Searching for perspective

[studentdoktor]

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I've been around SDN here and there for a very miniscule while now. The first time I came around, I was a little nervous because this was my first year in college. I wasn't sure how I would do. I hit a couple of bumps here and there (one B and C in beginning), but kept going and now I'm getting consistent results (several A's), so far a nice record I'm enjoying. My first college year is finishing. I'm starting to get involved in med clubs (holding two officer positions); I am going for Honors now, and am also looking into Study Abroad and Volunteer/Internship opportunities.

My problem is... I'm looking at what I'm doing now, and I still feel oddly empty. I feel like there's a certain mentality that I'm missing, some perspective that says "I'm a scholar." My professors challenge me, but I feel it's not changing me.

I'll be transferring to a four-year eventually. Thing is, when I started to think about it, I kind of began wondering if I could go for a "better" university than the one I am planning on right now. Meaning one that's known better for its research output. Although the university I'm planning is a little over adequate, the other is rated top in the state.

I'm appreciating everything each professor teaches me. But something about my experiences feels so... laid-back or ordinary. Like there's a certain scholarly, research-oriented, serious mentality that only some students have. Meanwhile, I'm just seeing things through the lenses of a... I don't know.

All I know is it's similar to what people say about regular vs Honors students; where you are more likely to see teamwork, research, or something far more entertaining in Honors classes than you would in regular classes.

I'm guessing once I hit Honors, or get into Uni, things could change? I just can't help but feel listless. I feel laid-back and inadequate. Like I could do more but I don't have the right mentality just yet.

Thoughts?

 

[FFH]

I've been around SDN here and there for a very miniscule while now. The first time I came around, I was a little nervous because this was my first year in college. I wasn't sure how I would do. I hit a couple of bumps here and there (one B and C in beginning), but kept going and now I'm getting consistent results (several A's), so far a nice record I'm enjoying. My first college year is finishing. I'm starting to get involved in med clubs (holding two officer positions); I am going for Honors now, and am also looking into Study Abroad and Volunteer/Internship opportunities.

My problem is... I'm looking at what I'm doing now, and I still feel oddly empty. I feel like there's a certain mentality that I'm missing, some perspective that says "I'm a scholar." My professors challenge me, but I feel it's not changing me.

I'll be transferring to a four-year eventually. Thing is, when I started to think about it, I kind of began wondering if I could go for a "better" university than the one I am planning on right now. Meaning one that's known better for its research output. Although the university I'm planning is a little over adequate, the other is rated top in the state.

I'm appreciating everything each professor teaches me. But something about my experiences feels so... laid-back or ordinary. Like there's a certain scholarly, research-oriented, serious mentality that only some students have. Meanwhile, I'm just seeing things through the lenses of a... I don't know.

All I know is it's similar to what people say about regular vs Honors students; where you are more likely to see teamwork, research, or something far more entertaining in Honors classes than you would in regular classes.

I'm guessing once I hit Honors, or get into Uni, things could change? I just can't help but feel listless. I feel laid-back and inadequate. Like I could do more but I don't have the right mentality just yet.

Thoughts?

Schools and honors won't give you the validation that you want. Study shows that no major life events will give people the persistent boosts to pull them out of the feeling of worthlessness or emptiness. If you want to stop feeling like that, your only bet is to grow internally and this can be better guided by a psychologist. You could be having depression, but that's a guess.

 

[studentdoktor]

Thanks for the reply.

That's kind of why I'm targeting the whole (internal) perspective thing. I just thought that maybe someone might later suggest it's just the college I'm in that's leaving me bored. I was actually thinking about seeing a counselor, but not over depression. I don't feel I've lived enough to reflect on what depression means to me, so I feel this is just me feeling I may not be pushing myself as hard as I could be. I don't feel worthless at all, just inadequate in the sense that I'm not living my life at its fullest (in terms of studying). Like I could be so much more involved in my work, but I don't feel I have the right mentality to do it effectively just yet. I'm doing what a student should be doing (which is studying, learning, getting high marks,) but that's not enough now, which made me slack back (and now I feel so laid-back in classes). But going for that next step is what I feel is a little troubling.

I referred to Honors because it seemed like someone would have to learn to take it seriously. Meaning, that challenge would help "season" them. I'm supposing there's no guarantee it would happen, and that it would be up to the student. Which is why I meant that maybe if I were hit Honors, I could have that chance. Or maybe from just acknowledging this alone, I could learn to do it in the same place I'm in right now (rather than eventually in Honors.)

But now that I think of it... I could just be referring to the overall experience of it. I just remembered having felt distressed as an applicant about my first semester in college, and trying to figure out a "certain mentality" to become a "better college student." Now that I'm getting A's, I'm here posting that I'm bored with my college, and am more concerned about the next step. So I suppose it could just be overall experience. That maybe I feel a little anxiety for what could come, and if I feel adequate enough to take that challenge on. So maybe by just pouring myself into the experiences, I could learn to adapt and therefore get that "perspective."

You know, in a sense, yeah. I guess if this form of anxiety can be considered depression, yeah. I was a bit depressed. You'd make a good counselor! Thanks for that. 🙂

But either way, I'm open to more replies! Anything that could help give a deeper insight or something! 🙂

 

[Dr Stephen T Colbert DFA]

One thing my study abroad advisor told me before I went abroad was that "studying abroad doesn't fix problems, it can actually exacerbate them." I feel like that could be applicable to your problems too; a change of pace/scenery might be good for you, but you never know what sorts of results will come. Like House said, it would be good for you to talk to a counselor or trusted advisor about what you're feeling.

 

[Hospitalized]

School by itself is inadequate for me and exhausting. I work on the weekends and some weekdays after class and it keeps me sane. I am fortunate enough to have scribing as my outlet so I get to learn about my hopeful future career and see some of the situations I will be dealing with in the future.

For you, now that you say you have your studying down and are doing well in classes -- it's time to start adding more on. Look for jobs, get your EMT, scribe, volunteer.

Be warned though, a 4-year uni is tougher then CC (well in my case), so studying does take up a majority of time. I pretty much go to work, study, go to class, eat, sleep, and have about ~12-14 hours a week of free time.

 

[studentdoktor]

Thanks for the replies!

One thing my study abroad advisor told me before I went abroad was that "studying abroad doesn't fix problems, it can actually exacerbate them." I feel like that could be applicable to your problems too; a change of pace/scenery might be good for you, but you never know what sorts of results will come. Like House said, it would be good for you to talk to a counselor or trusted advisor about what you're feeling.

I agree. That's why I posted that I felt anxiety over going forward to those types of things, because it seems like things could either go good or bad. But I suppose that doing nothing in itself and just hoping I'll get some sort of breakthrough beforehand could result to about the same as well. Toward the end, I figured I may as well push on now that I've had enough time to adapt. I'll try talking to someone about it of course, you and Friendly_female have probably suggested it out of your own reflective experiences. So it wouldn't hurt to have that extra help on the side. Thanks!

School by itself is inadequate for me and exhausting. I work on the weekends and some weekdays after class and it keeps me sane. I am fortunate enough to have scribing as my outlet so I get to learn about my hopeful future career and see some of the situations I will be dealing with in the future.

For you, now that you say you have your studying down and are doing well in classes -- it's time to start adding more on. Look for jobs, get your EMT, scribe, volunteer.

Be warned though, a 4-year uni is tougher then CC (well in my case), so studying does take up a majority of time. I pretty much go to work, study, go to class, eat, sleep, and have about ~12-14 hours a week of free time.

Yeah! I noticed I was trying to fill in the gaps with activities and stuff, but none of it's helped me grow (psychologically) yet. I figured it had something to do with what I've been doing so far, compared to what someone like you has been doing. So then seeing I'm in a college, it probably would be a good opportunity for volunteering and interning (school opportunity)! That would give me the experience before going to Uni, so that by then I'll have a better idea how to manage it. That's a great idea!

I'm thinking with Honors, club official positions, and volunteer/intern opportunities, I'd be pretty set to actually learn again. Because I know that Uni will be a different game, and especially considering doing that while working (like you are.)

That was about approximately more or less the answer I was looking for! I was able to figure that I was only referring to my uneasiness, which roots from feeling my college is not preparing me psychologically for that research/scholarly/worker/med student mentality. Like Friendly mentioned, it's an internal thing that is purely under my control to make happen; like Stephen mentioned, a change in pace could be helpful, but stay cautious and keep an open mind (by hearing out other opinions, i.e. counseling); and like you said, the experiences are what can give that exposure and therefore preparedness mentality -- time to move forward.

So, I'll steadily go forward with my plan and settle in with each addition, and repeat until I'm satisfied and able.

Thank you for sharing your experiences! 🙂

 

[Goro]

Sounds like you need to talk to a therapist or a counselor.

I've been around SDN here and there for a very miniscule while now. The first time I came around, I was a little nervous because this was my first year in college. I wasn't sure how I would do. I hit a couple of bumps here and there (one B and C in beginning), but kept going and now I'm getting consistent results (several A's), so far a nice record I'm enjoying. My first college year is finishing. I'm starting to get involved in med clubs (holding two officer positions); I am going for Honors now, and am also looking into Study Abroad and Volunteer/Internship opportunities.

My problem is... I'm looking at what I'm doing now, and I still feel oddly empty. I feel like there's a certain mentality that I'm missing, some perspective that says "I'm a scholar." My professors challenge me, but I feel it's not changing me.

I'll be transferring to a four-year eventually. Thing is, when I started to think about it, I kind of began wondering if I could go for a "better" university than the one I am planning on right now. Meaning one that's known better for its research output. Although the university I'm planning is a little over adequate, the other is rated top in the state.

I'm appreciating everything each professor teaches me. But something about my experiences feels so... laid-back or ordinary. Like there's a certain scholarly, research-oriented, serious mentality that only some students have. Meanwhile, I'm just seeing things through the lenses of a... I don't know.

All I know is it's similar to what people say about regular vs Honors students; where you are more likely to see teamwork, research, or something far more entertaining in Honors classes than you would in regular classes.

I'm guessing once I hit Honors, or get into Uni, things could change? I just can't help but feel listless. I feel laid-back and inadequate. Like I could do more but I don't have the right mentality just yet.

Thoughts?

 

[studentdoktor]

Sounds like you need to talk to a therapist or a counselor.

Yeah, definitely will do. Overall seems like that's the general consensus. Thanks for your help guys. 🙂