Personal statement help?

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wadels

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Hi guys, I just banged out a rough draft of my personal statement. I've had some people read it and they said that it's been a bit improvement in the ones I've submitted before, but I'm looking for a bit of an outside perspective.
Because it's the first draft, I'm really just looking to see if my ideas or approach is sound. I will be working on grammar and stuff later.
Would greatly appreciate any help I can get.

Thanks y'all!
 
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