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I recently wrote the rough draft of my personal statement and I am a very poor writer. Therefore I was wondering if anyone who is skilled in writing could read my personal statement and inform me of the grammatical errors and give me suggestions on how I may improve it? I currently have 767 words and the application suggests a maximum of 500. Does Saba have a problem with you exceeding the maximum word amount? If so I hope that anyone may be kind enough to inform me of what I should remove from the essay. Does anyone know of any essay editing websites that are free? Thank you to anyone who is kind enough to respond and assist me with my essay.
The essay is as follows:
Whats wrong with your voice? This dreadful question is one in which I have heard much too frequently, as it would haunt me for eleven torturous years. The first time that this question was presented to me was at the tender age of thirteen. It greatly perplexed me at first because I did not realize anything unusual occurring with my voice. However, I quickly became cognizant that I possessed an extremely high-pitched and very hoarse voice as I was very often mimicked, ridiculed, and ostracized by my peers. Possessing such an awkward voice resulted in a multitude of painful and embarrassing experiences. I would sweat profusely each moment I was in school in fear that I would be called upon to read or participate because I knew a round of laughter would soon follow. Each instance of laughter further destroyed my confidence and self-esteem. It is because of such aforementioned experiences that I seldom spoke or engaged in social activity. My aggravation was further fueled by my inability to fully showcase my academic ability and explore any potential career interests.
My misfortune would continue as I unexpectedly began to suffer from androgenetic alopecia early on during my undergraduate career. Dealing with the psychological strain of premature aging as a result of male pattern baldness coupled with my speech malady was tremendously overwhelming. I regretfully decided to take a sabbatical from school because I legitimately could not pursue a career and continue my love for learning until I was able to resolve my speech condition. During my hiatus I became engulfed in researching the subject of androgenetic alopecia as extensively as possible with the hope that I would find a suitable treatment for my hair loss. Unfortunately, I became surprised to learn of the lack of knowledge, treatments, and concern for individuals experiencing this underrated disease that caused great psychological grief and diminished self-esteem. Learning of these aforementioned atrocities with regard to the study of hair loss caused me to experience an epiphany. Why couldnt I join in the fight against hair loss and properly guide and assist individuals in their attempts to resolve their issues with androgenetic alopecia? I was already abreast of the latest happenings in the race to end hair loss and could see no more honorable way to spend the rest of my life than to assist in fighting this dreaded disease. My fortunes would only improve as a meeting with a psychologist to discuss my voice problem resulted in him recommending that I see a speech pathologist. The speech pathologist quickly diagnosed me as having mutational falsetto, a speech malady in which one speaks in the wrong register of voice. I inadvertently had been speaking in my high register and he instructed me on how to speak in my normal register. I felt overjoyed that eleven years of extreme pain and suffering had been extinguished. I now felt reinvigorated and ready to return to school to pursue a career path in which I know I would immensely enjoy.
Since returning to school I have made tremendous progress in both social and academic respects. The extracurricular activities I have engaged in have exposed me to a multitude of interesting people and fascinating experiences that have removed the nervousness I once possessed when around large groups of individuals. Furthermore, I have showcased that I am an exceptional student, as I have earned flawless grades in every course I have attempted since my sabbatical while simultaneously working full-time as a certified nursing assistant. I have learned a plethora of lessons from the maladies in which I have suffered from. The most important of these lessons are a newfound appreciation of not taking anything for granted in life as well as the ability to be empathetic, kind, and caring towards individuals who are suffering. Moreover, overcoming my struggles has caused me to now have an opportunity to showcase my full academic potential, as I truly believe I have found my calling in life. I shall not waste this opportunity because I am determined to do everything in my power to in any way assist individuals who suffer from the dreaded disease of androgenetic alopecia. I believe an ideal environment that suits my personality and also would prepare me for a career addressing the needs of individuals stricken with alopecia would entail an intimate and secluded setting with a small class size, a dedicated and caring faculty, and a proven history of success. Saba University very well captures these aforementioned qualities and a student of my character and caliber would be most suitable at such an exceptional institution.
The essay is as follows:
Whats wrong with your voice? This dreadful question is one in which I have heard much too frequently, as it would haunt me for eleven torturous years. The first time that this question was presented to me was at the tender age of thirteen. It greatly perplexed me at first because I did not realize anything unusual occurring with my voice. However, I quickly became cognizant that I possessed an extremely high-pitched and very hoarse voice as I was very often mimicked, ridiculed, and ostracized by my peers. Possessing such an awkward voice resulted in a multitude of painful and embarrassing experiences. I would sweat profusely each moment I was in school in fear that I would be called upon to read or participate because I knew a round of laughter would soon follow. Each instance of laughter further destroyed my confidence and self-esteem. It is because of such aforementioned experiences that I seldom spoke or engaged in social activity. My aggravation was further fueled by my inability to fully showcase my academic ability and explore any potential career interests.
My misfortune would continue as I unexpectedly began to suffer from androgenetic alopecia early on during my undergraduate career. Dealing with the psychological strain of premature aging as a result of male pattern baldness coupled with my speech malady was tremendously overwhelming. I regretfully decided to take a sabbatical from school because I legitimately could not pursue a career and continue my love for learning until I was able to resolve my speech condition. During my hiatus I became engulfed in researching the subject of androgenetic alopecia as extensively as possible with the hope that I would find a suitable treatment for my hair loss. Unfortunately, I became surprised to learn of the lack of knowledge, treatments, and concern for individuals experiencing this underrated disease that caused great psychological grief and diminished self-esteem. Learning of these aforementioned atrocities with regard to the study of hair loss caused me to experience an epiphany. Why couldnt I join in the fight against hair loss and properly guide and assist individuals in their attempts to resolve their issues with androgenetic alopecia? I was already abreast of the latest happenings in the race to end hair loss and could see no more honorable way to spend the rest of my life than to assist in fighting this dreaded disease. My fortunes would only improve as a meeting with a psychologist to discuss my voice problem resulted in him recommending that I see a speech pathologist. The speech pathologist quickly diagnosed me as having mutational falsetto, a speech malady in which one speaks in the wrong register of voice. I inadvertently had been speaking in my high register and he instructed me on how to speak in my normal register. I felt overjoyed that eleven years of extreme pain and suffering had been extinguished. I now felt reinvigorated and ready to return to school to pursue a career path in which I know I would immensely enjoy.
Since returning to school I have made tremendous progress in both social and academic respects. The extracurricular activities I have engaged in have exposed me to a multitude of interesting people and fascinating experiences that have removed the nervousness I once possessed when around large groups of individuals. Furthermore, I have showcased that I am an exceptional student, as I have earned flawless grades in every course I have attempted since my sabbatical while simultaneously working full-time as a certified nursing assistant. I have learned a plethora of lessons from the maladies in which I have suffered from. The most important of these lessons are a newfound appreciation of not taking anything for granted in life as well as the ability to be empathetic, kind, and caring towards individuals who are suffering. Moreover, overcoming my struggles has caused me to now have an opportunity to showcase my full academic potential, as I truly believe I have found my calling in life. I shall not waste this opportunity because I am determined to do everything in my power to in any way assist individuals who suffer from the dreaded disease of androgenetic alopecia. I believe an ideal environment that suits my personality and also would prepare me for a career addressing the needs of individuals stricken with alopecia would entail an intimate and secluded setting with a small class size, a dedicated and caring faculty, and a proven history of success. Saba University very well captures these aforementioned qualities and a student of my character and caliber would be most suitable at such an exceptional institution.
