Personal Statement Outline?

[wellbutrin]

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated! My (attempted) unifying theme is my interest in people.

• Open by talking about my interest in people, even from childhood. Since I was an only child, this was how I entertained myself. I would get in trouble for reading books at the dinner table as a kid because I was lost in the characters and their world; I would do research on the actors and actresses in my favorite tv shows as a teen to learn more about them, and humanize them; now, as an adult, this interest in humans has manifested itself in my receiving my BS in psychology (with a neuroscience concentration). With a love for people comes an innate interest in their lived experiences and a desire to improve their conditions in the most effective way possible.
• Moving on to a personal health issue in 9th grade that sent me to several doctors without finding a definitive diagnosis for awhile. I was very frightened and was constantly preoccupied because I didn't know what was going on with me--I even thought I was going to die. Even though my family and friends tried to comfort me, I only felt comfort in the office of a physician as they made sense of my symptoms and reassured me that everything would be okay (because, in my eyes, they possessed a knowledge and ability that could not be touched by anyone else). From here, it appeared that medicine became to me the most effective way to improve an individual's quality of life, and I wanted to be on the other side.
• Seeing a newscast of The stabbing of a prominent political figure by his mentally ill son highlighted the lack of available mental health facilities (particularly psychiatrists) and resources in the medical field, particularly for children. I saw a need, saw how I was able to combine my love of psychology and the natural sciences, and decided to go into medicine--specifically, psychiatry.
• After cementing my desire to go into medicine through numerous courses and shadowing opportunities, I interned with an organization that sets up free pop up medical, dental, and vision clinics around the nation in order to learn more about how a variety of different lived experiences can contribute to or detract from health, and how to make healthcare more accessible. Saw some limits of medicine (eye cancer patient--nothing that could really be done) and saw the hard, not so exciting work that goes behind the scenes into delivering healthcare to those who need it and making healing possible.
• Went on a medical service-learning trip to Peru, and was wary of whether or not we would have a positive impact on the community that was sustainable, or if we were just doing some voluntourism. Learned a lot about and got to interact a lot with the people and culture of the villlage, and learned ways to make our efforts more sustainable, and even sat in on a meeting that our lead physician brokered between the distant mayor of the town and the nurses of the town to evaluate the healthcare needs of the area. Though not a solution, it was a step in the right direction.
• Although medicine is my number one driving force, it's really important to me to be a well-rounded individual and engage in a number of other activities that I love--including 4 dance teams, a teaching fellows program, and leading a weeklong service-learning trip . Engaging in these activities has allowed me to engage learn a lot about to most effectively interact with others in a variety of settings, and has also taught me a lot about myself, leadership, teamwork, responsibility, balance, and open-mindedness--qualities that will prepare me for being a physician. It's been hard to manage all of these things, but I enjoy the rigor and all that I can gain from it.
• Closing about how, My experiences have shown me that medicine allows me to combine my innate interest in people with a desire for lifelong learning and science. with a love of people comes an innate desire to learn more about them, as well as improve their condition. Medicine, I have found, is the most effective way to do this.

This was a lot, but any feedback is appreciated! I can already see that it's going to be much too long, so any suggestions on what to cut or anything to add (as a replacement for something else) would be great! I do have significant shadowing and research experience, but thought that these experiences highlighted my motivation better.

Thank you for anyone who takes the time to read!

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[KU Brendan]

Sounds like a good start. If you write it, plenty of people here can help look it over and see if it reads well.