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I've been coming to this website (under a couple different names) since my premed years...haven't been on in awhile. I know in the past there were more pre-med/med students that frequented these boards than attendings, but I'm hoping there are some peds people here that can give me some insight. I apologize in advance for the lengthy post.
I guess I've come to a crossroads in my career, and I'm not sure which way to go (or even how to decide). I finished residency almost 2 years ago. I haven't loved medicine since I started my clinical years, to be honest, and residency was often a struggle- I just started to feel increasingly disillusioned with the reality of a medical career and the idea that I was really "helping" anybody, and resentful of the huge debt and time commitments (which also made it difficult to pursue anything else). I actually really do enjoy many aspects of patient care and medicine, particularly education of patients and public health/prevention. That is why I went into pediatrics in the first place. I just feel like the actual practice of medicine often sucks the joy out of these interactions through paperwork, bureaucracy, long hours, ridiculous expectations, compensation not proportionate to the work we do...etc.
I managed to get through residency (I actually did quite well, although I was miserable at least 75% of the time), and got a job back in my home city doing primarily outpatient work, which I much prefer to inpatient. I signed a 2 year contract with a practice, with the expectation that at the end of it I would join as a partner. Along the way, I got married and recently had a child. I felt relieved to find a job with a good practice in my home city, where my husband and I want to settle down. I started at 4 days a week, but cut down to 3 (plus call) after the birth of my child.
In many ways, I feel very lucky to have a job that is mostly what I was looking for (outpatient, "part time" although of course in medicine 3 days/wk still = >40 hrs/wk), and in the place I want to be. The practice I've joined is a good one, but even when I started I had doubts about partnership. It is a huge financial and career commitment, and although I have a decent working relationship with the other pediatricians in the group I do not feel that I really fit in with them. They are all much older and at a different place in their lives and careers, and although I'm not treated badly I am not given the same respect or autonomy they afford each other and am not optimistic this will change as a partner. My pay would switch to straight productivity as a partner, and it has become clear that due to the financial structure of the group it will be hard to make what I do as a salaried employee if I stay 3 days/wk (I don't want to increase my hours until my child is much older, and we may have another). I also really dislike the business side of running a practice, which of course I would need to be much more involved in as a partner.
At a deeper level, I'm also not sure I am satisfied being a PCP- my passion, as much as I have any left in medicine, is really for adolescent and in particular reproductive health. I did not pursue fellowship because a. 3 more years and b. aforementioned student debt and c. 3 more years?! However, I find myself considering this option more as I face the prospect of partnership and thinking about what I really care about. Unfortunately, I would have to move out of state to pursue fellowship, uprooting my family. I am also not sure what I would ultimately do when I finish fellowship (assuming I get in- I would only apply to one program in the state nearest to me, so I could be within driving distance of family). I do not really like the academic hospital environment. I guess my dream job would be in some type of public health setting, ideally an adolescent health center, school health clinic, or similar where I could practice clinical work primarily but have some involvement in educational and/or public health programs also. I feel like adolescent fellowship would make me a better candidate for that type of job, but it's not like those open up all that often anyway. So I would be taking a huge pay cut, moving my family hundreds of miles, and forcing my spouse to leave their job, all for a totally uncertain future.
I've been searching job listings, hoping something that is at least a better fit (maybe a public health clinic job?) will open up in my city so I can find more career satisfaction without such a dramatic step, but no luck so far. Another part of me feels I should just suck it up and be grateful for a stable job, and join as a partner at the end of the year. I don't hate my job, and it allows me some level of work-life balance. I also worry about the ramifications for my career if I turn down partnership- I'm not sure how this will be viewed. I feel deeply conflicted, and did not expect to have this level of uncertainty after finishing residency. I hoped things would just fall into place and I would love my practice, but that clearly hasn't happened. It's obviously better than residency, but I'm still not happy and I'm not sure if I should just accept that and go with the stable choice (partnership) or turn it down, either for fellowship or the hope of something better for me that hasn't come along yet.
I guess I've come to a crossroads in my career, and I'm not sure which way to go (or even how to decide). I finished residency almost 2 years ago. I haven't loved medicine since I started my clinical years, to be honest, and residency was often a struggle- I just started to feel increasingly disillusioned with the reality of a medical career and the idea that I was really "helping" anybody, and resentful of the huge debt and time commitments (which also made it difficult to pursue anything else). I actually really do enjoy many aspects of patient care and medicine, particularly education of patients and public health/prevention. That is why I went into pediatrics in the first place. I just feel like the actual practice of medicine often sucks the joy out of these interactions through paperwork, bureaucracy, long hours, ridiculous expectations, compensation not proportionate to the work we do...etc.
I managed to get through residency (I actually did quite well, although I was miserable at least 75% of the time), and got a job back in my home city doing primarily outpatient work, which I much prefer to inpatient. I signed a 2 year contract with a practice, with the expectation that at the end of it I would join as a partner. Along the way, I got married and recently had a child. I felt relieved to find a job with a good practice in my home city, where my husband and I want to settle down. I started at 4 days a week, but cut down to 3 (plus call) after the birth of my child.
In many ways, I feel very lucky to have a job that is mostly what I was looking for (outpatient, "part time" although of course in medicine 3 days/wk still = >40 hrs/wk), and in the place I want to be. The practice I've joined is a good one, but even when I started I had doubts about partnership. It is a huge financial and career commitment, and although I have a decent working relationship with the other pediatricians in the group I do not feel that I really fit in with them. They are all much older and at a different place in their lives and careers, and although I'm not treated badly I am not given the same respect or autonomy they afford each other and am not optimistic this will change as a partner. My pay would switch to straight productivity as a partner, and it has become clear that due to the financial structure of the group it will be hard to make what I do as a salaried employee if I stay 3 days/wk (I don't want to increase my hours until my child is much older, and we may have another). I also really dislike the business side of running a practice, which of course I would need to be much more involved in as a partner.
At a deeper level, I'm also not sure I am satisfied being a PCP- my passion, as much as I have any left in medicine, is really for adolescent and in particular reproductive health. I did not pursue fellowship because a. 3 more years and b. aforementioned student debt and c. 3 more years?! However, I find myself considering this option more as I face the prospect of partnership and thinking about what I really care about. Unfortunately, I would have to move out of state to pursue fellowship, uprooting my family. I am also not sure what I would ultimately do when I finish fellowship (assuming I get in- I would only apply to one program in the state nearest to me, so I could be within driving distance of family). I do not really like the academic hospital environment. I guess my dream job would be in some type of public health setting, ideally an adolescent health center, school health clinic, or similar where I could practice clinical work primarily but have some involvement in educational and/or public health programs also. I feel like adolescent fellowship would make me a better candidate for that type of job, but it's not like those open up all that often anyway. So I would be taking a huge pay cut, moving my family hundreds of miles, and forcing my spouse to leave their job, all for a totally uncertain future.
I've been searching job listings, hoping something that is at least a better fit (maybe a public health clinic job?) will open up in my city so I can find more career satisfaction without such a dramatic step, but no luck so far. Another part of me feels I should just suck it up and be grateful for a stable job, and join as a partner at the end of the year. I don't hate my job, and it allows me some level of work-life balance. I also worry about the ramifications for my career if I turn down partnership- I'm not sure how this will be viewed. I feel deeply conflicted, and did not expect to have this level of uncertainty after finishing residency. I hoped things would just fall into place and I would love my practice, but that clearly hasn't happened. It's obviously better than residency, but I'm still not happy and I'm not sure if I should just accept that and go with the stable choice (partnership) or turn it down, either for fellowship or the hope of something better for me that hasn't come along yet.