Starting a new relationship in med school?

[yodi]

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So with the little mental free time I allow myself, the first thing my mind wanders off into is....loneliness. sniff. Incompleteness. (sappy violin music in background).

Any advice for dating anew in med school, either within or outside your class? I've been through this debate for months:

I feel now's not convenient cuz I need to get a good footing on academics for the first semester before I get invovled in anything....but then, in the busy medical career, when is it going to ever be convenient, right?

And I've seen classmates hookup so far, and I've heard of other class couples breaking up hard -- either way an in class relationship sounds like a 4 yr commitment to me (I'm MSI). The pro's of inclass being that you two will understand each other's commitment to studying and thus not being always free to hangout, etc; the cons: dealing with fallout everyday for up to 4 yrs if it all goes to hell. Dating outside: pro's being that you don't come home to more medicine --breath of fresh air so to speak; cons: she might not know why you can't spend more time with her.

I dunno. Thoughts? Insights from experiences? I'd really appreciate it.

Btw, Single Asian Male Age 23, loves music, movies, food, running, call me at.... woops, wrong forum.

 

[care bear]

aw .. .just keep your eyes open and stay organized as possible, then when a great girl comes along, inside or outside med school, you'll recognize it and have time to take the risk!sorry- no personal experience here yet. . .ask me in 4 years? 😉

 

[::Seabass::]

go for a chick who is busy too whether it be with school, career, whatever. if she has goals and works hard toward them, she should understand why you have to be busy sometimes.

 

[lowbudget]

How long are you willing to put your life on hold? If there's someone you like, go for it. No need to think about the pros and cons. Unfortunately, med school has a tendency to make you forget there's a world out there.

In class break ups can be hard because you see each other post-break in class every day... but the damage only lasts for 2 years max. MS3 and 4, people have different rotations, different teams, different cities even. Out class dating takes more nurturing because you don't see each other as often as classmates (class, lectures, labs, med school parties). Worse case scenario.

Best case scenario, you find your lifelong partner.

 

[Skrubz]

i agree with the above posters. just stay on top of your class work/studying and keep your eyes open. meeting someone can just happen out of the blue, but turning that initial meeting into a relationship takes time and effort, which will probably eat into your studying time. then again, you'll probably be a happier studier for it. i think it's worth the sacrifice. make sure you have friends outside of med school or have friends in med school who have friends outside with whom you can network and through whom you can meet new people.

i know some same-class couples in my class (of 2004). some got together m1 year and have together since and seem to be on track to getting married (and for one pair of my friends in particular, if they don't i'm going to kill them). some had messy breakups, but it doesn't matter as much during m3/m4 because of rotations. it just sucks if you end up rotating with your ex, especially if it's an ugly breakup. and if it's a long-term thing, you'll probably end up doing a couple's match (not necessarily bad, but it depends on how competitive the two are individually).

different-class couples within the same school seem to be a little harder to get off the ground. i know a few in my class but oddly enough the guy is always the one in the higher class. if it's a long-term thing though, it can severly limit the junior partner's interview/match options.

outside of school relationships are probably the hardest. as has been stated, the other person may not understand why school takes up such a large chunk of your time. or, in a worse case scenario, the person may totally understand but be in a different time zone (or two time zones over as the case may be) and there's nothing you can do about it. my SO has finished her m2 year and is taking a year off to do research but is located out in california while i'm in the midwest. we were introduced by a mutual friend in my class and things just took off from there. needless to say, i'm trying to get out to california for residency. we've been lucky enough to see one another once a month and rack up lots of time on the phone (thank god for unlimited nights and weekends via sprint). again, interviewing/matching may be curtailed if it's a long-term relationship.

moral of this story? make a good girl friend in your class who has single friends and is willing to set you up...

 

[yodi]

I really appreciate all your heartfelt suggestions. Best of luck on your studies, and your own relationships. 🙂

-yodi

 

[chef]

best of luck to u. btw i totally dont believe in "if u get involved u will fu## up your grades" myth.. medschool is tough but it's not that bad. if u go to class & study 2-3 hrs/day u will be more than set. that gives u tons of free time. so dont worry about that aspect

 

[Samoa]

Originally posted by chef
best of luck to u. btw i totally dont believe in "if u get involved u will fu## up your grades" myth.. medschool is tough but it's not that bad. if u go to class & study 2-3 hrs/day u will be more than set. that gives u tons of free time. so dont worry about that aspect

I actually think my grades would improve. When I have a boyfriend, I use time with him as a reward for finishing whatever study task I've set for myself.

 

[skypilot]

Originally posted by Samoa
I use time with him as a reward for finishing whatever study task I've set for myself.

He's a lucky guy

 

[Samoa]

Originally posted by skypilot
He's a lucky guy

He's nonexistent at the moment, hence the lack of Honors on my report card.

 

[smc927]

I think putting relationships on hold for the sake of a career is like eating dinner but skipping dessert. . .<br>
The meal is the nourishment, but the sweetest experiences of life are had with those we love. <br>
When I look at my beautiful wife and play with my little girl ..... you could never convince me otherwise!

 

[DW]

Originally posted by smc927
I think putting relationships on hold for the sake of a career is like eating dinner but skipping dessert. . .<br>
The meal is the nourishment, but the sweetest experiences of life are had with those we love. <br>
When I look at my beautiful wife and play with my little girl ..... you could never convince me otherwise!

wow, thats good stuff 🙂

This is a good thread. In light of a few recent developments I've gotten to thinking on this topic a lot recently. After being in med school for a few months now, I realize that if my life gets too one dimensional I start to go insane, and its reasonable to balance a social life and med school. I dont think I'd be averse to an intramural relationship, since I am not nor would I ever date the vindictive type of person, and got out of the random hookup mode a long time ago in college. I realize that medicine is a big time commitment that I fully accept, but I've got to branch out, have fun, and hopefully meet someone in due time.

in short, i'm on the market 😛