Need Advice - Depression Closing In...

[hanksquirrel]

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Hi everyone

I'm a resident who is currently training in a very sought after field but am currently away from my family. i'm in a program in the northwest but was supposed to be with my family in ohio. basically, i didn't expect to be here and for reasons not worth going into, I matched a this place that was dead last on my list (please dont lecture about how i shouldnt have ranked it blah blah blah).

So, I'm miserable. The program isn't that bad, but I am having trouble being away from my family. All family and friends are in Ohio. I know no one here. And I'm considering changing specialties (medicine, psychiatry) to be able to be closer to my family because i know i can get a position as a transfer in ohio and be with my fam.

Anyway, anyone ever felt this way? I mean - im not sure i can handle it. Should I change fields to be closer or should I quit medicine and work for a pharmaceutical company? Or just suck it up. 😕

thanks,
hank

 

[dulceleche]

Hi,

You should seek professional help first. Then if I were you, I would consider moving back to your family. You probably need the most support during residency. I would finish the year while applying to another program. I would be frank with your program director. You may need a letter from him/her. I would not drop out of medicine because of your current situation. Please seek help as soon as possible.

dulce

 

[PainDr]

I disagree. You should definately seek help and may even require medication, but DO NOT move home or tell anyone at your program you are considering leaving. When you say "family" are you talking about a spouse and children or parents and sibs. If you have your own family, perhaps eventually they can join you. If you miss your parents/sibs, it's time to get out and make some new friends. Is there no one in your program you can connect with?

I trained with a couple of people who were in a similar situation and saw what they went through. It was incredibly difficult, but somehow they got through it. I knew one guy whose wife and children were in CANADA! He flew home nearly once a month for 4 years!

Residency is difficult, especially when you're isolated and especially in the beginning. Internship is the absolute worst. However, it DOES get better. Most importantly, it's crucial to remember that residency doesn't last forever, but your chosen specialty does. Do you really want to give up a field you enjoy and risk being miserable for the next 30+ years?!?!?!?!? Suck it up!

 

[erichaj]

I disagree. You should definately seek help and may even require medication, but DO NOT move home or tell anyone at your program you are considering leaving. When you say "family" are you talking about a spouse and children or parents and sibs. If you have your own family, perhaps eventually they can join you. If you miss your parents/sibs, it's time to get out and make some new friends. Is there no one in your program you can connect with?

I trained with a couple of people who were in a similar situation and saw what they went through. It was incredibly difficult, but somehow they got through it. I knew one guy whose wife and children were in CANADA! He flew home nearly once a month for 4 years!

Residency is difficult, especially when you're isolated and especially in the beginning. Internship is the absolute worst. However, it DOES get better. Most importantly, it's crucial to remember that residency doesn't last forever, but your chosen specialty does. Do you really want to give up a field you enjoy and risk being miserable for the next 30+ years?!?!?!?!? Suck it up!

Seek help from a counselor to cope. But in my opinion, you should not tell the program anything just yet.

I'm not sure why you are down. like the previous post said, if you miss your wife and kids, work on bringing them down. But, if you miss you parents and buddies, WELL, life if tough my friend, suck it up.

But do get help, seek a counselor, find new friends, don't let it get out of hand.

 

[njbmd]

Hi everyone

I'm a resident who is currently training in a very sought after field but am currently away from my family. i'm in a program in the northwest but was supposed to be with my family in ohio. basically, i didn't expect to be here and for reasons not worth going into, I matched a this place that was dead last on my list (please dont lecture about how i shouldnt have ranked it blah blah blah).

So, I'm miserable. The program isn't that bad, but I am having trouble being away from my family. All family and friends are in Ohio. I know no one here. And I'm considering changing specialties (medicine, psychiatry) to be able to be closer to my family because i know i can get a position as a transfer in ohio and be with my fam.

Anyway, anyone ever felt this way? I mean - im not sure i can handle it. Should I change fields to be closer or should I quit medicine and work for a pharmaceutical company? Or just suck it up. 😕

thanks,
hank

First, do not change specialties unless you KNOW for sure, that you want to change specialties. Being homesick is not a good reason to make a change that will affect the rest of your life.

Second, do not make any life-altering decisions while you are in a state of depression. Seek some help and talk things through. Right now, your perspective is off becaue of your depression. Again, get some help.

It is not unusual for folks to be depressed and missing (family/friends) at your stage in residency. Your hours are long (longer than in medical school), you are tired and there is a large amount of stress associated with the job. Try to do somethings that will help you destress.

If, after you have taken care of your depression, decreased your stress level and participated in an objective discussion of the pros and cons of making this change; and you still feel like you NEED to make this change, then make it. Just be very sure that you know you will be happier in another specialty.

 

[dulceleche]

Hi,

I would definitely wait it out for about a year before you think about making a change. I just hope that your mental sanity does not fall apart. I have heard of some residents who were not happy then tried to self-medicate then when it was time to seek help it was too late. I urge you to maintain your mental sanity first. There are many stories about physicians having to put up a false front of healthiness while inside they are tormented. I don't know if sucking it up is the best idea. But, since I have not been that long in training may be it may be the expected choice. Seek help. Loneliness can not be ameliorated by meds I believe. I am sure it is easier said than done to go out and make friends while you are always in the hospital. I hope it works out for you. I know of others who quit medicine precisely because of your problem. They had nobody nearby and they hated the work. They finally became depressed and dropped out for good. I don't know about your program director. If he/she is approachable and you feel you can talk about it in private, you should. I know that some programs have psychologists in place because of personal issues. Thus, you are not the only one who is suffering. You may just need to talk to someone who can help you deal with your feelings and situation. If after you seek help, you still don't feel quite right, then take action to change into another field close to home. You will need to contact programs before you finish the first year to go straight into another program. Don't procrastinate about seeking help though. I know that some say you should stick to the specialty you wanted to do, but realistically if you are going to a crappy program, why stress yourself out even further than necessary. Also, since you just started, others may have a point though that you may just be suffering from culture shock. I don't know but you will have to decide if that is true still a few months later. Good luck and try to hang in there for a few more months.

dulce

 

[ronin8]

thanks for the responses, i'm in the exact same situation here. no friends, no family, hate the job. guess i'm not alone. life sucks!

 

[starrynaya]

Hi Hank,
I heard from other friends that residency can be a really lonely experience, especially if you are in a new environment. So you're definitely not alone. I personally think life is too short to be miserable, and maybe this is a sign that you should try to move closer to home. You just have to figure out-- what are the chances that things will improve? It's still fairly early on in the year and you might bond to your fellow residents, and end up making new friends. If you think things might get better, hang in there. Everyone seems to go through this initiation process.
On the other hand, if you think things won't improve, then it's perfectly reasonable to switch specialties. I don't think you hate your residency because you're depressed; you're depressed because you hate your residency. So why not solve your problem by moving closer to home? I guess you'll just have to decide whether or not you'll regret giving up your residency and settling for something that was not your intended field. In the end it's really what is most important to you.
Good luck. I really wish you all the best.

 

[hanksquirrel]

thanks everyone. i'll be in touch with a counselor soon to get my mind right. i guess saying goodbye to the old life i had has been the toughest. life changed fast after med school graduation...thanks again for your warm replies.

 

[beyond all hope]

Is what one of my attendings told me about intern year. Everyone gets the intern blues.

Don't quit. The worst parts are already over, and changing specialities will not make you happier if you're already in the field you want. If you quit now you may regret it for the rest of your life.

Take a weekend and fly out there to visit. Have them visit you. You'll get through it.

 

[PainDr]

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[PainDr]

This is ABSOLUTELY TRUE! Everyone thinks about quitting, especially during internship. Try to find the humor in things. Time does pass and before you know it residency will be behind you. Now that I've finally completed my training, life is great and I'm so glad that I "sucked it up".😍