Taking a year off?

[waters0601]

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I am graduating with a B.S. in May, and have been accepted to only one med school. I am really excited to go, and looking forward to all of the new experiences, but my boyfriend of 6 years accepted a job that will put us over 5 hours apart. We aren't engaged, but probably will be before too long. We did the long distance relationship for the first 2 years of undergrad, but I don't want to do it again. I am considering taking a year off, and re-applying next year to schools near him, in Chicago, where there are several schools. Is it crazy not go to medical school this year because of him? I do want to go, and I will go... it's not like he is holding me back. I just don't want to be away from him anymore.

 

[efex101]

This *is* crazy because you have NO PROOF that you will indeed get in next year to a Chicago school. Five hours is nothing if you are willing to make it work but medical school admissions is getting more competitive by the year. Never "assume" that you will get luckier on the second go round. This is my opinion and opinions are like...well you know what.

 

[ATrim7]

Is it crazy not go to medical school this year because of him? I do want to go, and I will go... it's not like he is holding me back. I just don't want to be away from him anymore.

With no gaurentee of getting into a school in Chicago in the future, you should go where you were accepted. You can transfer after 2 years, which may seem like a long time, but you'll be so busy the time will fly by. I say go now, and attempt to transfer later. If you pass this opportunity up, you may live to regret it.

Best of luck!

 

[waters0601]

I am graduating with a B.S. in May, and have been accepted to only one med school. I am really excited to go, and looking forward to all of the new experiences, but my boyfriend of 6 years accepted a job that will put us over 5 hours apart. We aren't engaged, but probably will be before too long. We did the long distance relationship for the first 2 years of undergrad, but I don't want to do it again. I am considering taking a year off, and re-applying next year to schools near him, in Chicago, where there are several schools. Is it crazy not go to medical school this year because of him? I do want to go, and I will go... it's not like he is holding me back. I just don't want to be away from him anymore.

..I have fairly high scores, and feel that the reason I didn't get into some other schools is because I didn't finish my secondary applications until the end of December. I don't really think getting in would be too much of a problem, and I feel that the opportunities and atmosphere would be much more suited to my ambition in Chicago, than they are at SIU, which is the school I got into. Chicago is much more desirable and has much more to offer than Carbondale/Springfield.

 

[calliMD]

..I have fairly high scores, and feel that the reason I didn't get into some other schools is because I didn't finish my secondary applications until the end of December. I don't really think getting in would be too much of a problem, and I feel that the opportunities and atmosphere would be much more suited to my ambition in Chicago, than they are at SIU, which is the school I got into. Chicago is much more desirable and has much more to offer than Carbondale/Springfield.

To me it sounds like you've already made up your mind and are just looking for reassurance from others to make yourself feel a little better about your decision. It's a personal choice. A lot of people will think you're crazy, but that doesn't mean squat in the end. If it's right for you, then there's no point in asking others what they think because this debate can go back and forth for 10 pages of posts. The decision in the end is still yours.

 

[chrisjohn]

Gee, I never had a girlfriend who would sacrifice for me like that. Anyway...

Do what you want, but realize that medical school admissions are fickle and AMCAS does and will report your previous matriculation. This means you will have to address the reason you declined/deferred in your application, which probably won't go over too well. ADCOMS want to know you'll die for medicine, not that you'll pursue it if your personal life allows.

Just something to think about. The toughest part is getting in, I wouldn't screw with success.

The other side is tell your Punk A** boyfriend that he needs to find a position closer to you.

 

[chrisjohn]

The more I read this post, the more it pisses me off.

You worked too hard to waste it on someone who doesn't reciprocate your feelings? Hey, don't love anything that doesn't love you back. Even, especially, if sex is involved. I feel forced to say this as living in the Bible Belt, so many girls/women stick with their loser just because they've had sexual intercourse and feel it is some how okay, in their heinous moral universe, if they don't leave said loser.

Why do women always feel like they have to put up with such losers? I could give example after example of supposedly smart women dating such pathetic no loads. It's sick.

 

[PineappleGirl]

You don't say what field your boyfriend works in but I imagine it would be infinitely easier for him to get a job working closer to the medical school you were accepted to than for you to try to get into a medical school near where he is working. That appears to make the most sense. Your bf should understand this and be willing to relocate to where you're going to medical school.

 

[calliMD]

The more I read this post, the more it pisses me off.

You worked too hard to waste it on someone who doesn't reciprocate your feelings? Hey, don't love anything that doesn't love you back. Even, especially, if sex is involved. I feel forced to say this as living in the Bible Belt, so many girls/women stick with their loser just because they've had sexual intercourse and feel it is some how okay, in their heinous moral universe, if they don't leave said loser.

Why do women always feel like they have to put up with such losers? I could give example after example of supposedly smart women dating such pathetic no loads. It's sick.

Wow, I think you're reading way more into her post than is actually there. Where in her story does it say that her boyfriend doesn't love her back? Nothing she said indicated to me that he was a loser in any way. In fact if you reread the original post, she specifically stated that her boyfriend was NOT holding her back from medical school and she was considering taking a year off because SHE didn't want to be away from him. From the sound of things, she's not being forced or coerced in any way into giving up her acceptance to stay another year at home. Calm down. 😛

 

[chrisjohn]

My thin slicing of the original poster’s situation may be wrong, obviously. But I don’t think so.

What I am attempting to do is give the poster my independent somewhat objective perspective.

Truly, may she and her boyfriend have the greatest intermingling of the souls the world has ever known. The poster didn’t mention her age, but methinks she might be 22 and about to graduate from college. Kids at that age are idealistic and capricious. Everyone on this forum who has matriculated has a tremendous amount of respect for what it takes. The poster has purportedly made it through the most selective of filters and should carefully consider all facets before making a decision that will affect her life in such a huge manner.

The point is that she should consider VERY seriously her motives in either deferring or what it sounds like she is considering doing, declining, as the opportunity to be medical student may never be open to her again.

Please please young poster, if you read this, if you aren’t young please excuse the assumption; I was a twenty something once and did stupid things based on people who I thought at the time were worth sacrificing for and whoa how wrong I was.

 

[calliMD]

My thin slicing of the original poster’s situation may be wrong, obviously. But I don’t think so.

What I am attempting to do is give the poster my independent somewhat objective perspective.

Truly, may she and her boyfriend have the greatest intermingling of the souls the world has ever known. The poster didn’t mention her age, but methinks she might be 22 and about to graduate from college. Kids at that age are idealistic and capricious. Everyone on this forum who has matriculated has a tremendous amount of respect for what it takes. The poster has purportedly made it through the most selective of filters and should carefully consider all facets before making a decision that will affect her life in such a huge manner.

The point is that she should consider VERY seriously her motives in either deferring or what it sounds like she is considering doing, declining, as the opportunity to be medical student may never be open to her again.

Please please young poster, if you read this, if you aren’t young please excuse the assumption; I was a twenty something once and did stupid things based on people who I thought at the time were worth sacrificing for and whoa how wrong I was.

In my opinion, a big influence in the OP considering taking a year off has more to do with her desire to reapply and possibly get into a better school than the one she was already accepted at and less to do with being taken advantage of and possibly sacrificing herself for her relationship. Just reread what she posted above:

..I have fairly high scores, and feel that the reason I didn't get into some other schools is because I didn't finish my secondary applications until the end of December. I don't really think getting in would be too much of a problem, and I feel that the opportunities and atmosphere would be much more suited to my ambition in Chicago, than they are at SIU, which is the school I got into. Chicago is much more desirable and has much more to offer than Carbondale/Springfield.

Again, I know you're trying to give your own perspective on things, but unless the OP actually posts more information about her relationship, we'll never really know but can only speculate. But relationships ARE built on compromise. If one only has their own desires and objectives in mind, it's not a balanced relationship. You have to be willing to give a little instead of just saying "F*ck it, you're not worth it" which just reeks of bitterness, imo.

To the OP, there are plenty of threads in this forum about balancing long-distance relationships with medical school. Try reading a few of them. And again, be honest with yourself about your true reasons for wanting to take a year off. If it's solely because of your boyfriend, try to come up with a compromise (ie: transferring after 2 years, see if your boyfriend can relocate temporarily while you're in med school, etc.). If it has more to do with your desire to get into a "better" medical school in a different location, ask yourself if you really want to go through the process of reapplying again? And what if you don't get into a Chicago school? Also how would you explain to adcoms why you declined previous offers of admission (they ask you about it on the AMCAS)? Four years sounds like a long time, but I can assure you that it passes extremely quickly, especially in an intense environment like med school. Just some things to think about.

 

[kate_g]

I am considering taking a year off, and re-applying next year to schools near him, in Chicago, where there are several schools.

You could see if SIU would let you defer. Then (without telling them) apply next cycle to schools in Chicago. If you don't get into any, then you still have the deferral. If you do get in somewhere in Chicago, call SIU back and say you decided not to attend. Underhanded, maybe, but I think you don't owe them anything for the privilidge of having paid to apply there and have them offer to take tens of thousands of dollars from you.

I dunno, there may be too much communication among schools or you might set off a red flashing alarm in the AMCAS database and not get away with it, but it might be worth a try.

 

[r0b0tafflicti0n]

You don't say what field your boyfriend works in but I imagine it would be infinitely easier for him to get a job working closer to the medical school you were accepted to than for you to try to get into a medical school near where he is working. That appears to make the most sense. Your bf should understand this and be willing to relocate to where you're going to medical school.

I agree with this wholeheartedly. I think ChrisJohn took a more, um, ANGRY stance on this. . .but I'd say giiiiiiiiiiirl. . .I'd really be cautious and think about the fact that he accepted a job 5 hours away from where you got accepted to med school.

 

[njbmd]

..I have fairly high scores, and feel that the reason I didn't get into some other schools is because I didn't finish my secondary applications until the end of December. I don't really think getting in would be too much of a problem, and I feel that the opportunities and atmosphere would be much more suited to my ambition in Chicago, than they are at SIU, which is the school I got into. Chicago is much more desirable and has much more to offer than Carbondale/Springfield.

Hi there,
You are making a huge assumption. You do NOT know what competition you will face next year. You didn't NOT get into any Chicago schools this year. If you are sitting there with an acceptance in your hand from a Chicago medical school, then defer but other than that, you may find that you have NO medical school to attend high grades or not.

In all fairness, it does not matter if your application went in in December if you are a stellar candidate. The best people are the best people period. Medical school admissions is a bit of a crapshoot in that you have NO control over how you are going to be judged and who your competition is. What are you going to do to improve your application since you stated that the only reason you didn't get in was a late secondary? You are going to be a re-applicant and you need to improve something or your applicant is going to be canned very quickly.

How are you going to explain that you turned down an acceptance because you wanted to re-apply because of a boyfriend? The schools will know that you had an acceptance so you better have a good reason (definitely better than the reason you give above) for turning down an acceptance.

As a member of an admissions committee, I can tell you that re-applicants are judged more critically than first-time applicants. I can tell you that when your name is run and you come up as having been accepted, combined with reapplying, you are going to be closely scrutinized and likely tanked unless you do something significant to improve your applications and still you are taking a huge chance.

Take your acceptance, matriculate, get good grades, try to transfer (best done after second year). If that does not work out, then do well and apply for residency in Chicago. You can do all of your away electives, during fourth year, in Chicago making it three years and a few months that you are doing the "five hour relationship" thing. You can also spend your summers together except third year and by summer fourth year, you will have graduated. If you relationship cannot take being apart for a few months at a time, then you might have relationship problems to deal with too. If your relationship doesn't work out, better to be in Springfield than in the same city.

Finally, as a medical student, you will NOT have loads of time to be doing the "relationship" thing anyway. Even if you are in the same house, your SO will be looking at the back of your head as you study or apart from you when you are on overnight call. Medical students who are married with children constantly feel the pull of trying to "be there" for their families and get the studies and clinical rotations done. It is a very difficult situation that calls for sacrifices on both sides.

Good luck!
njbmd 🙂

 

[PhDtoDO]

Hey,

I would strongly advise you to go. If he's forever, it will work. Besides, you'll be studying and have school vacations to visit him. It would be so much easier to transfer after a strong 1st yr than to go through all the application stuff again.

And another thing, you and he don't know if its really the perfect job? A new job always seems perfect until you start. Half my friends out of college changed jobs after there first year or so of that first 'perfect' job.

5 hours....you can listen to your recorded classes or whatever. It's a short drive.


Do what's in your heart, but I think its better to go to med school and visit everyother weekend...if only for a year.
-s

 

[Wickedgood]

I agree with this wholeheartedly. I think ChrisJohn took a more, um, ANGRY stance on this. . .but I'd say giiiiiiiiiiirl. . .I'd really be cautious and think about the fact that he accepted a job 5 hours away from where you got accepted to med school.

Exactly! The boyfriend MUST have known how difficult and heart-wrenching the process is to get into medical school, and yet he gets a job 5 hours away? It seems like he either expected the OP to just drop everything to be with him, or he's actively trying to distance himself from the relationship.

In defense of ChrisJohn, I personally was previously in a bad relationship (where my ex was controlling, and more) and I stuck with it for some of the same reasons he stated. I lost 10 years of my life "to be with my man"... what a colossal waste. But not knowing your situation, only you know if your situation is similar at all or if the gamble is worth it.

 

[efex101]

I have fairly high scores, and feel that the reason I didn't get into some other schools is because I didn't finish my secondary applications until the end of December. I don't really think getting in would be too much of a problem, and I feel that the opportunities and atmosphere would be much more suited to my ambition in Chicago, than they are at SIU, which is the school I got into. Chicago is much more desirable and has much more to offer than Carbondale/Springfield.


How do you KNOW that you were rejected due to having filled out secondaries in December? did anyone state this to YOU IN WRITING? because like NJBMD scores are just "one" component of the application and like she also stated a GOOD applicant gets in period. There are always spots available for stellar applicants at ALL medical schools wether you took the August or April MCAT or whenever you submitted your secondaries. I get the sensation that you think very highly of yourself (and this is good to a certain extent) but do not get overconfident. If you were "that" good of an applicant you would have gotten into the "other" schools in Chicago. I am not trying to put you down but you do need a reality dose.

 

[keira]

Exactly! The boyfriend MUST have known how difficult and heart-wrenching the process is to get into medical school, and yet he gets a job 5 hours away? It seems like he either expected the OP to just drop everything to be with him, or he's actively trying to distance himself from the relationship.

Assuming that this relationship is a healthy one, I don't know why people are criticizing the boyfriend for getting a job that is 5 hours away. Pre-meds and Medical students often expect others to understand the difficulties of getting into medical school by just explaining it to them. Not only that, they expect their significant others to sacrifice their own dreams in order for them to live theirs. I think premeds can sometimes be so entrenched in their own little bubbles that they forget to think of others. Either that or they put medicine on such a high pedestal that any other career is "beneath" theirs. I often read posts saying "oh it's much easier for him/her to get another job so they should just relocate/move/find something else to do". I think that's a very limited and selfish way of looking at a relationship. Others should not be expected to reshape their lives and goals around a person just because that person is attending med school. If they do, then it's a sacrifice and should be considered as such and not as something that they are expected to do.

What if this job is the OP's boyfriend's DREAM job? Assuming the boyfriend doesn't have relationship issues after being with the OP for 6 years, he must want the job pretty badly to relocate for it. Is he supposed to just give it up so that his girlfriend can attend medical school? Would that be any more fair than having the OP give up medical school for her boyfriend? Realistically speaking, 5 hours is not that bad of a commute and a compromise can definitely be reached. I don't think a relationship is a balanced one unless both people are willing to support each other and their wants and goals in life.

 

[Wickedgood]

That's not exactly what I meant - I am not saying that the world should revolve around a pre-med student. I DO believe that alot of people have no idea how hard it is to get into medical school, however those people who are closest to the pre-med (parents, SO) SHOULD have a pretty good idea of how difficult the process is, and appreciate the fact that options are fairly limited depending on how many med schools accept them/where these schools are located.

It just seems like there is a breakdown of communication somewhere. Ideally, the OP should have discussed her med school options with the boyfriend before applying, the boyfriend should have discussed his job prospects and dreams to the OP before accepting a position, and both of them should have figured out what their goals were together for the next few years, and how to reach them BEFOREHAND in order to avoid this dilemma. Now it seems like it is her dream vs. his dream - which is not the best-case scenario.

 

[keira]

Ideally, the OP should have discussed her med school options with the boyfriend before applying, the boyfriend should have discussed his job prospects and dreams to the OP before accepting a position, and both of them should have figured out what their goals were together for the next few years, and how to reach them BEFOREHAND in order to avoid this dilemma. Now it seems like it is her dream vs. his dream - which is not the best-case scenario.

Hey wicked, my response above wasn't directed specifically at you. Just some of the things you said reminded me of other threads I've read and kind of struck a chord. I agree with what you said above. However, with the med school acceptances being oftentimes unpredictable, one's plans sometimes dont work out. With the OP's situation the way it is now, I'd say she still has a much better situation than most. They're not married yet, there are no kids to worry about, and 5 hours by car = an extremely short plane ride. If the OP would be willing to just visit every other week, there would/should be no problem and she could just put in a request to transfer later on. Previous comments about being overconfident about reapplication and such are good points and hopefully the OP reads them and takes them to heart. 🙂

 

[vtucci]

Here is a thought-- go to Chicago and do an MPH at UIC so you at least have a reason for postponing your MD start date if things don't work out with your significant other. Also, I agree that it would not hurt to clarify his future intentions. If you are really going to get engaged, why not just do it now so everyone knows where they stand and you don't need to feel guilty about it.

 

[JohnUC33]

I am graduating with a B.S. in May, and have been accepted to only one med school. I am really excited to go, and looking forward to all of the new experiences, but my boyfriend of 6 years accepted a job that will put us over 5 hours apart. We aren't engaged, but probably will be before too long. We did the long distance relationship for the first 2 years of undergrad, but I don't want to do it again. I am considering taking a year off, and re-applying next year to schools near him, in Chicago, where there are several schools. Is it crazy not go to medical school this year because of him? I do want to go, and I will go... it's not like he is holding me back. I just don't want to be away from him anymore.

Putting things in my perspective, just being bf/gf means very little commitment. Meaning, he is free to (probably will) leave you at the drop of a hat, leaving you not starting med school for no reason. If you're already engaged, maybe entertain that thought. Just bf/gf with no ring, do your thing and forget ole dude. My humble (previously broken hearted) $.02

 

[katiekate]

Here's some advice from someone who a) will be attending SIU SOM this fall b) defered last year c) partly because of $$ and partly because I am in a relationship I wanted to strengthen before leaving for school.

SIU does let you defer in most circumstances. SIU is a great school. Different from the Chicago schools in many ways, but still very good. If you work just as hard at SIU as you would at any Chi. school you will get a good residency. IMHO, I think the ratio of students to patients in the Southern Il area increases your opportunities for quality clinical experiences. SIU also has some great research opportunities in basic science and clinics.

My bf will be living in Northern Virginia. I would much rather have him 5 hrs away. AMTRAK goes directly from Carbondale to Chicago for ~$30 rt; the ride is nice and will be a great time to study/catch up on sleep. You obviously will pay more than that for car rides/plane tickets. Living in carbondale/Springfield will be perfect for med school because there aren't a whole lot of distractions. And if you want to go out on the town St. Louis is 90 min and you could go out with your bf in Chicago. A huge plus for SIU is the significantly lower cost of education and living compared to any of the schools in Chicago. I just signed a lease for a really nice 1 br apt for $500. You won't get that in Chicago.

There are so many advantages of going to SIU over a Chicago school. Especially since you don't have an acceptance at any Chicago schools. These next 4 years will go by very fast. In the grand scheme of life, 4 years of seeing each other sporadically will seem like nothing.

Honestly, this is all my reasoning for keeping my relationship with my bf going. We've been together almost 2 yrs. He is a firefighter and can't leave his job of 5+ years without having to start from recruit school again. If we decide to get married then I might look into transferring to a DC or VA school. I'm not sure if I could switch from $30000 to $55000 a year though. We'll see each other maybe once a month and then on holidays/vacations. Sometimes I do think about the fact that I could be finishing up my first year at med school rather than just starting.

I really think you will be just fine going to SIU and traveling back and forth between C-dale and Chi-town. Even though I don't know much about you, sorry. You should visit the 'official' SIU class of 2010 and talk with some of the other ppl there.