Relationship Advice Needed

[WhyYouDoDis]

---

Members do not see this ad.

Hi I know this probably isn't the typical post nor is it most of your forte's, but I need advice.

So I've been dating my girlfriend long distance for over 2 years now. We're both from Texas and seniors in college, and as cheesy as it sounds I'm madly in love with this girl and I know she feels the same. Recently she was accepted into a doctoral program at Duke University(her dream) and she's 100% going which I completely support. We had always talked about staying together after undergrad and quitting the long distance stuff no matter what, but I guess now that we're currently in the situation we'd been anticipating for a couple years, she's now overwhelmed. We recently broke up(or are taking a break as she calls it) because she feels guilty making me follow her. She said that she 100% wants to be with me in the long run and she said that if I end up in North Carolina we'd get back together, but she doesn't want that pressure of uprooting me from Texas just in case things don't work out. I'm a pre-dental student. I've already taken my DAT and scored well, but my GPA is lowish(3.1) so I will be pursuing a master's before dental school. What should I do sdn? This is so hard because I know that I'll never have another relationship like this one. Should I spend a little more on a master's in NC but maintain my Texas residency? Should I completely switch everything to NC? Should I just let her go and stay in Texas? Her doctoral program is 3 years and most of the masters I've found in NC are 2 years. So I really do think we could make it work if I chose that route, but she doesn't want me to make a decision based on her which she doesn't realize isn't that easy.

What would you all do?
-Stay in Texas and forever regret what could've been
-Move to NC for my masters for a little more cash then return to Texas for D-school
-Move to NC for both masters and change my residency to NC for D-School

 

[RS2224]

Hi I know this probably isn't the typical post nor is it most of your forte's, but I need advice.

So I've been dating my girlfriend long distance for over 2 years now. We're both from Texas and seniors in college, and as cheesy as it sounds I'm madly in love with this girl and I know she feels the same. Recently she was accepted into a doctoral program at Duke University(her dream) and she's 100% going which I completely support. We had always talked about staying together after undergrad and quitting the long distance stuff no matter what, but I guess now that we're currently in the situation we'd been anticipating for a couple years, she's now overwhelmed. We recently broke up(or are taking a break as she calls it) because she feels guilty making me follow her. She said that she 100% wants to be with me in the long run and she said that if I end up in North Carolina we'd get back together, but she doesn't want that pressure of uprooting me from Texas just in case things don't work out. I'm a pre-dental student. I've already taken my DAT and scored well, but my GPA is lowish(3.1) so I will be pursuing a master's before dental school. What should I do sdn? This is so hard because I know that I'll never have another relationship like this one. Should I spend a little more on a master's in NC but maintain my Texas residency? Should I completely switch everything to NC? Should I just let her go and stay in Texas? Her doctoral program is 3 years and most of the masters I've found in NC are 2 years. So I really do think we could make it work if I chose that route, but she doesn't want me to make a decision based on her which she doesn't realize isn't that easy.

What would you all do?
-Stay in Texas and forever regret what could've been
-Move to NC for my masters for a little more cash then return to Texas for D-school
-Move to NC for both masters and change my residency to NC for D-School

Hey! Sorry to hear you're going through a tough time. If your parents are cool with you moving to NC and you feel like you would be okay there, then why not? I mean you're a grown man and I am sure its time for some change. I don't think you'd get another out of state experience if you don't do it now! You can always come back to Texas after your masters for dental school or apply for dental schools near her. Make sure you research what schools are a good fit for you cause it's also about you doing well and being able to get into dental school. I know how long distance is too!

What I suggest is you try and do some research on the schools there.. see a program good for you. Even if the masters is a year... you can apply to dental schools near her. Hope I helped a little.

Good luck.

 

[WhyYouDoDis]

Hey! Sorry to hear you're going through a tough time. If your parents are cool with you moving to NC and you feel like you would be okay there, then why not? I mean you're a grown man and I am sure its time for some change. I don't think you'd get another out of state experience if you don't do it now! You can always come back to Texas after your masters for dental school or apply for dental schools near her. Make sure you research what schools are a good fit for you cause it's also about you doing well and being able to get into dental school. I know how long distance is too!

What I suggest is you try and do some research on the schools there.. see a program good for you. Even if the masters is a year... you can apply to dental schools near her. Hope I helped a little.

Good luck.

You brought up a good point that I also have considered. I've pretty much been in Texas my whole life. Once dental school starts, chances are I won't get to experience life outside of my bubble. I'll most likely practice where I graduate. I really do feel like I should take this risk. To me the extra money(20-30k) for the master's program out of state is worth my happiness, and I don't think I'd be in a financially irreparable position so long as I attend a state dental school. My parents probably won't agree with my decision, but they also aren't paying for my education after undergrad so ultimately it is up to me.

 

[RS2224]

You brought up a good point that I also have considered. I've pretty much been in Texas my whole life. Once dental school starts, chances are I won't get to experience life outside of my bubble. I'll most likely practice where I graduate. I really do feel like I should take this risk. To me the extra money(20-30k) for the master's program out of state is worth my happiness, and I don't think I'd be in a financially irreparable position so long as I attend a state dental school. My parents probably won't agree with my decision, but they also aren't paying for my education after undergrad so ultimately it is up to me.

I am from Texas too haha. Trust me, I knew family members in a good amount of debt after dental school.. they have not had a hard time paying it off. Especially with our state dental schools that are MUCH cheaper than the others! Just make sure to do your research on the schools and perform well there so you can get into D school. I am sure she would be willing to move to the place you go to dental school after her degree since you are doing that for her.

 

[Incis0r]

Hi I know this probably isn't the typical post nor is it most of your forte's, but I need advice.

So I've been dating my girlfriend long distance for over 2 years now. We're both from Texas and seniors in college, and as cheesy as it sounds I'm madly in love with this girl and I know she feels the same. Recently she was accepted into a doctoral program at Duke University(her dream) and she's 100% going which I completely support. We had always talked about staying together after undergrad and quitting the long distance stuff no matter what, but I guess now that we're currently in the situation we'd been anticipating for a couple years, she's now overwhelmed. We recently broke up(or are taking a break as she calls it) because she feels guilty making me follow her. She said that she 100% wants to be with me in the long run and she said that if I end up in North Carolina we'd get back together, but she doesn't want that pressure of uprooting me from Texas just in case things don't work out. I'm a pre-dental student. I've already taken my DAT and scored well, but my GPA is lowish(3.1) so I will be pursuing a master's before dental school. What should I do sdn? This is so hard because I know that I'll never have another relationship like this one. Should I spend a little more on a master's in NC but maintain my Texas residency? Should I completely switch everything to NC? Should I just let her go and stay in Texas? Her doctoral program is 3 years and most of the masters I've found in NC are 2 years. So I really do think we could make it work if I chose that route, but she doesn't want me to make a decision based on her which she doesn't realize isn't that easy.

What would you all do?
-Stay in Texas and forever regret what could've been
-Move to NC for my masters for a little more cash then return to Texas for D-school
-Move to NC for both masters and change my residency to NC for D-School

Whenever I evaluate my relationships, whether it is with friends or with family, I look at their actions. Actions are much more important to me than words. So let me look at your situation through the actions of both parties.

Facts:
1. She decided to go to Duke and called for a break in your relationship. By doing this, she put her professional goals above the relationship goals.

2. You are considering abandoning your TX residency- which includes THREE amazing, low-cost dental schools (soon to be 4), to follow her to NC (UNC dental prefers NC residents- look up the stats).

3. You "know that" you'll "never have another relationship like this one." Reading between the lines, it is clear that she is more confident that she'll have other options (if she believed that she would never have a relationship like the one she has with you, would she leave?)

My Impression:
I observe that the two of you have different priorities in this relationship. She prioritizes her professional career over the relationship (as evidenced by leaving for Duke instead of staying in Texas; and by calling for a break between the two of you). You, on the other hand, prioritize the relationship over your professional career (You're willing to give up a golden opportunity in TX for a potential dental school acceptance in NC).

I won't tell you what I would do in this scenario, but I really want you to look at this from a neutral point of view and evaluate whether this relationship can continue if each party has a different set of priorities.

 

[nice_guy1]

Unc is super competitive so good luck with that. Best option stay in tx and increase your chance of getting into a dental school.

 

[WhyYouDoDis]

Facts:
1. She decided to go to Duke and called for a break in your relationship. By doing this, she put her professional goals above the relationship goals.

2. You are considering abandoning your TX residency- which includes THREE amazing, low-cost dental schools (soon to be 4), to follow her to NC (UNC dental prefers NC residents- look up the stats)

3. You "know that" you'll "never have another relationship like this one." Reading between the lines, it is clear that she is more confident that she'll have other options (if she knew that she would never have a relationship like the one she has with you, would she leave?)

My Impression:
I observe that the two of you have different priorities in this relationship. She prioritizes her professional career over the relationship (as evidenced by leaving for Duke instead of staying in Texas; and by calling for a break between the two of you). You, on the other hand, prioritize the relationship over your professional career (You're willing to give up a golden opportunity in TX for a potential dental school acceptance in NC).

You're over-invested in this relationship.

I won't tell you what I would do in this scenario, but I really want you to look at this from a neutral point of view.

You don't have to give up Texas residency by doing a master's in another state. I do, however, appreciate your advice... Yeah she applied to Duke Early Decision because it was a dream and if she didn't get in she would've applied to Texas, but lone behold she was accepted haha. It's really just a tough situation. I understand that looking at it from a neutral perspective the choice is obvious(career>relationship), but the fact is that it's not that simple in my eyes since I am invested emotionally in this.

Basically the things I'm choosing between are Texas dental schools and my relationship... while it may seem like only 2 options are present I feel like the smartest and most successful people are the ones that find the not so obvious third option. I feel that I could have both of these things by doing my masters in NC then returning for Texas D-school.

One thing to note, is that NC dental schools are comparably priced to Texas dental schools from what I can tell. But that's besides my point.

 

[WhyYouDoDis]

Unc is super competitive so good luck with that.

You think Texas schools aren't?

 

[Incis0r]

You don't have to give up Texas residency by doing a master's in another state.

You do if you want a decent shot at getting into a NC dental school.

I feel that I could have both of these things by doing my masters in NC then returning for Texas D-school.

And she has guaranteed to come back to TX with you so that this situation does not repeat itself a few years down the line?

One thing to note, is that NC dental schools are comparably priced to Texas dental schools from what I can tell. But that's besides my point.

Try getting into a NC dental school as an OOS applicant.

Looking at the ADEA stats,

• ECU had 31 OOS apps, 1 interview, 0 acceptances (0% ACCEPTANCE RATE)
• UNC had 1100 OOS apps, 85 interviews, 23 acceptances (2.09% ACCEPTANCE RATE)

 

[Panis et Circenses]

Whenever I evaluate my relationships, whether it is with friends or with family, I look at their actions. Actions are much more important to me than words. So let me look at your situation through the actions of both parties.

Facts:
1. She decided to go to Duke and called for a break in your relationship. By doing this, she put her professional goals above the relationship goals.

2. You are considering abandoning your TX residency- which includes THREE amazing, low-cost dental schools (soon to be 4), to follow her to NC (UNC dental prefers NC residents- look up the stats).

3. You "know that" you'll "never have another relationship like this one." Reading between the lines, it is clear that she is more confident that she'll have other options (if she believed that she would never have a relationship like the one she has with you, would she leave?)

My Impression:
I observe that the two of you have different priorities in this relationship. She prioritizes her professional career over the relationship (as evidenced by leaving for Duke instead of staying in Texas; and by calling for a break between the two of you). You, on the other hand, prioritize the relationship over your professional career (You're willing to give up a golden opportunity in TX for a potential dental school acceptance in NC).

I won't tell you what I would do in this scenario, but I really want you to look at this from a neutral point of view and evaluate whether this relationship can continue if each party has a different set of priorities.

I was going to write something to this effect but Incis0r beat me to it.
What I can say, is that your kind of relationship (especially being able to say such good things after that long) is something special and rare.
It's unfortunate that she values career over relationship, especially since the job market for PhD's right now is absolutely horrible. She could spend years of her life (I currently work in a lab right now with a guy who spend 9 years working on his PhD in physics) slaving away and not be able to find a job afterwards. In fact, the guy I work with (he's technically a student, so unpaid) recently defended his dissertation about 5 months ago, and he's applied for 40 to 50 jobs that are in his line of expertise and hasn't even gotten one interview. I have no idea what her field is, but unless it's economics or something, she likely won't have a better job market.

Dentistry is a much better field to go into, and since you are in Texas, you have the best situation out of anyone in the whole US. Almost nobody will finish with less debt than you, and you will graduate into a great Texas market as well. I wouldn't give up on your plans, because odds are they will take you much farther than her plans, in all honesty. Do what you need to for your postbacc program, go to Texas for a dental school, then hopefully you guys can meet up when you are done with professional degrees.

 

[nice_guy1]

You think Texas schools aren't?

Tx schools you got 3 in state that mainly only take tx students. Dude truthfully she probably dont even want you to follow her. She probably want to experience something new in a new surrounding, so why tag along. Be selfish and do what best for you.

 

[WhyYouDoDis]

You do if you want a decent shot at getting into a NC dental school.



And she has guaranteed to come back to TX with you so that this situation does not repeat itself a few years down the line?



Try getting into a NC dental school as an OOS applicant.

Looking at the ADEA stats,

• ECU had 31 OOS apps, 1 interview, 0 acceptances (0% ACCEPTANCE RATE)
• UNC had 1100 OOS apps, 85 interviews, 23 acceptances (2.09% ACCEPTANCE RATE)

I know someone with wonderful ECs, a 25+ DAT, and a 3.5+ GPA who didn't even get an invite at UNC

Bruh, you're misinterpreting what I'm saying. Of course I wouldn't apply to NC dental schools as on OOS resident. I'm saying I can do a masters in NC and maintain Texas residency and apply to my state schools. Yes, I'm well aware of the ADEA stats. And worst case, if it doesn't work out after two years over there, I've had an awesome experience in another state and have a masters school to show for it. I'd pay 20-30 more thousand for that. Best case we all live happily ever after haha.

 

[WhyYouDoDis]

I was going to write something to this effect but Incis0r beat me to it.
What I can say, is that your kind of relationship (especially being able to say such good things after that long) is something special and rare.
It's unfortunate that she values career over relationship, especially since the job market for PhD's right now is absolutely horrible. She could spend years of her life (I currently work in a lab right now with a guy who spend 9 years working on his PhD in physics) slaving away and not be able to find a job afterwards. In fact, the guy I work with (he's technically a student, so unpaid) recently defended his dissertation about 5 months ago, and he's applied for 40 to 50 jobs that are in his line of expertise and hasn't even gotten one interview. I have no idea what her field is, but unless it's economics or something, she likely won't have a better job market.

Dentistry is a much better field to go into, and since you are in Texas, you have the best situation out of anyone in the whole US. Almost nobody will finish with less debt than you, and you will graduate into a great Texas market as well. I wouldn't give up on your plans, because odds are they will take you much farther than her plans, in all honesty. Do what you need to for your postbacc program, go to Texas for a dental school, then hopefully you guys can meet up when you are done with professional degrees.

It's a Doctor of Physical Therapy program. Not PhD, luckily🙂

 

[8_man]

Tx schools you got 3 in state that mainly only take tx students. Dude truthfully she probably dont even want you to follow her. She probably want to experience something new in a new surrounding, so why tag along. Be selfish and do what best for you.

I quote this for being one hunned.

 

[WhyYouDoDis]

Tx schools you got 3 in state that mainly only take tx students. Dude truthfully she probably dont even want you to follow her. She probably want to experience something new in a new surrounding, so why tag along. Be selfish and do what best for you.

Yeah man idk. It's hard to tell what a girl wants sometimes. And I'd agree with the new experience statement you made, but she did undergrad out of state and studied abroad in Australia for a semester so it's not like this is her first experience on her own haha.

 

[Mr. Krebs]

Bro, you do you. If it's meant to be it will work out.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

 

[Panis et Circenses]

It's a Doctor of Physical Therapy program. Not PhD, luckily🙂

Oh thank goodness. Well just go to dental school, stay in contact but date a lot when she is gone. You might end up finding someone who you like more, and have more in common with while at dental school.

 

[RS2224]

I'm a girl.... If I wanted to go to Harvard and got in.... do you think it would be fair to me to drop Harvard for a guy? No.. it was my childhood dream and if I finally got the opportunity to make it happen I would. Don't act like guys aren't selfish.. when a girl is selfish, you say "she doesn't value the relationship". I would also feel bad if a man got up from his entire life and moved JUST for me. I'm sure she said "she doesn't wanna control him" but really she'd want him to move if he could. Being in a long distance and a girl I can definitely vouch for what I just said. Again, if you go for ONE or TWO years to some place... it won't really kill you. In fact, you can have an OOS experience and if it doesn't work out.. you did whatever you could and there is some satisfaction knowing that.

I think you should ask her that if you get into D school would she move after her PhD or not? and if she says no... well then she probably doesn't prioritize you. But, you should ask her and be on the same page prior to the move.

 

[Incis0r]

Bruh, you're misinterpreting what I'm saying. Of course I wouldn't apply to NC dental schools as on OOS resident. I'm saying I can do a masters in NC and maintain Texas residency and apply to my state schools. Yes, I'm well aware of the ADEA stats. And worst case, if it doesn't work out after two years over there, I've had an awesome experience in another state and have a masters school to show for it. I'd pay 20-30 more thousand for that. Best case we all live happily ever after haha.

Hey man good luck!
Hope it works out.

 

[WhyYouDoDis]

Sounds good. Thank you all for the sound advice!! I have plenty of time to make decisions. I'll just see where things lead.

 

[Beauchemin13]

Check out Cambell university, they have an SMP to help the gpa and it's only an hour from Duke. If you did this you can declare residency and apply to ECU the following year. They only accept NC residents and they aren't that competeitive.

 

[WhyYouDoDis]

I'm a girl.... If I wanted to go to Harvard and got in.... do you think it would be fair to me to drop Harvard for a guy? No.. it was my childhood dream and if I finally got the opportunity to make it happen I would. Don't act like guys aren't selfish.. when a girl is selfish, you say "she doesn't value the relationship". I would also feel bad if a man got up from his entire life and moved JUST for me. I'm sure she said "she doesn't wanna control him" but really she'd want him to move if he could. Being in a long distance and a girl I can definitely vouch for what I just said. Again, if you go for ONE or TWO years to some place... it won't really kill you. In fact, you can have an OOS experience and if it doesn't work out.. you did whatever you could and there is some satisfaction knowing that.

I think you should ask her that if you get into D school would she move after her PhD or not? and if she says no... well then she probably doesn't prioritize you. But, you should ask her and be on the same page prior to the move.

I hope your comment about guys not being selfish wasn't directed towards me! And I agree with your logic 100%. I'll ask soon, but now probably isn't the best time.

 

[WhyYouDoDis]

Check out Cambell university, they have an SMP to help the gpa and it's only an hour from Duke. If you did this you can declare residency and apply to ECU the following year. They only accept NC residents and they aren't that competeitive.

Campbell and NCSU MoP are the two programs I'm looking at. Trying to figure out which is cheaper atm.

 

[RS2224]

I hope your comment about guys not being selfish wasn't directed towards me! And I agree with your logic 100%. I'll ask soon, but now probably isn't the best time.

It seems that you making this post and wanting to move is a very selfless thing. So I definitely wasn't talking about you haha. Yeah just make sure to be on the same page.

Good luck

 

[WhyYouDoDis]

I think several people get into this position. I am one of them. Sometimes long distance needs to happen to achieve personal goals (especially when we are still young), and in the broad scheme of things it's honestly not the worst thing that could happen to a relationship. I say go to NC for masters to work on the relationship if it's that important to you, maintain Texas residency, apply to Texas schools & NC. If you get into a Texas school, go there because of finances. If you get in right away, you may be long distance for a few years (depending how long her doctoral program is?). When she is finished, she should move to where you are because that's compromising. I would present this idea to her now and see what she says. If she doesn't like the idea of moving for you down the road, then I think you know the relationship will never work. Even if you go to North Carolina and the relationship doesn't work out, you still were able to experience a new place and make some new friends. Moving to a different location is a great learning experience, and I think gives you a new perspective on life. I honestly think this is your best option, especially since you have only been dating for two years, long distance. I think living in NC with her while you complete your masters will also give you clarity on the relationship, since you will have more time to spend with each other.

Her DPT program is 3 years long. So not too bad. If I do a 2 year masters there that'll only leave us with 1 year of distance. I'll present this idea to her soon and see how she responds. That'll be my indicator for our future. She grew up in Texas and I don't feel like finding a well paying job as a DPT in Texas would be all that difficult.

 

[Queen Beach]

There's a Russian saying that goes along these lines, "if you can't fu*k it or eat it then what good is it?" Lol...
If you want to follow her then you must love her, but I think you need to discuss this with her & tell her how you feel. That's how you'll get your answer.

 

[nice_guy1]

I think it pretty obvious she dont want to stay in tx. She did her undergrad and now grad school outside of tx. Let say you were fortunate to get into one of the tx schools, and she doesnt want to move back to tx. Then what? You would be facing the same situation that you are in now, but with more debt. Cant be the only one making sacrifice in a relationship.

 

[WhyYouDoDis]

I think it pretty obvious she dont want to stay in tx. She did her undergrad and now grad school outside of tx. Let say you were fortunate to get into one of the tx schools, and she doesnt want to move back to tx. Then what? You would be face with the same situation that you are in now, but with more debt. Cant be the only one making sacrifice in a relationship.

We weren't dating when she applied to undergrads. And she attended an Ivy-league tier school so, once again, can you really blame her for leaving home? haha. And if I was in that position I would be the biggest fool in history to not attend my acceptance. And there's a difference in those two situations besides the extra 20-30k of debt... I'd be a dental student.

 

[Viva Terlingua]

Go with your gut.

I followed my girlfriend, now wife, to Pennsylvania from Texas for her PhD program. I'm going to be one of the older students at my dental school (hopefully, of course) but I don't regret doing it at all.

 

[BobbyBeavis]

Yeah man idk. It's hard to tell what a girl wants sometimes. And I'd agree with the new experience statement you made, but she did undergrad out of state and studied abroad in Australia for a semester so it's not like this is her first experience on her own haha.

i got bad news brah

 

[workofshart]

Hi I know this probably isn't the typical post nor is it most of your forte's, but I need advice.

So if you post on SDN you probably don't have relationship experience? lol

You are smart to keep TX residency I'll give you that at least but are you even 100% positive that you can't get into your state schools with a 3.1 and a good DAT? Before you spend 10's of thousands on a master's program and uproot your entire life wouldn't it be worth finding out? And you don't think you'll ever find another relationship as good when your current one has been spent years apart and she goes to different countries without you??? Since you said this type of stuff isn't most of our "forte's" I think it's fair to ask do you even know what a real in person relationship is like??? I mean do you have an open relationship, are you extremely trusting of each other, or do you just not care what each other does?

 

[Cranjis McBasketball]

Campbell and NCSU MoP are the two programs I'm looking at. Trying to figure out which is cheaper atm.

It seems like she picked school over you.. You should want someone that puts you first. My advice, stay in Texas, find someone else.

 

[WhyYouDoDis]

So if you post on SDN you probably don't have relationship experience? lol

You are smart to keep TX residency I'll give you that at least but are you even 100% positive that you can't get into your state schools with a 3.1 and a good DAT? Before you spend 10's of thousands on a master's program and uproot your entire life wouldn't it be worth finding out? And you don't think you'll ever find another relationship as good when your current one has been spent years apart and she goes to different countries without you??? Since you said this type of stuff isn't most of our "forte's" I think it's fair to ask do you even know what a real in person relationship is like??? I mean do you have an open relationship, are you extremely trusting of each other, or do you just not care what each other does?

I'm in the current cycle with the Texas schools. So believe me, I'm trying. And yes, oh All-Knowing One, I know what a "real in person relationship" is like. And in regards to me stating that this may not be your forte, Would you post on a motorcycle forum asking about your car and expect an expert response? No. Sure both have engines, but are they exactly specialists in what you're inquiring? Most likely not. Just disregard that portion of my post if it offends you. All I meant was that, while some of you are experts in dentistry, slim to none of you are relationship guidance counselors.

 

[workofshart]

No offense taken more like amusement that you think people on a predent forum are experts in dentistry rather than simply people applying to dental school and that anything other than life experience would qualify you to have an opinion on relationships. Anyway I'm glad you applied this cycle I hope you get in somewhere. If you are like most people you should just be honest, your mind is likely made up you are simply looking for validation. Don't even bother arguing with people who question you, just do whats going to make you happy, it's your life.

 

[cacazor]

She already left you. What is there to consider?

Just do your own thing.

 

[Cranjis McBasketball]

I'm in the current cycle with the Texas schools. So believe me, I'm trying. And yes, oh All-Knowing One, I know what a "real in person relationship" is like. And in regards to me stating that this may not be your forte, Would you post on a motorcycle forum asking about your car and expect an expert response? No. Sure both have engines, but are they exactly specialists in what you're inquiring? Most likely not. Just disregard that portion of my post if it offends you. All I meant was that, while some of you are experts in dentistry, slim to none of you are relationship guidance counselors.

So...... Why ask this question if no one is an expert?

 

[DMDDDSHopeful]

Whenever I evaluate my relationships, whether it is with friends or with family, I look at their actions. Actions are much more important to me than words. So let me look at your situation through the actions of both parties.

Facts:
1. She decided to go to Duke and called for a break in your relationship. By doing this, she put her professional goals above the relationship goals.

2. You are considering abandoning your TX residency- which includes THREE amazing, low-cost dental schools (soon to be 4), to follow her to NC (UNC dental prefers NC residents- look up the stats).

3. You "know that" you'll "never have another relationship like this one." Reading between the lines, it is clear that she is more confident that she'll have other options (if she believed that she would never have a relationship like the one she has with you, would she leave?)

My Impression:
I observe that the two of you have different priorities in this relationship. She prioritizes her professional career over the relationship (as evidenced by leaving for Duke instead of staying in Texas; and by calling for a break between the two of you). You, on the other hand, prioritize the relationship over your professional career (You're willing to give up a golden opportunity in TX for a potential dental school acceptance in NC).

I won't tell you what I would do in this scenario, but I really want you to look at this from a neutral point of view and evaluate whether this relationship can continue if each party has a different set of priorities.

I wanted to give a nice elaborate and thorough response, but @Incis0r did such a great job that I don't think I can say much else. Best of luck to you OP!

 

[Polkadotfan]

Okay.
I want to give my opinion as someone who has followed another person around for awhile and put school on hold for them.

Seriously think if it's worth it. For me, it was, but I also told my partner if I wasn't able to finish soon I'd go on my own to finish without them (not like...divorce, but just move lol). I didn't want to resent him.

You aren't married. Will you move in together? If so it's a big jump to go from separate to living together (Been there!). I can't imagine that with the pressure of her school and yours too.

You need to answer the questions: If it does work out, but you don't get into dental school for a while because of your move (for any reason) - will you resent her? Or if it doesn't work out (always a possibility regardless how happy you are right now, moving is stressful) will you be stuck in a far away place with no resources?

 

[Likkriue]

I vote to go to dental school in texas and save your money.

 

[Alpha Centauri]

Without reading your thread, I am going to give you some advice. Do not EVER make major life decisions based on a relationship. Best of luck

Edit- Also, what kind of girl says she wants to 100% be with you in the long run when she literally says she wants to stop dating you. Are you ok with her seeing other guys and be in a relationship (or one night stands in a club) while you "100%" remain her plan B? Sounds like she's spinning the overall vibe of the decision to support you rather than make it look bad for her. Just something to think about dude. I am sure she's a sweet girl but it's gonna be difficult making it last. End it on positive terms and just know that she is one person of 6 billion on the planet

 

[Faux]

I'm sure there was a school more than adequate and incredibly more cheaper for her PHD program in Texas. Her "dream" school will soon fade away as she realizes the cost she's paying as an out of state student.

Don't you dare leave Texas in state tuition for anyone or anything. I'm doing a long distance relationship, it has bumps, don't get me wrong, even a few close calls, but I had an opportunity to save +200k. If the relationship can't survive a two weekend visit a month for 4 years, its not going to survive marriage either.

 

[fogorvostan]

My ex and I were in a similar situation. I could have kept the relationship, followed him, and given up my professional goals. And in fact, I even tried for a little awhile but ultimately, I ended up doing what's best for me. Will he always be the one that got away? Maybe. But I'm also graduating in 2020 with the letters "DMD" after my name and know I made the better choice.

 

[Incis0r]

But I'm also graduating in 2020 with the letters "DMD" after my name and know I made the better choice.

Not as good as if it said "DDS" after your name.
Yes, this is payback for the time you teased me about the warm weather you guys get to enjoy in AZ. I hold grudges.

If the relationship can't survive a two weekend visit a month for 4 years, its not going to survive marriage either.

Beautifully stated.

Do not EVER make major life decisions based on a relationship.

Agreed. Unless it's parents. I'll sacrifice everything for my parents.

I wanted to give a nice elaborate and thorough response, but @Incis0r did such a great job that I don't think I can say much else. Best of luck to you OP!

Aww thank you 🙂

There's a Russian saying that goes along these lines, "if you can't fu*k it or eat it then what good is it?" Lol....

What about water? or a house? or currency?
Sorry pls don't hate me Priviet Ya Teh Byah Labloo.

Go with your gut.

I followed my girlfriend, now wife, to Pennsylvania from Texas for her PhD program. I'm going to be one of the older students at my dental school (hopefully, of course) but I don't regret doing it at all.

So glad it worked out for you- congratulations!

 

[fogorvostan]

Not as good as if it said "DDS" after your name.
Yes, this is payback for the time you teased me about the warm weather you guys get to enjoy in AZ. I hold grudges.



Beautifully stated.



Agreed. Unless its parents. I'll sacrifice everything for my parents.



Aww thank you 🙂

You know what, that's fine. I was going to share my warm weather with you but now I'm taking it back 😉


Also jokes on me, he ended up eventually moving to Texas. I could have married him and gotten that sweet, sweet in state TX tuition

 

[Incis0r]

You know what, that's fine. I was going to share my warm weather with you but now I'm taking it back 😉

It's okay. No biggie. You may have the sunshine and warmth, but I have incredibly slowly melting polar ice caps on my side. Yeah.

 

[BobbyBeavis]

Not as good as if it said "DDS" after your name.
Yes, this is payback for the time you teased me about the warm weather you guys get to enjoy in AZ. I hold grudges.



Beautifully stated.



Agreed. Unless it's parents. I'll sacrifice everything for my parents.



Aww thank you 🙂



What about water? or a house? or currency?
Sorry pls don't hate me Priviet Ya Teh Byah Labloo.



So glad it worked out for you- congratulations!

I'd love to hear why you think DDS is better

 

[Incis0r]

I'd love to hear why you think DDS is better

was a joke 👍

 

[Viva Terlingua]

So glad it worked out for you- congratulations!

Also to be fair I was married by the time we actually moved and had been rejected by all three Texas schools twice. I also needed to do a post-bacc before applying, so it has kinda worked out for the best.

Cool story, Viva Terlingua.

 

[fayevalentine]

Contrary to some of the other posters' advice, you absolutely should consider your relationship if the one you are in is mature and committed. That being said, if this girl needed a break because it's "not fair to you" to follow her - a choice you should have had the chance to make yourself - it sounds as though she's already made her mind up for the both of you.

Ultimately it's up to you to determine what is important. Do not let anyone on this forum or in life tell you that you should be prioritizing one thing over the other. That is a very personal decision. Good luck OP!

 

[ry_guy_chi]

Let me get this straight…a two year long distance relationship, followed by a mutual understanding that you two shouldn't be together proposed by her because she doesn't want you to come along for the ride and waste your time? Sounds like she is doing you a favor and you should use this opportunity to build up yourself through your professional career goals; stay in Texas and move on.

I am going to assume that you two never lived together. To go from a long distance relationship to living with each other with no immediate way out in the event of some unforeseen circumstance is a terrible gamble. Living with your girlfriend is much different and not comparable to having a long distance relationship . Furthermore, it sounds like your only reason for wanting to make the move to the other side of the country is to be with her. Sure that may seem romantic to you, but from the outside it seems as though you are putting her goals in front of your own. Big mistake; a big two+ year mistake. Your time is valuable and so is hers.

I feel like if you "follow" her there she is going to lose respect for you and if you sound desperate about following her there then you absolutely will lose respect from her. Overtime, when you bring up the idea that you want to just give it all up (i.e., put a hiatus on your career goals) she will cringe inside; you will sound to needy. You are throwing your hand face up on the table and putting yourself in a vulnerable situation. Let's face the facts, she initiated calling it off with you, i.e., she doesn't want to be with you, but wants to remain friends because I am sure she is a sweet girl, she is just doing her and you can't blame her for that.

Stay in Texas, go to dental school there, the $200,000 in savings from the bottom end of your education is something you will look back on and never regret. You are young, no need to settle down now.

But hey, you can do whatever you want to do. I am just giving my honest opinion.