Non renewal Lost All Hope

[FomaticSysDunction]

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I’ve messed up. I failed 3 rotations and my PD told me he cannot recommend me. I have wanted to be a doctor all my life. I went to med school late in life. Now I’m out. I own what I did, but didn’t think it was unremediable. I ran over a kitten on my way to NICU and broke down crying in front of my attending. Took the kitten who was dying to the vet and put her down. My NICU attending waited 5 months, posted a dismal review, trashed what was a passing grade, said I had bad hygiene I didn’t, didn’t wash my hands (I did - new exam gloves for every baby), had to be sent home with a cold - true. I got a cold (a second cold) couldn’t sleep, presented like crap and got sub standard marks on another rotation IM. Got passing marks on my OB/GYN Rotation, met my numbers, but my PD didn’t want to give it to me. I went from “congratulations on xxxx” to non-renewal and GTFO in two weeks. I’ve registered for step 3.

Has anyone every heard of someone getting out of such a deep hole?

I don’t know what to do now. I’m way depressed, in a deep, dark, funk. I am so ashamed. I’ve been on the National Suicide Prevention Line 2 times, they don’t understand my back story. I feel like there is no light at the end of this awful tunnel.

 

[siliso]

If you are seriously thinking/planning/intending suicide, please just go to the ED. Doctors will know what kind of a blow you’ve had losing your residency spot - and you can get stabilized and in a better position to plan your next moves. The first priority is your safety and well-being and career planning can come later. Yes, people have been dismissed from residency and moved on and lived and thrived and you can too.

 

[gyngyn]

This thread has been reported by several users due to the comments about self-harm. SDN takes such statements seriously and we would like to remind the OP and all posters that SDN should not serve as a place to obtain counseling or other advice regarding significant psychological issues. Anyone who is contemplating harming themselves should immediately seek professional counseling advice, not rely on SDN or other non-professional resources.

Members who have serious concerns about their career and would like to post details more anonymously may do so in the Confidential Consult forum.

At this time, given the nature of the thread and the concerns expressed, the moderation staff of SDN will close this thread.