Only a month in and second thoughts?

[MedicalDoctorV]

---

Members don't see this ad.

So anyone like me just started their PGY2 year in ophtho and now having second thoughts? I've gotten my share of the "people would give their right arm to be in your program" talks from friends and family... I'm just wondering if anyone actually is not excited to wake up in the morning and be a brand new ophtho resident? Maybe it's the reading, maybe it's the fact that i've realized after intern year that I won't be addressing the rest of the human body, maybe it's just the culture of our program - can't really put a finger on it...
I haven't got another field picked out in my mind, in fact I have no idea what other than ophtho i would do, all i know is i am not giddy to go to work in the morning.

 

[JMK2005]

I've been there. Definitely a humbling feeling when you realize there's so much you don't know. The basic exam is challenge. My first few months, retina clinics were killing me.

You learn, you get better, get more confident. It gets better.

 

[thackl]

I've been there. Definitely a humbling feeling when you realize there's so much you don't know. The basic exam is challenge. My first few months, retina clinics were killing me.

You learn, you get better, get more confident. It gets better.

I feel the same way sometimes.... only a wk in myself. I think the experience will get better as I do. I sucks to be at the level of not knowing anything again. Plus, PGY2 at my program is all clinic and call. Should get better each year 🙂

 

[jefguth]

I feel the same way sometimes.... only a wk in myself. I think the experience will get better as I do. I sucks to be at the level of not knowing anything again. Plus, PGY2 at my program is all clinic and call. Should get better each year 🙂

I really do sympathize with the both of you. I worked with ophthalmology residents at two programs and it really must be terrifying the way they throw you into the clinic with little preparation! It does get better, even within the next few months, best of luck! 👍

 

[ice_23]

To the OP - I feel similarly, I also wake up not really wanting to go in every day. Never thought that would happen to me.

 

[trail doc]

I'm a new PGY-2 myself and it's comforting to hear others feel with way I do. It's tough to imagine that in a year I'll know as much as the PGY-3 I work with does. Conventional wisdom says everyone feels this way, but I have no evidence to suggest I'm not an outlier.
A friend of mine said that rule one of residency is that you can't quit in the first six months. Rule two is you can't quit after the first six months.

 

[KHE]

So anyone like me just started their PGY2 year in ophtho and now having second thoughts? I've gotten my share of the "people would give their right arm to be in your program" talks from friends and family... I'm just wondering if anyone actually is not excited to wake up in the morning and be a brand new ophtho resident? Maybe it's the reading, maybe it's the fact that i've realized after intern year that I won't be addressing the rest of the human body, maybe it's just the culture of our program - can't really put a finger on it...
I haven't got another field picked out in my mind, in fact I have no idea what other than ophtho i would do, all i know is i am not giddy to go to work in the morning.

Seriously man,

Smarten up. You're not "giddy to get up in the morning and go to work?"

Let me let you in on a teeny tiny little secret about LIFE here....NO ONE IS!
Disavow yourself of that notion RIGHT NOW. Unless you're content to live in some hippie commune somewhere singing folk songs all day, you'll never be giddy to get up and go to work. That's why they call it WORK. It's about sacrifice, and dealing with **** you don't want to deal with, and engaging in activities when you'd really prefer to be playing xbox, watching classic hockey games, banging your girlfriend, or laying on a beach somewhere.

As an OD, do you think I'M GIDDY getting up in the morning and listening to middle aged women bitch about their contact lenses, some overweight slob complaing about his vision when his sugar is 450, or my staff whine that they aren't paid enough, or dealing with stupid insurance companies?

OF COURSE NOT! And I get paid a lot of money to do it too!

When I taught high school, did you think I was giddy to get up at the crack of dawn and try to teach a bunch of obnoxious 14 year olds how to solve the quadratic equation or trying to explain to ***** parents that no, I can't give Sarah any extra credit because she hasn't been in class for half the semester or trying to explain to a bunch of seniors that if they want to do well on they SAT that they might want to try paying some attention instead of texting the bimbo next to them about who's getting drunk/laid/high at whatever party is happening that night?

"Giddy to get up and go to work." Jesus H. Christ. Where the hell did you ever get THAT idea from?

 

[thackl]

"Giddy to get up and go to work." Jesus H. Christ. Where the hell did you ever get THAT idea from?

On the contrary, I think several of my attendings are giddy about it....

 

[Meibomian SxN]

On the contrary, I think several of my attendings are giddy about it....

That's because of 1 of 3 things:

1) They are not banging their girlfriend, but instead they're "in good" with the drug/surgi rep.

2) They're overpaid and underpaying the staff (including the new grad)

3) They are on drugs.

LOLOLOL 🙄

 

[Oculomotor]

LMFAO,

My father has been an MD internist for 37 years and he is always bitching about the "stupid people" he has to "fight with" at work. Ophtho8 what do you expect?--------> IT's WORK for God sake. You should be singing the praises of your circumstance compared with your General Surgery counterparts----> they have the most rigorous residency. Case in point, one of my relatives did his 5 year residency in general surgery and really worked 100 hours a week (forget about the the limit of 80--that is violated all the time). Gun shot wounds, MVA's, stabbings, and everything ER medicine could not handle which is "most things" and to top it off PA's (most of whom had no clue) swarming the ER all the time. Dude, you have it made.😀

 

[asmallchild]

"Giddy to get up and go to work." Jesus H. Christ. Where the hell did you ever get THAT idea from?

I maybe wouldn't have phrased it quite so aggressively but I agree with that notion.

Even people with "dream jobs" will tell you that at the end of a day, it's still a job. I mean, does Tiger Woods ever look happy on the golf course?

Or this guy: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=pearlman/080721&sportCat=mlb

 

[DOCTORSAIB]

Come on guys, give the OP a break. Maybe ophtho is not the field for him/her? Maybe they're overwhelmed with the mountain of information that needs to be learned in the coming months. Maybe they're in the right field but not at the right program? Who knows. We certainly don't.

Either way, the OP has a right to be feel the way they do, as unrealistic as it may seem to the rest of us (ahem, KHE).

OP, all I can tell you is give it some time. Let the dust settle a bit. Find something that interests you -- an interesting disease, a case or even a subspecialty of ophtho. Read about it. Take small steps everyday. And maybe you will find that excitement that got you here in the first place. G'luck!

 

[KHE]

Come on guys, give the OP a break. Maybe ophtho is not the field for him/her? Maybe they're overwhelmed with the mountain of information that needs to be learned in the coming months. Maybe they're in the right field but not at the right program? Who knows. We certainly don't.

Either way, the OP has a right to be feel the way they do, as unrealistic as it may seem to the rest of us (ahem, KHE).

Cmon.

All of that may well be true but you don't quit something like this a month into it. This is something that I'm assuming the OP has been planning for and working towards for YEARS and now they want to quit it after a month? Horrible idea. You have to finish out the year at LEAST.

The part that floored me the most was the part about them not being "giddy" to get up and go to work in the morning. I mean seriously....have they never had a job in their LIFE?

No quitting. No whining. Not just with this, but for your whole life.

 

[jefguth]

Cmon.

I still sympathize, especially with a first year resident, only a few weeks into it. Have you ever seen how they just drop residents into clinic with hardly any preparation? Think about OD school how they gave us lectures on how to use the bimicroscope, etc... Now imagine walking into an exam lane, having hardly ever touched any of it, and then expected to start examining patients..😱

 

[MedicalDoctorV]

Seriously man,

Smarten up. You're not "giddy to get up in the morning and go to work?"

Let me let you in on a teeny tiny little secret about LIFE here....NO ONE IS!
Disavow yourself of that notion RIGHT NOW. Unless you're content to live in some hippie commune somewhere singing folk songs all day, you'll never be giddy to get up and go to work. That's why they call it WORK. It's about sacrifice, and dealing with **** you don't want to deal with, and engaging in activities when you'd really prefer to be playing xbox, watching classic hockey games, banging your girlfriend, or laying on a beach somewhere.

As an OD, do you think I'M GIDDY getting up in the morning and listening to middle aged women bitch about their contact lenses, some overweight slob complaing about his vision when his sugar is 450, or my staff whine that they aren't paid enough, or dealing with stupid insurance companies?

OF COURSE NOT! And I get paid a lot of money to do it too!

When I taught high school, did you think I was giddy to get up at the crack of dawn and try to teach a bunch of obnoxious 14 year olds how to solve the quadratic equation or trying to explain to ***** parents that no, I can't give Sarah any extra credit because she hasn't been in class for half the semester or trying to explain to a bunch of seniors that if they want to do well on they SAT that they might want to try paying some attention instead of texting the bimbo next to them about who's getting drunk/laid/high at whatever party is happening that night?

"Giddy to get up and go to work." Jesus H. Christ. Where the hell did you ever get THAT idea from?

That is a pretty bloody hilarious reply. Thank you. I agree, the phrase was pretty stupid - but i don't know - i feel like a lot of people are happy to go to work. General surgery isn't a good comparison - they know their lives are going to suck.

It doesn't really have anything to do with wanting to "play xbox, watching classic hockey games, banging your girlfriend, or laying on a beach somewhere" - i have plenty more free time in ophtho to do any one of those things than i did during intern year.

I think other people are right though, a large part of it just has to do with the learning curve and not having any idea about what is going on. When you're a kid and someone points to something and tells you its a chair, a horse or a bloody boat - you can SEE that thing and that's how you learn. Problem w being a first year ophtho resident is seeing crap is 90% of the challenge.

 

[bucknut101]

I would definitely stick with it for awhile longer like others have said. I felt the same way during my first several months of residency as well. Everything is new, you don't know anything, and you're expected to start seeing patients on your own right away. It pretty much sucks.

In my case it was even worse. At the time, our program rarely had attendings to staff clinics. And even when we did have staff in clinics teaching was pretty much non existent. To top it off the upper levels I had around in clinic the first few months were complete *****s.

As you learn more and grow more confident it does get better. It especially gets better when you get to start doing lasers, injections, surgery, etc.

As far as people being "giddy" to get up and go to work, they do exist. In fact one of my cornea faculty seems to fit this mold. His clinics usually run until 7 every night. He still wants to teach me things in clinic even if it is running this late. He takes extra call to do open globes with the residents. Yet the guy is always laughing and smiling and seems to love what he does. If he has an annoying or frustrating patient he just laughs and shrugs it off. I've yet to seen him angry or frustrated.

His attitude has already rubbed off on me. I rarely had a day in residency where I looked forward to going to work. But since starting fellowship I do have days where this does happen. Sure I'd rather stay at home, go to the beach, play XBox, bang my girlfriend (or wife in my case!), but heck we shouldn't be miserable going to work.

Anyways give it some time and see how you feel after the first year. Best of luck to you.

 

[toulouselautrec]

Problem w being a first year ophtho resident is seeing crap is 90% of the challenge.

Just curious...are you getting enough help and support in your exam? Or are you just left to sink or swim in clinic?

I felt the same way first year, the learning curve was steep and I was really thrown in there. It was stressful. But even within the first 6 months things were a lot better, so bear with it if you can. I wouldn't make a decision to switch specialities--this is a huge decision--until you've given it a bit more time.

 

[KHE]

That is a pretty bloody hilarious reply. Thank you. I agree, the phrase was pretty stupid - but i don't know - i feel like a lot of people are happy to go to work. General surgery isn't a good comparison - they know their lives are going to suck.

It doesn't really have anything to do with wanting to "play xbox, watching classic hockey games, banging your girlfriend, or laying on a beach somewhere" - i have plenty more free time in ophtho to do any one of those things than i did during intern year.

I understand. I didn't mean to clobber you. But you gotta stick with it for a couple of reasons.

1) As you've seen from other posters, this is a common phenomenon and likely has been that way since the days of Helmholz and Snellen.

2) I don't know anything about you but I've been a teacher before and I have taught ophthalmology residents. I would guess the following about you:

You are likely a high achiever and always have been. You've probably always worked hard at your academic endevours and have always been successful. (obviously, or you likely wouldn't be admitted to a residency program like this)

This experience is probably one of the first times in your life where you have really been out of your element and the achievement part isn't quite the sure thing it has been in the past and it's scaring the crap out of you.

Don't take council of your fears. (Who said that??) This too shall pass and you'll be fine. Talk to a senior resident or attending and tell them "hey...I feel like I'm getting my ass kicked here. I'm sure some of that's normal but am I on the right track here?" They'll almost certainly provider you the assurance you need.

 

[speyeder]

I understand. I didn't mean to clobber you. But you gotta stick with it for a couple of reasons.

1) As you've seen from other posters, this is a common phenomenon and likely has been that way since the days of Helmholz and Snellen.

2) I don't know anything about you but I've been a teacher before and I have taught ophthalmology residents. I would guess the following about you:

You are likely a high achiever and always have been. You've probably always worked hard at your academic endevours and have always been successful. (obviously, or you likely wouldn't be admitted to a residency program like this)

This experience is probably one of the first times in your life where you have really been out of your element and the achievement part isn't quite the sure thing it has been in the past and it's scaring the crap out of you.

Don't take council of your fears. (Who said that??) This too shall pass and you'll be fine. Talk to a senior resident or attending and tell them "hey...I feel like I'm getting my ass kicked here. I'm sure some of that's normal but am I on the right track here?" They'll almost certainly provider you the assurance you need.

KHE hit on some important points here. It's true that most ophtho residents are high acheivers and many do not adjust well to situations in which they are not good at something. Many residents I know were disheartened early on and more than a few thought about quitting. Fortunately they didn't and stuck it out and they're all happy and doing well now.

 

[MedicalDoctorV]

I am interested to know if any of the other first-year ophtho residents are doubting their decision to go into ophtho?

Maybe it's just my institution, maybe it's just me after all - and I made the wrong move. I no longer feel demoralized about being bad at the exam or not knowing enough (not that I know it all, but being on-call and in clinic is more comfortable).

What I still don't like is:
1. Clinic - can't believe i did not realize i hate clinic while I was in medical school, and now have entered a field where 80% of it (at least) is clinic time
2. Being a super-specialist - not that I ever loved Internal Medicine, but it feels kind of odd to have thrown out the window all that I learned in med school and internship
3. I am not interested in the material - I have no motivation to read, I don't find any of the didactics interesting, and I feel tha the surgeries I thought would be so fulfilling and "cool" simply are not - granted as a first year you're not really doing the surgeries - more watching/watering the cornea.

I can honestly say that since orientation week I have been on SDN looking at options for switching into PGY 2 medicine spots.

KHE hit on some important points here. It's true that most ophtho residents are high acheivers and many do not adjust well to situations in which they are not good at something. Many residents I know were disheartened early on and more than a few thought about quitting. Fortunately they didn't and stuck it out and they're all happy and doing well now.

 

[MR1]

1. Fairly big issue here, like you said ophtho is a lot of clinic.

2. Maybe big deal, you may not be far enough in to appreciate how much ophtho's do need to know about general medicine. Side thought though, one of the things I LOVE about ophtho is being super specialized.

3. Big issue as well, if you don't enjoy reading about eye stuff that isn't good.

4. Surgery - don't worry about this one, I never found surgery that interesting until I started doing it.

 

[forteatwo]

May I make a suggestion that will address items 2 and 3 in your last post. The Academy of Ophthalmology has an excellent series of case studies called ProVison 4. It consists of 450 cases covering nine sections of study in Ophtho from Optics to Neuro-oph in a question and answer format. I think you will find this series to be very engaging and if you go through all of them your knowledge base will be considerably strengthened. You may also discover that you will utilize more general medicine than you think.

 

[KHE]

Having advised dozens of high schoolers and college kids on similar issues, let me make a suggestion.

You are basically setting up a self-fulfilling prophecy. You don't like what you're doing so you spend your day investigating, reading about, and fantasizing about some other field. The more you do that, the more you will convince yourself that you hate ophtho and the grass will look even greener on the other side of the fence.

I don't know how early you would have to apply to switch programs or the mechanics of how that happens. I also don't know when your "first year" ophthalmology residency ends.

But what I would do is for the next 6 months, or however long it is until the first year is over, you make as much of a commitment to ophthalmology as you possibly can. Read, study, observe, work, think positively about it etc. etc. Just really throw yourself into it head first. There will be days where that will be hard, but you have to force yourself. Make that promise to yourself that you will do that because I would bet $100 that you're not doing it now. That's understandable but you have to make sure about this.

If, at the end of the 6 months you still hate it, you will be able to honestly say to yourself that you tried to as hard as you possibly could have and it's just not the field for you.

If on the other hand you come to like it, or become more comfortable with it, then you'll know you made the correct choice by selecting ophthalmology in the first place.

But don't do what you're doing. If you're 100% sure, then get out of the field. If you're unsure, do what I suggested because to do anything else is only going to set yourself up for failure.

 

[Mirror Form]

What I still don't like is:
1. Clinic - can't believe i did not realize i hate clinic while I was in medical school, and now have entered a field where 80% of it (at least) is clinic time

Well what do you expect, you're a pgy2 and haven't even started operating. Of course most of the field is clinic time anyway, but even most general surgeons tend to spend half their time in clinic.

You mention not liking clinic, but then also mentioned looking up internal medicine residencies? You think clinic there will be better? HA! IMO optho clinic is much less painful b/c you're only dealing with eye. Primary care clinic is miserable.

2. Being a super-specialist - not that I ever loved Internal Medicine, but it feels kind of odd to have thrown out the window all that I learned in med school and internship

It feels odd now, after a few years it won't. Most people in ophtho like knowing a lot about one area though. I hated knowing a little about everything in primary care clinics. But to each their own.

3. I am not interested in the material - I have no motivation to read, I don't find any of the didactics interesting, and I feel tha the surgeries I thought would be so fulfilling and "cool" simply are not - granted as a first year you're not really doing the surgeries - more watching/watering the cornea.

Of course you don't have motivation to read. PGY2 year is grueling and frickin miserable. And there is so much you do not know that it's depressing to even try and start reading. The only reason I ever read during pgy2 year is b/c of I was motivated by fear (which my staff turned into a very effective form of motivation).

I can honestly say that since orientation week I have been on SDN looking at options for switching into PGY 2 medicine spots.

Yep, pgy2 is a bad year, and medicine is a tough career. I'd recomend waiting until you're doing surgery before you walk away from it though. As KHE mentioned earlier, it's easier to think the grass is always greener on the other side.