Mom,Wife,35+,and Psy.D?????

[mrsdrm]

Hello guys,

Soooo, is it possible? I have three children ages 6 to 14 and a husband. Is the workload too demanding, can I manage, or am I kidding myself? Maybe I should just stick to a M.A. Do I need a reality check? Thanks

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[compassionate1]

In the same situation, minus one child ( But my youngest is younger than yours). I am not talking from experience; this is just my opinion -- but I do think it is possible.

It does require making arrangments though and having some sort of social support system / safety net to fall back on.

When I get discouraged by my age, I press forward ten years from now and visualize my life as a clinical psychologist and how I am loving it.

If I can dream it, I can do it. And hopefully -- so can you.

With life expectancy ( and quality) on the increase, I plan on practising as a psychologist for plenty of years. When I get older, ( and hopefully wiser), i can work from a home office without the need to commute!

As a therapist, I feel that the age is not a liability factor. Not unlike wine -- we get better with the years and accumulating life experiences!

As long as I am not too hard on hearing, and as long as I can remember which life story and problem were shared with my by which client, I think I can practice as long as I live! 🙂

Compassionate1

PS Please feel free to check a recent thread on parenting and graduate school. Welcome abroad!

 

[apumic]

Possible? certainly! But you'll want to think through the logistics. An unfunded PsyD is going to cost you upwards of $100,000 in tuition alone (not counting application fees and interviews -- budget at least $1,000 for that right off -- or other extraneous costs -- books, course fees, babysitting/childcare, whatever you might be losing out on b/c you're not at work, etc.). Additionally, you need to plan on setting aside at least 50 hours/wk to get all the work done. Basically, it's going to be a full-time job -- no getting around that (a part-time program simply would not be able to cover all the necessary things to be an accredited, recognized (as in legally) program in less than a decade).

 

[deleted176373]

Hello guys,

Soooo, is it possible? I have three children ages 6 to 14 and a husband. Is the workload too demanding, can I manage, or am I kidding myself? Maybe I should just stick to a M.A. Do I need a reality check? Thanks

I am in a very fast paced program (Ph.D. in 4 years.) We have more than one woman who is already married, 3 that have given birth while in the program, one just married, and a number that have been married for a while, in addition we have several dad's who have multiple kids. It's doable, but obviously quite challenging.

As far as the Psy.D., my biggest concern would be the cost benefit ratio and how that matches with your career aspirations. Psychology, in general, is not a high paying field when you consider the cost of schooling both in time to achieve a degree and a traditional internship. There are, of course, exceptions. I would caution you to really consider how a debt load of $100-150k would affect your earnings over time. If you are independently wealthy and don't care about this, that's great, most people aren't.

This is a great field, but if you can find a funded route (Psy.D. or Ph.D.) via either internal or external funding, you will be in a much better position to reap the benefits of getting a Ph.D. or Psy.D. I am not bashing the professional schools, but you need to know what you are getting yourself into from this perspective as well. You want a school with a good reputation and a decent match rate. Don't settle for less. Be an informed consumer, because next to your house, your education may be the largest single investment you make.

Mark

 

[deleted176373]

With life expectancy ( and quality) on the increase, I plan on practising as a psychologist for plenty of years. When I get older, ( and hopefully wiser), i can work from a home office without the need to commute!

As long as I am not too hard on hearing, and as long as I can remember which life story and problem were shared with my by which client, I think I can practice as long as I live! 🙂

Beck is near 85 years old and he still gets up every day and goes to work. It was really cool getting to meet him and see him work. Who knows how many years of work he has left in him, but it was inspirational to see that.

Mark

 

[psychmama]

I'm living proof that it's possible: 43 when I started my psyd program (47 now), kids currently 16, 13, 9, married 20 yrs. It's tough but very possible. I agree with the posts before me. Think through carefully if getting the doctorate will add significantly to what you can already do with the MA. I was coming from an unrelated field, so I did not have that issue to consider. Check out the parenting & grad school thread for some additional perspectives.

Bottom line -- if you want it enough, it's possible. My advice is to do the cost/benefit analysis (time and money) before deciding.

Good luck!

 

[Grif]

Soooo, is it possible? I have three children ages 6 to 14 and a husband. Is the workload too demanding, can I manage, or am I kidding myself? Maybe I should just stick to a M.A. Do I need a reality check? Thanks

If your husband can help with kids (etc), you could probably manage it. I say that because I see it happening a lot lately. Now, if your husband works 12-hour days or has no interest in helping out then realistically you may not have time for it. Just make sure that you discuss it and make sure he has a good idea of the time demands and what he will need to do extra to help out.

The finances may be a bit less than dazzling, but that is something else to consider. One big thing to remember is that with everything involved, you won't be able to really work at all. You're going to be living off of your husband's salary, plus loans and scholarships. And if you're considering a really expensive school like argosy/phoenix/alliant/etc, it could cost a lot more than you can get in loans (some online programs cost almost double!). So crunch the numbers and come up with a good list to apply to. 🙂

 

[compassionate1]

Beck is near 85 years old and he still gets up every day and goes to work. It was really cool getting to meet him and see him work. Who knows how many years of work he has left in him, but it was inspirational to see that.

Mark

I know, isn't that something? And Yalom is in seventies and still going strong. I am sure there are others as well.

******************

As for funding: Spending HOURS on this site had proven to be more than just entertaining.... It actually made rethink my entire plan. It made me realize that I am only going to apply to programs with sufficent funding. This means that I am going to have to get research experience, which is a good idea anyway. It also means that I may have to wait an ( even!) additional year in order to apply, so I can get those stellar scores on GREs ( well, at least I got to believe it) as well as get more experience. Hopefully, in the long run, waiting another year would pay off, as I would have more options when it comes to programs, and would graduate with less debt or no debt at all.

I decided that being in school would entail enough sacrafices on my family's behlaf, and that the least I can do is to minimize the financial strain, as much as I can.

Compassionate1

 

[compassionate1]

I'm living proof that it's possible: 43 when I started my psyd program (47 now), kids currently 16, 13, 9, married 20 yrs. It's tough but very possible.


Good luck!

Thanks so much for posting that. I find it encouraging.

I am 36 ( going on 37 in September). If I don't apply this fall and wait the additional year, I will be 39 when I start a program. I was concerned about that. Especialy since the schooling / training takes so long...

When I went to a program this past fall, i was one of the oldest of the 75 people in the incoming class, and I think I was the only mother. It made me feel different. Yes, I did make friends ( who were usually much younger than me) but it was a little hard when you are the only one who had to stay up ( again ) all night with a sick child, while they were free to study. Also, after exams -- they all went celebrating. Sure I got asked to come along but always had to decline, as I wanted to go back home and spend time with my family. I did find make the time to celebrate the end of finals with a friend, though. We just had to go out during the day, when my kids were in school. It's all about priorities and working around them.

 

[PsyDr]

i encourage you to learn about the formal internship year, which would likely require you to move. there should be many threads about this subject.

 

[psychmama]

i encourage you to learn about the formal internship year, which would likely require you to move. there should be many threads about this subject.

Compassionate1 : Just wanted to add that moving might not be necessary if you live (as I do) in the NYC or similar metro area. I found plenty of internships to apply to within an 90 minute commute of my home. I've actually matched to a site that's in the Bronx, which is not a great commute but doable. Personally speaking, there was no way I'd move for internship. Just wasn't going to happen.

 

[Aggieanthony]

Indeed, if you don't live in a large metro hub and/or you are up for candidacy from a less-than-stellar program and you can't match in a close geographical area, you will be hurting pretty badly in terms of needing to either uproot your entire family for that year, or maintaining a second household while you're on that internship.

For me, that was the most important factor in deciding which program to finally decide on - And I also knew going in that geographical limitations are one of the largest contributors to students going program-less (e.g., getting accepted to Columbia but not wanting to move or learning anecdotally that students always have to move from School X for their APPIC/APA internship year) yet I stood firm, and it turned out alright for me.

I wish you luck and I applaud your efforts as a non-traditional re-entry student!

 

[mrsdrm]

Everyone

Thanks for the replies. I know the expenses of school is a major concern. My husband is an M.D. and we already live off his salary. (I'm a stay at home mom) I'm going to go for it. Thank you all for your encouraging words.

 

[Aggieanthony]

Everyone

Thanks for the replies. I know the expenses of school is a major concern. My husband is an M.D. and we already live off his salary. (I'm a stay at home mom) I'm going to go for it. Thank you all for your encouraging words.

You're fortunate! Keep us posted on your travels, I know I personally would love to keep in touch with you and know how your plans are progressing.

 

[minichka2004]

Ladies, who are married and are already doctorate students,
How many programs you applied to, and did you have to move when you were accepted? I am married (no kids), my husband has a good job which he doesn't want to lose, so I am bound to schools in my area...There not too many, in fact only a couple, so I feel like I have less chances to be accepted to a doctorate program.... Just wanted to know what you did?
Thanks!🙂

 

[deleted176373]

Ladies, who are married and are already doctorate students,
How many programs you applied to, and did you have to move when you were accepted? I am married (no kids), my husband has a good job which he doesn't want to lose, so I am bound to schools in my area...There not too many, in fact only a couple, so I feel like I have less chances to be accepted to a doctorate program.... Just wanted to know what you did?
Thanks!🙂

Well I am no lady... but that said... My wife has a career where she makes over 6 figures, and she was attending University of Texas for a Masters in Engineering (so leaving would have been difficult and counter productive.) I was accepted to a school in Bethesda, MD and another in TX (less than an hour from my house.) We have no kids, etc.

I went to Maryland and she has stayed in TX. She is now finished with her MS and just was accepted to Georgetown Law and George Washington Law. So she will be moving out here as soon as she gets a new job, it hasn't been easy (except that it's easy to focus on school with out your partner there.)

It really depends on the strength of your marriage. We decided that the opportunity in MD for me was too important to pass on, despite the limited time we get to spend with each other as a result. Obviously this is an intensely personal decision that would have to be reached between the two of you. What can your relationship tolerate and is it worth it. In my case, I made the right decision... I hope you feel the same when you make your decision.

Mark

 

[psybee]

i'm a woman in my early 30's, recently married, 1st year clinical phd student, no kids yet, but boy the clock is ticking. for me, the big challenges are making time for my relationships with freinds and with my husband (i can guarantee you that if i had started this process when i was 22 and single i'd study all the time, no balance, and then randomly meet my other single pals for a drink every so often). now i have to plan socializing, for the most part, and it's a challenge to stay focused n my work without being too focused (if my husband had an awful day, i need to be able to put that looming deadline aside, out of my head too, and be there for him, just like he is always there for me). it's been hard balancing my work self (intense, obsessive, giving 110%) with the whole me, but it's also important for my personal development in the long run. having a rich life is a great support but also a challenge for this type of training.

internship is something i think about a lot too. i'm in NYC and it's just so competitive here--it is very very unlikely that you will get matched with an APA accredited internship unless you are, not just qualified and a good fit, but truly an excellent fit. you may be willing to go somewhere less than perfect due to geographic restrictions but they have so many great applicants it's not likely they'd take you without that amazing fit. and i don't know that i'd want to compromise for geographic fit anyway--i want the best training possible, but it does get complicated when you think 4-5 years down the line, husband with job, us perhaps with small child, and moving. and then perhaps moving again for postdoc, and again for job. will he be able to find rewarding and meaningful work where we go? how will the economy be by then? it's a challenge, but it's not like if i hadn't pursued this profession i'd be guaranteed an easy, challenge-free life. i do think that we can do it, and i'm glad i'm pursuing my doctorate.

 

[psychmama]

I'll weigh in here too: As some know, I started grad school with a husband and 3 school-age kids. I never considered moving. I've commuted a round trip total of 12-18 hrs per week for the last 5 yrs, which has not been fun. Now I'm looking at commuting several hours every day for my internship next year. On the plus side, I did not have to uproot my family in order to fulfill my career goal. On the downside, that's a lot of time spent in the car! I live in the NYC area and only applied to internships which wouldn't require relocation. I found 19 sites to apply to, got 11 interviews, and matched to an APA accredited site. I doubt I was a "perfect" match, but I made sure to present myself as a good fit wherever possible. To that end, I'd made sure to have varied externship/practicum experience in a number of different areas (child, adult, outpatient, inpatient). I think this helped improve my chances somewhat.

Having said all of the above, I think I've been lucky. I was lucky to get into grad school without a lot of research experience, and lucky to have matched for internship. My biggest worry was what I'd do if I did not get an internship within commuting distance of my home. I think there is luck in this entire process...I just trust that it will all work out somehow.🙄

 

[knowing]

Thanks so much for posting that. I find it encouraging.

I am 36 ( going on 37 in September). If I don't apply this fall and wait the additional year, I will be 39 when I start a program. I was concerned about that. Especialy since the schooling / training takes so long...

When I went to a program this past fall, i was one of the oldest of the 75 people in the incoming class, and I think I was the only mother. It made me feel different. Yes, I did make friends ( who were usually much younger than me) but it was a little hard when you are the only one who had to stay up ( again ) all night with a sick child, while they were free to study. Also, after exams -- they all went celebrating. Sure I got asked to come along but always had to decline, as I wanted to go back home and spend time with my family. I did find make the time to celebrate the end of finals with a friend, though. We just had to go out during the day, when my kids were in school. It's all about priorities and working around them.

I will be 37 in August and I will be applying for the Fall 2010.🙂 I know exactly what you mean about feeling different and I worry about the faculty's response when and if I get to interview for a PHD spot? I too always decline and instead go home to be with hubby and 2 kids. My kids are older 17 and 13. It is difficult but I think in the end it will be worth it. I enjoyed reading this thread. I know there are others my age trying to do the same.🙂

 

[CheetahGirl]

I'll weigh in here too: As some know, I started grad school with a husband and 3 school-age kids. I never considered moving. I've commuted a round trip total of 12-18 hrs per week for the last 5 yrs, which has not been fun. Now I'm looking at commuting several hours every day for my internship next year. On the plus side, I did not have to uproot my family in order to fulfill my career goal. On the downside, that's a lot of time spent in the car! I live in the NYC area and only applied to internships which wouldn't require relocation. I found 19 sites to apply to, got 11 interviews, and matched to an APA accredited site. I doubt I was a "perfect" match, but I made sure to present myself as a good fit wherever possible. To that end, I'd made sure to have varied externship/practicum experience in a number of different areas (child, adult, outpatient, inpatient). I think this helped improve my chances somewhat.

Having said all of the above, I think I've been lucky. I was lucky to get into grad school without a lot of research experience, and lucky to have matched for internship. My biggest worry was what I'd do if I did not get an internship within commuting distance of my home. I think there is luck in this entire process...I just trust that it will all work out somehow.🙄

Wow, psychmama, you're my SDN hero! I find your posts inspirational...

I have three kids, in my 30s and in my second year of PhD program. I agree with your advice about varying your clinical training to make yourself a strong internship applicant. I'm also trying to publish some of my projects or at least present them at conferences, which is another way to set yourself apart from everyone else.