T25 (UVA/Case) vs. State School with SO

[Seamore_2]

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My gf and I are facing a difficult choice with our medical schools. We’re fortunate to each possess 2 acceptances. Each of us have an A at our state school, ~T90, and an A at two different ~T25 schools (UVA and Case Western).


Here are the pros and cons for attending our state school.

State School:
PROS

• each of us would graduate with 50k less debt (not a major difference in long run)
• opportunity to live together (which we have loved doing during our gap year)
• closer to family and friends

CONS

• less “prestige”
• much less research opportunities (no dedicated block in curriculum)
• possibly weaker LORs

If we split up to attend our ~T25 schools, the pros and cons would pretty much be the opposite of the above list. Higher prestige/research, but much less social and emotional support since we would see each other about every 6 weeks.

With that, our biggest concerns are:
1) How much does the ~T25 v T90 name matter if we wanted to go into competitive specialties?
Our goal is to eventually couples match, and we would hate to be limited in our choice of specialty. Since step 1 is P/F, we are under the impression this factor is amplified in residency apps.

2) Is a 4-year long distance relationship feasible with the stresses of med school?
Ultimately, we are extremely happy with our relationship and do not want to jeopardize it if our career outcomes will be similar in the end. So, is it worth it to be apart during med school for a potentially better career outcome? Or, should we prioritize our relationship and happiness during medical school, but potentially ponder what a more prestigious school would have offered?

 

[voxveritatisetlucis]

How serious?

50k isn’t a lot in the grand scheme of things especially if you do something competitive.

To answer your questions,

1. Yes it will absolutely make a difference for competitive specialties , especially since step one is pass fail

2. Based on the long distance relationships that I’ve (tried) to be in, no, it’s not feasible. However, this is very much dependent upon personality and relationship characteristics.




I think there are 3 or 4 possible outcomes.

A. You go to the same school, stay together, match competitive specialty and it’s a happy ending on all fronts

B. You go to the same school, don’t stay together, match competitive specialty and overall have no regrets.

C. You go to the same school, stay together, but match an undesired speciality. This causes bitterness/hostility on your end. Eventually breakup/divorce

D. You go to a different school, stay together, match competitive specialty and it’s a happy ending on all fronts like A. Though there is more stress in this situation

E. You go to a different school, don’t stay together, match competitive specialty and it’s a happy on most fronts. In my experience, you always end up just finding somebody else and moving on.

Only you can assess the probability of each situation. One you estimate probabilities, assign a utility index to each option. Mutilply the utility by the probability and you have an answer.

You can always find a new gf (or even wife in some cases…not reccomended) but once you match a speciality, there is no changing or do-overs for the most part.


For this reason, I would go with prestige. If the long distance thing works, then it works. Others will feel differently.

Btw there are a few other outcomes not mentioned but I didn’t want to go through an exhaustive list:

 

[brockhamptonfanacct]

My bf is a med student, and I'm a premed who just got accepted this app cycle. Just wanted to offer some positive news and say that we have had a very happy LDR for almost three years now, and will almost certainly have an LDR for at least two more 🙂 We also saw each other on average around once every month/two months for some parts of it (so the same as you and your gf) and made it work, despite him being busy with med school and me being busy with premed stuff. It really depends on your dynamic as a relationship and how strong/durable you see it being, but it's by no means impossible! Good luck with whatever choice you make!

 

[deleted1065184]

If you and your gf are serious (like long-term/marriage around the corner type serious), I'd strongly suggest going to the same school.

 

[Seamore_2]

My bf is a med student, and I'm a premed who just got accepted this app cycle. Just wanted to offer some positive news and say that we have had a very happy LDR for almost three years now, and will almost certainly have an LDR for at least two more 🙂 We also saw each other on average around once every month/two months for some parts of it (so the same as you and your gf) and made it work, despite him being busy with med school and me being busy with premed stuff. It really depends on your dynamic as a relationship and how strong/durable you see it being, but it's by no means impossible! Good luck with whatever choice you make!

Thank you for your insight, that's very impressive! That definitely gives me hope. We certainly won't dismiss the possibility of things going sour, but I think we should stay optimistic.

 

[Seamore_2]

If you and your gf are serious (like long-term/marriage around the corner type serious), I'd strongly suggest going to the same school.

We've discussed our long-term plan as a couple, and assuming the relationship continues going strong, we plan to get engaged in about 3-4 years and get married the following year. This might be a silly question and I'm probably overthinking, but would this be considered "marriage-around-the-corner serious?"

 

[Apple Jacks]

We've discussed our long-term plan as a couple, and assuming the relationship continues going strong, we plan to get engaged in about 3-4 years and get married the following year. This might be a silly question and I'm probably overthinking, but would this be considered "marriage-around-the-corner serious?"

If you are serious about this relationship, I think going to the state school will make your life a lot easier and happier. I know couples (got married at the end of med school) that have matched well together from T70-80s so if you can motivate each other to work hard, you can do it.

 

[deleted1065184]

We've discussed our long-term plan as a couple, and assuming the relationship continues going strong, we plan to get engaged in about 3-4 years and get married the following year. This might be a silly question and I'm probably overthinking, but would this be considered "marriage-around-the-corner serious?"

3-4 years to get engaged is not what I was thinking when I said serious lol. Since you're planning to get married, I'd be thinking more "engaged and married in next couple of years". Otherwise, not sure it's worth it to prioritize being at the same school over other factors.

 

[hellohelloooeh]

My bf and I didn’t get into any overlapping schools and it has been so hard because we applied to a lot of the same schools with the goal of going to the same one. With the two schools we will be enrolling at we’ll be 3 hours away from each other and even that’s hard. I want to say that if we had both gotten into our state school that’s probably where we’d be going. Happiness and a support system during med school is so incredibly important so if your gf is a big part of that for you I’d definitely consider going to the same school. Also I think 3-4 years thinking about getting engaged is pretty serious but that’s just me. Congratulations to you both either way though!!