Relationships while in school/residency.

[zero2sixty]

Advertisement - Members don't see this ad

I am a 22 y/o college graduate with a BS in Radiologic Technology. I am a X-ray Tech as well as a MRI tech. I started working for a major Boston hospital the day after graduation as a MRI tech (the facility is phenomenal). Within a week from that I had my own apartment. I am receiving 0 help from my 'rents financially and I have only seen them half a dozen times since May. Being master of your own domain is pretty nice 🙂. I have absolutely no debt (aside from monthly rent, car insurance, a phone bill and cable). I have a lovely girl friend who does not, yet, live with me. Life is pretty good 😀.

Although I like my job, I cannot be a technologist forever. I have a drive to learn and further myself. I like both business and medicine, but the thought of being a medical provider gives me much more satisfaction.

So, seems like an easy decision, right? Just start doing a few Post-Bacc. courses and in 2-3 years take the MCATs and apply to med school or PA school, right? Well, my question to the forum community-how do relationships fair in medical school?

I've been with my current girl friend for over three years and she will probably be moving-in with me sometime next year. We've spoken about me going back to school and I mentioned going into business. I could work full-time while class part time and we could have a good life together with vacations, family parties and nights out in the city. Within 5 years of part-time studying I could attain my degree and be ready for a managerial position. I've mentioned medical school or PA school. Although she doesn't seem happy of having to put her life on hold, she said she would do everything to support me. It would be a huge investment in both time and money, but the rewards of being a provider outshine it all in my humble opinion.

I would be a non-traditional student if I went to medical school, and a typical student going to PA school. If I were going to practice medicine, Family Medicine, Dermatology and Radiology each interest me differently.

How do you in the community deal with family life / having a significant other while still being a med student/resident or fellow? I'd like to hear stories of both success👍 and (if you don't mind) failure👎. Any advice before attempting such an endeavor is also welcome. Thanks.

 

[sgtbrushes]

You pretty much summed it up in your post. It's possible to balance family and med school/ residency, but I can assure you you'll have less time than with your current job. And it will also depend on your specialty down the line - there is a difference in hours worked between, let's say... dermatology and surgery.

Also, make sure your girlfriend is actually okay with supporting you with this. When I told my wife I wanted to quit my job to take college classes, she said "That's great, honey," but when we sat down, did a budget, and I physically scheduled my classes for the semester, that's a whole 'nother ball game. Just make sure she knows how serious you are about this.

 

[njbmd]

Medicine/surgery is no more or less demanding that starting your own business, managing a restaurant or any number of jobs. You make time for the things that are important to you. Yes, in any residency, your time is limited but you are not going to be locked up in a prison.

All of my classmates(medical school) found time to have relationships outside of medicine/work. Yes, there will be times when you will have to deal with emergencies but medicine is not moving to a deserted island or entering a monastery.

Also, consider that compared with the time that you will be practicing medicine, medical school and residency are pretty short. No matter what happens, they end and you start a practice.

 

[zero2sixty]

Thanks for the postings. I know a few docs (through family and those I work with) and they have said it can be a challenge. But, as you said, njbmd, it eventually ends. This one fellow has her 2nd kiddie on the way and a 3 year old at home. She's almost done though and that's what is driving her.



sgtbrushes:
"Also, make sure your girlfriend is actually okay with supporting you with this. When I told my wife I wanted to quit my job to take college classes, she said "That's great, honey," but when we sat down, did a budget, and I physically scheduled my classes for the semester, that's a whole 'nother ball game. Just make sure she knows how serious you are about this."

- lol, yeah I have definitely thought about the whole logistics part of it, mainly finances. In response to that, when do medical school loans kick in? During residency or afterwords?

 

[cabinbuilder]

- lol, yeah I have definitely thought about the whole logistics part of it, mainly finances. In response to that, when do medical school loans kick in? During residency or afterwords

School loan payments start after residency is finished. I start paying mine this month, approx $1000/mo payment.

I don't understand why you guys stress so much about relationships. I went to med school with 2 kids (I am the mom) then residency and I was chief residency overseeing 16 other residents. I didn't find it really any different than when I worked full time at other jobs. I have a stay at home husband though which really makes a difference. It works out but you have to be a good money manager along the way.

 

[tigress]

School loan payments start after residency is finished. I start paying mine this month, approx $1000/mo payment.

I don't understand why you guys stress so much about relationships. I went to med school with 2 kids (I am the mom) then residency and I was chief residency overseeing 16 other residents. I didn't find it really any different than when I worked full time at other jobs. I have a stay at home husband though which really makes a difference. It works out but you have to be a good money manager along the way.

Well, that is exactly why I stress--I don't have a stay at home husband. I have 3 kids though.

I think it's pretty rare to have a stay-at-home spouse while in med school, and certainly rare to have a stay-at-home husband. Definitely wonderful for you though 🙂

 

[EdLongshanks]

I don't understand why you guys stress so much about relationships. I went to med school with 2 kids (I am the mom) then residency and I was chief residency overseeing 16 other residents. I didn't find it really any different than when I worked full time at other jobs. I have a stay at home husband though which really makes a difference. It works out but you have to be a good money manager along the way.

A sole provider (like myself) worries more about money, while a stay-at-home spouse seems to make relationship issues seamless between the two environments. I wonder if a marriage in which both spouses share the relationship and support issues ends up with both spouses worrying about both sides of the equation. That would be a lot of worry.

 

[NTF]

-
School loan payments start after residency is finished. I start paying mine this month, approx $1000/mo payment.

Actually the residency deferral doesn't apply to us newer folks anymore. We have to make payments 6 months after graduation but only at 15% of gross above 150% of poverty. I think the minimum payment you can have is like 50 bucks. So we will have to make payments, just not big ones.

At 22, I don't think relationship challenges should define your choices especially w/o children. I won't lie though. Many relationships don't survive medical training (based on my friends' experiences and the PBS documentary 'doctor's diaries'). But I agree njbmd that it really isn't all that different from the challenges of a lot of professional careers (other than low pay during training).