residency & the significant other question

[nutmegs]

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I'm starting to think I'm the only person on earth who is applying to residency with a boyfriend in the picture. I'm not completely detached (it's been about a year and going well) but we sure aren't engaged or married, and it seems like you can only be one or the other. He understands that things are gonna change in May one way or another, said he isn't totally against relocating, and I am gonna stay with him next month for an away rotation just for a little see-how-it-goes. His career is flexible- he's a sound engineer and could pretty much get a job in any city on a week's notice.

So I called to schedule an interview the other day, and they asked if I was going to be bringing a significant other. I froze. It'd be kind of fun to have him come to an interview or two with me- mostly something to do, see another city or whatever. But I'm well aware of the implications that has for programs in other cities.

Any thoughts?

 

[Induc(junc)tion]

I was asked if I was bringing anyone along too. I answered no. I thought it would be weird having her at the dinner. Oh well, not like it would be fun for her anyway.

 

[SleepIsGood]

I brought my girlfriend at the time to one of the pre-interview dinners. The program had no problem with it. I just felt that it was a little weird.

 

[Laryngospasm]

I was asked if I was bringing anyone along too. I answered no. I thought it would be weird having her at the dinner. Oh well, not like it would be fun for her anyway.

I would leave boyfriends/girlfriends out of the picture as far as telling the residency anything, it can only hurt you, unless they are from that area in their eyes.

 

[powermd]

So I called to schedule an interview the other day, and they asked if I was going to be bringing a significant other. I froze. It'd be kind of fun to have him come to an interview or two with me- mostly something to do, see another city or whatever. But I'm well aware of the implications that has for programs in other cities.

Any thoughts?

As a man, your stock goes up the further along you are in training, and age doesn't hurt us either. As a woman, it's the opposite. You become LESS attractive to men as you acquire more education, prestige, and earning power. It's a rare guy who is secure enough to be with a woman who's more successful than he is. The pool of available guys more successful than you shrinks with each passing year. Advancing age isn't helping you either. Those are my thoughts. Here is my advice (that you didn't ask for): If you think you could marry him one day, take your SO to the cities you will interview in, but not to the interviews. Make sure he's comfortable with your rank list. Whatever you do, don't lose your man, he may be your only chance to avoid dying alone!

 

[aredoubleyou]

As a man, your stock goes up the further along you are in training, and age doesn't hurt us either. As a woman, it's the opposite. You become LESS attractive to men as you acquire more education, prestige, and earning power. It's a rare guy who is secure enough to be with a woman who's more successful than he is. The pool of available guys more successful than you shrinks with each passing year. Advancing age isn't helping you either. Those are my thoughts. Here is my advice (that you didn't ask for): If you think you could marry him one day, take your SO to the cities you will interview in, but not to the interviews. Make sure he's comfortable with your rank list. Whatever you do, don't lose your man, he may be your only chance to avoid dying alone!

Holy crap - thats dismal! Stick to the anesthesia, 'cause I dont think you've got a career in motivational speaking

I can just immagine Power giving such a talk to newly divorsed women in their 40's. It would be great!

 

[badgas]

Where are you interviewing that asked that?

 

[nutmegs]

As a man, your stock goes up the further along you are in training, and age doesn't hurt us either. As a woman, it's the opposite. You become LESS attractive to men as you acquire more education, prestige, and earning power. It's a rare guy who is secure enough to be with a woman who's more successful than he is. The pool of available guys more successful than you shrinks with each passing year. Advancing age isn't helping you either. Those are my thoughts. Here is my advice (that you didn't ask for): If you think you could marry him one day, take your SO to the cities you will interview in, but not to the interviews. Make sure he's comfortable with your rank list. Whatever you do, don't lose your man, he may be your only chance to avoid dying alone!

wow... thanks... that I didn't ask for is kind of the key there... fortunately my guy is secure and living solidly in the 21st century... and if it doesn't work out it it doesn't work out. we're both realistic.


it was Michigan. they asked if I needed a hotel, if I was coming to the dinner, and if I was bringing someone.

 

[amyl]

As a man, your stock goes up the further along you are in training, and age doesn't hurt us either. As a woman, it's the opposite. You become LESS attractive to men as you acquire more education, prestige, and earning power. It's a rare guy who is secure enough to be with a woman who's more successful than he is. The pool of available guys more successful than you shrinks with each passing year. Advancing age isn't helping you either. Those are my thoughts. Here is my advice (that you didn't ask for): If you think you could marry him one day, take your SO to the cities you will interview in, but not to the interviews. Make sure he's comfortable with your rank list. Whatever you do, don't lose your man, he may be your only chance to avoid dying alone!

I was soooooo with you..... until the end. The beginning of what you say is soooooo true. my fiancee didn't go to college and hasn't read a book in at least 5 years, and i am finishing med school. believe me there have been bumps.

 

[jetproppilot]

I'm starting to think I'm the only person on earth who is applying to residency with a boyfriend in the picture. I'm not completely detached (it's been about a year and going well) but we sure aren't engaged or married, and it seems like you can only be one or the other. He understands that things are gonna change in May one way or another, said he isn't totally against relocating, and I am gonna stay with him next month for an away rotation just for a little see-how-it-goes. His career is flexible- he's a sound engineer and could pretty much get a job in any city on a week's notice.

So I called to schedule an interview the other day, and they asked if I was going to be bringing a significant other. I froze. It'd be kind of fun to have him come to an interview or two with me- mostly something to do, see another city or whatever. But I'm well aware of the implications that has for programs in other cities.

Any thoughts?

I think you read into the program's question a little too much about whether you were brining along an S.O. or not.

Theres no harm in bringing a significant other, married or not, on an interview.

If you and your S.O. are really tight, having someone along that you know well will help ameliorate your anxiety and put you more at ease.

I'm sure the program was merely asking so they could estimate a head-count. No personal analysis of you going on with the question. Just a head-count for the scheduled-get-togethers.

I say bring your S.O. along if you feel the need. If it makes you uncomfortable, leave'em home. Do whats best for your interview experience.

Whether you think its gonna last is irrelevant.

Good luck.

 

[rufio173]

As a man, your stock goes up the further along you are in training, and age doesn't hurt us either. As a woman, it's the opposite. You become LESS attractive to men as you acquire more education, prestige, and earning power. It's a rare guy who is secure enough to be with a woman who's more successful than he is. The pool of available guys more successful than you shrinks with each passing year. Advancing age isn't helping you either. Those are my thoughts. Here is my advice (that you didn't ask for): If you think you could marry him one day, take your SO to the cities you will interview in, but not to the interviews. Make sure he's comfortable with your rank list. Whatever you do, don't lose your man, he may be your only chance to avoid dying alone!

I disagree with you Power... I mean, strong women that earn lots of money is totally desirable and sexy. Everyone needs a sugar mama or sugar daddy.

Peace,
John

 

[dhb]

It's a rare guy who is secure enough to be with a woman who's more successful than he is.

Not, i know a lot of guys who would be happy to lay back and let the women bring back the bling 😉
On the other hand looks and length of education are often of the inversely proportional type of things

 

[powermd]

wow... thanks... that I didn't ask for is kind of the key there... fortunately my guy is secure and living solidly in the 21st century... and if it doesn't work out it it doesn't work out. we're both realistic.


it was Michigan. they asked if I needed a hotel, if I was coming to the dinner, and if I was bringing someone.

I was half kidding around. Jet's take is what I would have said if I wasn't trying to mock the situation.

Seriously though, plenty of my female MD (even some OD) friends talk of difficulty meeting guys. They say as soon as they mention what they do the guys lose interest. I also have plenty of male friends that say they wouldn't mind having a sugar mamma (myself included, because I do!), thing is- they're all DOCTORS! Among our less socioeconomically successful male compatriots, I think the truth is that some can handle a successful woman, but many more can't.

Relationships are all about balance. Men usually bring the $$, women bring looks and sex. When the woman bring $$ too, the man is bound to become insecure, and that leads to instability in the relationship. I know one example among my SO's friends in which the guy brought looks and sex (he's a firefighting stud), and the woman brought the money (she's a lawyer making $$$). She married him and sold her NYC pad to move out to the sticks because he insisted on living near his parents. Now that they're living together in suburban CT, bored as hell, and he's behaving like a teenager- plays heavy metal, doesn't clean up his messes, arguing with her all the time, minimal sexual advances... She's seriously considering divorce and moving back to the city! Clearly their problems are about more than just $$, but their case underlines the fact that women want a guy who has his act together. Initially the women overlooked this problem because she was so enamoured with his studliness. Over time, the lack of balance is wrecking what little they had together.

 

[jennyboo]

It is certainly acceptable to bring a significant other (spouse or engaged) to the pre-interview dinner if the invitation invites you to do so. Obviously s/he is not supposed to come with you to the interview itself.

Whether or not your significant other should come with you is a judgement call that depends upon your own situation. Obviously, only bring someone who does well in professional company. Also, I personally think that it's very acceptable to bring a spouse or fiance(e) who will be a big part of your decision making process as to where you want to live, but if it's a boyfriend/girlfriend I might think about not bringing him/her.

 

[amyl]

On the other hand looks and length of education are often of the inversely proportional type of things :laugh

not always... 😎