Specialists on a Desert Island

[cartoondoc]

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If you were stuck on a desert island or there was some sort of zombie apocalypse where most of the human race and resources were wiped out, which three kinds of doctors would you most/least want to have with you?

For me, I'd most want to have:

1) Family practitioner
2) Pediatrician
3) Emergency room physician

I'd least want to have:

1) Pathologist
2) Radiologist
3) Plastic surgeon

How about you?

 

[colbgw02]

Cool story, Hansel.

 

[Rendar5]

Wilderness Medicine Fellowship trained ER doc...=P

 

[colbgw02]

Oh, and I think the obvious answer is anyone trained in pain management. Put me out of my misery.

 

[Law2Doc]

If you were stuck on a desert island or there was some sort of zombie apocalypse where most of the human race and resources were wiped out, which three kinds of doctors would you most/least want to have with you?

For me, I'd most want to have:

1) Family practitioner
2) Pediatrician
3) Emergency room physician

I'd least want to have:

1) Pathologist
2) Radiologist
3) Plastic surgeon

How about you?

On a desert island you are going to be dealing with the effects of the sun, first and foremost. So dermatology is probably up there. And if food is lacking and you have to turn to cannibalism, you want one of the more lifestyle, fatter specialties. Nothing hard working and lean like ED, those guys are all skin and bones. Hope that helps.

 

[cartoondoc]

Cool story, Hansel.

But it wasn't a story, was it?

I actually had to look this up because I don't watch super cool movies like Zoolander. From Urban Dictionary:

Originally inspired by the movie Zoolander, this sarcastic phrase is used to respond to a story that lacks substance, or a story perceived to have no message.

The only way to redeem one's self after having been on the receiving end of this remark is to sarcastically reply "Thanks Olaf"

Oh. Thanks, Olaf.

 

[colbgw02]

But it wasn't a story, was it?

Sure it was. It was just a choose-your-own-adventure story.

 

[jdh71]

Doctors work in the technological advanced medical world. And we're fairly useless outside of that context. I'd prefer a paramedic of some stripe (maybe someone with a military background, a corpsman, combat medic, or a PJ) to a doctor.

Or scratch all of that a bring a couple of hot chicks.

 

[CptCrunch]

I like turtles.

 

[Pembleton]

If I say surgeon, do I need to say anesthesiologist also?

 

[Smurfette]

If I say surgeon, do I need to say anesthesiologist also?

i doubt if stranded on a desert island, you'd have access to anesthetics. Can knock them out by other means, though, if someone needed their appendix out.

 

[cartoondoc]

All you've got is the first aid kit from the boat. Or whatever you wrestled away from the zombies.

 

[koc123]

If all females were destroyed, then I guess obgyn would be pretty useless.

 

[adagio]

hahaha I once had this game with a friend of mine, he said he wanted a general surgeon.

 

[upright]

A doctor is the last person I'd want to be stuck on a desert island with.

 

[GroovyMed]

.

 

[adagio]

Don't kill yourself bro.

... priceless ...

 

[cartoondoc]

If all females were destroyed, then I guess obgyn would be pretty useless.

Hopefully the females aren't destroyed. We need to repopulate.

I figured the family practitioner or the ER doc are trained to deliver the babies, but they can do other things too. It's not like a C-section or hysterectomy is going to be performed with a first aid kit.

 

[jdh71]

Hopefully the females aren't destroyed. We need to repopulate.

I figured the family practitioner or the ER doc are trained to deliver the babies, but they can do other things too. It's not like a C-section or hysterectomy is going to be performed with a first aid kit.

for almost all of human history babies were born without a physician, and, in fact, probably most babies born on the planet today are born outside of a hospital, let alone anywhere near a doctor

the bottom line, pretty much anyone can catch a baby and you still don't need a doc on that island

 

[Saluki]

Wilderness Medicine Fellowship trained ER doc...=P

Seconding this, though what I really want is someone who knows how to build a boat out of logs...

If all else fails, then whichever physician with the skill set to make a still. If I have learned anything from my ancestors, it's that homemade moonshine can help make any number of situations bearable....
😀

 

[koc123]

Hopefully the females aren't destroyed. We need to repopulate.

I figured the family practitioner or the ER doc are trained to deliver the babies, but they can do other things too. It's not like a C-section or hysterectomy is going to be performed with a first aid kit.

Don't worry, most obgyn will be leaving the specialty anyway. FM and ER can take over ob; and surgeons can do hysterectomies.

 

[Valadi]

Seconding this, though what I really want is someone who knows how to build a boat out of logs...

If all else fails, then whichever physician with the skill set to make a still. If I have learned anything from my ancestors, it's that homemade moonshine can help make any number of situations bearable....
😀

Sounds like ortho to me..

 

[lowbudget]

Psych. Please give me psych.

 

[Tender2TheTouch]

I would definitely say dermatologist! Skin is in!!!

 

[docB]

I say I want all EM docs. Not because of anything to do with medicine because, as others have pointed out, we're all pretty useless without the rest of the system backing us up. It's because EM guys tend to be more into weapons and outdoor sports than other specialties. In the zombie apocalypse I want guys and girls who can shoot, hike and improvise.

 

[Law2Doc]

...In the zombie apocalypse I want guys and girls who can shoot, hike and improvise.

In the zombie apocalypse you mainly want someone you can outrun. It's like the old joke that you don't need to be able to outrun the bear, just the other hikers. In a "survival of the fittest" setting, you generally want to pick someone without much of a skill-set to go up against.

 

[smq123]

In the zombie apocalypse you mainly want someone you can outrun. It's like the old joke that you don't need to be able to outrun the bear, just the other hikers. In a "survival of the fittest" setting, you generally want to pick someone without much of a skill-set to go up against.

I think that that thinking might be true if you're hiking in a forest that you could eventually escape from. A deserted island, though...yeah, if you're paired with someone you can outrun, the zombies will eat that person FIRST. But the zombies will, at some point, become hungry again, and then come after you.

So I'm with docB on this one. You'd be better off with someone who knows how to handle a gun, and can help eliminate the zombies. That being said however, that would seem to be the anesthesia guys, based on some of the discussions that go on in the gas forum. 😀

 

[Law2Doc]

I think that that thinking might be true if you're hiking in a forest that you could eventually escape from. A deserted island, though...yeah, if you're paired with someone you can outrun, the zombies will eat that person FIRST. But the zombies will, at some point, become hungry again, and then come after you.

So I'm with docB on this one. You'd be better off with someone who knows how to handle a gun, and can help eliminate the zombies. That being said however, that would seem to be the anesthesia guys, based on some of the discussions that go on in the gas forum. 😀

If you google "how to kill a zombie", you will see that gun skills are of limited utility. You dont kill zombies with guns according to most movies, you perhaps just slow them down and make them look a lot scarier. You either need to decapitate them, immolate them, or bludgeon their brains in.

surgeons are probably best with the sharp instruments, and ortho dudes probably are better at bludgeoning. Pathologists probably have the most experience actually removing brains though. But If that all fails, IMHO you still want to be able to outrun whomever you pick.

 

[J-Rad]

That being said however, that would seem to be the anesthesia guys, based on some of the discussions that go on in the gas forum. 😀

Actually this pediatrician has gotten to be a pretty damn good shot😎

 

[wooster201106]

If you google "how to kill a zombie", you will see that gun skills are of limited utility. You dont kill zombies with guns according to most movies, you perhaps just slow them down and make them look a lot scarier. You either need to decapitate them, immolate them, or bludgeon their brains in.

surgeons are probably best with the sharp instruments, and ortho dudes probably are better at bludgeoning. Pathologists probably have the most experience actually removing brains though. But If that all fails, IMHO you still want to be able to outrun whomever you pick.

Jeez, how bored were you?

 

[wooster201106]

I would definitely say dermatologist! Skin is in!!!

Aside from stating the obvious and advising you to limit sun exposure, what good would a dermatologist be on a desert island? Skin care advice seems like the last thing you'd be worried about.

 

[docB]

If you google "how to kill a zombie", you will see that gun skills are of limited utility. You dont kill zombies with guns according to most movies, you perhaps just slow them down and make them look a lot scarier. You either need to decapitate them, immolate them, or bludgeon their brains in.

surgeons are probably best with the sharp instruments, and ortho dudes probably are better at bludgeoning. Pathologists probably have the most experience actually removing brains though. But If that all fails, IMHO you still want to be able to outrun whomever you pick.

On the contrary if you read Max Brooks' The Zombie Survival Guide, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Zombie_Survival_Guide
which really is the seminal work on the subject, he notes that firearms are effective as long as they have enough power to break open the cranial vault and can be fired from far enough away to escape if you miss or if more zombies attack. In fact he posits that the ideal anti zombie weapon is the M-14 for reasons too detailed for this post.

So I stand by my initial assertion. I want EM docs armed with M-14s.

 

[Law2Doc]

On the contrary if you read Max Brooks' The Zombie Survival Guide, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Zombie_Survival_Guide
which really is the seminal work on the subject, he notes that firearms are effective as long as they have enough power to break open the cranial vault and can be fired from far enough away to escape if you miss or if more zombies attack. In fact he posits that the ideal anti zombie weapon is the M-14 for reasons too detailed for this post.

So I stand by my initial assertion. I want EM docs armed with M-14s.

Most google references disagree with this. But assuming arguendo that this seminal work is correct, While that may be the case, the problem with all firearms is that you inevitably run out of ammo before you run out of zombies, and although hitting a precise point on the head of a moving target seems easy in the movies, you actually have to be a very good shot, meaning that if your compatriot succumbs to zombie-Dom, or has an off day, you are basically screwed. It's not something you can just take over when you have to, like you might with a sword or a club. I suppose a gun with a good bayonet would be a good compromise, but the guys who are the good shots tend not to be the same guys you want fighting in close quarters. Obviously you haven't given this enough thought. 😎 the folks on google have.

 

[danzman]

I see no reason why a good EM doc could not carry both a rifle and a couple of machetes with him/her to said island. Also, my vote is also for Derm, as they tend to be the hottest women in medicine.👍

 

[docB]

Most google references disagree with this. But assuming arguendo that this seminal work is correct, While that may be the case, the problem with all firearms is that you inevitably run out of ammo before you run out of zombies, and although hitting a precise point on the head of a moving target seems easy in the movies, you actually have to be a very good shot, meaning that if your compatriot succumbs to zombie-Dom, or has an off day, you are basically screwed. It's not something you can just take over when you have to, like you might with a sword or a club. I suppose a gun with a good bayonet would be a good compromise, but the guys who are the good shots tend not to be the same guys you want fighting in close quarters. Obviously you haven't given this enough thought. 😎 the folks on google have.

Not enough thought?!? I think of nothing but this very issue when I'm in my cave hiding from the black helicopters and the CHUDs.😀

Given my extensive expenditure of mental energy on this I will stick with my "ER docs with M-14s" answer and add "with enough ammo to cover the zombie population on the island." The hypothetical was zombies on a deserted island so presumably there is a finite supply of zombies (which is always a good thing).

I see no reason why a good EM doc could not carry both a rifle and a couple of machetes with him/her to said island. Also, my vote is also for Derm, as they tend to be the hottest women in medicine.👍

From a recreational standpoint, hot women, sure. From a survival standpoint hot women have at best a 50-50 chance based on the movies. For example in Night of the Living Dead and Dawn of the Dead the hot woman (and everyone else) dies. In 28 Days Later and I am Legend the hot woman lives.

 

[Sneezing]

Easy! These are the three specilities in order of importance:
1) Family Medicine
2) OB/GYN
3) Psych

 

[Leukocyte]

No medical doctor will do in a deserted island with no access to prescription meds or antibiotics. Any modern doctor will be useless. The only ones that might help are what our ancestors relied on for many many years..."bush medicine" practicioners, "medicine man", and those naturalists that now about that medicinal properties or herbs and plants.

 

[Law2Doc]

I see no reason why a good EM doc could not carry both a rifle and a couple of machetes with him/her to said island...:

of course he could, but the issue isn't what weapons are most useful, per se, but which specialists you would want wielding those weapons. I'm going with the google resources that say guns are perhaps fine for werewolves, but have limited utility against zombies. I haven't heard anyone suggest ER docs are better at machetes, and would suggest that surgeons/ orthopods and even pathologists are probably the most facile with a blade. Now if the goal is to come up with a vaccine against zombie-ism, a virologist might be of some utility, but without microscopes or other equipment, you'd be better off with the swordsman.

 

[EagerToBeMD]

No medical doctor will do in a deserted island with no access to prescription meds or antibiotics. Any modern doctor will be useless.

Bring in the DOs 🙂

 

[wannabeOBGYN]

Bring in the DOs 🙂

HAHA I thought the same thing!

This is one of the best threads I've read in a while.

I'd have to go with the following:

1. Ortho
2. ER
3. Granola DO who practices manipulation and has taken courses on things like herbal supplements to medicine. They'd be most likely to find something useful for people to eat or put on injuries on the island.

 

[nitemagi]

Didn't we learn anything from LOST?

 

[RadOncDoc21]

This is easy... Radiation Oncologist... duh!

 

[Mattchiavelli]

I'd take 3 rural Family Medicine docs... One is bound to own/work on/have worked on a farm and would be able to do something relating to living off the land.

I'm going into neurology and I will say I could contribute coming up with a great plan but not being able to execute it

 

[Law2Doc]

I'd take 3 rural Family Medicine docs... One is bound to own/work on/have worked on a farm and would be able to do something relating to living off the land...

you don't get three wishes. We are talking zombies, not genies.

 

[Rollo]

Most want to have

1) General Surgeon, preferably a Trauma/CC trained - knows enough about the human body and trauma related knowledge that he'd be able to prevent, diagnose, and treat anything with whatever means necessary because he will not be afraid to knock you out with a punch and take out that big log you've accidentally impaled yourself on while taking a dump, for example.

Plus, he's not afraid to deliver babies with a giant coconut tree leaf as a drape and cut the cord with the modified tree-branch-scalpel that he stayed up all night sharpening with a sharp rock.

2) Psychiatry - to provide philosophical ramblings and psych patient stories for entertainment purposes

3) Dermatologist - most likely she's a hot chick

Least want to have

1) EM - since he's not good enough to do procedures in the hospital, how can he be good enough to do things on a deserted island?

2) Pathologist - completely useless without a microscope or a glass slide

3) Radiologist - completely useless without a computer access

 

[2012mdc]

Most want to have

1) General Surgeon, preferably a Trauma/CC trained - knows enough about the human body and trauma related knowledge that he'd be able to prevent, diagnose, and treat anything with whatever means necessary because he will not be afraid to knock you out with a punch and take out that big log you've accidentally impaled yourself on while taking a dump, for example.

Plus, he's not afraid to deliver babies with a giant coconut tree leaf as a drape and cut the cord with the modified tree-branch-scalpel that he stayed up all night sharpening with a sharp rock.

2) Psychiatry - to provide philosophical ramblings and psych patient stories for entertainment purposes

3) Dermatologist - most likely she's a hot chick

Least want to have

1) EM - since he's not good enough to do procedures in the hospital, how can he be good enough to do things on a deserted island?

2) Pathologist - completely useless without a microscope or a glass slide

3) Radiologist - completely useless without a computer access

I would take EM over Optho unless the Optho was a hot chick of course

 

[Med Peds]

Most want to have

1) General Surgeon,

Plus, he's not afraid to deliver babies with a giant coconut tree leaf as a drape and cut the cord with the modified tree-branch-scalpel that he stayed up all night sharpening with a sharp rock.

awesome

 

[mlw03]

Most want to have

1) General Surgeon, preferably a Trauma/CC trained - knows enough about the human body and trauma related knowledge that he'd be able to prevent, diagnose, and treat anything with whatever means necessary because he will not be afraid to knock you out with a punch and take out that big log you've accidentally impaled yourself on while taking a dump, for example.

Plus, he's not afraid to deliver babies with a giant coconut tree leaf as a drape and cut the cord with the modified tree-branch-scalpel that he stayed up all night sharpening with a sharp rock.

2) Psychiatry - to provide philosophical ramblings and psych patient stories for entertainment purposes

3) Dermatologist - most likely she's a hot chick
Least want to have

1) EM - since he's not good enough to do procedures in the hospital, how can he be good enough to do things on a deserted island?

2) Pathologist - completely useless without a microscope or a glass slide
3) Radiologist - completely useless without a computer access

Agree with the derm - between med school and residency I'm convincned you can't get into a derm residency without being at least a 7 out of 10. Disagree with path - maybe most path, but us forensic folks can do a heck of a lot with just a scalpal. We could autopsy the zombies to learn their weaknesses. What about a dermpath girl? Hmm... scratch that - have met quite a few screws in that subspecialty.

 

[gutonc]

What about a dermpath girl? Hmm... scratch that - have met quite a few screws in that subspecialty.

You could never get a dermpath to go to a desert island with you. Unless there was a $750K annual salary involved.

 

[jdh71]

Most want to have

1) General Surgeon, preferably a Trauma/CC trained - knows enough about the human body and trauma related knowledge that he'd be able to prevent, diagnose, and treat anything with whatever means necessary because he will not be afraid to knock you out with a punch and take out that big log you've accidentally impaled yourself on while taking a dump, for example.

Plus, he's not afraid to deliver babies with a giant coconut tree leaf as a drape and cut the cord with the modified tree-branch-scalpel that he stayed up all night sharpening with a sharp rock.

2) Psychiatry - to provide philosophical ramblings and psych patient stories for entertainment purposes

3) Dermatologist - most likely she's a hot chick

Least want to have

1) EM - since he's not good enough to do procedures in the hospital, how can he be good enough to do things on a deserted island?

2) Pathologist - completely useless without a microscope or a glass slide

3) Radiologist - completely useless without a computer access

BURN!