i am scared even to bring this up with the program director because I know that he is well placed in the hospital and I will only get into more trouble..
WHAT DO I DO ?.. ( I don't want this as*** ruin this for me,. I have worked very hard to get here !.. ) 🙁😡
And?
There are rules that protect workers in the workplace. It's a tough situation because it's hard to separate the emotional/irrational component to it.
If I were you, I would gather information. I'd write down incidences on a piece of paper and the context they were in. Because, as you know, everyone wants to know about context and may think you may have taken words/ideas out of context. So document.
I'd reality check. I would ask the other students/residents/fellows in a non-accusatory way. Maybe over lunch or dinner or in a casual setting ask, "So what do y'all think about this guy?" and listen to what people have to say. "How is he like to work for?" and listen. "Super smart guy, but... do any of you feel uncomfortable when you work with him?" "I don't know about y'all, but every once in a while, he'll say stuff that really gets under my skin. Maybe it's just me." And just listen to what other people have to say. It may just be you. Or it may just be everyone, but it's been left unsaid.
Then, I'd reality check at the attending level. Most residents/students have a mentor or a faculty person who helps guide you. And the way I would do it is say, "Can I ask you for some personal advice? I've been having a real tough time at work and I don't know exactly what it is." "Every once in a while, I get real uncomfortable at work because my attending does XYZ. I don't know if it's just me, but it's really distracting." And see what happens. I wouldn't expect action on a 1 time report, but if you keep going back to the mentor and give them follow up, it'll get attention.
It'd be interesting to hear if people say, "oh yea, he's like that with everyone." And I would never use the word "racist" (because you'll lose your audience). I would describe what's going on, say that it makes the "workplace very uncomfortable/distracting/stressful" and let the listener interpret.
Then if I want something done, I'd talk with the PD. Because they're obligated to act. But I would start off the conversation to get some feedback on your performance. You want to know that you're doing a good job at work. Once you've established you're doing well, then the PD will listen to you. If you're underperforming, I doubt they'll take you seriously (again, the context issue), but still... And I would approach it the same way as the above conversation with the attending... "Can I ask for advice?... etc."
PD's have the responsibility to act and investigate. I don't know if your PD will throw you under the bus by saying "well... your black resident is uncomfortable with you." Or if he'll keep it vague and say "some of the staff recently have been uncomfortable..." So, a good relationship with open honest conversation with the PD is key.
And realize that a talking-to may be all that's need to bring attention to behavior change. Or, you may be rotated off the service. Or, it may be the 100th billion time a complaint has been made and something will be done.
I think what's key for you is to make sure you're doing the best job with your work as possible. With a smile. Because no one will take your complaints seriously if you're a screw up and there has already been 100 complaints against you for poor work. Because there is a difference between, according to the OP, "personal comments" and "work". That's why the peer & faculty reality check is so important.
I don't know if any of this is good advice. But it's the way I would do it.
Like you said, you've worked hard to get to this point.
