Single in rural residency program

[LillyRose]

I'm and MS3 and I'm currently looking through which family medicine programs that I want to apply to. A few on the top of my list are rural programs that I'm pretty excited about. But while the programs are great, they are obviously in small cities and I'm a bit nervous regarding the social aspect of it. I'm not married or in a relationship but would want to date in residency and I'm worried that if the closest city was 1-2hrs away it'd be difficult to accomplish with long residency hours.

Does anyone have any advice or been in a similar situation? I'm not sure whether just choosing based on the program is enough or are all programs relatively the same and I should just choose a program based on location?

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[honey0102]

I'm a MS2 and just posted about something similar-I'm not going into FM but in a similar situation socially. Would be interested in seeing what people have to say about this

 

[deleted480308]

You only need 1 person to date. Anywhere big enough for a residency has a reasonable single person within an hours drive, you’ll be ok

 

[plasticsday1]

You only need 1 person to date. Anywhere big enough for a residency has a reasonable single person within an hours drive, you’ll be ok

This is just not true. Being an hour away from an established SO is fine, but being an hour away from a place that you could potentially find someone is a huge problem. How often do you think you can even go to this hour-away place per week during residency? It will unfortunately be very hard to find someone to date in a place like this.

 

[VA Hopeful Dr]

This is just not true. Being an hour away from an established SO is fine, but being an hour away from a place that you could potentially find someone is a huge problem. How often do you think you can even go to this hour-away place per week during residency? It will unfortunately be very hard to find someone to date in a place like this.

At least once/week.

My residency was in a fairly small place, everyone did fine.

 

[cj_cregg]

There is a lot of variation in FM programs. If you're interested in rural and/or fuller-scope practice, not all programs will prepare you well for that. If you want to do just your bread and butter outpatient FM, you can get that at any program.

And a small city is still a city, and there will be single people. I interviewed at some FM programs in more rural areas, including some in towns of 15-20k that are a few hours from what most would consider a big city. I did notice that those type of towns tended to have a larger number of young, educated people - they're often college towns, a little more diverse, and the young people from the surrounding areas that like to have a little more elbow room but still have some "city" amenities tend to end up living there. They all had a decent brewery scene and plenty of outdoor opportunities where you could meet other young people.

Also, if you're interested in rural practice, you're much more likely to find a partner with similar interests and lifestyle preferences in a small town/rural area than you are in a big city.

 

[Psai]

Big cities are overrated af. Lots of people that think way too highly of themselves and their careers.

 

[deleted962973]

Big cities are overrated af. Lots of people that think way too highly of themselves and their careers.

This doesn’t have anything to do with OPs question...

 

[raiderette]

How you meet people may change, but there are single people everywhere. There are going to be single hospital personnel, single teachers, lawyers, business owners in any town large enough for a residency. I grew up in a small town and there were educated people. If you are close to a college, you will also find grad students.

 

[libertyyne]

Russian Mail Order Brides Looking For Marriage At RussianCupid.Com

 

[Psai]

This doesn’t have anything to do with OPs question...

Is this a joke? Reread the op then my post.

 

[deleted962973]

Is this a joke? Reread the op then my post.

No? You’re really telling me that every single person in a big city is some egomaniac, and that it’s “overrated” that dating in a big city is easier than in a small rural area? Cmon dude. You’re not helping by just making stuff up.

 

[DK0828]

No? You’re really telling me that every single person in a big city is some egomaniac, and that it’s “overrated” that dating in a big city is easier than in a small rural area? Cmon dude. You’re not helping by just making stuff up.

Mmmm me thinks you’re putting words into his mouth. He didn’t say everyone, but I’m curious why you’re so offended?


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[smq123]

Can we return to the original topic and keep it civil? Thanks.

Anyway, OP - I wouldn't let that worry keep me from ranking a program that I really liked. There are people in small towns who successfully find people to date, and there are people in big cities who have trouble finding a significant other that they like. It's too unpredictable to let it affect your rank list.

 

[DK0828]

Can we return to the original topic and keep it civil? Thanks.

Anyway, OP - I wouldn't let that worry keep me from ranking a program that I really liked. There are people in small towns who successfully find people to date, and there are people in big cities who have trouble finding a significant other that they like. It's too unpredictable to let it affect your rank list.

On that note OP. Go to the location you will most enjoy and be happy. Once you have that it’s much easier to find and keep a happy and healthy relationship that can build. Going to a place you think you will have more “numbers” at the cost of happiness will likely prove more detrimental to finding love.


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[atomi]

No? You’re really telling me that every single person in a big city is some egomaniac, and that it’s “overrated” that dating in a big city is easier than in a small rural area? Cmon dude. You’re not helping by just making stuff up.

It’s actually a lot easier to meet people in a smaller town than a big city, where people are more mentally isolated, detached from community, materialistic/self-obsessed, and statistically less interested in permanent relationships. Unless you consider things like tinder a good way to meet a future spouse. You don’t know what you’re talking about and are resorting to strawman arguments and hyperbole (“every single person”), The point you called out was quite relevant to the OP. It’s not Mars. If it’s big enough to support a residency there will be compatible people to meet.

Full disclosure: I think big cities suck too.

 

[atomi]

This is just not true. Being an hour away from an established SO is fine, but being an hour away from a place that you could potentially find someone is a huge problem. How often do you think you can even go to this hour-away place per week during residency? It will unfortunately be very hard to find someone to date in a place like this.

This is true when you are young. I remember graduating college early at age 21. I moved an hour away from campus to work. I went back often on the weekends because my friends were still there and met a handful of people I would have liked to date where there was mutual interest at first. Once they found out I wasn’t still in school/town there was absolutely zero interest on their part. Every time. But we were kids. As adults, being an hour away isn’t a problem. There is a limit, but an hour is within it.

 

[getdown]

You only need 1 person to date. Anywhere big enough for a residency has a reasonable single person within an hours drive, you’ll be ok

They're called nurses, RTs, physical therapists, techs, lunch ladies, secretaries at the hospital.

 

[atomi]

They're called nurses, RTs, physical therapists, techs, lunch ladies, secretaries at the hospital.

OP appeared to be female. Females are statistically less willing to date down than males are. If you restrict yourself to professionals earning 200k+ then yeah it’s going to be harder than if you’re willing to give a someone like a police offficer, a teacher, or a paramedic a chance. As she’s considering going into FM in a rural setting, she’s probably a nice normal person, and I would say this bodes well for her. The ones with the problem attitude tend to be the ones going into subspecialties in Miami or LA.

 

[getdown]

OP appeared to be female. Females are statistically less willing to date down than males are. If you restrict yourself to professionals earning 200k+ then yeah it’s going to be harder than if you’re willing to give a someone like a police offficer, a teacher, or a paramedic a chance. As she’s considering going into FM in a rural setting, she’s probably a nice normal person, and I would say this bodes well for her. The ones with the problem attitude tend to be the ones going into subspecialties in Miami or LA.

That's true. Women do have it harder when they are high earners in the dating scene. I find it weird that guys feel they're masculinity is somehow challenged if they don't make more than their wife/gf. I would have liked a sugar mama when I was a poor med student/resident ... damn.

 

[deleted962973]

It’s actually a lot easier to meet people in a smaller town than a big city, where people are more mentally isolated, detached from community, materialistic/self-obsessed, and statistically less interested in permanent relationships. Unless you consider things like tinder a good way to meet a future spouse. You don’t know what you’re talking about and are resorting to strawman arguments and hyperbole (“every single person”), The point you called out was quite relevant to the OP. It’s not Mars. If it’s big enough to support a residency there will be compatible people to meet.

Full disclosure: I think big cities suck too.

You’re the one who’s resorting to a stereotype and straw man to make a bad argument against big cities. Do you just seek out my posts in order to pick a fight? I grew up and went to college in the Midwest, now work in a big city. It’s significantly easier to find single people here just because the numbers are in your favor. This is especially true if you’re a minority- in small rural places, a lot of people won’t even be interested in you. I don’t use tinder, just go to pre professional networking events or visit bars and museums. Anyway, both of our arguments are irrelevant because it doesn’t matter how much big cities suck- OP is asking how to go about finding an SO in a small rural town.

 

[RNthenDoc]

Depends entirely on what you mean by “rural.”

In an isolated town of 30k people there are simply fewer adult singles. If someone makes it to their 30’s without marrying (ESPECIALLY in a small town) there is almost always a darn good reason.

It might be a positive reason (I was getting a graduate degree/focusing on career), but in a rural town you don’t tend to find as many career-driven folks or academics. It’s just numbers.

 

[Mad Jack]

This is just not true. Being an hour away from an established SO is fine, but being an hour away from a place that you could potentially find someone is a huge problem. How often do you think you can even go to this hour-away place per week during residency? It will unfortunately be very hard to find someone to date in a place like this.

I mean, I drive four hours one way every weekend I'm off. If I can swing that, you can swing an hour.

 

[Mad Jack]

This doesn’t have anything to do with OPs question...

But it does, because the reciprocal assumption is that small city dating is underrated.

Many small cities have small colleges/universities and hospitals that tend to bring in a lot of intelligent and talented people from outside that tend to be more measured in their desires for a partner. Cities, on the other hand, bring endless opportunities and make dating a more disposable arrangement. Haven't seen a person for a couple of weeks? Find someone with a better schedule. Have the slightest thing that isn't perfect between you? Mr/Ms Perfect could be just one swipe away.

 

[atomi]

You’re the one who’s resorting to a stereotype and straw man to make a bad argument against big cities. Do you just seek out my posts in order to pick a fight? I grew up and went to college in the Midwest, now work in a big city. It’s significantly easier to find single people here just because the numbers are in your favor. This is especially true if you’re a minority- in small rural places, a lot of people won’t even be interested in you. I don’t use tinder, just go to pre professional networking events or visit bars and museums. Anyway, both of our arguments are irrelevant because it doesn’t matter how much big cities suck- OP is asking how to go about finding an SO in a small rural town.

Stop posting nonsense then, and as suggested by another poster, go back and re-read the OP,

 

[deleted962973]

Stop posting nonsense then, and as suggested by another poster, go back and re-read the OP,

You really are unnecessarily combative. In my opinion, denigrating large cities won’t help the OP find an SO, therefore I found it irrelevant. It’s patently false to act as though dating in a big city is more difficult than in a small rural town- you don’t have the benefit of numbers, and you’re dealing with a more homogenous population.

I’ll post exactly as much as I want. Feel free to block my posts if they trigger you so much.

 

[LillyRose]

Depends entirely on what you mean by “rural.”

In an isolated town of 30k people there are simply fewer adult singles. If someone makes it to their 30’s without marrying (ESPECIALLY in a small town) there is almost always a darn good reason.

It might be a positive reason (I was getting a graduate degree/focusing on career), but in a rural town you don’t tend to find as many career-driven folks or academics. It’s just numbers.

One of the places I'm looking at is about 70k, which is certainly better than 30k. But I'm also in the midwest where people settle down pretty quickly. I'm currently in the big city for medical school and even here like 80% of residents are married. So I feel like it would be even worse in the smaller places. Like you said it's just a numbers game and finding someone single, career driven, and compatible in a small program just doesn't seem likely. And if FM programs are similar I wonder if it'd just make more sense to either stay here or maybe even move out to the West coast

 

[Mad Jack]

No? You’re really telling me that every single person in a big city is some egomaniac, and that it’s “overrated” that dating in a big city is easier than in a small rural area? Cmon dude. You’re not helping by just making stuff up.

Science Shows the Unexpected Effect That Too Much Choice Has on Modern Dating

Read the linked studies in the article, as well as The Paradox of Choice. More choices lead to less choices being made, more dissatisfaction, and more time being wasted searching for the ideal choice. People imagine that more choices will lead to them having a greater chance of finding the ideal choice, but the research shows this is simply not the case

 

[LillyRose]

OP appeared to be female. Females are statistically less willing to date down than males are. If you restrict yourself to professionals earning 200k+ then yeah it’s going to be harder than if you’re willing to give a someone like a police offficer, a teacher, or a paramedic a chance. As she’s considering going into FM in a rural setting, she’s probably a nice normal person, and I would say this bodes well for her. The ones with the problem attitude tend to be the ones going into subspecialties in Miami or LA.

Yes I am a female. And as long as someone has a career and a good head on their shoulders, I don't need someone who makes more than me. And thanks to everyone for the responses, it's given me more perspective!

 

[atomi]

You really are unnecessarily combative. In my opinion, denigrating large cities won’t help the OP find an SO, therefore I found it irrelevant. It’s patently false to act as though dating in a big city is more difficult than in a small rural town- you don’t have the benefit of numbers, and you’re dealing with a more homogenous population.

I’ll post exactly as much as I want. Feel free to block my posts if they trigger you so much.

You’re actually wrong and sophomorically oversimplifying it by thinking it’s purely about numbers. Also couldn’t help but notice your jab at small city and rural folk being more racist and unwilling to date someone of a different background. Typical.

 

[atomi]

Yes I am a female. And as long as someone has a career and a good head on their shoulders, I don't need someone who makes more than me. And thanks to everyone for the responses, it's given me more perspective!

OP you have a good attitude and will be fine. I say go for the program you feel is best and everything will work out!

 

[deleted962973]

You’re actually wrong and sophomorically oversimplifying it by thinking it’s purely about numbers. Also couldn’t help but notice your jab at small city and rural folk being more racist and unwilling to date someone of a different background. Typical.

Its not a jab. I’m middle eastern and my small town has made me feel unwelcome and foreign for my entire life. It was not easy living, much less trying to date, in a 99% white town post 9/11. I’m genuinely very very tired of how often you feel the need to denigrate me anytime I happen to disagree with you on this forum and have messaged the moderators about it. People can share different opinions and that’s fine. @Mad Jack had a great, non-ad hominem response to my point that adds a lot to the discussion, whereas you always feel the need to call me something along the lines of close-minded, stupid etc.

It’s not just about numbers- it’s about the fact that large cities attract people of all different cultures and backgrounds and therefore it’s just statiscally more likely that you’ll find someone who vibes with your values, culture, and lifestyle. You’re not going to convince me otherwise so please for the love of god, stop harassing me.

 

[atomi]

Its not a jab. I’m middle eastern and my small town has made me feel unwelcome and foreign for my entire life. It was not easy living, much less trying to date, in a 99% white town post 9/11. I’m genuinely very very tired of how often you feel the need to denigrate me anytime I happen to disagree with you on this forum and have messaged the moderators about it. People can share different opinions and that’s fine. @Mad Jack had a great, non-ad hominem response to my point that adds a lot to the discussion, whereas you always feel the need to call me something along the lines of close-minded, stupid etc.

It’s not just about numbers- it’s about the fact that large cities attract people of all different cultures and backgrounds and therefore it’s just statiscally more likely that you’ll find someone who vibes with your values, culture, and lifestyle. You’re not going to convince me otherwise so please for the love of god, stop harassing me.

Disagreeing with you is not harhassing you. If you want to resort to ridiculous ad hominems and strawman arguments, expect to get called on it. If not by me, by someone else. It’s also ironic that you go out of your way to complain about how close minded, racist, and unwelcoming white small town folk are, but you also make a point to say that you’re seeking out a big city to be around more people from your ethnic background to be friends with and presumably date. I’m white. I’m friendly to all who are friendly to be. I have a so of another race. Sad that you think of us all this way. Not sure why I’m occupying so much space in your head. I think i have interacted with you in maybe one other thread. But it’s fine. I don’t care. You’re on my ignore list now, so no need to worry further.

 

[smq123]

This is why we can't have nice things.

I think that the OP has gotten an answer to her question. And since we can't have a nice polite discussion, this thread will be closed.