Quoted: Inappropriate behavior

[Doodledog]

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I am nearing the end of a postbac year in a research position. My PI is wonderful and very supportive, and has had a long working relationship with the staff scientist who supervises me. Until recently, I felt very comfortable and happy in my work environment. However, in the last few months, the staff scientist has acted toward me in a manner I consider inappropriate. He repeatedly asked me to go get drinks with him and at a conference a few months ago he wanted me to come to his hotel room at 3AM. I don't think those things are appropriate because I am 20-30 years younger than him and he is married and I am under his direct supervision. I didn't do those things and ignored and discouraged the behavior as best I could. But in the past few days I feel that I can't do that anymore. He stated feelings toward me and called me repressed/cold, etc when I would not say the same things back to him. While very unprofessional, the things he said to me could still be interpreted in an innocuous way (for instance, telling me he loves me could be interpreted in a fatherly way). I don't think this is the case, but I am just noting that he has not been explicit. During that conversation he also touched me several times in a way that could be taken innocuously but which makes me very uncomfortable (touching my back and sliding his hand down to my upper thigh and bottom).

In this most recent case I rebuffed him as neutrally as I could without admitting that he had done any wrongdoing, and without reporting his behavior. I don't think he has done anything illegal and although I have a great working relationship with my PI, I don't feel comfortable discussing this with him. This happened a few days ago. The staff scientist has not returned to the subject, and he hasn't really spoken to me in a few days.

I feel very uneasy because there are a number of work-related things that I need to discuss with him, and because my PI will be traveling over the next few days. The lab is extremely small (just him, the PI, and myself). Although he has avoided me for the last few days, I am afraid that he will try again once my PI leaves or over the weekend. I'm afraid to be more forceful because he hasn't been explicit. Even though I tried to be as neutral as possible it has already damaged our working relationship, plus it makes me really unhappy and uncomfortable. There's also another girl who is coming to take over my position after me. But since he hasn't done anything concrete, plus she's signed a contract, how could I warn her?

I've thought about the long-term effects of this fallout, although this supervisor would not write me a letter of recommendation anyhow. My PI thinks highly of me and has already written me a letter for MD/PhD and I will be leaving to pursue that degree in the fall. There's a strong possibility I'd need a letter in the distant future (~7-8 years from now) There are several projects that I worked on that are pending publication where my supervisor could probably persuade the PI to leave my name off the paper, if he wanted. Other than that, I doubt I'll ever have to see him again after a month from now.

I know I should just wait it out until I leave but I dread going to work and am afraid of doing my job poorly. I worry that if I were to talk to someone here, the consequences would be maybe worse than the interactions with my supervisor. Is there anything I can do?

I realize that although it's easy to say "Report him to the university, etc" and that may ultimately be necessary, I think it might be best to flat out tell him that his behavior is unacceptable and that anything further will lead you to report him to the university authorities. There also must be an absolute "no touching" rule and if he tries to do so, you should report him immediately.

Sorry that this has happened and I wish you the best. Do not accept sexual harassment in any way, but ensure that you have set the boundaries clearly and that any crossing of them will lead to immediate reporting. This isn't really about the PI, this is behavior that can and should be reported to the appropriate employee relations, etc type of folks at the university.

 

[rjmn]

A slightly similar situation happened in my research lab, although I wasn't the harasser or the one being harassed.

I'm going to assume that this is happening in the US. If so,

-Your institution almost certainly has an ombudsman, who is a designated confidential, impartial resource for advice and information in situations like this. Definitely set up a meeting with them.

-This almost certainly constitutes sexual harassment.

-I echo Tildy's advice about setting boundaries, communicating them to your supervisor, and then reporting him immediately if he violates those boundaries. Institutions take sexual harassment complaints very seriously, because they can get in serious legal hot water if they don't act swiftly.

 

[dsoz]

He touched your back, thigh and butt? That is harassment. There is no question there. He is in a position superior to you, and has made advances towards you. He needs to know that "No means NO."

There is no reason for you to put up with this sort of nonsense. You should not be put in that sort of situation. I am so sorry for you.

dsoz

 

[NotAProgDirector]

I'm going to agree with the above, and go a step further.

There is nothing "inncocuous" happening here. As mentioned, this is all unacceptable behavior.

I would absolutely report him, now. Not give him "another chance". It was wrong. He doesn't need nor deserve another chance from you. And, most importantly, you have no idea if this has happened before.

So, I would report him now. If this is a single event (i.e. this has never happened before), then he will undergo some sort of "remediation" around this. If it's happened before, or happens again, he'll be terminated immediately.

You ABSOLUTELY do not say anything to the incoming person. That can get you into all sorts of trouble. If you report to the university, then they can warn the incoming person if they feel it's necessary.

Simply telling your PI isn't good enough, although you might want to give them a head's up when you do (out of courtesy) -- but be careful because again, privacy laws may limit what you can and cannot do.

Bottom line: You report this, immediately, to university officials. If you want your PI to know beforehand, I would go to your PI and ask how you report sexual harrassment. You'll make it clear that it's not them, and it will be totally clear (to them) whom is the cause of the problem, and you haven't violated any privacy issues.

Don't worry about "ruining" this person's career. THEY have ruined their career, not you. If this is a one time thing, they will be fine. But, it's probably not. And that's why you need to report it.

 

[Goro]

Concur with all the posts here and wish to add that you should keep a journal or a log of these events. The guy is making a hostile work environment for you as well.
STRONGLY recommend that you go to HR with this.

I'm going to agree with the above, and go a step further.

There is nothing "inncocuous" happening here. As mentioned, this is all unacceptable behavior.

I would absolutely report him, now. Not give him "another chance". It was wrong. He doesn't need nor deserve another chance from you. And, most importantly, you have no idea if this has happened before.

So, I would report him now. If this is a single event (i.e. this has never happened before), then he will undergo some sort of "remediation" around this. If it's happened before, or happens again, he'll be terminated immediately.

You ABSOLUTELY do not say anything to the incoming person. That can get you into all sorts of trouble. If you report to the university, then they can warn the incoming person if they feel it's necessary.

Simply telling your PI isn't good enough, although you might want to give them a head's up when you do (out of courtesy) -- but be careful because again, privacy laws may limit what you can and cannot do.

Bottom line: You report this, immediately, to university officials. If you want your PI to know beforehand, I would go to your PI and ask how you report sexual harrassment. You'll make it clear that it's not them, and it will be totally clear (to them) whom is the cause of the problem, and you haven't violated any privacy issues.

Don't worry about "ruining" this person's career. THEY have ruined their career, not you. If this is a one time thing, they will be fine. But, it's probably not. And that's why you need to report it.

 

[dragonfly99]

And I agree w/the comment above...this is NOT innocuous behavior, and I think anyone reviewing the details of these episodes, assuming you have described them correctly, would agree they make this person look very bad. Sometimes when you are in the middle of these type situations it is hard to get a good perspective. Also, as women we are socialized to be agreeable/"nice" and get along with people. And it took me until I was in my 30's to realize that this is mostly just crap...of course it's good to be "nice" to people, but you don't need to be nice to people who are being disrespectful jerks.
The choices as I see them
1) Do nothing (other than what you have been doing to repel him). This is the "safe and easy" choice in that doesn't really involve any risk to you (assuming this guy's behavior doesn't escalate in the next few weeks before you leave). This is what we would have done in the old days, or what you might feel forced to do if this guy had some type of power to hurt your med school application, keep you out of a residency, etc. - luckily for you, he doesn't - you already got in med school and you're leaving in 1 month...see you later, sucker.
2) You could rat him out to your boss. This is what I would have thought of doing if I had a good relationship with my boss/PI. I didn't think about the breach of confidentiality issues, as mentioned by someone else above. So maybe you can't really do this...plus it doesn't sound like you have that kind of relationship with your PI.
3) You could report him to HR. The fear would be that it makes him mad, and he makes your life difficult for the next month or so until you leave. You also don't say whether you're doing MD/PhD at the same institution, in which case you might worry that your supervisor bad mouths you/gossips to other friends or colleagues and this comes up later in your career. Also it might be stressful going through this process with HR and being questioned, etc. I think if I were in your shoes I might do what was suggested above...wait until a day or two before you are leaving, and then report him (perhaps asking your PI beforehand, "How would I report sexual harassment?"). You can just be honest with HR and tell them you were intimidated before and didn't want to report something because you are applying to MD/PhD programs, you are working with this guy alone/individually, etc.

By the way, this guy's behavior is crap and totally unjustified. It really doesn't matter his age, etc. just his behavior in general is complete garbage. And the fact that he is married just makes him even more sleazy. None of it is your fault and you shouldn't let him intimidate you. I wouldn't even bother having "the talk" with him, other than any time he starts to say something inappropriate, just tell him his behavior is making you uncomfortable and you just want a good working relationship, but nothing social.

 

[NotAProgDirector]

2) You could rat him out to your boss. This is what I would have thought of doing if I had a good relationship with my boss/PI. I didn't think about the breach of confidentiality issues, as mentioned by someone else above. So maybe you can't really do this...plus it doesn't sound like you have that kind of relationship with your PI.

Not sure if you're referring to my comment or not.

The OP can absolutely report this to their PI. Reporting should be up the chain of command. Or, OP could report this to HR. Either is fine. What they shouldn't do is "warn" others.

 

[Goro]

I'd like ot follow up on this by mentioning that most sexual harrassers don't do it a single time; there are probably many victims like the oP who were too afraid for their careers to report the guy. I'll be that once a report is made that others will follow.

And I agree w/the comment above...this is NOT innocuous behavior, and I think anyone reviewing the details of these episodes, assuming you have described them correctly, would agree they make this person look very bad. Sometimes when you are in the middle of these type situations it is hard to get a good perspective. Also, as women we are socialized to be agreeable/"nice" and get along with people. And it took me until I was in my 30's to realize that this is mostly just crap...of course it's good to be "nice" to people, but you don't need to be nice to people who are being disrespectful jerks.
The choices as I see them
1) Do nothing (other than what you have been doing to repel him). This is the "safe and easy" choice in that doesn't really involve any risk to you (assuming this guy's behavior doesn't escalate in the next few weeks before you leave). This is what we would have done in the old days, or what you might feel forced to do if this guy had some type of power to hurt your med school application, keep you out of a residency, etc. - luckily for you, he doesn't - you already got in med school and you're leaving in 1 month...see you later, sucker.
2) You could rat him out to your boss. This is what I would have thought of doing if I had a good relationship with my boss/PI. I didn't think about the breach of confidentiality issues, as mentioned by someone else above. So maybe you can't really do this...plus it doesn't sound like you have that kind of relationship with your PI.
3) You could report him to HR. The fear would be that it makes him mad, and he makes your life difficult for the next month or so until you leave. You also don't say whether you're doing MD/PhD at the same institution, in which case you might worry that your supervisor bad mouths you/gossips to other friends or colleagues and this comes up later in your career. Also it might be stressful going through this process with HR and being questioned, etc. I think if I were in your shoes I might do what was suggested above...wait until a day or two before you are leaving, and then report him (perhaps asking your PI beforehand, "How would I report sexual harassment?"). You can just be honest with HR and tell them you were intimidated before and didn't want to report something because you are applying to MD/PhD programs, you are working with this guy alone/individually, etc.

By the way, this guy's behavior is crap and totally unjustified. It really doesn't matter his age, etc. just his behavior in general is complete garbage. And the fact that he is married just makes him even more sleazy. None of it is your fault and you shouldn't let him intimidate you. I wouldn't even bother having "the talk" with him, other than any time he starts to say something inappropriate, just tell him his behavior is making you uncomfortable and you just want a good working relationship, but nothing social.