Premed asking whether to get married

[onthetopo]

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Hi ,
I heard many couples break up during medical school. This really scares me especially when I know have to study hard but my gf is a little princess who doesn't want to do hardcore study herself (yet she still managed to finish her master degree based on minimal study).
Please enlighten me to the following:

1. How many free hours do a typical med student typically have in year 1,2,3,4 and residency in a week ?

2. Physical location: from my understanding, my med school, residency spot and final workplace are usually in different cities or even states. Is that true? This would imply my gf/wife should change her job/study location several times in the next few years.

3.For married couples, what is your daily life like? what does your wife do?

4. How many years after graduation does it take to be financially established to buy house etc ?

thanks a lot

23 yr old, 37 mcat, applying to 2007 amcas cycle.

 

[outofhere]

You are asking a much too general question. You should be asking, 'do I want to marry her? Do I want her to be the mother of my children? Do I want to love her forever?'
People break up, whether they are in med school or not.
Most people have free time, some choose to use it with their significant other, some use it to find the end of the internet. You decide how you want to use your time. Time will be limited. But, if you think about it, investment banking/consulting takes just as much time as a med student.
You don't have to move everytime you go on to the next phase, if you choose wisely, your starting position. It is easier for a significant other to find work in a big city, than in the middle of no-where. So, if you start in Chicago, it is likely you'll match into a residency program in Chicago and settle there. If that is what you want. Of course, if you want to do neurosurgery, you will have to be more flexible. But staying in the same place is not impossible.
I married my husband my MSII year. He was working as a consultant, so he was actually traveling A LOT. He would leave on Sunday evening and return Friday night. So, during the week, I studied. On weekends, I hung out with him. Then, he went to business school my MS III year. So, we studied together, and he came to the hospital for a quick visit when I was on call. I think I have had more time for my husband than my working girlfriends for their husbands.
Finally, how long does it take to have enough $ to buy a house? Well, it depends on where you want to buy. How big a house do you want, how quickly you want to be debt free...etc. We bought a house my PGY 2 year. Most of my colleagues at work own homes. But none of us have our 'dream McMansion.'
Basically, you need to talk to your girlfriend about how you see your futures. Do you want the same things? How does she feel about your career choice?

 

[xlithiumx]

Hi ,
I heard many couples break up during medical school. This really scares me especially when I know have to study hard but my gf is a little princess who doesn't want to do hardcore study herself (yet she still managed to finish her master degree based on minimal study).
Please enlighten me to the following:

1. How many free hours do a typical med student typically have in year 1,2,3,4 and residency in a week ?

2. Physical location: from my understanding, my med school, residency spot and final workplace are usually in different cities or even states. Is that true? This would imply my gf/wife should change her job/study location several times in the next few years.

3.For married couples, what is your daily life like? what does your wife do?

4. How many years after graduation does it take to be financially established to buy house etc ?

thanks a lot

23 yr old, 37 mcat, applying to 2007 amcas cycle.

I'm not going to answer all of those questions, but I will tell you that in the first 4 months of my MS1 year, there was one broken engagement and one divorce. There are 54 students in my class, and maybe 12 were engaged or married at the beginning of the year. There have been a couple more engagements since the beginning of the year.

I think that generally, if you belong together, you will do fine. I am engaged to be married this August and this year has been great. My fiancee has been supportive, and we get to see each other quite a bit, and we're both very excited to be getting married in a few weeks. So, I would evaluate the situation based on your relationship dynamic, not based on how hard medical school will be on your relationship. The idea is that if she's the woman you belong with, you'll stay together through the challenging times.

I think your questions reflect perhaps that you are not ready to get married, no matter if you were heading into medical school or just an average joe job.

 

[fun8stuff]

Hi ,
I heard many couples break up during medical school. This really scares me especially when I know have to study hard but my gf is a little princess who doesn't want to do hardcore study herself (yet she still managed to finish her master degree based on minimal study).
Please enlighten me to the following:

1. How many free hours do a typical med student typically have in year 1,2,3,4 and residency in a week ?

2. Physical location: from my understanding, my med school, residency spot and final workplace are usually in different cities or even states. Is that true? This would imply my gf/wife should change her job/study location several times in the next few years.

3.For married couples, what is your daily life like? what does your wife do?

4. How many years after graduation does it take to be financially established to buy house etc ?

thanks a lot

23 yr old, 37 mcat, applying to 2007 amcas cycle.

yes. if it is the right girl, marry her. being married in med school with a supportive wife who enjoys chores is the best way to go.

 

[Tori's dad]

Relationships are work, man. You have to become King of efficient scheduling. It is possible, if your wife is your first priority and your are her's...you can work together to make it happen, who knows you may even have fun! 😱

 

[chameleonknight]

I love it. This post is about relationships, capped off with a casual mention of the 37 MCAT.

*note* I'm not bagging on the OP, just an observation about pre-meds in general. I used to be leading the pack, so I'm not judging anyone for their neurotic antics.

 

[MossPoh]

This isn't coming from a medical student just a normal guy as of now. All you can do is try.... If it doesn't work it doesn't work but if you love her enough then at least give it a try. I mean crap I am managing a LONG distance relationship right now (I'm in Germany, she is in Florida) and when I go to school I am still 20 hour drive away. To top it off she wants dental school and I want medical school..not exactly something you can PICK where you get your degree (unless you are gifted and lucky). We are running the possibility of being apart for a long time..yet we still try. Not to say it doesn't have its share of misery and frustration but if you beleive she is the one then it'll work out just fine regardless of time together. (Side note the girl asked me if I'd stay with her through medschool and residency if we were still apart and I said probably not..you know the possibility of 8+ years apart is a lot...yea didn't go over too well. 😳 )

 

[gostudy]

I love it. This post is about relationships, capped off with a casual mention of the 37 MCAT.

*note* I'm not bagging on the OP, just an observation about pre-meds in general. I used to be leading the pack, so I'm not judging anyone for their neurotic antics.

You know you're not allowed to get married with and MCAT <35.

 

[SoCuteMD]

There was a similar discussion about relationships last week and someone said that a professor told their class, "If you have a high-maintenance significant other, you either need a new SO or a new career." Or something along those lines. Anyways, I thought it was funny, but sadly pretty true. A high-maintenance relationship will not survive med school or med school will not survive a high-maintenance relationship.

 

[mshheaddoc]

I agree with socuteMD.


Marriages can work through med school but it will take time and effort on BOTH parts. The hardest will be the first two years, then when they have a real job for the last two you might get "some normalcy" but not much more. It depends on how much you two fight it out. Everyone has arguments but if that other person doesn't know how to let go (or you don't know how to let go) and try to compromise and work together then what is the reason for your relationship in the first place.

I know some med students who avoided relationships for the reason that it would be too much work. Honestly, they were miserable. I know some students who made it work, and are happily ever after. I know some students who shouldn't have been married in the first place and got divorced. Many actually amicably (which is weird). Life happens. Whether your a med student or working in the real world. Don't let it pass you by.

 

[SanDiegoSOD]

If not now, then when? Residency is even more work than med school. Do you want to pass up marriage then? Your first three years post-residency will likely by some of the busiest years of your career; will you want to pass it up then too? How about if you're a surgeon, working 60+ hours/week for the next thirty years?
I'm definitely not promoting marriage here, but I think you get the point. You're going to be busy for the rest of your life (or at least the next seven years if you go into Derm 🙂), don't let that be the thing that stops you from doing what you want to do.

 

[erasable]

Hi ,
I heard many couples break up during medical school. This really scares me especially when I know have to study hard but my gf is a little princess who doesn't want to do hardcore study herself (yet she still managed to finish her master degree based on minimal study).
Please enlighten me to the following:

1. How many free hours do a typical med student typically have in year 1,2,3,4 and residency in a week ?

2. Physical location: from my understanding, my med school, residency spot and final workplace are usually in different cities or even states. Is that true? This would imply my gf/wife should change her job/study location several times in the next few years.

3.For married couples, what is your daily life like? what does your wife do?

4. How many years after graduation does it take to be financially established to buy house etc ?

thanks a lot

23 yr old, 37 mcat, applying to 2007 amcas cycle.

1. i can't answer that.
2. It is possible for you to stay in one place. It is also possible for you to be an awesome guy and move whereever she moves.
3. I'm not married but I assume that it'll be a lot like parents, yours, mine and everybody elses. Wives will probably go out to work, especially if they have a Master's degree
4. hm...graduation after medical school or after residency?

thank you for your stats, but your age, your mcat, your GPA, and your application year don't really change much.

 

[ND2005]

If not now, then when? Residency is even more work than med school. Do you want to pass up marriage then? Your first three years post-residency will likely by some of the busiest years of your career; will you want to pass it up then too? How about if you're a surgeon, working 60+ hours/week for the next thirty years?
I'm definitely not promoting marriage here, but I think you get the point. You're going to be busy for the rest of your life (or at least the next seven years if you go into Derm 🙂), don't let that be the thing that stops you from doing what you want to do.

Exactly.

There's never going to be some magic point in your life when you aren't busy. The question you should be asking is just this: do I want to marry this woman?

If the answer is yes, then the two of you will do what's necessary to make it work. Even if that means making some sacrifices for the other.

 

[maharishi3383]

I'm more concerned your calling your gf a little princess. (Maybe you meant that in a positive light but I took it negative.) If you love her and want to marry her then go for it. You'll work it out. Maybe wait and see how the first year goes..... I've never known anyone who was bummed about waiting too long to marry someone. Its hard though. Good luck.

 

[jbrice1639]

speaking as someone who is married and is very glad to have had the support of a wife through my post-bac years and now starting med school, i can say that getting married to avoid breaking up has to be the worst reason to get married i can think of. marry someone because you love them and want to marry them...and i have to agree that the level of contempt you seem to have for the "little princess" is rather suspect. why exactly would you want to marry someone who you don't seem to particularly like...or, at least be more careful when you publicly belittle her accomplishments...

 

[peppy]

I would recommend putting off any decisions about marriage until you've started med school and can see firsthand what effect it has on your relationship.
There's no need to rush into something as serious as marriage...especially if you find yourself having any doubts about the relationship. The "little princess" comment caught my eye too, and it makes me wonder if maybe there is some part of you that isn't quite 100% happy with the relationship. Is she pressuring you to marry her?

 

[pillowhead]

Hi ,

3.For married couples, what is your daily life like? what does your wife do?

You do realize that statistically speaking, half of your class or more will be female? And many of them will be married, too! 😱 And most of them will have husbands, not wives.

I think that generally speaking, if you are asking the question "should i get married?" to a bunch of strangers, the answer is generally no, at least not now. When you're ready with the right person, you'll just know. And all that other stuff really will just work out. It may not be easy, but it can work.

 

[fun8stuff]

Hi ,
I heard many couples break up during medical school. This really scares me especially when I know have to study hard but my gf is a little princess who doesn't want to do hardcore study herself (yet she still managed to finish her master degree based on minimal study).
Please enlighten me to the following:

1. How many free hours do a typical med student typically have in year 1,2,3,4 and residency in a week ?

2. Physical location: from my understanding, my med school, residency spot and final workplace are usually in different cities or even states. Is that true? This would imply my gf/wife should change her job/study location several times in the next few years.

3.For married couples, what is your daily life like? what does your wife do?

4. How many years after graduation does it take to be financially established to buy house etc ?

thanks a lot

23 yr old, 37 mcat, applying to 2007 amcas cycle.

on second though, i don't think you should get married. the minimum gpa/mcat ratio for med students who are able to make marriage and medical school work is 3.95/42. Your best option is to probably retake the mcat and get a masters to boost that gpa.

 

[DocMizzle]

I would recommend putting off any decisions about marriage until you've started med school and can see firsthand what effect it has on your relationship.
There's no need to rush into something as serious as marriage...especially if you find yourself having any doubts about the relationship. The "little princess" comment caught my eye too, and it makes me wonder if maybe there is some part of you that isn't quite 100% happy with the relationship. Is she pressuring you to marry her?

Ditto. It is a good idea to start school first to see how both you and her adjust to the new schedule.

As far as time commitment in med school, it varies depending on how quickly you learn, how well you retain, and how well you want to perform. It is possible to pass with only a few hours of studying a day, leaving you with plenty of time with your gf. But, if you want high grades, sacrifices will need to be made.

 

[bugmenot]

Hi ,
I heard many couples break up during medical school. This really scares me especially when I know have to study hard but my gf is a little princess who doesn't want to do hardcore study herself (yet she still managed to finish her master degree based on minimal study).
Please enlighten me to the following:

1. How many free hours do a typical med student typically have in year 1,2,3,4 and residency in a week ?

2. Physical location: from my understanding, my med school, residency spot and final workplace are usually in different cities or even states. Is that true? This would imply my gf/wife should change her job/study location several times in the next few years.

3.For married couples, what is your daily life like? what does your wife do?

4. How many years after graduation does it take to be financially established to buy house etc ?

thanks a lot

23 yr old, 37 mcat, applying to 2007 amcas cycle.

Further proof that the MCAT does not in any way measure intelligence.

 

[LJDHC05]

I sometimes wonder what goes through some posters' heads when they ask for advice of this magnitude from complete strangers. Really, OP you can fit in a relationship around your class schedule if you're willing to sacrifice some of your study time. Really man, decide your priorites and talk them over with your gf, not us. Plus you have an entire year left before she has to deal with your study habits.

For what it's worth, I think that alot of people catch the marriage bug right before they go through a big change in life, like med school/law school/military deployments. As someone starting med-school in the fall, I can share the fact that my girlfriend of 4+ years is terrified that I'll find someone that I like more than her at med school. (I've looked for 4+ years and havent succeeded in that task yet). Shortly after I was accepted she started mentioning that she'd like to get engaged soon... . To preface that, she's gone from begging to get engaged when she started law school last fall, to not even willing to consider it a few months later and now that I'm starting med school she's ready to get hitched again.

On my end of things, I'm kind of nervous about putting another 1.5 hours of distance between us (4.5 total). If it's going to work through this distance/workload, I figure the relationship can pretty much survive anything. I'd like to put it through the ringer of first year before making it forever though. I'd also like to see her stick with wanting to get married for more than a few months. I also have a major committment/divorce phobia stemming from several physicians I've met. That prevents me from thinking beyond the end of the week in relationship terms. So I kind of want us to experience that life before we're hitched into a lifelong committment. I know that probably sounds absolutely sick and insensitive, but it's the only way that I'm going to get over my phobia.

So before ya'll jump all over me for being a pessimistic and insensitive dickhead, let me just say that my lovely girlfriend and I have extensively talked this plan through and have deemed it reasonable, although the reasoning behind it is juvenile and somewhat annoying to her, just as her flip-flopping is juvenile and somewhat annoying to me.