Pregnant1?!

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Smurf

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OK...
Yesterday I found out I'm pregnant. VERY UNEXPECTED! I was planning to attend med school in 2004/2005. Should I postpone this until he/she starts school? Can anyone who is going through med school let me know how you did it. I know it will be very difficult because the "dad" won't be around.😡
 
I put off med school until my kiddo was in school full time. It has worked well for me & I wouldn't have traded the time for anything. Since you're looking at 2004-5, you at least aren't looking at having the baby while in school & trying to care for a newborn & still pass your classes.

You have plenty of time to decide. I'd wait until after the baby is born (ideally a few months after) before deciding anything. You don't know how you will feel about it until you actually meet and hold your baby. In the meantime, you can keep things on track.
 
abortion/adoption
 
Woah, Ramoray that was harsh. Smurf, you're probably going through a crazy emotional time right now. I think Mom is right - wait for a little while to see how you feel about when to start school. If you were planning for med school in 2004, you've obviously worked hard to get where you are up until this point. I'm sure you'll be okay.
Good luck!
 
Originally posted by Ramoray
abortion/adoption
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uh, whoa there.

to the OP: definitely take your time to decide. you have to decide what is the best and most important for you...

is there any chance that you can talk about it with the dad, or is that a dead end? do you have supportive relatives/friends/parents?

it sounds like you are planning on having the baby, if so, i think dr. mom gave good advice.
 
Congrats!!! :clap: :clap: :clap:
 
congrats... don't start stressing...it is still early. In my opinion it is better to be pregnant before than during med school. if you are ready and it is meant to be you will get into med school and things will slowly fall into place.
 
I am not in medschool but I do have a two month old son and I am trying to start in fall 2003. I would have to agree with Dr. Mom, wait until the baby is born to see how you feel and what you feel capable of. For myself, I feel I can manage both aspects of my life fairly well since I consider neither a burden. However my situation differs from yours in that I have husband and his parents as an excellent support system. Having children and a career requires a great deal of planning, commitment and help. But it can be done. Best of luck and congratulations!🙂

As for the insensitive poster, if you don't have any useful advice that you would care to elaborate on, then I suggest you should keep your dumba$$ comments to yourself.
 
Thank you so much for your advice!! I haven't told anyone, but I'm pretty sure my parents will be supportive (after the initial shock).😱 I will probably have to move back in with them, but I can't see myself not being a doctor. So it will be worth the sacrafice. But I'm definetly waiting till after the holidays to tell them. I'm only 21, and this will be a huge shocker!

Thank you for the advice and MERRY CHRISTMAS!
 
Contact the Crisis Pregnancy Center if you have noone to help you make sound decisions. Do not search for answers on this board, please. Remember a great # of these people are young critics who cannot sympathize and live off of their parents.

Remember you are not alone.
 
ramoray, sigh.........

anyways, i think a critical difference between your situation and drmom's is that you imply that you'll be a single parent. one thing to consider is not only is this admissions process very stressful and time consuming, but very expensive. If you're going to be raising a kid on your own (which as the product of a single parent household i can say doesn't seem particularly easy), I'd say wait a little while until you're sure you're ready to balance it all. Also, look at some of the schools you're thinking of applying to, a lot of them have mothers/women in medicine clubs and support groups, you might want to drop them a line and get their perspective and advice. just my .02 $

Good luck 😀
 
wait a minute here...why did everyone bark at the poster who offered abortion/adoption as an option. That is certainly a very viable option and should not be scoffed at.

If the OP has decided 100% that she wants to have this baby, that is fine. My suspicion is that she hasn't completely thought it through yet since she has yet to tell anyone but us on this website.

She may come to terms with the fact that having the baby and giving it away may be best for both her and the baby. Or, she might decide that abortion is the best decision for her. Or, maybe having the kid and holding onto it is the best thing.

Let her have some time with this decision....but do NOT, I repeat, do NOT make any value judgements about abortion/adoption.

Having said that, I must do a little repremanding myself here....

To the OP: just remember that you got yourself into this situation because you didn't take the proper precautions. Because of that, you need to make this situation right. 'nuff said. Good luck with whatever decision is made.
 
Definitely talk to your physician, a family member, a religious leader, a counselor at a pregnancy crisis center -- talk to someone else to help you get through this if you haven't already. Only you know what the best option is for you, but you'll need all the support possible both as a potential new parent, and especially as a single parent. Just make sure that you carefully consider all of the possible options in front of you.

As for raising an infant while you are in medical school, there is one girl at my school who is doing just that, and yes, she is also a single mother. Also, she is pretty far away from most of her immediate family members so she is essentially doing it all on her own. However, she is around 29 or 30 and I believe had some savings from her previous career to help her get started. So it's doable, but it's not necessarily easy. If you do keep the baby, I think DrMom gave very good advice -- wait and see how you feel after the baby is born. You're still very young, so if you choose to work for a few years before trying to start medical school, it's far from the end of the world, and may actually open up more options for you in some ways. Good luck to you.
 
i think its very important to have a father figure in the child's life. Plus med school is expensive as heck, its going to be really hard on both of your lives.

i'd consider other options than being a single parent. when that happens...your life revolves around the child not you so you can't expect to be a doctor...just hope that it does
 
Hey ya im really sorry, i read the post and i thought i had read she just had found out she was pregnant... .well from people i have known who went the adoption route, they did not decide adoption from the day they found out they were pregnant, they considered options and then chose. I read that this lady had wanted to attend med school and obviosuly we all know what a feat that is so if she was set to attend and had an unexpected pregancy, why the heck isnt adoption or abortion consdered Especially if the dad isnt around?? i dont understand you people? even if u are die hard pro lifers i said adoption too... good god, settle down freakin eh
 
Originally posted by DW
ramoray, sigh.........


Good luck 😀
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You are going to be a doc and you would "sigh" and not tell ur pregnant patients without a father in their life to not consider the option? Sure as hell hope u dont come in contact with any of my female friends... sigh to you as a doc
 
Smurf,
One of my closest friends had been pregnant this year and she had gone with the decision to abort. The baby wasn't planned and my friend is starting her masters this coming spring, and she knew that she wouldn't be able to take care of the baby while studying. After careful consideration and discussing various options, my friend decided to go through abortion. It has been difficult for her to make this decision, but she did what she felt best for herself. I know that everyone has different opinions about this, but really, do think and look through all options: Adoption, abortion, or keeping the baby. Also, you can always defer medschool for one year if you want to go ahead and have the baby.
 
(previous poster up 2) just an example of why it's called a WOMAN'S CHOICE!!!

Your words lack sensitivity and empathy.
 
I don't really have any new advice for you since a lot of good things have already been said, but I just want to tell you congratulations and wish you luck.
 
Originally posted by LoveDoc
(previous poster up 2) just an example of why it's called a WOMAN'S CHOICE!!!

Your words lack sensitivity and empathy.
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Actually, Ramoray did apologize and did explain himself. Besides, it is difficult to convey any kind of emotion on these message boards, so you cannot say that his words lack sensitivity and empathy.
 
Originally posted by Ramoray
You are going to be a doc and you would "sigh" and not tell ur pregnant patients without a father in their life to not consider the option? Sure as hell hope u dont come in contact with any of my female friends... sigh to you as a doc
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thank you for inferring all that from two words. of course its an option 🙄

at no point do i rule out the abortion adoption option, nor at any point do i make some moral judgement on said option. but i think i wouldn't want YOU as a doc coming in contact with my pregnant and confused female friends and just blurting out "abortion/adoption" if they asked a question that does not pertain to whether they should keep the child or not as you initially did. capeesh ?
 
Smurf, what a difficult position to be in. I'm sure you can make it work if you really want to, although it is not a decision you have to make today if you just found out yesterday that you are pregnant. Do you know how far along you are? This is important either way, obviously abortion is a time sensitive option and early prenatal care is important for a healthy pregnancy. I work at a reproductive health care clinic and have counseled many people through deciding what they want to do when they find themselves unexpectedly pregnant. Just remember that it is your life and body, ultimately you will be the one who lives with the consequences of whatever decision you make. It sounds like you are planning to continue the pregnancy and keep the child, if so look into what resources are available in your state to help pregnant women. I know WIC is a national program that helps provide pregnant women and women with young children with food assistance, so depending on how much money is an issue for you this may be helpful. You will also likely qualify for more financial aid as a mother with a dependent child, and possibly free health coverage if you do not already have this. Also, regardless of whether the father wants to be involved or not, he would also legally be financially responsible for the child; this is independent of custodial arrangements and visitation. Have you spoken with him about this yet? As long as this is safe you should do so as soon as possible, as well as talking with friends and family who you think will be supportive. Good luck with whatever decisions you make.
-S.
p.s. I would not go to a Crisis Pregnancy Center (sometimes called "Pregnancy Resource Center") unless you have definitely ruled out abortion as an option. They are run by a religious organization that is extemely anti-choice, so this is not the place to go if you want unbiased and complete information about your options. Also, they are not usually licensed medical offices, so they cannot give you any kind of medical advice or information should you need that. See a doctor or pregnancy counselor at a clinic, Planned Parenthoods generally have trained counselors and medical staff available and will not pressure you one way or another. Again, good luck.
 
wow, you're pregnant: what a great change in your life...giving birth to your own flesh and blood! its always sad to realise paternal abscence for whatever the reason may be. having said that, it should now be clear to you what differentiates a responsible person (you) from others ( the dad). if u decide to keep the baby, remember to teach it the highest morals. however, if its still early, consider abortion for no one wants to live without a dad.

good luck
ramz
 
I agree with DrMom here.

If I found myself in the same position as the OP, I would sit out one year while I get adjusted to the whole motherhood thing and also get a chance to bond with my child during his/her first precious years (when they are sooooo cute and adorable....).


When you really think about it, medical school is ALWAYS THERE and always will be but your baby is only going to be a baby once...and you don't want to miss that.
 
You don't need to decide now. Just wait 9 or 10 months. If the whole baby thing doesn't work for you, just have a post birth abortion. It's not like those things are people.

Remember, it's your body and your choice.
 
ok, before this thread gets out of hand......

Originally posted by Smurf
OK...
Yesterday I found out I'm pregnant. VERY UNEXPECTED! I was planning to attend med school in 2004/2005. Should I postpone this until he/she starts school? Can anyone who is going through med school let me know how you did it. I know it will be very difficult because the "dad" won't be around.😡
Click to expand...

here's the original question people
 
Originally posted by Ryo-Ohki
If the whole baby thing doesn't work for you, just have a post birth abortion. It's not like those things are people.
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🙄
 
Consider abortion because no one wants to live without a dad? I'm sorry but I'm appalled at some of the immoral comments made here...
 
look the bottom line is that you're not supposed to be sleepin around if you cant handle a baby!
 
My father hasn't been involved since I was a small child and I don't care so the no one wants to live without a Dad comment just isn't true. My father is a self absorbed jerk who likes nothing more than to put me down and I truthfully am a better person because he is not around. I am 500% sure that if my Dad had been involved in my upbringing and in our home that I would not be starting med school in August. He would have made it his lifes work to plant self doubt and destroy my self esteem. I am a happy, ambitious, and bright young adult because I was raised bya single mom that fostered all those traits and made me realize that I could do anything I decided to do. Good luck with your decision, just realize that it is YOUR decision. Do what is right for you and your child.
 
i wish you all would stop judging.
 
Posters,
No one gives a flying phuck what your moral views on the OP's situation are.

If any of you have kids and can give advice on how to manage children and med school, please continue posting.

The rest of us need to shut the phuck up. Our opinions dont matter and I am disgusted at people trying to advise and moralize such a giant decision for a COMPLETE STRANGER ON AN INTERNET MESSAGEBOARD. Get off your high horses and shut it, she doesnt need your arrogant moralizing. She needs advice from med school students/parents.
 
Originally posted by Gleevec
Posters,
No one gives a flying phuck what your moral views on the OP's situation are.

If any of you have kids and can give advice on how to manage children and med school, please continue posting.

The rest of us need to shut the phuck up. Our opinions dont matter and I am disgusted at people trying to advise and moralize such a giant decision for a COMPLETE STRANGER ON AN INTERNET MESSAGEBOARD. Get off your high horses and shut it, she doesnt need your arrogant moralizing. She needs advice from med school students/parents.
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I phuckingly agree! :clap: :clap:

People, she did not post her situation to be JUDGED, she is posting for advice.

Just back off aight? SHEESH

Repeat after me...EMPATHY....EMPATHY...EM-PA-THY
 
I'm not a medical student....so no words of advice there. BUT I am a graduate student with two children so I do know a thing or two about balancing kids and school. It is a LOT of work.....but I wouldn't trade my kids for anything. Even with the medical issues my son faces I would choose to have him (and his sister) above any education I could ever have the privelege to complete. I chose to wait until my youngest started kindergarten before reentering the academic world, and I am soooooo glad I did. If waiting to begin med school is an option I would consider it, although I think you can do anything you really WANT to do. I wouldn't have wanted to miss out on any of childrens "firsts". I know I am biased since my son was diagnosed with a rare life threatening disorder when he turned 7. I am so glad I shared all those early years...I hold no regrets!!! Now, as an older student, I find school is still there, and in fact I've discovered there is a greater respect for the older student. Perhaps it is our maturity, I don't know, but I do know I do better academically than any of my classmates and better than I did in my earlier years. In addition, my professors take my much more seriously. You asked if it was possible to balance school and children? I'm not sure any of us really knows how to balance it all......we just do it! Each day is a challenge of childrens homwork, clean clothes, and "chat" time with my kids, as well as my own homework and graduate duties. Somehow it all seems to get done, although at times my study time suffers. Definately wait until you hold your little blessing and see what what your heart leads you to do. don't let the "shoulds" or "what if's" stop you from doing what YOUR HEART tells you to do for it is you who will have to live your life.
 
so you cannot say that his words lack sensitivity and empathy.
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DrLady...your opinion is your opinion. I won't call it wrong b/c then it's my opinion.

Anyway....back to relevant comments....

When did we start birthing so many Baby Jesus's with no sins into this world? I believe some true introspection is in order here.... To Op...your decision is made. Just be sure you can live with your decision and NOONE i mean NOONE can judge you for that.
 
Originally posted by Smurf
OK...
Yesterday I found out I'm pregnant. VERY UNEXPECTED! I was planning to attend med school in 2004/2005. Should I postpone this until he/she starts school? Can anyone who is going through med school let me know how you did it. I know it will be very difficult because the "dad" won't be around.😡
Click to expand...
I agree with the other posters who say to not panic. Lots of parents attend med school. It's not unheard of.

One thing going for you is you are SOOO YOUNG! There are more and more students going to med school when they're in their late twenties or early thirties. If you decide to matriculate during 2004, that's great. If it's hell and you drop out, you can always go back in the future.

Right now, you probably feel like there's a huge rush to attend school, but there are no "deadlines" in this life (except for the one permanent deadline. Death).

The only other deadlines are the ones that we all create in our own minds. I'd just see how things progress and take it from there.

but do NOT, I repeat, do NOT make any value judgements about abortion/adoption.
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It's like what I say about slavery in 3rd world countries. It's legal in some parts of the world. I don't judge the slave owners. They are only exploring their choices. We can't judge what's written in the law books. 🙄
 
Good advice. I wouldn't rush into anything.
 
DW is right. There are mothers in medicine clubs out there. Do some research at your prospective medical schools.

Oh yeah. Congratulations!!!! 😉


Originally posted by DW
ramoray, sigh.........

anyways, i think a critical difference between your situation and drmom's is that you imply that you'll be a single parent. one thing to consider is not only is this admissions process very stressful and time consuming, but very expensive. If you're going to be raising a kid on your own (which as the product of a single parent household i can say doesn't seem particularly easy), I'd say wait a little while until you're sure you're ready to balance it all. Also, look at some of the schools you're thinking of applying to, a lot of them have mothers/women in medicine clubs and support groups, you might want to drop them a line and get their perspective and advice. just my .02 $

Good luck 😀
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:clap: Cheers to Gleevec and Congrats to the OP!:clap:

I cannot offer any real advice but I have a friend who managed it all...she says it was very difficult but she would not have had it any other way. There is book called, "This Side of Doctoring", about being a mother and a doctor..although I don't know the circumstances of the book(haven't read it yet), you may want to check it out.

Good Luck!!🙂
 
I am a 23 year old single mother of a 3 year old, and I just completed my first semester of med school. It can be done, but not without sacrifices. I have a lot of help from my family, and my daughter's father is also involved. I drive an hour and 20 minutes to get to school every day so that my mother can babysit. I think many schools are willing to work with you, and I know some have a 5 year option. Best of luck to you. It's a lot to think about, and you have to do whatever you feel is right. My daughter was not planned, but I am very glad to have her now. She gives me a different perspective than most of my classmates, and I wouldn't change a thing.
 
MODERATOR PLEASE BAN THIS PERSON: Ryo-Ohki




His comments are UNACCEPTABLE. This is a baby, God's gift we are talking about. Even if it is aborted there is a proper way to discuss the option.
 
Originally posted by LoveDoc
MODERATOR PLEASE BAN THIS PERSON: Ryo-Ohki




His comments are UNACCEPTABLE. This is a baby, God's gift we are talking about. Even if it is aborted there is a proper way to discuss the option.
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No reason to ban. Just about everyone made some dumb comment about pro-life or pro-choice politics, and in my eyes both groups are equally guilty for using the OPs case to voice their own opinions. Ryo is as guilty as Love for taking advantage of this situation to discuss their political opinions. THIS IS BULLSH1T. Stop putting politics and morals into this. The OP just wants to know what med school + kid is like. If you cant answer this then go grab yourself a warm glass of shut the phuck up.

If the mods are going to ban, they should ban EVERYONE who made a moral comment on this post, whether it be pro-choice or pro-life. To think that people would try to give such important advice to someone they dont even know makes me sick to my stomach. The moralizing responses to this thread make me embarassed to be an SDN member.
 
Here's the SDN Door ------------> Leave

+pissed+
 
I think it's important to stay positive about it and remember that people DO have kids, go through med school, and it comes out okay. It can be done. My parents went through a whole mess of one in med school, one in nursing school, no money, family members with cancer, and my sister and I both came during this time and ended up fine. YOU CAN DO IT! it's work, but you can.🙂
 
All of you pro-lifers and pro-choicers should be ashamed of yourselves for using another poster's personal dilemma to voice your views on a serious social, political, and moral issue. Her questions were related to how to time med school and having the baby, and the majority of posters on here were willing to offer her sound advice on this particular issue instead of getting an a moral high horse and screaming at each other about something not relevant to her situation. I highly doubt the poor original OP has even come back to this thread after reading all your BS. If you want to discuss abortion and/or adoption, please start another thread on it b/c these topics have been discussed on SDN before and the OP is clearly not interested in these options.

And, Ryo-Ohki was being sarcastic, just in case anyone STILL hasn't figured it out.🙄 Merry X-mas..
 
Originally posted by Gleevec
No reason to ban. Just about everyone made some dumb comment about pro-life or pro-choice politics, and in my eyes both groups are equally guilty for using the OPs case to voice their own opinions. Ryo is as guilty as Love for taking advantage of this situation to discuss their political opinions. THIS IS BULLSH1T. Stop putting politics and morals into this. The OP just wants to know what med school + kid is like. If you cant answer this then go grab yourself a warm glass of shut the phuck up.

If the mods are going to ban, they should ban EVERYONE who made a moral comment on this post, whether it be pro-choice or pro-life. To think that people would try to give such important advice to someone they dont even know makes me sick to my stomach. The moralizing responses to this thread make me embarassed to be an SDN member.
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AMEN brother! I didn't read your reply before I posted mine, but my thoughts EXACTLY. This has nothing to do with adoption or abortion, and all you guys have done is scare the OP away. GROW UP..
 
I kinda like Ramoray on this one.
 
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