Should secondaries be straight to the point or attention grabbing?

[Astra]

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I am writing mine and I am just stating the facts. I don't really like to use hook intros or vivid imagery and was wondering if this would be a negative.

Also, my writing level isn't the best ( grammar is correct). I just write to get the point across, nothing more. Is that bad?

 

[Espressso]

I think the question is that bad? is irrelevant. I think the point is to simply answer the questions. To me, it seems to be better to not fluff up your secondary responses with what you think adcoms would want to read/hear. Don't fake it. But hey, I'm prewriting secondaries now so I may not be the best person to offer advice on this.

 

[moisne]

To the point but not the typical essay.

 

[ed*26]

The purpose of secondaries is to make an impression and stand out from the 1000s of other applications. This can be done through the content or the execution. You'll probably get the most bang for your buck by having both since it's unlikely that all your content will be standout from everyone else. Writing plainly isn't bad per se (and it definitely better than convoluted or over the top writing) but it may not achieve that positive impression you're looking for.

I'm not exactly aiming for "attention-grabbing," but I don't want my adcoms yawning their way through "describe a challenging situation" #33 of the day. Mostly I'm trying to use interesting verbs and phrasing when appropriate. I'm also just submitting this cycle so no idea how it'll turn out, but putting some effort into making my essays a little more interesting has consistently paid off in the scholarship/grant arena. YMMV

 

[TomBombadil14]

I think facts should be fine with well-thought out reflections if asked. I also find it unnatural to be too emotional/showy in my stories, so I get where you're coming from! I think superfluous detail makes writing sound juvenile :/

 

[gyngyn]

I vote for thoughtful plain speech.

 

[Goro]

We've seen all the hooks possible. The most common is "The patient was wheeled into the ER frightened. I held his hand and did my small part...". The next most common is "My aunt was a wonderful woman. I was devastated by her untimely death due to cancer and this motivated me to ..."

Substitute a personal injury or illness as a motivator in the bold text and that's just as common.

 

[musclebro]

Straight to the point

 

[clippers50fan]

We've seen all the hooks possible. The most common is "The patient was wheeled into the ER frightened. I held his hand and did my small part...". The next most common is "My aunt was a wonderful woman. I was devastated by her untimely death due to cancer and this motivated me to ..."

Substitute a personal injury or illness as a motivator in the bold text and that's just as common.

It's hard to believe people think this type of writing would actually wow an adcom haha