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Last edited:
+1 on thisI'm also going to add your ex was a piece of ****.
+1 on this
+3, OP, you deserve so much better. I hope you can find a way to heal and be successful both in medicine and in life.+2 lol
I guess it was with random people, not a serious relationship with someone else at the same time? I'm just guessing here.Wtf is casual cheating?
I guess it was with random people, not a serious relationship with someone else at the same time? I'm just guessing here.
+1 on this
Unfortunately the solution to your problems is likely taking some time to sort yourself out, and you won't have that in residency. This is perhaps the greatest issue I have with medical training- like a rollercoaster, once the ride starts, you're stuck on until the end, and the only way off in the middle involves either great danger or terrible inconvenience.I need to vent and bounce my poorly constructed thoughts off of the general human population. Turning to the last place I ever thought I would post in the 10 or so years that I have known about SDN's existence.
I'm an M4 and I feel beat. It's honestly an overwhelming feeling. A little about me: I was always a strong student (as I'm sure many of you are) and pretty happy pressing on to the next task, whatever that may be. A year or so ago, my long term relationship ended, abruptly (ever heard of ghosting? Yea please don't ever do that to someone, it really hurts them psychologically and it's hard to regain any sense of self) right before my step 1 study period. I gave myself the "ok just focus on the now everything will work out" but my study period was a hot mess, I was a hot mess. The material wasn't difficult but my concentration was shot to hell. I could barely get through 10 questions without breaking down in tears. Took step 1, ended up with an average score that I'm not proud of nor does reflect my understanding of the content, but I have forgiven myself (hard for me given how type A I am) for being down during a really ****ty time in my life. I think about how I could have done things differently and I resign to the fact that no amount of control I was capable of would have restrained my reaction to the incredible sense of loss I felt. I never actually found out anything about why I was ghosted, just some accessory details that my being in medical school was a problem, that I didn't party enough or that I wasn't fun enough because I was always studying, and you know, the casual cheating thrown in. Saw a few therapists since then hoping for some kind of help or something/anything but they said time will help and that was it.
Well here I am, time has taken it's...well...time. haha. I still feel dead inside. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've tried literally everything, healthy eating, sleeping, gym, etc. and nothing seems to be helping. My friends outside of med school keep telling me to start dating and I can't bring myself to do it. I've completely given up on my relationship (the person started dating someone else and frankly the way the person treated me, I'm not sure if I can ever recover from it), but the experience completely shattered me and my faith in people. I hate myself for saying this-I just don't care anymore. I feel like I've spent my whole life living for other people. Volunteering for this or that, running blah blah charity, etc. And I cared a lot, a large part of me still does (I mean who doesn't care about human suffering), but I am so tired. Emotionally just exhausted. I feel unloved and have no one to confide in. Everyone always says "move on" and I want to so desperately, get back to the person I was or at least someone, anyone, who had the same drive and joy for life. I've tried to "live for me" and "be my own cheerleader!" but it's hasn't worked. I'm trying to focus on bettering myself but i don't know if I'm making any progress. Of course, I'm not dating, partially because I'm not ready to trust someone fully again and also because every person only wants to date me because I look good and not for who I am, which at some point, was someone worth being.
Over the past year, I've been spending excessive time in the hospital, taking on as much responsibility as I can to avoid going home and having to spend time with my thoughts at night. It helps that I love being at work all the time, but I feel like it's not healthy. I've withdrawn socially-used to go out a lot and be really extroverted. Pretty much everyone just drinks themselves to death on the weekends or is coupled off, and I find myself not enjoying the drinking/clubbing thing that much anymore. But that leaves me...by myself. Most of the time. I feel so incredibly lonely, and I should be so excited about applying for residency and starting this big journey that I have worked so hard for my whole life. I want to be excited, I want to feel the thrill of being competitive again, I want to study and learn so I can have the appropriate mental acuity to care for my patients. I want to be skilled so I can be strong technically. But my desire is so dulled and my affect so blunted. I don't understand how to get out of this slump and I'm honestly at wit's end. I feel like the life I worked for is kind of slipping away, or already has and I'm just now starting to realize it. There is such a powerful dissonance between how I feel and how I act. I'm always so cheerful, I feel like I have to be because providers in the hospital are burnt out and patients don't need more negativity compounded to their already difficult lives. But sometimes, I wonder, will it ever be about me? Just for a couple days, can I be happy? I feel like my life doesn't hold significance, like I don't matter. I keep asking myself why I'm doing this, why I'm working so hard only to hear the answer of "so other people can breathe a little easier or just breathe, period" but the whisper of "don't you deserve to be happy too" inevitably follows.
I want to feel joy again and I want life to return to me, vivid as it was in the past. I'm honestly really struggling with how to make that happen. I feel so lost and so alone. If I'm lucky enough to grow old, I am going to look back and regret living like some kind of lost shadow.
By the way, your ex was awful, and I hope you can realize that in hindsight. It is better things happened now than ten years down the line when you'd be on the hook for child support and have a bitter and costly divorce when you find them with the pool boy. Cheaters gonna cheat, it's just a matter of when, and there's nothing you could have done to stop it. They're missing out on a great person with a future, not the other way around. And you're missing out on a pile of ****, nbd.I need to vent and bounce my poorly constructed thoughts off of the general human population. Turning to the last place I ever thought I would post in the 10 or so years that I have known about SDN's existence.
I'm an M4 and I feel beat. It's honestly an overwhelming feeling. A little about me: I was always a strong student (as I'm sure many of you are) and pretty happy pressing on to the next task, whatever that may be. A year or so ago, my long term relationship ended, abruptly (ever heard of ghosting? Yea please don't ever do that to someone, it really hurts them psychologically and it's hard to regain any sense of self) right before my step 1 study period. I gave myself the "ok just focus on the now everything will work out" but my study period was a hot mess, I was a hot mess. The material wasn't difficult but my concentration was shot to hell. I could barely get through 10 questions without breaking down in tears. Took step 1, ended up with an average score that I'm not proud of nor does reflect my understanding of the content, but I have forgiven myself (hard for me given how type A I am) for being down during a really ****ty time in my life. I think about how I could have done things differently and I resign to the fact that no amount of control I was capable of would have restrained my reaction to the incredible sense of loss I felt. I never actually found out anything about why I was ghosted, just some accessory details that my being in medical school was a problem, that I didn't party enough or that I wasn't fun enough because I was always studying, and you know, the casual cheating thrown in. Saw a few therapists since then hoping for some kind of help or something/anything but they said time will help and that was it.
Well here I am, time has taken it's...well...time. haha. I still feel dead inside. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've tried literally everything, healthy eating, sleeping, gym, etc. and nothing seems to be helping. My friends outside of med school keep telling me to start dating and I can't bring myself to do it. I've completely given up on my relationship (the person started dating someone else and frankly the way the person treated me, I'm not sure if I can ever recover from it), but the experience completely shattered me and my faith in people. I hate myself for saying this-I just don't care anymore. I feel like I've spent my whole life living for other people. Volunteering for this or that, running blah blah charity, etc. And I cared a lot, a large part of me still does (I mean who doesn't care about human suffering), but I am so tired. Emotionally just exhausted. I feel unloved and have no one to confide in. Everyone always says "move on" and I want to so desperately, get back to the person I was or at least someone, anyone, who had the same drive and joy for life. I've tried to "live for me" and "be my own cheerleader!" but it's hasn't worked. I'm trying to focus on bettering myself but i don't know if I'm making any progress. Of course, I'm not dating, partially because I'm not ready to trust someone fully again and also because every person only wants to date me because I look good and not for who I am, which at some point, was someone worth being.
Over the past year, I've been spending excessive time in the hospital, taking on as much responsibility as I can to avoid going home and having to spend time with my thoughts at night. It helps that I love being at work all the time, but I feel like it's not healthy. I've withdrawn socially-used to go out a lot and be really extroverted. Pretty much everyone just drinks themselves to death on the weekends or is coupled off, and I find myself not enjoying the drinking/clubbing thing that much anymore. But that leaves me...by myself. Most of the time. I feel so incredibly lonely, and I should be so excited about applying for residency and starting this big journey that I have worked so hard for my whole life. I want to be excited, I want to feel the thrill of being competitive again, I want to study and learn so I can have the appropriate mental acuity to care for my patients. I want to be skilled so I can be strong technically. But my desire is so dulled and my affect so blunted. I don't understand how to get out of this slump and I'm honestly at wit's end. I feel like the life I worked for is kind of slipping away, or already has and I'm just now starting to realize it. There is such a powerful dissonance between how I feel and how I act. I'm always so cheerful, I feel like I have to be because providers in the hospital are burnt out and patients don't need more negativity compounded to their already difficult lives. But sometimes, I wonder, will it ever be about me? Just for a couple days, can I be happy? I feel like my life doesn't hold significance, like I don't matter. I keep asking myself why I'm doing this, why I'm working so hard only to hear the answer of "so other people can breathe a little easier or just breathe, period" but the whisper of "don't you deserve to be happy too" inevitably follows.
I want to feel joy again and I want life to return to me, vivid as it was in the past. I'm honestly really struggling with how to make that happen. I feel so lost and so alone. If I'm lucky enough to grow old, I am going to look back and regret living like some kind of lost shadow.
I strongly recommend you seek professional help and maybe a low dose of antidepressants.
I couldn't disagree more.
The emotions he is experiencing are meant to be experienced, even if it's in the worst moment possible.
Taking antidepressants only to alter the mood now, because of a break-up, only increases the chances of taking antidepressants in the future, for any other discomfort.
I also have empathy toward this situation, but a break-up, no matter how harsh it is, it's still not a reason to succumb to various coping mechanisms. I don't care what some experts and non-experts opinion is on this matter, antidepressants are just another coping mechanism, like food, drugs, alcohol - they give you exactly the same effect, never mind that it's packed in a bottle and it looks like something different.
America is full of people who consume antidepressants like candies, so it's not a surprise at all that it's a recommended and accepted thing.
I will tell you, however, the real experience I had with people who started taking antidepressants after a painful event : they are still hooked on them and they are still not mentally recovered. Yes, it's easier for them to smile and to have fun, but it's not really them, it's the antidepressants, because take that away from them and they become the old, lethargic, weak persons that they were and that they still are, only that it's covered with antidepressants.
And here comes the real trap : giving up antidepressants after a time will be very difficult, exactly because they work so well and they offer such a powerful effect through an easy way. Everyone believes that they will use them "strategically", but they were never meant to be used strategically, they were meant to create addiction, just like anything that offers such a powerful effect for such a low effort. You, OP, should especially know that many things in this life that require such low efforts are shallow things that don't contribute to personal growth in any way.
Yes, a break-up can be very emotional, but you've got to be naive if you think that you're not going to face hundreds of equally difficult events in your life.
The coping mechanisms that you develop right now are going to be the coping mechanisms that you're going to have for a lifetime, so choose wisely.
Attitude matters a lot, because from my experience, when people really consider something to be a drama, they start acting in a desperate way and desperate actions have dreadful consequences.
However, if you realize that this is another challenge, another test for your inner strength and mental balance, then you'll approach things differently.
Stop making it so personal - it's just another story ! Right now there are thousands of break-ups happening around the world, thousands of people are going to be depressed for the next months, some of them are going to over-dose themselves and get into hospitals, others are going to commit suicide, others are going to recover and re-build their lives, others are going to be damaged for life - yes, this is the world we live in, your story is just one in a million. I'm not saying this to belittle your problem in any way, but personally for me this realization always puts things in perspective, because every time I had a problem and I started to make a drama about it in my mind, I thought in my mind "You know, this exact problem has happened/is happening/is going to happen to millions of other people - am I really going to make a drama out of it ?"
Somehow, when you think about life at a macro level, you just can't help but laugh at this whole circus.
For all the bad rap that thinking gets nowadays, sometimes it's emotions that have to take a break in your life if you want to get out of a rut.
"Life's a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel. " - Apply.
I am telling you all these things, because I can really feel your situations, I went through a lot of similar situations myself, and no matter how much I write here, it's still very little compared to how much I could share.
When you stop making things personal, you "deactivate" your ego and you can have a fresh start in life. The problem in itself, as I've already mentioned, is just another story on this planet - there are thousands of break-ups going on right now and millions of people suffering even bigger dramas. I'm not saying this to belittle your problem, I'm saying this so that you gain some perspective, because the best way to stay depressed is to feel sorry for yourself and then to find all types of justifications for suffering in different ways and not being able to live.
Every time I let go of my own suffering, it was in the moment in which I realized that I am the one who is choking myself.
I had break-ups that made me want to run like mad for years. The amount of irritation and negative feelings that I felt toward the other person are indescribable. But I realized at a point that I'll never be free I don't own the way I handle my own emotions.
Sure, the other person hurt me in ways that I didn't think I would ever recover, but at the same time, how could I ever heal myself if I give the other person such a big power over me and under-estimate my own power over myself ?
The moment you let a person to psyche you out, you instantly lose the battle. Game over.
Whether if it's a business partner, a girlfriends, an enemy, a boss, etc. - it's all the same.
You will stop feeling so down and bitter and frustrated and mad toward them when you'll realize that it's all a brutal mental game, which can be mastered, no matter how dark the situation seems. It's actually supposed to be so dark and crippling, because if you overcome it, you'll be extremely strong.
The way you speak it sounds like you think antidepressants are like heroin.I couldn't disagree more.
The emotions he is experiencing are meant to be experienced, even if it's in the worst moment possible.
Taking antidepressants only to alter the mood now, because of a break-up, only increases the chances of taking antidepressants in the future, for any other discomfort.
I also have empathy toward this situation, but a break-up, no matter how harsh it is, it's still not a reason to succumb to various coping mechanisms. I don't care what some experts and non-experts opinion is on this matter, antidepressants are just another coping mechanism, like food, drugs, alcohol - they give you exactly the same effect, never mind that it's packed in a bottle and it looks like something different.
America is full of people who consume antidepressants like candies, so it's not a surprise at all that it's a recommended and accepted thing.
I will tell you, however, the real experience I had with people who started taking antidepressants after a painful event : they are still hooked on them and they are still not mentally recovered. Yes, it's easier for them to smile and to have fun, but it's not really them, it's the antidepressants, because take that away from them and they become the old, lethargic, weak persons that they were and that they still are, only that it's covered with antidepressants.
And here comes the real trap : giving up antidepressants after a time will be very difficult, exactly because they work so well and they offer such a powerful effect through an easy way. Everyone believes that they will use them "strategically", but they were never meant to be used strategically, they were meant to create addiction, just like anything that offers such a powerful effect for such a low effort. You, OP, should especially know that many things in this life that require such low efforts are shallow things that don't contribute to personal growth in any way.
Yes, a break-up can be very emotional, but you've got to be naive if you think that you're not going to face hundreds of equally difficult events in your life.
The coping mechanisms that you develop right now are going to be the coping mechanisms that you're going to have for a lifetime, so choose wisely.
Attitude matters a lot, because from my experience, when people really consider something to be a drama, they start acting in a desperate way and desperate actions have dreadful consequences.
However, if you realize that this is another challenge, another test for your inner strength and mental balance, then you'll approach things differently.
Stop making it so personal - it's just another story ! Right now there are thousands of break-ups happening around the world, thousands of people are going to be depressed for the next months, some of them are going to over-dose themselves and get into hospitals, others are going to commit suicide, others are going to recover and re-build their lives, others are going to be damaged for life - yes, this is the world we live in, your story is just one in a million. I'm not saying this to belittle your problem in any way, but personally for me this realization always puts things in perspective, because every time I had a problem and I started to make a drama about it in my mind, I thought in my mind "You know, this exact problem has happened/is happening/is going to happen to millions of other people - am I really going to make a drama out of it ?"
Somehow, when you think about life at a macro level, you just can't help but laugh at this whole circus.
For all the bad rap that thinking gets nowadays, sometimes it's emotions that have to take a break in your life if you want to get out of a rut.
"Life's a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel. " - Apply.
I am telling you all these things, because I can really feel your situations, I went through a lot of similar situations myself, and no matter how much I write here, it's still very little compared to how much I could share.
When you stop making things personal, you "deactivate" your ego and you can have a fresh start in life. The problem in itself, as I've already mentioned, is just another story on this planet - there are thousands of break-ups going on right now and millions of people suffering even bigger dramas. I'm not saying this to belittle your problem, I'm saying this so that you gain some perspective, because the best way to stay depressed is to feel sorry for yourself and then to find all types of justifications for suffering in different ways and not being able to live.
Every time I let go of my own suffering, it was in the moment in which I realized that I am the one who is choking myself.
I had break-ups that made me want to run like mad for years. The amount of irritation and negative feelings that I felt toward the other person are indescribable. But I realized at a point that I'll never be free I don't own the way I handle my own emotions.
Sure, the other person hurt me in ways that I didn't think I would ever recover, but at the same time, how could I ever heal myself if I give the other person such a big power over me and under-estimate my own power over myself ?
The moment you let a person to psyche you out, you instantly lose the battle. Game over.
Whether if it's a business partner, a girlfriends, an enemy, a boss, etc. - it's all the same.
You will stop feeling so down and bitter and frustrated and mad toward them when you'll realize that it's all a brutal mental game, which can be mastered, no matter how dark the situation seems. It's actually supposed to be so dark and crippling, because if you overcome it, you'll be extremely strong.
Perhaps you haven't yet trained with a compassionate psychiatrist... but your statement that antidepressants are "meant to create addiction" is sensational and unfounded.I couldn't disagree more.
The emotions he is experiencing are meant to be experienced, even if it's in the worst moment possible.
Taking antidepressants only to alter the mood now, because of a break-up, only increases the chances of taking antidepressants in the future, for any other discomfort.
I also have empathy toward this situation, but a break-up, no matter how harsh it is, it's still not a reason to succumb to various coping mechanisms. I don't care what some experts and non-experts opinion is on this matter, antidepressants are just another coping mechanism, like food, drugs, alcohol - they give you exactly the same effect, never mind that it's packed in a bottle and it looks like something different.
America is full of people who consume antidepressants like candies, so it's not a surprise at all that it's a recommended and accepted thing.
I will tell you, however, the real experience I had with people who started taking antidepressants after a painful event : they are still hooked on them and they are still not mentally recovered. Yes, it's easier for them to smile and to have fun, but it's not really them, it's the antidepressants, because take that away from them and they become the old, lethargic, weak persons that they were and that they still are, only that it's covered with antidepressants.
And here comes the real trap : giving up antidepressants after a time will be very difficult, exactly because they work so well and they offer such a powerful effect through an easy way. Everyone believes that they will use them "strategically", but they were never meant to be used strategically, they were meant to create addiction, just like anything that offers such a powerful effect for such a low effort. You, OP, should especially know that many things in this life that require such low efforts are shallow things that don't contribute to personal growth in any way.
Yes, a break-up can be very emotional, but you've got to be naive if you think that you're not going to face hundreds of equally difficult events in your life.
The coping mechanisms that you develop right now are going to be the coping mechanisms that you're going to have for a lifetime, so choose wisely.
Attitude matters a lot, because from my experience, when people really consider something to be a drama, they start acting in a desperate way and desperate actions have dreadful consequences.
However, if you realize that this is another challenge, another test for your inner strength and mental balance, then you'll approach things differently.
Stop making it so personal - it's just another story ! Right now there are thousands of break-ups happening around the world, thousands of people are going to be depressed for the next months, some of them are going to over-dose themselves and get into hospitals, others are going to commit suicide, others are going to recover and re-build their lives, others are going to be damaged for life - yes, this is the world we live in, your story is just one in a million. I'm not saying this to belittle your problem in any way, but personally for me this realization always puts things in perspective, because every time I had a problem and I started to make a drama about it in my mind, I thought in my mind "You know, this exact problem has happened/is happening/is going to happen to millions of other people - am I really going to make a drama out of it ?"
Somehow, when you think about life at a macro level, you just can't help but laugh at this whole circus.
For all the bad rap that thinking gets nowadays, sometimes it's emotions that have to take a break in your life if you want to get out of a rut.
"Life's a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel. " - Apply.
I am telling you all these things, because I can really feel your situations, I went through a lot of similar situations myself, and no matter how much I write here, it's still very little compared to how much I could share.
When you stop making things personal, you "deactivate" your ego and you can have a fresh start in life. The problem in itself, as I've already mentioned, is just another story on this planet - there are thousands of break-ups going on right now and millions of people suffering even bigger dramas. I'm not saying this to belittle your problem, I'm saying this so that you gain some perspective, because the best way to stay depressed is to feel sorry for yourself and then to find all types of justifications for suffering in different ways and not being able to live.
Every time I let go of my own suffering, it was in the moment in which I realized that I am the one who is choking myself.
I had break-ups that made me want to run like mad for years. The amount of irritation and negative feelings that I felt toward the other person are indescribable. But I realized at a point that I'll never be free I don't own the way I handle my own emotions.
Sure, the other person hurt me in ways that I didn't think I would ever recover, but at the same time, how could I ever heal myself if I give the other person such a big power over me and under-estimate my own power over myself ?
The moment you let a person to psyche you out, you instantly lose the battle. Game over.
Whether if it's a business partner, a girlfriends, an enemy, a boss, etc. - it's all the same.
You will stop feeling so down and bitter and frustrated and mad toward them when you'll realize that it's all a brutal mental game, which can be mastered, no matter how dark the situation seems. It's actually supposed to be so dark and crippling, because if you overcome it, you'll be extremely strong.
I couldn't disagree more.
The emotions he is experiencing are meant to be experienced, even if it's in the worst moment possible.
Taking antidepressants only to alter the mood now, because of a break-up, only increases the chances of taking antidepressants in the future, for any other discomfort.
I also have empathy toward this situation, but a break-up, no matter how harsh it is, it's still not a reason to succumb to various coping mechanisms. I don't care what some experts and non-experts opinion is on this matter, antidepressants are just another coping mechanism, like food, drugs, alcohol - they give you exactly the same effect, never mind that it's packed in a bottle and it looks like something different.
America is full of people who consume antidepressants like candies, so it's not a surprise at all that it's a recommended and accepted thing.
I will tell you, however, the real experience I had with people who started taking antidepressants after a painful event : they are still hooked on them and they are still not mentally recovered. Yes, it's easier for them to smile and to have fun, but it's not really them, it's the antidepressants, because take that away from them and they become the old, lethargic, weak persons that they were and that they still are, only that it's covered with antidepressants.
And here comes the real trap : giving up antidepressants after a time will be very difficult, exactly because they work so well and they offer such a powerful effect through an easy way. Everyone believes that they will use them "strategically", but they were never meant to be used strategically, they were meant to create addiction, just like anything that offers such a powerful effect for such a low effort. You, OP, should especially know that many things in this life that require such low efforts are shallow things that don't contribute to personal growth in any way.
Yes, a break-up can be very emotional, but you've got to be naive if you think that you're not going to face hundreds of equally difficult events in your life.
The coping mechanisms that you develop right now are going to be the coping mechanisms that you're going to have for a lifetime, so choose wisely.
Attitude matters a lot, because from my experience, when people really consider something to be a drama, they start acting in a desperate way and desperate actions have dreadful consequences.
However, if you realize that this is another challenge, another test for your inner strength and mental balance, then you'll approach things differently.
Stop making it so personal - it's just another story ! Right now there are thousands of break-ups happening around the world, thousands of people are going to be depressed for the next months, some of them are going to over-dose themselves and get into hospitals, others are going to commit suicide, others are going to recover and re-build their lives, others are going to be damaged for life - yes, this is the world we live in, your story is just one in a million. I'm not saying this to belittle your problem in any way, but personally for me this realization always puts things in perspective, because every time I had a problem and I started to make a drama about it in my mind, I thought in my mind "You know, this exact problem has happened/is happening/is going to happen to millions of other people - am I really going to make a drama out of it ?"
Somehow, when you think about life at a macro level, you just can't help but laugh at this whole circus.
For all the bad rap that thinking gets nowadays, sometimes it's emotions that have to take a break in your life if you want to get out of a rut.
"Life's a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel. " - Apply.
I am telling you all these things, because I can really feel your situations, I went through a lot of similar situations myself, and no matter how much I write here, it's still very little compared to how much I could share.
When you stop making things personal, you "deactivate" your ego and you can have a fresh start in life. The problem in itself, as I've already mentioned, is just another story on this planet - there are thousands of break-ups going on right now and millions of people suffering even bigger dramas. I'm not saying this to belittle your problem, I'm saying this so that you gain some perspective, because the best way to stay depressed is to feel sorry for yourself and then to find all types of justifications for suffering in different ways and not being able to live.
Every time I let go of my own suffering, it was in the moment in which I realized that I am the one who is choking myself.
I had break-ups that made me want to run like mad for years. The amount of irritation and negative feelings that I felt toward the other person are indescribable. But I realized at a point that I'll never be free I don't own the way I handle my own emotions.
Sure, the other person hurt me in ways that I didn't think I would ever recover, but at the same time, how could I ever heal myself if I give the other person such a big power over me and under-estimate my own power over myself ?
The moment you let a person to psyche you out, you instantly lose the battle. Game over.
Whether if it's a business partner, a girlfriends, an enemy, a boss, etc. - it's all the same.
You will stop feeling so down and bitter and frustrated and mad toward them when you'll realize that it's all a brutal mental game, which can be mastered, no matter how dark the situation seems. It's actually supposed to be so dark and crippling, because if you overcome it, you'll be extremely strong.
I couldn't disagree more.
The emotions he is experiencing are meant to be experienced, even if it's in the worst moment possible.
Taking antidepressants only to alter the mood now, because of a break-up, only increases the chances of taking antidepressants in the future, for any other discomfort.
I also have empathy toward this situation, but a break-up, no matter how harsh it is, it's still not a reason to succumb to various coping mechanisms. I don't care what some experts and non-experts opinion is on this matter, antidepressants are just another coping mechanism, like food, drugs, alcohol - they give you exactly the same effect, never mind that it's packed in a bottle and it looks like something different.
America is full of people who consume antidepressants like candies, so it's not a surprise at all that it's a recommended and accepted thing.
I will tell you, however, the real experience I had with people who started taking antidepressants after a painful event : they are still hooked on them and they are still not mentally recovered. Yes, it's easier for them to smile and to have fun, but it's not really them, it's the antidepressants, because take that away from them and they become the old, lethargic, weak persons that they were and that they still are, only that it's covered with antidepressants.
And here comes the real trap : giving up antidepressants after a time will be very difficult, exactly because they work so well and they offer such a powerful effect through an easy way. Everyone believes that they will use them "strategically", but they were never meant to be used strategically, they were meant to create addiction, just like anything that offers such a powerful effect for such a low effort. You, OP, should especially know that many things in this life that require such low efforts are shallow things that don't contribute to personal growth in any way.
Yes, a break-up can be very emotional, but you've got to be naive if you think that you're not going to face hundreds of equally difficult events in your life.
The coping mechanisms that you develop right now are going to be the coping mechanisms that you're going to have for a lifetime, so choose wisely.
Attitude matters a lot, because from my experience, when people really consider something to be a drama, they start acting in a desperate way and desperate actions have dreadful consequences.
However, if you realize that this is another challenge, another test for your inner strength and mental balance, then you'll approach things differently.
Stop making it so personal - it's just another story ! Right now there are thousands of break-ups happening around the world, thousands of people are going to be depressed for the next months, some of them are going to over-dose themselves and get into hospitals, others are going to commit suicide, others are going to recover and re-build their lives, others are going to be damaged for life - yes, this is the world we live in, your story is just one in a million. I'm not saying this to belittle your problem in any way, but personally for me this realization always puts things in perspective, because every time I had a problem and I started to make a drama about it in my mind, I thought in my mind "You know, this exact problem has happened/is happening/is going to happen to millions of other people - am I really going to make a drama out of it ?"
Somehow, when you think about life at a macro level, you just can't help but laugh at this whole circus.
For all the bad rap that thinking gets nowadays, sometimes it's emotions that have to take a break in your life if you want to get out of a rut.
"Life's a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel. " - Apply.
I am telling you all these things, because I can really feel your situations, I went through a lot of similar situations myself, and no matter how much I write here, it's still very little compared to how much I could share.
When you stop making things personal, you "deactivate" your ego and you can have a fresh start in life. The problem in itself, as I've already mentioned, is just another story on this planet - there are thousands of break-ups going on right now and millions of people suffering even bigger dramas. I'm not saying this to belittle your problem, I'm saying this so that you gain some perspective, because the best way to stay depressed is to feel sorry for yourself and then to find all types of justifications for suffering in different ways and not being able to live.
Every time I let go of my own suffering, it was in the moment in which I realized that I am the one who is choking myself.
I had break-ups that made me want to run like mad for years. The amount of irritation and negative feelings that I felt toward the other person are indescribable. But I realized at a point that I'll never be free I don't own the way I handle my own emotions.
Sure, the other person hurt me in ways that I didn't think I would ever recover, but at the same time, how could I ever heal myself if I give the other person such a big power over me and under-estimate my own power over myself ?
The moment you let a person to psyche you out, you instantly lose the battle. Game over.
Whether if it's a business partner, a girlfriends, an enemy, a boss, etc. - it's all the same.
You will stop feeling so down and bitter and frustrated and mad toward them when you'll realize that it's all a brutal mental game, which can be mastered, no matter how dark the situation seems. It's actually supposed to be so dark and crippling, because if you overcome it, you'll be extremely strong.
It seems like Tsunami was just sharing the coping mechanisms that he found to work for him, but you'll probably need your own.
I do think learning new modes of thinking is where the real growth happens, and I think that's kind of what tsunami was saying.
I submitted apps and everything, waiting for interviews is crushing me. I feel like no matter what, nothing is going to make schools look at my application because of my step score. I am really starting to resent my ex and starting to resent myself for feeling this way.
Honestly wtf. One stupid breakup has literally derailed my whole life. What the **** am I supposed to do to fix this.
It's taking so much self restraint for me to just not scream. I'm trying so hard to regain control of my life and I can't seem to get past this test score.
I submitted apps and everything, waiting for interviews is crushing me. I feel like no matter what, nothing is going to make schools look at my application because of my step score. I am really starting to resent my ex and starting to resent myself for feeling this way.
Honestly wtf. One stupid breakup has literally derailed my whole life. What the **** am I supposed to do to fix this.
It's taking so much self restraint for me to just not scream. I'm trying so hard to regain control of my life and I can't seem to get past this test score.
It's the fact that it affected Step 1 I think that is still holding me back. I've tried to forgive myself but I keep thinking wow no program director knows nor cares about your inability to handle a break up. They're gonna look at your step score, assume you are an idiot and toss the application.
I couldn't disagree more.
The emotions he is experiencing are meant to be experienced, even if it's in the worst moment possible.
Taking antidepressants only to alter the mood now, because of a break-up, only increases the chances of taking antidepressants in the future, for any other discomfort.
I also have empathy toward this situation, but a break-up, no matter how harsh it is, it's still not a reason to succumb to various coping mechanisms. I don't care what some experts and non-experts opinion is on this matter, antidepressants are just another coping mechanism, like food, drugs, alcohol - they give you exactly the same effect, never mind that it's packed in a bottle and it looks like something different.
America is full of people who consume antidepressants like candies, so it's not a surprise at all that it's a recommended and accepted thing.
I will tell you, however, the real experience I had with people who started taking antidepressants after a painful event : they are still hooked on them and they are still not mentally recovered. Yes, it's easier for them to smile and to have fun, but it's not really them, it's the antidepressants, because take that away from them and they become the old, lethargic, weak persons that they were and that they still are, only that it's covered with antidepressants.
And here comes the real trap : giving up antidepressants after a time will be very difficult, exactly because they work so well and they offer such a powerful effect through an easy way. Everyone believes that they will use them "strategically", but they were never meant to be used strategically, they were meant to create addiction, just like anything that offers such a powerful effect for such a low effort. You, OP, should especially know that many things in this life that require such low efforts are shallow things that don't contribute to personal growth in any way.
Yes, a break-up can be very emotional, but you've got to be naive if you think that you're not going to face hundreds of equally difficult events in your life.
The coping mechanisms that you develop right now are going to be the coping mechanisms that you're going to have for a lifetime, so choose wisely.
Attitude matters a lot, because from my experience, when people really consider something to be a drama, they start acting in a desperate way and desperate actions have dreadful consequences.
However, if you realize that this is another challenge, another test for your inner strength and mental balance, then you'll approach things differently.
Stop making it so personal - it's just another story ! Right now there are thousands of break-ups happening around the world, thousands of people are going to be depressed for the next months, some of them are going to over-dose themselves and get into hospitals, others are going to commit suicide, others are going to recover and re-build their lives, others are going to be damaged for life - yes, this is the world we live in, your story is just one in a million. I'm not saying this to belittle your problem in any way, but personally for me this realization always puts things in perspective, because every time I had a problem and I started to make a drama about it in my mind, I thought in my mind "You know, this exact problem has happened/is happening/is going to happen to millions of other people - am I really going to make a drama out of it ?"
Somehow, when you think about life at a macro level, you just can't help but laugh at this whole circus.
For all the bad rap that thinking gets nowadays, sometimes it's emotions that have to take a break in your life if you want to get out of a rut.
"Life's a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel. " - Apply.
I am telling you all these things, because I can really feel your situations, I went through a lot of similar situations myself, and no matter how much I write here, it's still very little compared to how much I could share.
When you stop making things personal, you "deactivate" your ego and you can have a fresh start in life. The problem in itself, as I've already mentioned, is just another story on this planet - there are thousands of break-ups going on right now and millions of people suffering even bigger dramas. I'm not saying this to belittle your problem, I'm saying this so that you gain some perspective, because the best way to stay depressed is to feel sorry for yourself and then to find all types of justifications for suffering in different ways and not being able to live.
Every time I let go of my own suffering, it was in the moment in which I realized that I am the one who is choking myself.
I had break-ups that made me want to run like mad for years. The amount of irritation and negative feelings that I felt toward the other person are indescribable. But I realized at a point that I'll never be free I don't own the way I handle my own emotions.
Sure, the other person hurt me in ways that I didn't think I would ever recover, but at the same time, how could I ever heal myself if I give the other person such a big power over me and under-estimate my own power over myself ?
The moment you let a person to psyche you out, you instantly lose the battle. Game over.
Whether if it's a business partner, a girlfriends, an enemy, a boss, etc. - it's all the same.
You will stop feeling so down and bitter and frustrated and mad toward them when you'll realize that it's all a brutal mental game, which can be mastered, no matter how dark the situation seems. It's actually supposed to be so dark and crippling, because if you overcome it, you'll be extremely strong.
It's tough not to when you're with someone for 9 years. Is it really that hard to understand? You obviously become intertwined with that other person if your relationship ship has any semblance of love. That means you may form common dreams and goals and if one person ducks out what happens to those dreams?Can someone explain to me why people have their entire self worth tied to other people?
Hi guys, update: I made it through interview season intact. I just accidentally read my (extremely long omg) email to my ex after I was ghosted and broke down crying for a good bit. Note to self: don't use common words as subjects for sensitive emails. I've decided to go ahead an make an appt for therapy now that I have more flexibility in my schedule (and honestly the punch in the gut every time I think about the situation feels the same). Thank you guys for your thoughts and advice. It helped me get through a rough time.