Mr. and Mrs. MD

[deucerp]

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What's it like in residency? I know that it will vary greatly by the two specialties chosen by each but anyone want to offer up inspirational stories? Ability to start a family in residency? After residency, is it easy for one to work part time?

 

[DarksideAllstar]

After residency, is it easy for one to work part time?

Wouldn't that depend on what specialty you are in, type of practice (ie academic v private [group v solo]), and your financial desires?

 

[andrea]

Anything is doable with motivation and the right planning. I am an intern and my husband and I have a 21 month old and a 7 month old. He is a stay at home dad, however, but if both of you are residents you would probably want to get a nanny or something. I just make family a big priority. For example, I often jet home for 30 minutes here and there during the day to spend time with them. It helps to live really close to the hospital. Little things like that make a big difference.

 

[mlw03]

After residency, is it easy for one to work part time?

i know of a few primary care physicians who are part of group practices and only work 2-3 days per week. in certain specialties the part-time thing is probably more doable than others, so if that's something you're consider i'd recommend talking to docs in those fields you're thinking about going into. no one can force you to work more than you want, but at the same time groups may not hire you if you're only willing to work 10 hours per week and never take call.

 

[Faebinder]

It's very hard to make it work in residency...

After residency things brighten up a little..... but when it comes to kids... it's important that both sides are very head strong into each other and willing to fight the odds.... and the odds are pretty awful.

 

[zen76]

My wife and I are matching in FP and Psych respectively. We have a 19 month old. My wife took 3 months off after she gave birth, before she started her MS3 year. I am a year ahead, and doing a 1 year postdoc in my old grad school lab (MD/PhD) while my wife finishes her fourth year. She was able to graduate on time, and we were able to do both family and our professional lives without having to compromise either one of our dreams. However, we are going to need daycare and an au pair next year for our internship year, and possibly our 2nd year, before our call schedule and hours ease up a bit, as we have no family in any of the areas we are likely to match. If either one of us wanted to do a more labor intensive residency like any of the surgical subspecialties, that would be another matter.
It is doable, but communication is key, and if you can, try to be close to some family, if they are able to shoulder some of the domestic responsibilities. My wife and I are very happy, but only through being very open and honest about what is negotiable, and what is a deal breaker as far as our relationship and our professional goals.

 

[colbgw02]

My wife and I are both interns but at different programs. I'm a transitional year going into radiology and she's in FP. We both have many inpatient rotations with lots of call. When we have call on consecutive days, we go 72 hours without seeing each other, and our days off only match up about once a month, if that often.

This year has been difficult, but you can do almost anything as long as there is an endpoint. We both expect our PGY-2 years to be much more friendly. However, there is no way we would even consider starting a family during residency. It's not that it's not doable; it's just a choice we've made.

 

[hef]

Check Michelle Au's blog out. She's an anesthesiology resident and her husband an ophthalmology resident. And they have a kid. They also have a nanny and family close by (I assume) if something comes up, but it's definitely worth checking out. You could also consider asking some of these questions from her, too.

 

[typhoonegator]

My wife is an OB/GYN intern and I am a neurology resident. We don't get to spend as much time together as we woud like, but it isn't like we never see each other at all. You just end up working a little harder to schedule trips and "protected time" together.

I will say that I don't get to hang out with classmates and such as much as I would like, simply because there just isn't enough time for everyone.

As far as starting a family in residency, also doable if you want. Best to wait until PGY-3 or so if possible, because you have more flexibility in your schedule. For a MD x2 family, a nanny is really a must.

 

[sirus_virus]

I am not a doctor but with two divorces under my belt, I can tell you that any calculation you make in marriage will easily be negated by marrying the wrong person.

 

[gwen]

i'm a hospitalist and married to a cardio fellow. its been great so far...but we don't have any kids. i'll probably take time off initially and then cut down to part-time when that happens. i think we should consider ourselves lucky (the MD-MD families) that we can afford to take time off or work part time. some families cannot afford that.

its true, it depends on the two personalities, willingness to share and not having a big ego when it comes to your career. family comes first to me...so i don't have that crazy urge to prove that i am some superwoman who wants to do it all and in the end make kids/family suffer. being a daughter, sister, wife and hopefully a mother are my biggest responsibilities and being a doctor is my career and just that. i feel blessed to be able to take care of others as a doctor, but my obligations are to my family first.

 

[jennie 21]

My husband and I are both MSIVs, both matching into IM (categorical). At almost every program we've interviewed at, we've been told that they would be willing to coordinate our schedules so our vacations and call schedules line up and we're on call at the same time. They've also offered that they can make it so we're not on call at the same time, if that's what we'd prefer (for example, couples with a child might want to be on call different nights so someone is home to care for the child). Overall I've been pleasantly surprised by how accomodating programs have been about this, I didn't expect to be able to match our call for example and just figured we'd have to live with being on different call schedules and only seeing each other 2 out of 4 nights for the duration of residency.

Several of the programs I've been to have also said that they have managed to coordinate call schedules for residents with spouses in other programs, for example couples with one person in IM and the other peds, and occasionally even with couples where one is at another hospital. So I think if it's just the two of you, it might not be so bad--not really much worse than having just one of you in residency in terms of the amount of time you have to spend together.

As far as having a baby during residency as a two-MD couple, I think it would be tricky. For me personally, I just don't feel that we would have enough time during residency to parent a child the way that we want to. If you are comfortable leaving a baby with a nanny for a substantial periods of the time, or have family who are willing and who you trust to take care of the baby, it could work out. I feel lucky that I'm young enough to wait until after residency to have a baby; I realize that some non-traditional students aren't in that situation, and may need to make it work during residency, or may just not want to wait longer. As far as working part-time after residency, I think it's more possible than many people tend to think. Of course it will depend a lot on choice of specialty, but there are plenty of people in IM and peds who work part-time, it's very common. I even know a couple of female academics who manage to swing working part-time in an academic position; I hadn't known until this year that that was possible. It gives me hope for being able to work out something like this for myself in the future.

 

[Finally M3]

I'm a PGY3 PM&R resident and my fiance is a PGY2 FP resident. Things are fine, the only thing I have to be cognizant about is trying to help out with the wedding planning, domestic duties (cooking, cleaning, etc.) while she is on call at the hospital.

We have enough time to be contemplating buying a puppy after our wedding. Again, though, it will depend on your specialties

 

[gwen]

let me add that i would not recommend having kids during residency, if that is an option for you. some people can't wait...eg. the wife is getting older and doesn't want to take chances with infertility, etc.

i also was lucky enough to be done with residency at age 26...so that was not an issue for me. but i can definitely see it as a problem for others. again, i would wait at least until the last years of residency to have a kid.

 

[waterski232002]

EM residency is fantastic... The specialty is demanding while you're at work, but you only work short periods of time, and MUCH MUCH less than your colleagues on a weekly, monthly, yearly basis. It is VERY conducive to having a life, family, etc....

I am a PGY 2 EM resident and think it is great. I think it's much less demanding than med school. The RRC (residency review committee) for EM has also limited the amount of hours we work in the ED to less than 60 hours! So, unlike the rest of medicine, who is regulated by the federal mandates to be under 80 hrs/wk, we are cut off at 60! And all programs comply too.

But it's not all fun and dandy.... you've got to like what you're doing, and of course, you've got to take lots of off service ICU call your first year (where the 60 hrs/wk don't apply). And yes, you'll have to work many nights, weekends, holidays for the rest of your life. Most of all, make sure you like intubating/lines, working on your feet, being able to handle cranky consultants, seeing patients fast, and not having all the answers when it's time for d/c or admission. I am comfortable with this b/c I like diagnosis and treating based on clinical suspicion. Some people hate this (particularly your medicine types)... that's why they tend to be watchers in the ED instead of doers... they're waiting for the labs to come back b/c they're used to having them done when they're called. It is a different mindset. Plus I get to stay sharp on all types of clinical medicine... (at least the important aspects... the ones that your friends/family will want to know about when they have a complaint and worried if they are going to die).

My 2 cents... good luck