The IRB Response for Santa Claus

This forum made possible through the generous support of SDN members, donors, and sponsors. Thank you.

Neuronix

Total nerd
Staff member
Administrator
Volunteer Staff
20+ Year Member
Joined
Mar 14, 2002
Messages
15,120
Reaction score
9,504
Dr. K. Kringle, Adjunct Professor of Child Psychology Far Northern University

Dear Dr. Kringle:

At the regularly scheduled December 24 meeting, the IRB reviewed your protocol, "A Global Observational Study of Behavior in Children."
While we believe it has many good features, it could not be approved as submitted. If you choose to revise your study, please address the following concerns:

1. You propose to study "children of all ages". Please provide an exact lower and upper age limit, as well as the precise number of subjects. Provide a statistically valid power calculation to justify this large of a study.

2. Your only inclusion criterion is "belief in Santa Claus." Please provide a copy of the screening questionnaire that determines such a belief. Provide a Waiver of Authorization under HIPAA in order to record these beliefs prior to enrollment in your study. The Board recommends that you obtain a Certificate of Confidentiality as beliefs are sensitive and personal information.

3. You propose to "know when they are sleeping and know when they are awake". How will this be done? Will children undergo video monitoring in their beds? Will they have sleep EEGs? You list 100 elves as research assistants. Are any of them a sleep physiologist?

4. Your primary outcome measure is to "know when they've been bad or good." What standard is being used to determine 'goodness'? Do children have to be good all year or just most of the time? What if they have been really, really, good except for one time when they hit their little brother?

5. You propose to conduct your research by entering the subjects'
homes through the chimney. Have you considered the damage to the roof, carpeting, etc., that this will cause? Moreover, children are likely to be startled by your appearance late at night. Please revise your protocol to conduct your home visits between 9 am and 5 pm Monday through Friday with at least one parent being present.

6. You state that compensation for participation will be "sugarplums, candy, and toys" for the good little girls and boys. This may not be appropriate for the children with obesity, dental caries, and hyperactivity. Also, your proposal to leave a lump of coal in the stockings of the bad children will be unfairly stigmatizing to them individually and as a group. In general, the Board suggests a small token of appreciation for all participants. Perhaps a $5 Toys-R-Us gift card would be better.

7. The database of good and bad children will be kept "on a scroll at the North Pole." Please describe the security provisions you have in place to protect the research data. Is the scroll kept in a locked cabinet in a locked room? Who has access to the scroll? Are there backup copies of the scroll and how often are they compared to the original?

8. You mention the participation of "eight tiny reindeer" in your protocol. Please provide the Board with documentation of Institutional Animal Care and Use Committee approval.

9. Please provide the Human Subjects Protection training dates for Mrs. Claus and the elves.

10. As this study involves prospective data collection and is more than minimal risk without prospect of direct benefit to the subjects, informed consent signed by both parents will be required. Please have the consent form translated into every language spoken by children.

Please submit 25 copies of your revised protocol to the lRB. The IRB will be on Holiday Season schedule for the next two weeks. If approved, you will be able to conduct your study sometime in January.

Sincerely,
E. Scrooge, MD - Chair, Institutional Review Board
 
omg.

Science/intellectual humor is great.


on another kinda nerdy topic:

p.s. does anyone here use LaTex? If so do you also use R for statistics programming? If yes to both do you know how to export from R to LaTex - if possible?
 
omg.

Science/intellectual humor is great.


on another kinda nerdy topic:

p.s. does anyone here use LaTex? If so do you also use R for statistics programming? If yes to both do you know how to export from R to LaTex - if possible?

I know this is possible, but I'm not sure how. Yeah, that doesn't help at all, sorry.
 
I know this is possible, but I'm not sure how. Yeah, that doesn't help at all, sorry.

At least this means I'm not completely insane for trying to export from R to LaTex. :laugh:
 
👍👍👍

Just got done renewing our IACUC protocol🙂, working on a different one now:cry:
 
Are you trying to export R's graphics to LaTeX? I don't use either myself anymore, but i know that you can use a postscript graphics device in R to render graphs to EPS files, which can then be embedded in LaTeX documents. Don't know how, though.
 
...10. As this study involves prospective data collection and is more than minimal risk without prospect of direct benefit to the subjects, informed consent signed by both parents will be required. Please have the consent form translated into every language spoken by children.

Please submit 25 copies of your revised protocol to the lRB. The IRB will be on Holiday Season schedule for the next two weeks. If approved, you will be able to conduct your study sometime in January.

Sincerely,
E. Scrooge, MD - Chair, Institutional Review Board
As funny as this is, it's not far off from responses I've received. My current project involves athletes and focuses on part of their daily team practice. I was going to recruit from two local colleges, one was D1, and the other D3.

One reviewer asked if it was ethical to put volunteers with such vastly different skill levels through the same protocol. 😱 :laugh:

Looks like someone was always picked last in whiffle ball. 🙄

If I was comparing, say, toddlers and professional athletes, yeah, there's a problem. Or putting high schoolers through an Olympic-level stress protocol. But lumping together college players, all of whom are in the top 5% of ability, and watch them do what they've likely done every day for decade or more is not a risk.
 
Neuronix, your new avitar is unbelievably funny/cute/appropriate :laugh:
 
😀 😀

4chan for the win. I'm very fortunate that the lulz community has selected corgis as their dog of choice so I can find lots of random pics of them.

A corgi is a type of herding dog, however, since there are at least 100 types of herding dogs, and because of their long body, big ears and paws, and lack of a tail we can ascertain that this breed was either invented as a companion to midgets or just strictly for the lulz.

Fun Facts:
A corgi is the only reason why anyone watches Cowboy Beebop.
Corgis are the favoured dog of Queen Elizabeth II
 
😀 😀

4chan for the win. I'm very fortunate that the lulz community has selected corgis as their dog of choice so I can find lots of random pics of them.

corgi - how i missed you!

and i think the factoid about QE2 is correct...
 
Top