Should I Fight It Out?

[Tatiana]

---

Members do not see this ad.

Alright, well here is my situation. I am currently a sophomore at Gettysburg College majoring in chemistry, physics, and religion. I am most definitely interested in going to grad school, but I still hold out the possibility of attending medical school. My college will not offer research in chemistry this summer, so I applied for a fellowship at CalTech. Although I have not received an official acceptance yet (I will know April 1), it seems very likely that I will get it. Of course I am just excited to have this opportunity because I love chemistry and would love to attend CalTech someday (if I don't attend med school), but I believe doing something like this could really help my resume. The problem, however, is that my mother says she will not allow me to go. We live only a couple minutes away from my college, so I commute most of the time. She uses this against me and that fact that CalTech is 3000 miles away, but I really think this is the best thing for my future. If I do not go there, I will end up spending my summer playing and teaching tennis. So basically, should I fight my mother about going? Would this opportunity really make me stand out when it comes to grad or med school?

Thank You,

Tatiana 😕

 

[Trek]

Absolutely 110%. Let us know when she says yes. --Trek

 

[analu]

Hug her, kiss her, promise to call every day, then wave at her from the airplane...

If we all agreed with and got along perfectly with our parents, everyone would still be living with them and never move out...although if I get into med school, I'm definitely moving back in!

me ke aloha pumehana

 

[LizardKing]

At some point, you gotta leave the nest, so fight it! Especially when an opportunity like going to CalTech presents itself. I don't care what anybody says about Harvard or Yale...there are some smart mofos at CalTech. Great school.

 

[Jalby]

GO TO CALTECH!!!! In this case mother doesn't know what's best.

 

[brandonite]

Go! Go! Go!

That's an amazing opportunity that will really help you out come med school application time! And, really, it's only one summer...

 

[leorl]

i know familial relationships are important, but that is one opportunity you really should take for yourself, for your career. Parents have to learn sometime that they need to let go, and it sounds selfish, but it is YOUR life. You definitely need to explore a world outside the Gettysburg one you've been in, and what better way than research at a premier institution? It'll be hard to convince her, but yeah...say "see ya."

Heck, I'm hopefully going to Australia for school 🙂 . Parents definitely not happy with it, but that's something I gotta do.

 

[lamyers1]

Although you may not be in the same situation, I am from Carlisle, Pa. If I would have stayed in that miserable ass hick town, I would not be starting med school in August. Get out while you can. Gettysburg is cool and all, and I'm sure you love it, but LEAVE!!! :wink:

 

[Diogenes]

It is imperative that you GO. You can't live at home forever, and the longer you stay, the harder it is on both of you when you leave. This opportunuty sounds especially healthy because you will be returning after the summer, so it will break the ice for when it is time to move on to grad school or med school. Parents are supposed to help you get ready for being on your own, not hold you back. GO.

 

[Mystique]

Tatiana,

Go for it! That sounds like a great research opportunity, and you know what...you can't please everyone! Your mom will accept your decision with time. 🙂

 

[johnM]

Are you serious man? You need to get the hell out of Dodge, not just for the great research at CalTech, but for yourself.

 

[Drako]

Tatiana, I have similar parents so I could empathize with your situation. Speaking from personal experiences, I advice you to do what you believe will be best for yourself (within reasons of course).

Going to CalTech will definitely be something worth putting on your resume and will undoubtedly help you with the medical schools. I don't believe that going has anything to do with leaving the nest because I think that none of us truly leave our nest ever. Explain to your mother your sound and logical reasons for wanting to spend your summer at CalTech, where you will be productive and not be idle. If you find that it is not working out with your mother, seek help in someone older and whose opinion your mother values. More than likely, if this person(s) understand your reasons and is supportive of you, he/she should be able to convince your mother to change her mind. The trick here is not to fight a loosing battle all by yourself, but to enlist the help that sure is going to conquer your adversary, be it your mother or the Red Army. Good luck!

 

[johnM]

•••quote:•••Originally posted by Drako:
•
...I don't believe that going has anything to do with leaving the nest because I think that none of us truly leave our nest ever... •••••What are you talking about? don't try to get all philosophical or anything, but of course poeple leave 'the nest,' some to greater degrees than others. this doesn't mean that you need to pretend to not know your parents or not need them, but you certainly can move out and live your own life!

 

[liesie59]

I can't even begin to tell you how much being far from home was good for me. I went to undergrad 500 miles from home and currently live 1000 miles from home. I do miss things from home, but I have gained so much independence by being on my own that I would be a completely different person without the experience. Bottom line--go to CalTech, e-mail/phone home often, and enjoy it! Not only is this a great opportunity for you academically, it would be great in terms of emotional growth as well 🙂 Good luck!

 

[Drako]

John, I was talking from a philosophical perspective. I was thinking more on an emotional/mental level than physical.

---------

Come to think of it, there must be countless other factors concerning Tatiana's situation that our advice might do more harm than good. Given the best of circumstances, Tatiana's going to CalTech for the summer seems to be a good thing. However, we don't know half of what is going on with her family, her mother's emotional and mental well-being, etc. (there are endless questions here) to safely advice her what to do. What we (at least I) have posted here are mere suggestions. Personally, if I was the person who has to decide, I would take all the advice and suggestions here with a grain of salt before making a final decision. Going to CalTech might not be THE ticket to graduate or medical school after all. It is merely an opportunity and a choice. Whether or not it is beneficial is only a matter of individual opinion.

 

[otter]

Caltech is an incredible institution, such program will look AMAZING on your resume, and there is no place like Southern California. You have to go. The only problem is, you may not want to come back to PA after being in SoCal. Tell your mom that otter says this is the best thing.

 

[monchi]

Hi Tatiana,
If I had always done what my mother wanted, then I would still be living at home (I'm 27), or the alternative, in an essentially arranged marriage. I love my parents and I know they love me, but I couldn't let their fear of my going out on my own dictate my choices and life.
Going to a college a few hours away from home did help me to make the break. I know that's what your mother is afraid of, but you can reassure her that she'll never lose you.
I'm glad I made that break when I did. I've made my own opinions about myself and the world, from my own experiences. Instead of being married to someone I hate right now, I've experienced two wonderful relationships so far. I have a BS and a MS. I've published in a journal. I've lived in a completely different part of the US than where I grew up, giving me a new perspective and appreciation for this incredible country. I've met all types of interesting people and tried many new things. I've worked for a large corporation and found I don't want to anymore. Now I'm going to med school in the fall. I never would have done or learned any of these things if I had not physically left my parents' home. Yes, there are risks, but everything is a risk.
The trick is to get to the finish line without any regrets. Will you regret not ever living in California? Will you regret not experiencing the atmosphere of CalTech? Will you regret not even trying and giving yourself a chance? I'm guessing your mother will try to make you feel guilty about leaving her. Regret and guilt are the two most useless emotions. Going to CalTech, you will eliminate regret. You'll have to learn to leave the guilt behind. I learned, and have no regrets. I'm happy with my life and excited about my future.
This has been a really sappy post for me 🙄 but if you've read it I hope it helps.

 

[Fixed Gear]

go go go go go go go.....
doing research was the single best thing that lit up my academic career. Tell your Mom it's just like summer camp, only it's a little longer but it's free for her. And yes, call her and write often.

 

[Herr Doktor]

You are old enough to run your own life. Get out of there. This opportunity will teach you and your mother to be even closer than you both could have ever imagined. And yes, this experience will aid you in any kind of job, schooling or personal growth that will present itself in the future.