Professor said she'd write me a strong letter but began avoiding me...should I forget it?

[V781]

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I asked if she would be willing to write a *strong* letter for me - accentuating "strong". She said that yes, she could write a *strong* letter for me and added that I had really impressed her this year. Great.

But these last two days, she suddenly became cold and distant while still managing to remain friendly with other students. She seemed to avoid eye contact with me.

It's possible she was sad. She walked around passing out candy during our final today and as I smiled and looked up to thank her, she looked away - avoided eye contact. I thought it was pretty harsh but consistent with how she's been acting since I asked for the letter. But she went on to pass out to two remaining students and as she sat down, I noticed she was crying.

However, she went on to talk and laugh with other students at the end of it all. Someone brought her cake and we stood around eating it. When I tried saying something, her voice and expression dropped as she turned to listen to what I was saying. I frequently make jokes and she would usually laugh, but today, she gave no response. Just cold. I had wanted to say "bye" but just left after finishing my cake. She even walked out with her stuff and kept her head down as she passed by me.

So I had previously told her I would email her a link through Interfolio. Now, I feel like I should just forget about it. This type of response indicates a disinterest in writing a letter, right?

 

[TheGirlWhoWaited]

How much time has passed since you last spoke to her about the letter? I had a similar situation where my teacher started being cold and distant, but I gave her about 3 weeks before I asked an update for the letter. I knew she had not started working on it but she assured me she would have it ready by my deadline which was the first week on June. I left her for another 2 weeks and asked for an update and I think she still had not started working on it. She did end up meeting my deadline and she wrote me a strong letter as promised. I believe some teachers feel pressured and try to avoid contact. Your situation is different though because you saw her crying. I don't know how close you are to her, but I would be honest with her and ask if she is okay, and if not, then to not worry about my letter but that I hope she feels better soon.

 

[SpartanWolverine]

I'm not exactly sure what to think about the interactions you describe. I can hardly see a link between asking for a letter and such an unusual change in interpersonal interactions... she has no reason to tell you that she was 'impressed' by you and echo that a strong letter was possible if it wasn't meant. It's an awfully routine request for most professors.

Anyhow, I would still follow-up and get the letter. Something to consider is to offer to meet beforehand to discuss your goals, interests, etc and go over your CV and get another read on the situation.

 

[V781]

How much time has passed since you last spoke to her about the letter? I had a similar situation where my teacher started being cold and distant, but I gave her about 3 weeks before I asked an update for the letter. I knew she had not started working on it but she assured me she would have it ready by my deadline which was the first week on June. I left her for another 2 weeks and asked for an update and I think she still had not started working on it. She did end up meeting my deadline and she wrote me a strong letter as promised. I believe some teachers feel pressured and try to avoid contact. Your situation is different though because you saw her crying. I don't know how close you are to her, but I would be honest with her and ask if she is okay, and if not, then to not worry about my letter but that I hope she feels better soon.

Not even a week has passed. We were getting along well, I asked for the letter, and these last two days she was suddenly so aloof.

Also, how do you know the letter she wrote for you was strong? Did an employer tell you? In my current case, a letter from her seems like a risk. Maybe she changed her mind after thinking about it over the weekend.

 

[V781]

So this thread has died but I just need a quick answer as to what to do about this.

1) Forget about it altogether?
or
2) Email to confirm that she is still comfortable writing this?



Without that confirmation, it's possible that the letter will turn out mediocre or even disdainful if she for some reason feels that at the moment...(with her suddenly acting cold toward me). Maybe I offended her somehow... Or maybe she was just too sad to say bye and the letter would turn out to be quite passionate - with her acting as a strong advocate.

I need help!

 

[V781]

If at all possible, I'd visit her during office hours and ask her if she's still comfortable with writing you a strong letter. It's possible that you're misinterpreting her general mood as her specific feelings towards you. Maybe she's just been having a bad week? I can't think of any other rational explanation based on what you've said.

If it's not possible to visit her in person, try emailing her. Be thinking of some alternative references, but don't assume anything just yet. I've a feeling that something's up but that it isn't related to you.

The quarter is officially over and there are no more office hours. It's all down to email. Should I email a simple "Professor, do you feel comfortable writing a letter for me?"

I have no other recommendations at the moment but fortunately do still have other science classes to take.

 

[V781]

That sounds good! You could make it a polite reminder email about when you'll need the recommendation by and also use that as an opportunity to confirm that she's still comfortable with writing you a strong letter. It'd be extremely surprising for her to agree and then immediately change her mind without saying anything.

Yes, I just fear that she won't be honest if she doesn't want to write it...and I'll get a mediocre letter.

 

[V781]

Trust your gut on this one. If you've a bad feeling, then definitely wait and ask one of your future professors instead.

Darn. My gut isn't as intuitive as most...right now my gut only wants food...

 

[V781]

Forget it, for whatever reason, whether it is you, whether some other issue in her life has caused a change in demeanor, this is now a risk. Unless you are sure that even after talking to her that she wont possibly have an other change, which you cant possible guarantee, then do not, do not use this letter

Ok...well this was unfortunate.

 

[candbgirl]

Do you want someone to tell to go ahead and use her letter? It sounds like it. But I doubt anyone will do that. We don’t know you or her. I doubt she’d cry about saying goodbye to a class. There might be a personal issue she is dealing with. Let it go.

It sounds like you aren’t applying this cycle so the need for a letter isn’t critical. If this is true just find someone else in the future. I know this isn’t the answer you want but you keep asking and you keep getting the same answer. Doesn’t that tell you anything?

 

[V781]

Do you want someone to tell to go ahead and use her letter? It sounds like it.

No not at all. I don't want it if there's a chance it would be bad.

I didn't think I persisted much in this thread. One person said not to use it and I literally replied "ok". All others actually said to contact her.

I think you're a little wound up over nothing.