Need some etiquette advice

[v-lander]

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This may be silly but I need some advice because I really don't want to mess this up.

While having my wife's 5 month pregnancy check-up today, I asked our doctor (who is a D.O. and graduate of KCOM) if he'd be willing to write a letter of rec. for me. We talked about shadowing before but because of his particular practice setting that wasn't going to work out (Not to worry, though, because I've got quite a bit of shadowing of another D.O. already under my belt). He's willing to do the letter and said today that we could do lunch next week to talk and discuss some things so that he could get to know me more to be able to write a better letter.

So my question is about etiquette. Should I offer to pay or allow him to? Should I leave the tip? He told me to call him on his cell the day of to re-confirm but should I call even sooner before then to make sure we're still on? Etc., etc. I don't want to bug him too much but at the same time I really want this to go well because KCOM is my first choice and so if I can make this turn out really well, I'm sure KCOM will smile nicely on a strong letter from "one of their own."

Please share if you've had similar experiences or pertinent knowledge. Thanks in advance

P.S. - Also, what kind of information should I be prepared with to give to him to help him write the letter?

 

[pjc199]

I would call him the day of the lunch. Most physicians' heads are spinning during the week. Secondly, yes, you should offer to pay. When the bill comes, take it. Lastly, expect questions such as "what type of medicine do you want to get involved in" etc. It's not like this is an interview. That's where the real fun begins.

 

[Buckeye(OH)]

You should pay, absolutely, no question at all. Regarding the phone call, that is a tricky one. If you call the day before, he may forget about it. If you call the day of, he may have already forgotten about it.

Best bet, call early in the morning on the day of.



Adrian

 

[acl3623]

does he have a front desk person you could leave a message with? do that if possible. i would try to get in touch with him before the day you want to meet with him..just to make sure that hes available. you dont want to get all ready and excited and then he'll have forgotten and tell you that he cant make it...and yes, definitely pick up the tab. if possible, maybe arrive a little early and let the waiter know youll be paying and have a drink for him ready for him when he gets there...treat it as a date! 😉

 

[v-lander]

That's my dilemma. If I call the day of, he may have forgotten about me and I'll get bumped off his palm pilot. The reason I don't want to call the day before is I don't want to be a pest and feel like I'm bugging him unnecessarily.

 

[v-lander]

does he have a front desk person you could leave a message with? do that if possible. i would try to get in touch with him before the day you want to meet with him..just to make sure that hes available. you dont want to get all ready and excited and then he'll have forgotten and tell you that he cant make it...and yes, definitely pick up the tab. if possible, maybe arrive a little early and let the waiter know youll be paying and have a drink for him ready for him when he gets there...treat it as a date! 😉

He gave me his cell number so I'm not too worried about trying to get messages to him through receptionists. That's (the cell #) a plus but I don't want to abuse it.

 

[indebt]

Call morning of the day of the lunceon. Definitely pay for the lunch. In addition bring in a transcript and Resume, so the doc can refer to specifics in your academics and professional life, in case he forgets it. Also a sign of professionalism and gives him a good reminder to take care of your rec everytime he sees the folder sitting on his desk. Good reminder without being overly obnoxious.

 

[v-lander]

Call morning of the day of the lunceon. Definitely pay for the lunch. In addition bring in a transcript and Resume, so the doc can refer to specifics in your academics and professional life, in case he forgets it. Also a sign of professionalism and gives him a good reminder to take care of your rec everytime he sees the folder sitting on his desk. Good reminder without being overly obnoxious.

OBNOXIOUS, that's the word I was looking for (and thing don't want to be!). Thanks to all that have responded. Any additional input is greatly appreciated.
😀

 

[group_theory]

Also, depending on the his specialty (I'm guessing OB/GYN), type of practice, size, call coverage, etc. - there is a chance that the doc have to cancel at the last minute should a medical emergency come up. There is also the possibility that he may forget to call and let you know that he can't make it if the situation is hectic and requires his undivided attention. Just the nature of the profession 🙁

 

[v-lander]

He's actually family practice but is extremely busy and actually has a surgery scheduled earlier that day. He said we'd be ok, though. Thanks for the input.

 

[Littleg1225]

Even though he will get to know you better during lunch I would type up a brief bio about yourself along with the pre-addressed/stamped envelope. Maybe include volunteer experience, gpa, activities, and anything else you may think is important. This will help refresh his memory when he actually sits down to write it in the midst of his busy schedule. All of the individuals that wrote letters for me were very grateful for this.

 

[v-lander]

Even though he will get to know you better during lunch I would type up a brief bio about yourself along with the pre-addressed/stamped envelope. Maybe include volunteer experience, gpa, activities, and anything else you may think is important. This will help refresh his memory when he actually sits down to write it in the midst of his busy schedule. All of the individuals that wrote letters for me were very grateful for this.

Ooo, thank you - pre-addressed/stamped envelope. Something that I forgot about. Important!

 

[JohnDO]

So my question is about etiquette. Should I offer to pay or allow him to? Should I leave the tip? He told me to call him on his cell the day of to re-confirm but should I call even sooner before then to make sure we're still on? Etc., etc. I don't want to bug him too much but at the same time I really want this to go well because KCOM is my first choice and so if I can make this turn out really well, I'm sure KCOM will smile nicely on a strong letter from "one of their own."

Please share if you've had similar experiences or pertinent knowledge. Thanks in advance

P.S. - Also, what kind of information should I be prepared with to give to him to help him write the letter?

I was in the exact same position a few months ago! The D.O. (a KCOM graduate 👍) gave me his home phone and we were to meet at his house on a saturday. He told me to call saturday morning to confirm, but I wanted to make sure he had not forgotten so I didn't have to wait longer than necessary. I ended up doing as he asked, and he hadn't forgotten. I didn't want to sound obnoxious, but the LOR is so important!

You should be prepared with a folder that contains: Your CV (including short descriptions of academics, hobbies, leadership, etc.), your primary AACOMAS essay, your secondary KCOM essay (if you've completed it already), and other school essays. Essentially you want him to be able to find out anything he needs to know by looking in that folder while he's writing your letter. Make sure you know osteopathic medicine inside and out and be able to discuss various aspects of it with him. Most of all, relax and don't forget to bring your personality! Sometimes we try so hard to impress that we forget to be ourselves! Be confident in yourself and in your personality! I think that's one of the best pieces of advice I heard before interviewing.

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions about KCOM and interviews there, etc. Good luck to you! 👍

 

[Peace&Health]

But the DO I shadowed did forget...
Some ideas to make sure your meeting is still on..
1. you can get his receptionist to remind him the day before and the day of--tell that person its VERY important that you meet with the DO
2. you can call the day before and say you just wanted to confirm that you're still on for tomorrow...knowing that things come up and he's pretty busy (then the day of the meeting, if he doesn't show up, you can call on his cell)

Good-luck. I'm sure you'll do fine. Don't forget to send a thank-u card after he writes your letter.

 

[v-lander]

Thanks, JohnDO, and others, for the advice. Here's something else I just thought of. Do you think it'd be a good idea to have all necessary info (resume, gpa, personal statements, etc.) ready and drop it off to him a few days in advance so he can look it over? Then when we have our lunch, maybe our discussions can be more focused. 1 hour for lunch might not be enough but it would probably be used more effectively with the help of a little prepping (I think). Let me know what you think.

 

[v-lander]

Thanks to everyone who helped out with my question. The lunch went great! It was really informal and relaxing and he (my DO friend) was very approachable. We talked almost as if we were colleagues, which was comforting.

I actually printed out this entire thread and took into consideration all of your suggestions. I had a pretty nice folder of information ready for him. Probably more than enough info that he's gonna need (or want) about me. I hope this letter turns out to be my golden ticket because although my grades and ec's are pretty good, my MCAT is a little weak.

Thanks again!

P.S. - He wouldn't even hear of me paying for the lunch! I insisted, but he insisted harder. There was nothing I could do. I specifically told the waitress to give me the check when we were done, which she did, but he somehow managed to wrestle it out of her hands, even though she tried to keep on my side of the table and away from him! It was actually kind of funny Oh well, I'm broke so I guess I count it as a blessing now 😀

 

[Peace&Health]

The lunch went great! It was really informal and relaxing and he (my DO friend) was very approachable. We talked almost as if we were colleagues, which was comforting.

Great news! Now don't forget to send a thank you letter.

 

[group_theory]

P.S. - He wouldn't even hear of me paying for the lunch! I insisted, but he insisted harder. There was nothing I could do. I specifically told the waitress to give me the check when we were done, which she did, but he somehow managed to wrestle it out of her hands, even though she tried to keep on my side of the table and away from him! It was actually kind of funny Oh well, I'm broke so I guess I count it as a blessing now 😀

This is a common test commonly used among physicians and adcoms to see how badly you really want to become a physician. You should have fought harder, acted faster, or done something. You could have pretended to get up to use the restroom, but instead stopped by the register to pay the bill. Where is your creativity and tenacity? 😕



In case you didn't realize - the above was a joke 😛

I'm glad you had a pleasant experience. Hope your wife is doing well too. And congratulations for making it this far ... you're one step closer to reaching your dreams 🙂

P.S. You'll be a wonderful osteopathic doctor, with the same kindness and gregarious nature that this doctor have demonstrated.

 

[Evilcaterpillar]

Don't stress it so much. Doctors are people just like you and me. Call him to confirm the time and place and just be yourself. The bigger the deal you make of it the more stressed you're going to get over it. Be yourself. I'm sure you've gone to lunch with someone before use the same etiquette.