personal statement outline advice

[Eagleye2]

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Hey guys, im starting to think about my personal statement and am first trying to really get a good outline of what, where, and how i want to write it. I have a rough idea of what i want to do so if any of you could critique it or give suggestions that would be greatly appreciated.

Please dont feel hesitant, im not married to the idea. I know these are very vague and general but i am just trying to get some ideas flowing

Beginning:
- Traumatic death in the family that changed lives. Oncologist treated us with the upmost compassion, respect, confidence, and had great bedside manner. Sparked initial interest in medicine because of how much better he made us feel (definetly open to changing my beginning, but would like to somehow include doctors best attributes so I can relate to them later on in my statement)

- explain specific scenarios during volunteering and shadowing that helped build on my interest of being a doctor.
- Additional steps i have taken to make sure this is the right career for me (more volunteering or shaodwing) ???? not sure about that one

Middle:
- relate SPECIFIC examples why i share the same characteristics of the doctor from the beginning of the story who helped my family and i out
-how i plan to use these characteristics in my career of choice

End:
- summarize and rexplain main points of why i want to be doctor and how volunteering/shadowing has helped me realize that i want to be a doctor



Thanks again guys, i have been looking up personal statement suggestions on internet but they are all telling me different things. I decided to combine some and this is the outline i came up with. Please dont hesitate to critique.

 

[tarheelpenner]

Hello! Okay so this is my $0.02. I would be hesitant to stress too much about your death in the family. I mean this in the best way possible. Definitely mention it for sure! But, almost everyone has had a death in the family, or someone who needed emergency surgery. That's part of the importance of medicine--it touches everyone's lives at one point or another. The adcoms will want to know what makes you stand out, and why your journey has been unique. (not that this isn't unique, but stories like these are unfortunately pretty common). Focus more on what you have done since then that has strengthened your resolve, and you can weave the death in the family through it. But def do not make it the focus of the essay, and don't emphasize it too much. I did something similar in mine, so you can PM me if you want 🙂.

I could be completely wrong, so don't take my word as law. Get other (more qualified) opinions as well.

 

[Eagleye2]

Hello! Okay so this is my $0.02. I would be hesitant to stress too much about your death in the family. I mean this in the best way possible. Definitely mention it for sure! But, almost everyone has had a death in the family, or someone who needed emergency surgery. That's part of the importance of medicine--it touches everyone's lives at one point or another. The adcoms will want to know what makes you stand out, and why your journey has been unique. (not that this isn't unique, but stories like these are unfortunately pretty common). Focus more on what you have done since then that has strengthened your resolve, and you can weave the death in the family through it. But def do not make it the focus of the essay, and don't emphasize it too much. I did something similar in mine, so you can PM me if you want 🙂.

I could be completely wrong, so don't take my word as law. Get other (more qualified) opinions as well.

yeah thanks so much for your opinion. I definetly read about how I should be hesitant about putting the death in the family. And I was very hesistant about it but it put it in because it allowed me to talk about qualities that the doctor had that I also had. But I understand where you are coming from. The beginning is definetly where I think my outline can be improved upon so thanks for your response. I just dont have any life changing experiences where I can see this is where I wanted to become a doctor.

 

[bobeanie95]

Eagleye, I completely agree with what tarheelpenner had to add. Also, I would sugest that you also focus on what you have to offer to the schools. From the outline, it seems that you have a very passive role (ie. what the doctor did during the death, and also when you shadow you aren't doing much). I would suggest that you focus on activities which you can also highlight your skills (i.e. curiosity, compassion, advocacy). Lastly, the conclusion should discuss topics you mentioned previously, but you don't want it to completely re-iterate exactly what you said. The amount of space is limited in the essay. Rather, you should use the conclusion to also move your paper forward (ie. what new insight you gained after all your experiences, how will you apply such traits as a physician). In other words: synthesize, don't summarize

 

[tarheelpenner]

yeah thanks so much for your opinion. I definetly read about how I should be hesitant about putting the death in the family. And I was very hesistant about it but it put it in because it allowed me to talk about qualities that the doctor had that I also had. But I understand where you are coming from. The beginning is definetly where I think my outline can be improved upon so thanks for your response. I just dont have any life changing experiences where I can see this is where I wanted to become a doctor.

you don't have to have a "life-changing" experience or a specific moment. It could be more of a pathway or a re-affirmation over the years, citing several different experiences/examples as confirming your interest and why they confirmed your interest in becoming a doctor.

 

[LizzyM]

"I want to be just like my hero, the doctor who took care of me/my family." is a familiar essay topic and one that I tend to see as rather juvenile as it comes across as hero worship and a desire to be like one's hero rather than having a more mature point of view of the responsibilities and sacrifices required of members of the profession and a demonstration of the willingness to accept those as one has accepted responsibilities and made sacrifices, with joy, up to this point, in the hope of being a physician for whatever reason you want to be one (to help the sick, to alleviate suffering, to use science in the service of others, etc).