Show AND tell in personal statement?

[Prometheus123]

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The adage is "Show, don't tell", but I've noticed that if I just demonstrate a quality with a story in my PS, readers often don't make the connection. Maybe my stories aren't compelling enough, but maybe do I need to point out the qualities explicitly too, i.e. show and tell?

Furthermore, what about doing this with the exact keywords that are in the guideline for AMCAS letter writers, e.g. service orientation, scientific inquiry, capacity for improvement, recover from setbacks, adapt, etc.? Will ADCOMS appreciate this approach for its clarity? Or frown on it? The terms are appropriate as far as I can tell from the descriptions in the guideline.

If anyone wants, I can PM you a short example of what I mean.

 

[mariposas905]

Are you applying this cycle? Did you already submit your personal statement or looking for someone to edit?

 

[candbgirl]

I think this poster has a long thread that didn't go like he thought it should so maybe he's trying again.


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[Medic741]

I'm available as a ps reviewer... have done ~30 this cycle.

 

[Prometheus123]

Are you applying this cycle? Did you already submit your personal statement or looking for someone to edit?

I am applying this cycle. I haven't applied yet because my school is on the quarter system, grades just got released, and my transcript is still in the mail to AMCAS. I would love some help editing. Are you offering?

 

[Medic741]

I am applying this cycle. I haven't applied yet because my school is on the quarter system, grades just got released, and my transcript is still in the mail to AMCAS. I would love some help editing. Are you offering?

Sure. Pm me

 

[Prometheus123]

Sure. Pm me

Fantastic, I will now. Thank you!

 

[mariposas905]

I am applying this cycle. I haven't applied yet because my school is on the quarter system, grades just got released, and my transcript is still in the mail to AMCAS. I would love some help editing. Are you offering?

Hey, I actually won't be able to edit it now as I am still working on mine lol but I can help answer your question in the OP by reading over it if you'd like. I'll let you know if I find it confusing in terms of "show and tell" and whether you need to elaborate on any qualities.

 

[Prometheus123]

I think this poster has a long thread that didn't go like he thought it should so maybe he's trying again.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile app

It did not go as I thought it would, but I received feedback of extraordinary value in that thread, so I'm happy. That's exactly why I asked. You're right that this question came up as part of my take two.

I should add that I've run into this "show and tell" issue many times before, not just in that thread. It's probably because I'm an unusual applicant and I'm not as good of a storyteller as I would like to be.

 

[Prometheus123]

Hey, I actually won't be able to edit it now as I am still working on mine lol but I can help answer your question in the OP by reading over it if you'd like. I'll let you know if I find it confusing in terms of "show and tell" and whether you need to elaborate on any qualities.

Awesome. I'll PM you a link and point out the relevant paragraph. Let me know if there's anything I can read over for you.

 

[lexington251]

Sure, send me a PM.

 

[Prometheus123]

Sure, send me a PM.

Thank you, sending. I'm happy to take a look at anything you want feedback on too.

 

[Prometheus123]

I don't mean to sound rude and obviously I haven't read your PS. But judging from what little I've seen you post on SDN, the problem might be that you're not telling the story clearly enough. That is, it might be an issue with your writing style or quality rather than the story itself. If you're still in school, does your university have a writing center? It may be beneficial for you to get some in-person instruction to help identify areas of improvement and develop skills that will help you with your application essays as well as future writing.

You're right. I'll take it to my school's writing center.