Personal Statement Advice for Possible Controversial Topic

[whatiscollege321]

I hope everyone is doing alright! I had a couple questions while writing my personal statement that I was hoping I could get some opinions on.

1. In my personal statement I talk about discrepancies in the medical field and its shortcomings. I have recently heard from some friends that I may be pushing buttons by doing that. In some parts I literally say stuff like "Analyzing my experience ... forced me to face the shortcomings of the medical field" or "This made me aware that while healthcare provides underserved patients opportunities ..., many patients who were in dire need could not receive support." I hoped to focus my PS on issues in the medical field that I would like to tackle, rather than completely focusing on the positives, because those are obvious. I was wondering if you guys thought I was crossing boundaries or if it would be frowned upon to talk about issues in the medical field.

2. I used substituted patient first names in my PS because it flowed better and made it seem more personal. I was wondering what the general consensus on that was (if I should do it, or not etc)

3. I would really appreciate some outside feedback from you guys about my PS. It might be easier to see these concerns when reading it, so I was wondering if there is anyone who is willing to look over my PS and address these concerns for me! I can send my PS to you!

Thank you!

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[PNWExplorer]

I hope everyone is doing alright! I had a couple questions while writing my personal statement that I was hoping I could get some opinions on.

1. In my personal statement I talk about discrepancies in the medical field and its shortcomings. I have recently heard from some friends that I may be pushing buttons by doing that. In some parts I literally say stuff like "Analyzing my experience ... forced me to face the shortcomings of the medical field" or "This made me aware that while healthcare provides underserved patients opportunities ..., many patients who were in dire need could not receive support." I hoped to focus my PS on issues in the medical field that I would like to tackle, rather than completely focusing on the positives, because those are obvious. I was wondering if you guys thought I was crossing boundaries or if it would be frowned upon to talk about issues in the medical field.

2. I used substituted patient first names in my PS because it flowed better and made it seem more personal. I was wondering what the general consensus on that was (if I should do it, or not etc)

3. I would really appreciate some outside feedback from you guys about my PS. It might be easier to see these concerns when reading it, so I was wondering if there is anyone who is willing to look over my PS and address these concerns for me! I can send my PS to you!

Thank you!

1. I would really avoid describing this as a "shortcoming." It's definitely ok to talk about issues in healthcare, but I'd avoid making direct criticisms that way unless you have professional experience to back up those critiques.

2. I'd say you're fine substituting names; do it for all of them if you do it for one. Be careful about PHI and remember it's about the story, not the specific individuals

 

[whatiscollege321]

1. I would really avoid describing this as a "shortcoming." It's definitely ok to talk about issues in healthcare, but I'd avoid making direct criticisms that way unless you have professional experience to back up those critiques.

2. I'd say you're fine substituting names; do it for all of them if you do it for one. Be careful about PHI and remember it's about the story, not the specific individuals

Thank you! I had a couple clarification; Would using "realities" instead of "shortcomings" be a better choice? Or should I scrap that part all together. Also what do you mean by PHI?

 

[Neglektor]

Thank you! I had a couple clarification; Would using "realities" instead of "shortcomings" be a better choice? Or should I scrap that part all together. Also what do you mean by PHI?

PHI= protected health information such as first names

 

[Goro]

I hope everyone is doing alright! I had a couple questions while writing my personal statement that I was hoping I could get some opinions on.

1. In my personal statement I talk about discrepancies in the medical field and its shortcomings. I have recently heard from some friends that I may be pushing buttons by doing that. In some parts I literally say stuff like "Analyzing my experience ... forced me to face the shortcomings of the medical field" or "This made me aware that while healthcare provides underserved patients opportunities ..., many patients who were in dire need could not receive support." I hoped to focus my PS on issues in the medical field that I would like to tackle, rather than completely focusing on the positives, because those are obvious. I was wondering if you guys thought I was crossing boundaries or if it would be frowned upon to talk about issues in the medical field.

2. I used substituted patient first names in my PS because it flowed better and made it seem more personal. I was wondering what the general consensus on that was (if I should do it, or not etc)

3. I would really appreciate some outside feedback from you guys about my PS. It might be easier to see these concerns when reading it, so I was wondering if there is anyone who is willing to look over my PS and address these concerns for me! I can send my PS to you!

Thank you!

The PS is for answering two questions:
"Why Medicine?
Who Am I?

It is NOT for essays on the state of health care delivery in the USA.

For Patient names, you can use "John" or "Betty" or "JS".

 

[CyrilFiggis]

While topics like social determinants and health inequalities are important, they don't belong in a personal statement for medical school. Your personal statement is the two pages you have to let AdComs know who you are, your drive and why you belong in med school.

 

[PNWExplorer]

Thank you! I had a couple clarification; Would using "realities" instead of "shortcomings" be a better choice? Or should I scrap that part all together. Also what do you mean by PHI?

In my opinion, "realities" sounds a bit too resigned... what about "issues" or a similar word?

PHI is Protected Health Information (see HIPAA for more info). Basically don't give enough info on a patient that they could potentially be identified just based on what you say. Changing their first names might help avoid that situation.

 

[drmantistobbogan]

While topics like social determinants and health inequalities are important, they don't belong in a personal statement for medical school. Your personal statement is the two pages you have to let AdComs know who you are, your drive and why you belong in med school.

I would argue that they belong in your PS if that is the reason you want to go into medicine...

 

[begoood95]

While topics like social determinants and health inequalities are important, they don't belong in a personal statement for medical school. Your personal statement is the two pages you have to let AdComs know who you are, your drive and why you belong in med school.

I somewhat disagree. Because one of my majors is sociology, I explicitly mention the social determinants of health and their relation to medicine in general. Of course, it wasn't a main focus at all, but I don't think such topics fall in the category of "do not mention."

 

[Medic741]

I hope everyone is doing alright! I had a couple questions while writing my personal statement that I was hoping I could get some opinions on.

1. In my personal statement I talk about discrepancies in the medical field and its shortcomings. I have recently heard from some friends that I may be pushing buttons by doing that. In some parts I literally say stuff like "Analyzing my experience ... forced me to face the shortcomings of the medical field" or "This made me aware that while healthcare provides underserved patients opportunities ..., many patients who were in dire need could not receive support." I hoped to focus my PS on issues in the medical field that I would like to tackle, rather than completely focusing on the positives, because those are obvious. I was wondering if you guys thought I was crossing boundaries or if it would be frowned upon to talk about issues in the medical field.

2. I used substituted patient first names in my PS because it flowed better and made it seem more personal. I was wondering what the general consensus on that was (if I should do it, or not etc)

3. I would really appreciate some outside feedback from you guys about my PS. It might be easier to see these concerns when reading it, so I was wondering if there is anyone who is willing to look over my PS and address these concerns for me! I can send my PS to you!

Thank you!

Put the substituted names in half quotes 'John' ;; made it clear that the names were substituted imo. Saw this in a ps I read

 

[whatiscollege321]

Thanks for all the help everyone! I really appreciate it!

 

[cke11]

My opening paragraph was about my father, who was uninsured at the time, and almost had a fatal heart attack and how that opened my eyes to why I want to work with the underprivileged. I don't think it's wrong at all to talk about disparities in health care. For me, it was a driving force of why I wanted to go into medicine. No one should see their close relative or parent for that matter go through what my father did. If your experience shows you detriments in the healthcare world and why you want to fix it go for it, that's your story.