BREAKING SPORTS NEWS:
ESPN reported that the Big Ten conference was originally after Ham U instead of stealing away Nebraska from the Big 12. Unfortunately for the Fightin' Fries, the ball pit scandal of 1997 and enormous student enrollment (over one billion people have attended Hamburger U!) doomed their chances of being admitted. School president and athletic director Ronald McDonald has stated the school will be an independent akin to Notre Dame for the 2011 season, with an eye towards the SEC in 2012.