisions have on you, so just be glad that you don't have to worry about it anymore. I'm in a relationship right now with someone who supports me vocally, but then makes comments about how I better pick a specialty that has a short residency so she can be a stay-at-home mom. That definitely isn't what i want to hear, lol.

 

[Handy388]

I am dating someone who aspires for a career for herself, and I am really proud of her of that.

We also agreed that we shall not let each other getting in the way of our career fullfillment. Fortunately, I made it to my top choice in NY, where she would have plenty of empolyment opportunity.

 

[searun]

I am the voice of experience. Long distance relationships rarely survive med school. I have experienced this personally and observed it among my classmates.

Do not allow a boyfriend or girlfriend to dicate where you attend med school. Select the school that is the best fit for you personally. If you are married, then obviously your spouse has to be factored into the decision. But boyfriends and girlfriends come and go. That is just the way life is. You get over it and move on. There are plenty of fish to fry.

 

[mmmcdowe]

My previous LTR ended during the MCAT season. The constant reminder that I was going to medical school drove her to push the marriage topic. I told her that I wasn't willing to marry when neither of us had the finances to support a family. I wanted to wait to talk about our relationship, but she would have any of it.

 

[funkymunkytoes]

I have a girlfriend of 4 years - she's going to Kentucky for graduate work and I'm going somewhere else for medical school (closest school I haven't yet been rejected to is Vandy). Time will tell if we survive the long distance and where we end up in 10 years!

 

[sugeny]

Hey Blain,

I'm so sorry man! I am an MS1, and my bf of 4+ years and I broke up two weeks before this whole craziness of first year began. He attends the dental school at my same university...yeah. We are all fools sometimes. It's tough, but its totally doable. Learning to put all the crap that you're going through aside, and focus on studying will be an acquired skill, but an extremely useful one. With 2/3 of the year done I have managed to stay extremely competitive in my class despite the heartbreak of this year. I know that you will be able to as well. Best of luck, try not to agonize over the decisions of the past, but look forward to the new adventures and great classmates you will have...they make all the difference in the world

 

[go lakers]

I've seen a half dozen relationships end within the first few months of starting medical school.

It just happens.

 

[202781]

I broke up with my GF the day before I got accepted to medical school!

Best Breakup EVER!!!

Relax kiddo...I can tell you that the pulling women even as an MS-0 is one of the easiest things I have ever done...Or maybe my confidence and general skill has increased.

 

[surftheiop]

Have any other med students or newly accepted med students had long-term relationships end right before starting med school? How did you handle it, and how did it affect you? My current relationship ended last week and its really turned things upside down for me considering I decided where to attend med school based on what was best for us, meaning which city offered her the best opportunities in her field too. I'm pretty torn apart to say the least.

Don't beat yourself up, it wasnt a foolish decision (It might not have been a perfect decision either, but how often do we really make perfect decision?).

Anyhow if you would have broken up for med school you probaly would have always wondered "what if". As it is you know things weren't meant to be and Im sure you will have a great experience in medical school regardless of the fact you might have chosen a different school.

In fact im sure there's a pretty good chance you will meet your future wife as a direct result of attending med school where you are so in 10 years you will probaly look back and say "Thank goodness I went to X med school, or else I would have never met _______ .

 

[MilkmanAl]

I think you'll find that more couples break up after med school starts. The time commitment it requires suddenly becomes very real for the other person who likely had no idea what was coming.

 

[WannaBePreMed]

I guess I really lucked out, but I have a wonderful girlfriend (5+ years) who is ready to move with me to wherever I end up in the fall.

If you ask me, love always trumps all. And if you can't compromise on a location, then you were never meant to be.

Agreed, if the significant other really loved you they would make it work, someway or another... Well at least that's how it should be.

 

[surftheiop]

Agreed, if the significant other really loved you they would make it work, someway or another... Well at least that's how it should be.

Very true, so long as you remember that "making it work, someway or another..." could be you turning down medical school so she can follow her career.

(Just pointing it out because some of us make it sound like the choices are 1) They follow you to med-school or 2) They dont love you. There is always the third 3) You follow them to where they go. )

 

[sarahl86]

I'm curious how things turn out if both people are in medical school...my boyfriend is attending WVUSOM in the Fall, and the jury is still out for me but at best it is looking like I'd be at NYMC, a whopping 7 1/2 hours away. 🙁 We'll be able to meet mid-way in Baltimore since that's where I'm from but I'm dreading the possibilities.

 

[chad5871]

I'm curious how things turn out if both people are in medical school...my boyfriend is attending WVUSOM in the Fall, and the jury is still out for me but at best it is looking like I'd be at NYMC, a whopping 7 1/2 hours away. 🙁 We'll be able to meet mid-way in Baltimore since that's where I'm from but I'm dreading the possibilities.

Sounds like a tough situation - sorry to hear that.

My brother got engaged the summer after he graduated - she had to stay in Texas for another year to finish up at Baylor, and he moved back to Richmond to work at a law firm and get ready for law school. Needless to say, it was a difficult year for them being so far apart. I can't even imagine having to go through that for four years...

 

[nontrdgsbuiucmd]

I guess I really lucked out, but I have a wonderful girlfriend (5+ years) who is ready to move with me to wherever I end up in the fall.

If you ask me, love always trumps all. And if you can't compromise on a location, then you were never meant to be.

I used to think this (love conquers all), but was temporarily relocated (for work) after being married 6 yrs, just after birth of our child. I would now change this to "you need to compromise on a location to be together"

It was very difficult for us for 6 months, in that although I was home weekends, I became "the outsider"; spouse and child were so used to me being gone, that everything was thrown off kilter when I came home. And this was when I had no commitments, or studying, on the weekends. By Saturday, everyone was used to me being back, and then Sunday evenings I flew out again.

As a result, I'd never again consider doing this (having now remained married much longer than most marriages last). I can't imagine med school being much less stressful than my corporate gig out of state; if anything, I'd think it'd be tougher to mentally "come home" on weekends, given study requirements and the mental commitment to med school.

 

[sarahl86]

Sounds like a tough situation - sorry to hear that.

My brother got engaged the summer after he graduated - she had to stay in Texas for another year to finish up at Baylor, and he moved back to Richmond to work at a law firm and get ready for law school. Needless to say, it was a difficult year for them being so far apart. I can't even imagine having to go through that for four years...

I figure a mutual commitment to drive 4 hours every couple weekends just to study together and sleep is much better than flying between Richmond and Texas for a year. He's very optimistic, moreso than me (I've had my own long-distance relationships crash and burn) - and lucky for me WVU has mostly male students 😀 Hopefully our schedules will allow it if I get in too...

I'm just tired of all the waiting!

 

[Stixman28]

Hey sarahl & all of you about to consider a long distance relationship for the sake of school.

Most people are talking about how they can be awful...but I will give you a glimmer of hope!

I was finally able to move back in with my lady after 2 years apart late last summer. We lived 2 hours apart and boy did it require a lot of understanding. We had to remain incredibly open to sharing our feelings, and anger with one another. Earlier in my life this would not have been possible. I would be the first to say I was not emotionally mature enough to handle it.

2 years was enough though, and by the end, we could hardly talk on the phone anymore, it was just a poor substitute for the real thing.

Things can just as easily go the wrong way though, as a roommate of mine definitely treated his long distance gf like **** until she finally broke up with him. Just again, a reflection of the maturity it takes to handle the time apart.

Two strong people can do it though, and there are many of us online here who can testify to that. (surf around on the nontrads board, older people do really have more experience!)

 

[mezmerized7]

You are not a fool. Perhaps this is the place where you were meant to be even if doesn't seem that way at this moment in time. You were left on your own, but use this as a time to be happy being single. Sometimes we put everything and give our all to a relationship, but in the end, the other person was not appreciative enough. Be you and the right one will come along, whether before, during or after med school... but be happy.

Thanks everyone for the comments/encouragement.

One thing I wanted to add is that we did in fact compromise on a location. In fact, I really compromised and chose a school I would not have otherwise if the relationship didn't mean so much to me. Now that irreversible decisions have been made I was left out to hang on my own. Pretty crappy move to do to someone. But I was a fool.

 

[Penguick]

Long distance relationships don't have to be the end of the relationship. It does suck to have to do so much waiting, but if you really work at it, it is possible for things to all end up where they should. I've been in a long distance relationship for over a year now, and will possibly be when I start med school as well. Things are hard but great for us.

And for another positive story. My older sister and her husband have been long distance for close to 8 out of the 12 years they've been together. They seem to be doing just fine.

 

[whitestripes]

My girlfriend and I of a year broke up when she found out I didn't want her to move with me to med school.

 

[bquillera13]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 3 years now. We've spent about 9 months apart now b/c I had to move home after I graduated from undergrad. It's been rough, we visit every couple of months, but we've made it work through the phone and iChat. I start med school in the fall at Texas A&M. I'm supposed to be hearing back about the campus I'm assigned to pretty soon. Hopefully I'll be within 30 min of him. This year has been really hard, so I'm hoping being closer will alleviate the stresses of my first year in med school.

 

[funkymunkytoes]

My girlfriend and I of a year broke up when she found out I didn't want her to move with me to med school.

This really gave me a laugh. Was it supposed to be funny?

 

[202781]

This really gave me a laugh. Was it supposed to be funny?

haha I laughed at that comment too!

I was thinking how that would be a great way to just end it.

 

[bozz]

Never understood how people who say that they "are in love" can't make long distance relationships work

If it's out of sight, out of mind, that's just lame. You never really loved the person in the first place, and it was more for convenience.

It's important for both sides to be strong though... if one's weak and is just holding on until they wait for the next best thing, the relationship is doomed.

 

[bozz]

I guess I really lucked out, but I have a wonderful girlfriend (5+ years) who is ready to move with me to wherever I end up in the fall.

If you ask me, love always trumps all. And if you can't compromise on a location, then you were never meant to be.

Completely agree bro

 

[MilkmanAl]

Awww you guys are so cute. I ordered a few cubic yards of reality for both of you. It'll be there in the morning.

 

[bb123]

My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship since we met. We met while in college and he goes to school an hour and a half away from me. We make it work and see each other almost every weekend (no big deal). But as of next year I will be attending medical school at the University of Michigan and he will be commissioning as an officer in the Air Force (he did Air Force ROTC) and will be moving to California for a year of training and then at least 3 more years somewhere else across the country. We are use to the whole long distance thing, although ~2500 miles is quite a bit farther away, but our plan is to try our hardest to make it work. Neither of us wanted to compromise what we wanted in our future and we now that if it is meant to work, it will. To me, it seems silly to break up before trying...because I know I am willing to try damn hard to make this thing work. You just have to be aware of what you're getting yourself into and both know exactly what the other expects out of the situation. You never know what will happen in the future and you just have to take it as it comes, one step at a time.