Tired of the meat grinder

[Iceman32]

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For a while I’ve been thinking about the line from Dredd “it’s a F’ing meat grinder... people go in one end... the meat comes out the other... all [they] do is turn the handle”. Med school is a meat grinder, and I’m getting so tired of it. Everyone said “4th year will be your reward for the first three years”... I’ve found it to be the most stressful.

I’m a 4th year on an away rotation at one of my top 3 programs... I don’t think it’s gone well enough for them to match me, or even write a good letter... and in my chosen specialty, away letters are like the top thing they look at.

In addition to that, this week’s triple whammy: I got step 2 back and scored 20 points lower than my Uworld percentages predicted (it was still better than step 1, but only by 5 points), a friend in my class committed suicide last weekend, and I got a few negative comments on my mid-month feed back for the away I am on.

I know people have worse weeks, and much worse problems... but I just needed to vent.

On the step 2 score... it drops me from 90ish% match down to 80ish%, which is still better than some people. I updated all three of my top programs and none of those three told me to change the application plans I have... but I just have this huge feeling of “impending doom” that I won’t even get an interview now.

Sorry to be so vague... I just want to maintain anonymity. While I am really down about all of this, I am not thinking about hurting myself or anything like that.

 

[Donald Juan]

For a while I’ve been thinking about the line from Dredd “it’s a F’ing meat grinder... people go in one end... the meat comes out the other... all [they] do is turn the handle”. Med school is a meat grinder, and I’m getting so tired of it. Everyone said “4th year will be your reward for the first three years”... I’ve found it to be the most stressful.

I’m a 4th year on an away rotation at one of my top 3 programs... I don’t think it’s gone well enough for them to match me, or even write a good letter... and in my chosen specialty, away letters are like the top thing they look at.

In addition to that, this week’s triple whammy: I got step 2 back and scored 20 points lower than my Uworld percentages predicted (it was still better than step 1, but only by 5 points), a friend in my class committed suicide last weekend, and I got a few negative comments on my mid-month feed back for the away I am on.

I know people have worse weeks, and much worse problems... but I just needed to vent.

On the step 2 score... it drops me from 90ish% match down to 80ish%, which is still better than some people. I updated all three of my top programs and none of those three told me to change the application plans I have... but I just have this huge feeling of “impending doom” that I won’t even get an interview now.

Sorry to be so vague... I just want to maintain anonymity. While I am really down about all of this, I am not thinking about hurting myself or anything like that.

The beginning of 4th year can be rough if you're doing aways and Sub-I's in a competitive field. I'm really trying to figure how your step 2 score dropped from 90% to 80% with 20 points....did you go from a 280 to a 260? Sorry about your friend killing their self last week......is that not bothering you more than your step 2 score? I can't imagine being able to focus well at school with that either.

 

[Dares Dareson]

Yeah it sucks. I'm filled with impending doom too. Be prepared for 100 people to reply to this thread with "tough ****" posts.

 

[Goro]

The beginning of 4th year can be rough if you're doing aways and Sub-I's in a competitive field. I'm really trying to figure how your step 2 score dropped from 90% to 80% with 20 points....did you go from a 280 to a 260? Sorry about your friend killing their self last week......is that not bothering you more than your step 2 score? I can't imagine being able to focus well at school with that either.

For a while I’ve been thinking about the line from Dredd “it’s a F’ing meat grinder... people go in one end... the meat comes out the other... all [they] do is turn the handle”. Med school is a meat grinder, and I’m getting so tired of it. Everyone said “4th year will be your reward for the first three years”... I’ve found it to be the most stressful.

I’m a 4th year on an away rotation at one of my top 3 programs... I don’t think it’s gone well enough for them to match me, or even write a good letter... and in my chosen specialty, away letters are like the top thing they look at.

In addition to that, this week’s triple whammy: I got step 2 back and scored 20 points lower than my Uworld percentages predicted (it was still better than step 1, but only by 5 points), a friend in my class committed suicide last weekend, and I got a few negative comments on my mid-month feed back for the away I am on.

I know people have worse weeks, and much worse problems... but I just needed to vent.

On the step 2 score... it drops me from 90ish% match down to 80ish%, which is still better than some people. I updated all three of my top programs and none of those three told me to change the application plans I have... but I just have this huge feeling of “impending doom” that I won’t even get an interview now.

Sorry to be so vague... I just want to maintain anonymity. While I am really down about all of this, I am not thinking about hurting myself or anything like that.

You're about right on schedule. Hang in there!

 

[Entadus]

I'm sorry about your friend/classmate.

Hang in there.

edit: and it may sound cliched, but if they can't/didn't see your potential, you wouldn't want to be there anyway

 

[VincentAdultman]

People who talk about fourth year being chill aren’t trying to match into something that demands 2-3 away rotations where you have to bring your A game every $;&@ing day.

Hang in there man. It gets better.

 

[Angus Avagadro]

For a while I’ve been thinking about the line from Dredd “it’s a F’ing meat grinder... people go in one end... the meat comes out the other... all [they] do is turn the handle”. Med school is a meat grinder, and I’m getting so tired of it. Everyone said “4th year will be your reward for the first three years”... I’ve found it to be the most stressful.

I’m a 4th year on an away rotation at one of my top 3 programs... I don’t think it’s gone well enough for them to match me, or even write a good letter... and in my chosen specialty, away letters are like the top thing they look at.

In addition to that, this week’s triple whammy: I got step 2 back and scored 20 points lower than my Uworld percentages predicted (it was still better than step 1, but only by 5 points), a friend in my class committed suicide last weekend, and I got a few negative comments on my mid-month feed back for the away I am on.

I know people have worse weeks, and much worse problems... but I just needed to vent.

On the step 2 score... it drops me from 90ish% match down to 80ish%, which is still better than some people. I updated all three of my top programs and none of those three told me to change the application plans I have... but I just have this huge feeling of “impending doom” that I won’t even get an interview now.

Sorry to be so vague... I just want to maintain anonymity. While I am really down about all of this, I am not thinking about hurting myself or anything like that.

Hang in there. Way too early to panic. Not knowing your specialty choice, is it a possibility to consider a TRI and matching as a PGY2? Something to consider

 

[AnatomyGrey12]

Not knowing your specialty choice, is it a possibility to consider a TRI and matching as a PGY2? Something to consider

Lol more terrible advice I see.

OP that sucks, if your school has counseling offered then I would go take advantage of that, or if you are out on an away rotation in a completely different location then see if you can get some help finding a therapist or something. Honestly sometimes just being able to vent to someone who can frame everything for you does wonders. Hang in there, you'll be alright 👍

 

[RNthenDoc]

Very sorry to hear about your fallen colleague. 🙁

 

[workaholic181]

Very sorry to hear about your friends death. I hope you can find time to seek out mental health counseling if you so choose.

 

[WingedOx]

People who talk about fourth year being chill aren’t trying to match into something that demands 2-3 away rotations where you have to bring your A game every $;&@ing day.

Hang in there man. It gets better.

And even then, 4th year still kinda sucks. I was so burned out that I didn't feel relief from the pressure of it all until the literal end of the graduation ceremony where I picked up the actual physical diploma from my seat in the staging room.

 

[Mass Effect]

I feel like the lead of your post should have been your friend/classmate who committed suicide last week. Kind of puts things in perspective.

 

[doyouhaveaflag]

The people who say 4th year is a reward for your first three years are likely those who remember it fondly following the last 4 months or so or those who didn't have to do any aways or intense sub-Is. I did 3 aways and the beginning of fourth year was probably the most stressful for me in all of med school. Don't worry, the last part of the year will live up to its reputation. Hang in there.

In terms of feeling like you're not doing well on this away, it may be that this program isn't a great fit for you. I rotated at my dream program first during fourth year and ended up hating it there. I think the feeling was mutual because I didn't even get an interview. I was devastated. However, I think it was an important experience to learn what I disliked in a program. In hindsight, I'm so thankful I didn't end up there even though it's a very fancy program in my home town near my family. Likely your other aways will be better.

I'm sure your step 2 is still good enough not to hold you back from any programs, don't worry about it.

And I'm very sorry to hear about your friend. Especially since you're on an away, I'm sure it makes it difficult for you to reach out to friends and loved ones for the support you need to get through mourning his or her loss.

 

[Stagg737]

4th year gets progressively better. Audition/away rotations can be really rough and are certainly stressful even I feel they're going well. Interview season can be great if you enjoy that kind of stuff (like me) or terrible if you're neurotic or scared about it. After interview season it gets much easier, as you basically sit back and wait. That is a different kind of stress, but at least you have easy rotations and can coast. After the match is cake. Legitimately like a big vacation unless you set up a hard rotation for some reason (don't do this).

So overall 4th year is great, it just might not seem like it because OP is at the worst part of it and has some significant life stressors.

 

[ButterButter]

Enjoying any particular year of med school is pretty arbitrary, although I'm sure most would say the clinical years are much better than the pre-clinicals. Tough to make a call about 4th year as a general rule, though. Some people torture themselves by doing an excessive number of aways and spending absurd amounts of money on traveling and visiting all these institutions. But if it gets you to residency, then it's worth it. And while intern year sure can suck depending on what you do, you'll be a doctor and you'll be getting a paycheck. Just get through it, and realize that thousands and thousands of other people are going/have gone through it and it'll (probably) all work out in the end.

 

[akwho]

Sounds like you are going into a surgical sub. Aways and apps are the most stressful time of all of medical school for you. It's hard watching most of your peers have a relatively chill start of the year and realizing you need to keep grinding. You will catch up with them and be right where they are at come February and be able to enjoy 4th year to the max. The bigger question you need to answer is, is being in a surgical sub the right choice for you, because it doesn't get any easier for many years, and perhaps not until you've been an attending 3-5 years.

I'm a 3rd year in a surgical sub and you are right it is a total meat grinder by design. These systems existed long before you get to wherever you will train and they will exist long after you leave. Endless waves of patients will come through the doors of your hospital and you will see them, triage them, diagnose them and operate on them. You will do it short staffed, missing equipment, under extreme duress, while thinking about fifty other pending things simultaneously. You need to take care of the patient regardless of which barriers you encounter. But at the end of the day, you are a surgeon, you are making an incredible difference in peoples lives every single day, and that needs to be intrinsically worth enough to you, to put up with the hours, the exhaustion, and the serious nature of your work.

I signed up for this work, I love it and am fulfilled by it, but I would do something else in a heartbeat if I wasn't fulfilled by it due to the effect the number of hours has on my family, loved ones and even my health.