Over-Involved Parents?

[VintageRaccoon]

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Hi, I'm applying to med school this year, and I wanted to ask you guys a question. Do you let your parents get involved in your application process? I don't mean just reading and critiquing your personal statement, but spending so much time reading articles on SDN, reading every word in your work/activities section, and just researching far more than you because they have more time to use? I have a part time job, and am busy with other activities, but my dad (unemployed) drives me nuts, because he has so much time and it feels like I don't have a say on my own application anymore. I try to refuse his overwhelming help but he gets mad and tells me I'm overconfident and ungrateful, and that's my main question. Is it?

 

[ChymeofPassion]

My mom is gonna read my secondaries to check for typos before I submit them. Otherwise, no.

 

[ArteryStudyPainting]

My parents read a couple activities listed. And that was only because it didn't sound quite right, and my mother used to work at the SSA literally making sure every little thing written and sent out was correct.

It's not too much for them to help a little. And I mean, "hey, can you read this?" or "this sounds funny; what do you think?". They can research until the cows come home; it's your ultimate say and responsibility. And for being called ungrateful, that seems to be a bit much. I understand where he's coming from. If you don't take their form of helping, they will assume you don't care or even that you can't do it yourself.

It's not unreasonable to make boundaries. Say that you have this, and you'll go see them if you need advice or an edit. But them researching for you, that sounds like it's not a good idea. You need to understand the searches, the research, etc. Not have it placed at your feet. They need to know they're coming from a good place, but it's your turn to take care of your life. And if they do this now, I can only imagine how it'll be on the interview trail, etc.

If they're anything like my parents, they'll get pisßed off because you're insulting their trying to help you. No matter what, you just reason out that is not the case.

 

[Rachapkis]

I would be charitable to any parent who is vested in the application process and their child’s education. Parents generally care deeply about their children and also find it hard to relinquish control. I would try to explain calmly and firmly how you feel about your dad’s behavior and why, and thereafter try to seek common ground That said, if you’ve explained to your dad that he’s bothering you (or worse), and he becomes angry and petulant at those times, I would draw a hard line (as politely as possible). You are an adult and part of being an adult is standing up to your parents (with as little unnecessary pain as possible) when you believe they are wrong. Ultimately, this is your life, not his.

 

[VintageRaccoon]

I would be charitable to any parent who is vested in the application process and their child’s education. Parents generally care deeply about their children and also find it hard to relinquish control. I would try to explain calmly and firmly how you feel about your dad’s behavior and why, and thereafter try to seek common ground That said, if you’ve explained to your dad that he’s bothering you (or worse), and he becomes angry and petulant at those times, I would draw a hard line (as politely as possible). You are an adult and part of being an adult is standing up to your parents (with as little unnecessary pain as possible) when you believe they are wrong. Ultimately, this is your life, not his.

Thanks for your feedback, Rachapkis, I'll try talking to him.

 

[VintageRaccoon]

My parents read a couple activities listed. And that was only because it didn't sound quite right, and my mother used to work at the SSA literally making sure every little thing written and sent out was correct.

It's not too much for them to help a little. And I mean, "hey, can you read this?" or "this sounds funny; what do you think?". They can research until the cows come home; it's your ultimate say and responsibility. And for being called ungrateful, that seems to be a bit much. I understand where he's coming from. If you don't take their form of helping, they will assume you don't care or even that you can't do it yourself.

It's not unreasonable to make boundaries. Say that you have this, and you'll go see them if you need advice or an edit. But them researching for you, that sounds like it's not a good idea. You need to understand the searches, the research, etc. Not have it placed at your feet. They need to know they're coming from a good place, but it's your turn to take care of your life. And if they do this now, I can only imagine how it'll be on the interview trail, etc.

If they're anything like my parents, they'll get pisßed off because you're insulting their trying to help you. No matter what, you just reason out that is not the case.

Thank you!!!!