Personal statement story

[panbimbo]

Of all the personal statements samples I have been reading, virtually ALL of them start with a super corny story about an experience with the medical field. About a family member dying. About holding a dying baby in the ambulance. About "Sweat dripping down my brow as I bring a blanket to the cold and sterile trauma bay..." and all this stuff.

I have not had a single "Aha" moment that said, "Wow, I really want to do medicine." I don't really have a dramatic story that will make someone feel goosebumps. I just have a gradual coming to the realization that medicine is a cool field and I can see myself working in and doing well.

How crucial is it to have a "story" to begin the personal statement? Can I just start directly? For example: "I want to be a physician because X" or "My calling to medicine has been developed through several experiences throughout the years..." or something like that? I got nothing when it comes to telling a dramatic story.

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[LizzyM]

Those dramatic stories make many of us cringe. I often give an example I really liked that seemed to do a nice job without an ahha moment.
It was a 5 paragraph essay that started out with something like "my path to medicine could be described by one word: fire." Then there was a paragraph about working as a team member in a restaurant with a broiler and providing some minor first aid on that job, a paragraph about using flames in a research lab, and the idea of a cigarette lighter in being a leader of a smoking cessation program on campus. Then a sum-up about caring for others, scientific advancement and disease prevention.

Can you tie three of your activities together in some way?

 

[dr_kateb]

The death in the family narrative is pretty BS IMO. Pretty much everyone that has ever lived on this planet has had a family member or loved one die and they move on without considering medical school.

 

[panbimbo]

Those dramatic stories make many of us cringe. I often give an example I really liked that seemed to do a nice job without an ahha moment.
It was a 5 paragraph essay that started out with something like "my path to medicine could be described by one word: fire." Then there was a paragraph about working as a team member in a restaurant with a broiler and providing some minor first aid on that job, a paragraph about using flames in a research lab, and the idea of a cigarette lighter in being a leader of a smoking cessation program on campus. Then a sum-up about caring for others, scientific advancement and disease prevention.

Can you tie three of your activities together in some way?

I am trying to have an underlying theme that involves music as a theme but it is turning to be harder than I thought. I've been constantly adding and removing whole paragraphs and then realizing that the whole thing is just boring/bad. It is certainly a process. Have never been very much a creative person when it comes to writing, so it is very difficult for me.

 

[LizzyM]

The death in the family narrative is pretty BS IMO. Pretty much everyone that has ever lived on this planet has had a family member or loved one die and they move on without considering medical school.

It is not a universal experience to have a loved one die before you reach 19-20 (typical age to start pre-med studies). That said, it can be a formative experience for some people. To have a parent, sibling or grandparent in your home who becomes sick/injured, disabled and dies of their illness or injury can be a pivotal moment. I lost a dear friend last month and if her HS age child decides to study medicine, I could see a direct correlation between the experience of caring for Mom and being angry that Mom died of cancer, and wanting to become a doctor to fight against cancer and advocate for people with cancer and make scientific advances to help people like her Mom. I would not see that as BS.

 

[capriccio]

My advice is to NOT start out thinking that you need to write a compelling story with this beautiful overarching theme, because then you put this pressure on yourself to write this perfect piece of writing. Start simple: what did you do? What did you gain from it? How does A lead to B lead to medicine? Put it down plainly so you can hash out a rough roadmap of what you want to write about. I often find that once I reach this step, I start seeing themes emerging naturally. Then you can start filling in the cracks with details, like specific experiences that strongly support what you claim that you learned. Don't be afraid of constantly rewriting (though I recommend saving discarded drafts and paragraphs!) My first completed draft was a Frankenstein of paragraphs written separately over the course of 1-2 months, and then my final draft bore little resemblance to my first.

Yes, you can definitely start plainly—I remember my university's PS workshop gave us some successful past student samples that started exactly like that. Don't worry about your writing being boring—your main focus right now should be making a statement that makes sense and reads logically. I would say clarity and evidence are the most important parts of a good PS, not dramatic stories or high quality creative writing. Seek out more eyes to read your statement as well.

And ultimately, understand that you will never feel 100% satisfied. I've had a successful cycle so far, but by GOD at this point I can only feel embarrassment when I think about my PS lol.

 

[Rachapkis]

Sometimes I find that a prompt helps to get the creative juices flowing.

What are your strongest personal characteristics relevant to serving patients? Since you left high school, what activities, courses, experiences, etc. have facilitated the development of these characteristics and how?

What have you done since leaving high school to learn about the medical profession? How have these things affected your day-to-day outlook?

Write a brief biographical sketch of yourself. Include where you were born and grew up and say a few words about your family background. Describe how your background influenced your decision to become a doctor.

Altruism is essential for a career in service of patients. Show that you understand of this value through an instance when you set you acted altruistically. [You could also write about other characteristics that would be valuable to a doctor, e.g., empathy, leadership, the ability to resolve conflicts, etc.]

Write about an embarrassing or humorous moment in your life and explain what this reveals about your character.

If you don't like these prompts, peruse secondary questions from the schools of your choice.

I also find that it is important to remember that good writing is often an iterative process--write and continue to re-write until you like what you have. At that point, you can show your essay to your kitchen cabinet for their input.

Good luck!

 

[over]

Those dramatic stories make many of us cringe. I often give an example I really liked that seemed to do a nice job without an ahha moment.
It was a 5 paragraph essay that started out with something like "my path to medicine could be described by one word: fire." Then there was a paragraph about working as a team member in a restaurant with a broiler and providing some minor first aid on that job, a paragraph about using flames in a research lab, and the idea of a cigarette lighter in being a leader of a smoking cessation program on campus. Then a sum-up about caring for others, scientific advancement and disease prevention.

Can you tie three of your activities together in some way?

sorry for necroing, but OP saw it from sample essays that are supposed to be good. why do they work then?

 

[LizzyM]

sorry for necroing, but OP saw it from sample essays that are supposed to be good. why do they work then?

supposed to be good?? according to whom? I've never heard anyone who has read more than 50 of these essays (meaning just about anyone who has been on an admissions committee for more than a month) who wants to see more of these dramatic essays that read like screenplays with lights and sirens and tear stained faces. Please spare us.
Years ago one of these essays was parodied... I'll try to find it.

My Personal Statement | PANDA BEAR, MD

www.pandabearmd.me

 

[over]

supposed to be good?? according to whom? I've never heard anyone who has read more than 50 of these essays (meaning just about anyone who has been on an admissions committee for more than a month) who wants to see more of these dramatic essays that read like screenplays with lights and sirens and tear stained faces. Please spare us.
Years ago one of these essays was parodied... I'll try to find it.

My Personal Statement | PANDA BEAR, MD

www.pandabearmd.me

I thought they are supposed to be good to be shared

anyways, you have no idea how glad i am to hear this
some of the sample personal statements just make me want to puke

here is an example:
"My desire to perform medical public service developed from concern and sympathy for people in need of medical care, most specifically those with the least access."
from https://www.healthdiversity.pitt.edu/sites/default/files/SNMAPersonalStatementsvol2_2_.pdf

 

[LizzyM]

I thought they are supposed to be good to be shared

anyways, you have no idea how glad i am to hear this
some of the sample personal statements just make me want to puke

here is an example:
"My desire to perform medical public service developed from concern and sympathy for people in need of medical care, most specifically those with the least access."
from https://www.healthdiversity.pitt.edu/sites/default/files/SNMAPersonalStatementsvol2_2_.pdf

Actually, those aren't too bad compared to some. Look at #4. It is very simple with many "I" statements.

 

[over]

Actually, those aren't too bad compared to some. Look at #4. It is very simple with many "I" statements.

Are you saying #4 is good or bad?
IMO the author sounds a bit dreamy and a bit self centered, but the essay feels genuine and not pandering like some other one's I've read.

 

[LizzyM]

Are you saying #4 is good or bad?
IMO the author sounds a bit dreamy and a bit self centered, but the essay feels genuine and not pandering like some other one's I've read.

Just skimming the opening paragraph, I didn't think that #4 was overly dramatic in the screenplay style.

The stuff that gets old goes something like,
"Roger, that." We waited by the radio. The air was hot and still but I had chills. The sirens sounded closer and closer until the doors of the ER bay burst open and everyone joined in a dramatic ballet meant to keep the patient alive during the "gold hour" that can be the difference between life and death.
"Hang 2 units of 0 negative."
"I need the cell saver."
"the heart rate is dropping."
"We are losing him."
"Time of death 1:28 a.m.",,, and on and on for another 4000 characters
then the heartfelt conclusion that medicine is the only possible career for the writer.

 

[inode]

It's called an "opener" and is about capturing interest. A vivid re-telling of a transformative personal experience is just one way of many ways of doing so. No need for an "aha" moment; you can write about many other things and still find a good opener.

I was an MSTP applicant (received interviews at all places I applied; currently at a top 10). My personal statement used a vivid retelling of an "aha" moment while my "Why MD/PhD" essay was just about my years of lab experience and had just a good of an opener without an "aha" moment. Just because you don't have an "aha" moment doesn't mean you need to make something bland like "My calling to medicine has been developed through several experiences throughout the years..." Of course, even with a bland opening sentence, you can still craft a strong essay if that's your preferred style; hopefully the rest of the essay doesn't follow the same blandness, e.g. "For one of my experiences, I volunteered at the hospital. I was able to see patients and I loved it".

 

[ampersandwich]

This essay really helped me when I was writing my personal statement, written by a IM residency director but still applicable for med schools: In Defense of the Personal Statement

Here is also a bunch of sample personal statements from Stanford Med students, some of which are really good: GoogleDoc

It goes without saying but do not plagiarize from someone else's PS. Frankly, the best essays you can't plagiarize anyway because the experiences are so unique!

Lastly, my unsolicited advice is to NOT force yourself to write specifically on an experience you had during clinical volunteering (i.e. I met an inspiring patient while giving them water and blankets, I met someone dying of x disease, etc.). It's perfectly fine to talk about something non-clinical if you can draw parallels to your medical journey and how your experience would make you a good physician.

 

[Looksoktome]

Any room in a personal statement for actual philosophy/history as an opener and closer as long as it is not too much like an academic paper? I am a history buff and will be able to weave why I want to practice medicine into the analogy and figured some of my other thoughts could be woven into other areas of the application. I tend to be more reflective than dramatic and my desire to pursue medicine has been more of an evolution than an "aha" moment.

 

[bobbyfisher]

You come off immature when you write stuff like "virtually all of them start with super corny story [...] about a family member dying".

Reflect and find your "why" for medicine. For those people, a death of a loved one is more than just a literary device. Perhaps you think those openers are "corny" because you've read so many personal statements, or you just don't have much life experience in general and you cringe at your own deficiency.

 

[LindaAccepted]

Of all the personal statements samples I have been reading, virtually ALL of them start with a super corny story about an experience with the medical field. About a family member dying. About holding a dying baby in the ambulance. About "Sweat dripping down my brow as I bring a blanket to the cold and sterile trauma bay..." and all this stuff.

I have not had a single "Aha" moment that said, "Wow, I really want to do medicine." I don't really have a dramatic story that will make someone feel goosebumps. I just have a gradual coming to the realization that medicine is a cool field and I can see myself working in and doing well.

How crucial is it to have a "story" to begin the personal statement? Can I just start directly? For example: "I want to be a physician because X" or "My calling to medicine has been developed through several experiences throughout the years..." or something like that? I got nothing when it comes to telling a dramatic story.

I suggest that you tell your story authentically. If you have been blessed not to have a close family member (or "patient") die , great! If your story is more one of increasing interest in the field accompanied by consistent exploration, what were some of the markers along the way? Was there a thread that ties your story together. Were there challenges along the way? How did you overcome them? I've seen personal statements for law school that focused on that author's interest in jazz and its interpretive qualities. I've seen successful personal statements for med school that talked about the authors love of old-time western movies (along with other things).

The point is to tell your story. If the sample essays don't resonate, write your own.

The problem with "I want to be a physician because" is that a significant percentage of people writing personal statements who don't start with an anecdotal lead start with "I was born in..." or " I want to be a physician because..." or "I come from..."

Try to find a middle ground where you are authentically telling your story while not blending into the crowd with similar openings.

Linda

 

[LunaOri]

I am also writing my personal statement story now. It turned out to be more difficult than I thought 😕

It usually takes quite a few revisions to come up with a satisfying personal statement. One way to start is to talk about why you want to be a doctor, as though you were talking to a friend. Record yourself, and edit. Speaking is easier than writing for most people.