Should this be avoided when writing a personal statement?

[Bored_Conscious]

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Currently finished my first draft. This is a rough outline:

- Introduction: Prior career interest, personal illness, passion for fitness to cope with frustrations involved with diagnosis.

- Main paragraph I: Prior career interest was marine biology. Discussed my interest in helping the community and saw two ways: academia or medicine. Learned that I enjoyed the applicability of research more so than research itself.

- Main paragraph II: Volunteer experience. Involving applying my fitness background to help those with intellectual disabilities.

- Closing: Conclusion

My girlfriend gave it a read and she thinks it is "ok". Her main concern was "main paragraph I". She said it seemed more like a "Why Not Research" than "Why medicine". Is that okay or not? Research was a major consideration coming into undergrad and I think it is important that I explain what aspect of research pushed me away from it and why I think medicine is more fit for me.

Advice? If she is correct, I will have to make a few adjustments.

 

[Blueprint Med School]

Did you tie your interest in research into a desire to perform clinical duties? If so, then it sounds like a good start to building your brand as an aspiring physician-researcher. Especially if you have any experience with that application of research and can discuss it accordingly.

David D, MD - USMLE and MCAT Tutor
Med School Tutors

 

[Bored_Conscious]

Did you tie your interest in research into a desire to perform clinical duties? If so, then it sounds like a good start to building your brand as an aspiring physician-researcher. Especially if you have any experience with that application of research and can discuss it accordingly.

David D, MD - USMLE and MCAT Tutor
Med School Tutors

I discussed the importance of physicians being "research-savy" in order to stay up-to-date with clinically relevant information to provide the best possible care. In addition, due to my experience as a patient, having a physician who is up-to-date with the literature can provide hope for those with chronic ailments. (e.g. constantly developing biologics)

If that is what you mean by performing clinical duties.

 

[SavoirFaire87]

I think that what you wrote has some problems.

You need to answer the question, "Why do you want to be a doctor?" Everything should address that.

A career in medicine can involve research, so I wouldn't say that you don't want to do that. Instead, you may want to say that, while you enjoy science and research, something was missing: a human aspect that you need. If you have been involved in clinical research, you can give an example of a patient and what you learned from that encounter. It's obvious that staying up-to-date on research is important, so I wouldn't outright state that. In your personal illness experience, were you struck by how research and the human aspect of medicine come together for the greater good of the patient? Maybe that can be how you tie in your research interest.

Also, you did not mention any specific reasons why you want to be a doctor. Did you have experiences with your personal illness or your volunteer experience that can explain this?

Hope that helps you think through your essay a little!