I'll have to throw in my 2c here...
Technically: preload is the stretch or tension on muscle fibers just before contraction is initiated.
That's it. That is all you really need to know for the "technical" definition, and as far as I'm concerned this suits just fine for the "layman's" definition as well.
Now, you'll most often hear preload spoken of in terms of end diastolic volume. But you need to realize that preload is the stretch of the muscle, not necessarily the size of the chamber. Why is that difference important? What about a dilated ventricle? It might have a significantly increased end diastolic volume vs. the norm, without having any appreciable increase in muscle fiber tension.
You'll often also hear it spoken of in terms of end diastolic pressure. This might be a closer approximation in most cases, but again you need to remember that the exact definition of preload relates to muscle fiber tension, not ventricular pressure. Why is this difference important? What about a hypertrophied ventricle? It might harbor a significantly increased pressure inside, but that pressure is contained by a thicker cross section of muscle tissue, and thus may also have no appreciable increase in preload tension.
But in practical terms, if you think of an individual's heart and compare its "norm" to an "increased preload" state, then both end diastolic pressure and volume are increased relative to its "norm." This is for a hypertrophied or dilated (or both) heart... while its preload "baseline" might be different than another heart, anything that increases end diastolic volume/pressure will increase preload relative to its own baseline.
Thus, clinically, f you think of an acute situation in an individual, anything that increases venous return will also increase end diastolic pressure and volume, and thus will increase preload. But an increased end diastolic measure in one individual vs. another (or a "norm" value) at any one point in time is not sufficient to conclude that the preload on the former's heart is greater than the latter's.