Personal Statement Advice Needed!

[ls2412]

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This is my first post, so I hope I'm doing this right! I thought I was getting close to finished on my personal statement, but I've taken it in to pre-med advising twice now and they clearly don't like it very much. A post-doc from my lab and my parents (who both work in medicine at least) have read it and think that it's fine, but I feel like I'm missing something.

The path I'm taking with it is to begin talking about my coursework in Neurobiology and Psychology (my two majors) as this combined interest in physiology and people is what initially inspired me to pursue medicine.
Then, I discuss my research and the lessons I learned from it as well as that it taught me that while I love studying physiology, research alone isn't the right path for me and how I wanted to work directly with patients.
In the last section, I discuss my experiences volunteering in hopsice and how they confirmed my interest in medicine with the ability to help patients, and discussed providing compassionate patient care and what I've learned from that (with specific patient examples).

I guess I focus on both why I want to go into medicine and why I think I will succeed, but I'm not sure if I should just be focusing on the first part. I know the outline I gave is basic, but I don't know if I should just start over or keep going with the path I'm on, and would appreciate any advice.

My application is really strong numbers wise (4.0 GPA/42 MCAT) with what I think are at least somewhat average ECs, (150 hours clinical volunteering in a hospital and in hospice, 35 hours shadowing 3 physicians, 175 tutoring, 2000 hours of research, a leadership position, Phi Beta Kappa), and I'm also debating how much work to put into the PS given my MCAT score and that its already mid-June. Some people in my pre-med club kinda freaked me out about the verification process and made me feel like I needed to submit the second the application opened, so advice balancing improving the PS and when I submit would also be appreciated.

 

[MerciMerci]

Scaled Score / Percent Achieving Score / Percentile Rank Range
42 / 0.1 / 99.9-99.9

 

[ls2412]

Oops, forgot to add my disclaimer that I'm not trying to whine about not getting into med school with a 42. That's not my concern, I just feel like I don't know what I'm doing and need a little guidance because I don't want to submit a crap personal statement and have it look like I didn't try just because my numbers are good.

 

[Oranges2]

It sounds vanilla, but we don't know how you wrote about your experiences. that's the key.

Also, this is just my opinion, but I feel that talking about liking science-y courses isn't really a compelling reason for why medicine. I would use that paragraph for something else - another volunteer experience perhaps.

 

[whatever5]

I feel like the "I like science and working with people so I want to be a doctor" is a line I've heard a lot and I don't think it's a very strong reason. Based on what you've shared in your post, I can't give you much advice on how to spin it, but that's just my two cents.

 

[hoihaie]

If you want, PM me the PS and it'll be easier to see how to help

 

[ls2412]

I feel like the "I like science and working with people so I want to be a doctor" is a line I've heard a lot and I don't think it's a very strong reason. Based on what you've shared in your post, I can't give you much advice on how to spin it, but that's just my two cents.

I totally agree with all of you that it sounds kind of boring and overused, but my problem is that I don't have one striking moment where I realized I wanted to be a doctor. It was more of a gradual process which I attempted to describe in the intro, and then followed up with more striking clinical experiences that supported my gradual realization in an attempt to make it more interesting.

 

[gannicus89]

I agree with Oranges... Content-wise, your PS is probably similar to hundreds of PSs. What differentiates you from Joe Schmo is language. How did you describe your interests? Did you draw your reader in? Did your reader start drooling after the third sentence?

With your awesome stats and decent ECs, I doubt that a mediocre PS will stand in your way... but I think when you hit submit, you should feel good about your PS. Re-read and tighten up the language wherever you can. I wouldn't start a PS from scratch at this point, work with what you have. I'm willing to read and critique if you like.

 

[whatever5]

I totally agree with all of you that it sounds kind of boring and overused, but my problem is that I don't have one striking moment where I realized I wanted to be a doctor. It was more of a gradual process which I attempted to describe in the intro, and then followed up with more striking clinical experiences that supported my gradual realization in an attempt to make it more interesting.

Then I would talk more about the gradual process of you deciding to become a physician and discuss how each experience added to this. It would give AdComs a better sense of who you are than discussing your academic choices.