My Essay example- Adequate?

[nabilesmail]

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I honestly don't care at all for the writing portion. I am only doing it so that I can have a feel for a longer test come test day, so i decided to do the essay portion on AAMC11. Can someone rank it, honestly, all I care about is just getting any score that won't hold me back ie, a J K or L. Thanks! Also , is it too short?

Politicians provide leadership in american society. We elect them to represent us, yet, we do not always agree with their decisions. This lies in the fact that politicians are more concerned with practicality rather than moral obligation. A politician's role is to defend and manage the state; these decisions, however, often lead to questionable results on a moral front. Operation Desert storm exemplifies this by providing an instance where state affairs took precedence over moral pursuit. Our government was concerned with oil distribution and thus intervened in the Kuwaiti war; an action that was marred by many. Actions, such as this, reveal the priority of the politician.

Though the aforementioned generally holds true, topics of religious debate often provide instances in which moral conviction takes precedence. Abortion and the death penalty both offer examples in which practicality is dismissed. If abortions are to be legalized, less governmental money will be needed to provide for unwanted children. Additionally, the death penalty offers an option in which money used to fund prisons can be allocated to other issues. Though both of these issues give rise to enormous amounts of practical benefits, many politicians dismiss them based on their religious influences.

These issues, however, are minor in number when compared to issues regarding economics and finance. Topics such as oil, schooling, war efforts, and banking are much more plentiful. Therefore, though politicians sometimes back the less practical side, the frequency of this occurence is minimal and thus leads to the conclusion that political figures are more concerned with practicality.

 

[Temperature101]

I honestly don't care at all for the writing portion. I am only doing it so that I can have a feel for a longer test come test day, so i decided to do the essay portion on AAMC11. Can someone rank it, honestly, all I care about is just getting any score that won't hold me back ie, a J K or L. Thanks! Also , is it too short?

Politicians provide leadership in american society. We elect them to represent us, yet, we do not always agree with their decisions. This lies in the fact that politicians are more concerned with practicality rather than moral obligation. A politician's role is to defend and manage the state; these decisions, however, often lead to questionable results on a moral front. Operation Desert storm exemplifies this by providing an instance where state affairs took precedence over moral pursuit. Our government was concerned with oil distribution and thus intervened in the Kuwaiti war; an action that was marred by many. Actions, such as this, reveal the priority of the politician.

Though the aforementioned generally holds true, topics of religious debate often provide instances in which moral conviction takes precedence. Abortion and the death penalty both offer examples in which practicality is dismissed. If abortions are to be legalized, less governmental money will be needed to provide for unwanted children. Additionally, the death penalty offers an option in which money used to fund prisons can be allocated to other issues. Though both of these issues give rise to enormous amounts of practical benefits, many politicians dismiss them based on their religious influences.

These issues, however, are minor in number when compared to issues regarding economics and finance. Topics such as oil, schooling, war efforts, and banking are much more plentiful. Therefore, though politicians sometimes back the less practical side, the frequency of this occurence is minimal and thus leads to the conclusion that political figures are more concerned with practicality.

That might get you an O or a P.

 

[nabilesmail]

That might get you an O or a P.

Is an O or a P terrible, or good enough to where the WS doesn't matter?

 

[Medical Muse]

I'd give it an N. You need a couple more examples, or you have to explain the examples you have in more depth. Keep in mind that the last paragraph is not asking you if the prompt is mostly true or mostly false. You are simply stating what factor you should consider to determine if the prompt is true or false.

 

[nabilesmail]

Can you elaborate a little bit on the last paragraph? So 2 examples per each would be better?


thanks!

 

[TheShaker]

Can you elaborate a little bit on the last paragraph? So 2 examples per each would be better?


thanks!

From what I remember, you're only supposed to have one example. Just try to go more in depth about how it relates to your argument and all that kind of stuff. The last paragraph should focus on what circumstances or criteria will allow either the thesis or antithesis to be correct.

 

[Medical Muse]

In my experience, most people don't explain their examples enough. Your choice is to either come up with another example to further make your point, or expound upon your existing example. My standard essay had 2 pro and 2 con examples, and I got an R.

 

[nabilesmail]

Interesting, maybe I will do that.

Here is my second eassy lol, I think it is worse than the first.


Prompt: A persons first priority in life should be financial security.

Financial stability is a litmus test for maturity; it entails the progression from child to adult. Being financially secure cleaves the bond of dependence and thus initiates a person into the real world. Financial stability awards a person with the opportunity to progress on in life allowing them to support a family, take care of themselves, or any other hallmarks of adulthood. Therefore, one should prioritize this security over all other endeavors. By being independent, one will be able to experience life without the hand of a parent. There is no other attainable characteristic that would represent independence more than taking care of oneself. Take Joe Smith for example, though Mr.Smith always idealized the family life, he was always met with rejection due to his lack of career and ambition. His significant others never deemed him ready to be a husband or a father and thus threw him aside. When Mr.Smith decided enough was enough, he enrolled in a real estate program and after working for a few years, his financial stability was gained. Joe Smith is now a happy husband and father, he attributes this to his change in mentality with regards to finance.

Though financial security should always be the ultimate priority. There are a few instances where it may not come first on a time frame. A key example would be highly trained professions such as a doctor or a lawyer. These professions require many years of training and thus halt financial stability. However, the opportunity cost of this lies in the fact that these professions allow a higher income roof potential. Thus, though doctors and lawyers may not be financially secure in the immediate frame of time, they will ultimately have more security down the road.

Ultimately, financial security should be of the utmost priority to the casual citizen. The only time in which stability should come second is instances in which the ultimate goal provides more stability. Consider an adventurous treasure hunter who sees 5 gold coins at the bottom of a mountain and 200 gold coins at the top of a mountain. Though it may be easier and faster to claim those 5 coins, financial security will be heightened by the quest to attain those 200.

 

[deleted127837]

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[deleted127837]

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[nabilesmail]

I thought so as well, I'm just tired when it comes to the essay part haha. Ugh, I just want an adequate writing score, I hit a 38 on this test

 

[Jepstein30]

Don't want to threadjack here but was wondering what people think about this writing sample I just did. Never done one before so wanted to do one or two before my exam Saturday.

Education comes not from books but from practical experience. You can read every book published about a particular subject but when faced with a related obstacle, does the fact that you read about it actually assist you in overcoming it? Does the description of slicing into a patient's stomach to operate on a bursting appendix properly describe the feeling of the scalpel between your fingers, the precise accuracy demanded or the tremendous moment of inflicting damage upon a fellow human being? Words do not prepare you for such an instance. However, experiencing those feelings and those emotions do. It is no wonder why medical schools require future doctors to cut into cadavers prior to ever thinking about doing the same to a living human. There is no substitute for this practical experience, there is no possible way to educate a medical student on how to successfully operate through words. If there were, the very notion of medical school would be obsolete. Why spend years experiencing internships, residencies and fellowships when one can simply read?

However, not all education is efficiently learned through practical experience. Consider the medical student preparing for an important exam, say in Biochemistry. How is it possible for the student to experience the Krebs cycle? Oxidative phosphorylation? Fatty acid hydrolysis? These biological mechanisms occur almost every second in his body yet there is possible method to be educated about them by introspective analysis of some sort. Books, however, can teach that the Krebs cycle requires NAD+ to work or fatty acids are broken down into two carbon subunits. They can do this very well through illustrations, charts and graphs and most importantly, words.

There is a simple dichotomy to distinguish the efficiency of these two methods of education. When the object or idea to be learned is tangible, something you can do with your own hands, witness with your own eyes, there is no substitute for practical experience. The raw emotions cannot be captured by any combination of words. Reading does not equate to doing. However, there are many situations, especially in the biological sciences, where there is no mode of personal experience, no possible method of doing or watching. For these instances where emotions are irrelevant to the facts under analysis, books serve as the most powerful educative system. The medical student needs to slice into a cadaver to learn about surgery but he needs to open up his biochemistry book to learn about the Krebs cycle. Personal experience and books cannot educate one about the other; they are both uniquely tuned for specific ideas. Personal experience to provide information about the feelings, emotions and consequences and books to learn about the unobservable, the intangible and the unemotional.

I don't really love it because I think my counter example is a little weak and sort of an easy way out but I ended up going with a medical school twist instead of my other initial ideas because I thought it would be more easily interwoven.

Going to try another in a bit so if anyone doesn't mind critiquing that one and letting me know if that is what the MCAT is looking for, etc.

Screw writing haha!!

 

[Jepstein30]

Bump, anyone out there familiar with MCAT writing section that can give me tips? my essay is in the post above.