Therapizing one's boss

[BuckeyeLove]

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Any of you guys ever have a hard time turning off your therapy-mode? Like...making process comments to people outside of a therapy context. Take today for instance. My admin is incompetent, low avg intellect, but with an ego. Whenever he gives directives that dont make sense and is challenged I have this pattern of making immediecy process statements (ie "I notice that everytime you get called out for something not making sense you turn red and avoid my gaze, I'm wondering what that's about? Also, you have a tendency to get loud and pressured when you are questioned, I'm wondering what that is doing for you and where it comes from?") I just cant help myself. Am I the only one that does this? Or is it just me being passive aggressive/borderline unprofessional...

Oh I work for the govt so not really any repercussions from this...yet.

 

[DynamicDidactic]

I tend to look at environmental factors in those types of situations. For example, of course that person is acting that way since they have nothing else in their life except work and throughout their time here no one has been willing to fight them. I keep that to myself or more specifically I use it to empathize with folks that are difficult (its the DBT therapist in me).

Frankly, the example you stated seems like a great way to piss off a co-worker/supervisor since they didn't sign up for therapy.

 

[erg923]

I think that comes off as passive-aggressive. I wouldn't phrase things like that in therapy, much less with a supervisor.

 

[ClinicalABA]

In regards to workplace behaviors, I find it prudent to always ask yourself “is my potential behavior likely to make things better and further the mission of the agency?” If the answer is anything along the continuum from “definitely not-maybe,” I’d say you shouldn’t do it. The fact that you used the term “whenever he gives (such) directives” as a qualifier to when you give your feedback implies that this exchange has happened multiple times. It logically follows that your behavior has been ineffective in changing his behavior.

 

[PsyDr]

That’s unprofessional, and you know it.

You’d be mad if a physician colleague said, “I’ve noticed you’re getting obese.”, even if it were true.

 

[deleted343839]

Whenever he gives directives that dont make sense and is challenged I have this pattern of making immediecy process statements (ie "I notice that everytime you get called out for something not making sense you turn red and avoid my gaze, I'm wondering what that's about? Also, you have a tendency to get loud and pressured when you are questioned, I'm wondering what that is doing for you and where it comes from?") I just cant help myself.

At first I thought you might be joking because, when I think of it another way, this would be a good premise for a comedy skit.

Turn the tables. What is this doing for you? Of course you can restrain yourself.

 

[FlowRate]

How would you feel if he turned back and said "You seem to crack the slightest of smiles every time you make comments about my behavior and appearance, what's that about for you?"

There is a parallel conversation about how there are certainly dynamics in the workplace just as there would be in any other group. When you try to intervene in interpersonal issues in the office, are you therapizing those employees?

 

[BuckeyeLove]

I appreciate the feedback yall. In all transparency it wasnt quite as bad as in my example (might have been some projection there on my part), but definitely still not my finest hour. I really have been having a hard time lately though of people giving directives on things that they dont have any business giving directives on or have any competence in whatsoever. Throw into it that the parties giving those directives have serious problems with lack of ego strength, and, well... it leads to me wanting to power up in covert ways apparently.

 

[Sanman]

So, don't want to work for the government long or are you planning to be a lifer because this would never fly in the real world, lol?

 

[deleted106747]

I appreciate the feedback yall. In all transparency it wasnt quite as bad as in my example (might have been some projection there on my part), but definitely still not my finest hour. I really have been having a hard time lately though of people giving directives on things that they dont have any business giving directives on or have any competence in whatsoever. Throw into it that the parties giving those directives have serious problems with lack of ego strength, and, well... it leads to me wanting to power up in covert ways apparently.

I agree with the others that this is unprofessional, but I also can understand how frustrating a boss like this is because I've experienced it. For me, it feels disrespectful of my field - the old "everyone's a psychologist!" mentality, that anyone can make appropriate clinical recommendations in our field. Add to it the power of a boss, and an unwillingness to hear your professional opinion - and you just might get a passive-aggressive reaction. Not saying it's right, but I get it.

 

[keolu hills]

"My admin is incompetent, low avg intellect, but with an ego"

"the parties giving those directives have serious problems with lack of ego strength"

These are fairly mean comments, imo.

EXACTLY! Passive-agressive. It almost sounds like you need to be in therapy yourself.

 

[erg923]

EXACTLY! Passive-agressive. It almost sounds like you need to be in therapy yourself.

Yea, well...slow down. We have all wanted to say things like this.

I think a more salient point is that I don't think "talking like a psychologist" has ever served anyone well, in or out of the therapy room.

The phase "whats that about?/"I'm wondering what that's about" has got to be the most cliche psychobabble-talk imaginable. I cringe when I hear it (I only heard this phrase used repeatedly one other time during my graduate training and the person was like 100, I'm not kidding), and I imagine most patients would too. It makes you sound like an 80 year old psychoanalyst who wants to beat around the proverbial bush. Yes, I think we can soften things in therapy, but please speak like a normal person to your patients. No one talks like that.

 

[BuckeyeLove]

So, don't want to work for the government long or are you planning to be a lifer because this would never fly in the real world, lol?

I have been very close to bouncing, as I'm getting offers for more private work than I can get to, but the flexibility/benefits is really hard to ignore. The last practice I was in I would have likely gotten punched and then walked out for saying this stuff. However, the stuff I have heard attorneys say in depositions is legit wayyyyyy worse than this IMHO.

 

[erg923]

I have been very close to bouncing, as I'm getting offers for more private work than I can get to, but the flexibility/benefits is really hard to ignore. The last practice I was in I would have likely gotten punched and then walked out for saying this stuff. However, the stuff I have heard attorneys say in depositions is legit wayyyyyy worse than this IMHO.

I have worked in the VA...and now corporate America. Talking like Dr. Lance Sweets from the TV show Bones never got me anywhere. The math here is obvious. Assertiveness based on/citing (insert interest of your employer) can work. Asking them how they "feel" (essentially) is not relevant, nor will it ingratiate you.

 

[Ollie123]

Agree that it is a pretty annoying, disrespectful and otherwise crappy way to treat someone. That said, some posters here appear to be much better people than I am. There are plenty of people out there who I think deserve disrespectful treatment and our reluctance to give it to them preserves incompetence, frustrates the good employees and is a major downside of our current corporate culture/climate/litigious society. As ironic as this may sound, rare is the large organization that could not be made more effective and a more pleasant place to work by getting 100 people to collectively agree to verbally abuse an employee until they quit.

That said, there is a reason I don't do the above, even if I have the thoughts. So I guess it depends how much you value your current job and your professional relationships there. If you have one foot out the door and don't mind burning bridges...

 

[PsyDr]

I have been very close to bouncing, as I'm getting offers for more private work than I can get to, but the flexibility/benefits is really hard to ignore. The last practice I was in I would have likely gotten punched and then walked out for saying this stuff. However, the stuff I have heard attorneys say in depositions is legit wayyyyyy worse than this IMHO.

This isn't horrible, it's just not professional. I've said and done a LOT worse.

Protip: that type of therapy talk is pretty awesome to use in depo. It puts the atty's behaviors into the record.