To Defer or not to Defer

[AcreWoods]

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Hi guys, I could use some advice! So I am accepted at Mizzou (YAY!) and am really excited about it. However, the excitement is dampened. I'm from PA and with Mizzou being 15 hours away, it makes starting school this fall a lot harder. My step father was diagnosed with ALS 3 months ago. We don't know how much time he has; maybe 2 years, maybe less. So my struggle is deciding whether to move far away and risk not seeing him often/not being able to get back to him if something bad happens. Plus between moving out for the first time, getting married, and living 15 hours away, the idea of starting the semester this fall has already been incredibly daunting.
I don't need you guys to tell me that Mizzou won't accept my request or anything like that; I'm already in contact with the admissions department about it. I just wanted to get some pros and cons or stories from people who have deferred or considered deferring. Did you regret deferring or was it a good decision?


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[nohika]

I haven't deferred or even been accepted, but I do have a father who also doesn't have much longer to live.

Defer. Go spend some time with your stepdad. Enjoy the good times, before it gets bad. My dad has very bad CHF and COPD, and pretty much could die at any time. One of my biggest regrets is I live 23 hours away, and I can't help him with the little things, like cleaning, or cooking, when he needs them.

I would rather regret waiting a year to start vet school than to regret not spending time with my Dad when I could.

 

[Lupin21]

Agreed. Don't need something this big weighing on you and wondering if you made the right decision. One year is nothing in the grand scheme of things.

 

[DVMDream]

This is the ****tastic thing about vet school, graduate school or life in general. We can't control what happens, when relatives get sick, etc.

I'm so sorry to hear about your step dad but only you can really decide what is best for you.

Deferring is not a wrong decision and may be exactly what you need. But do keep in mind, he may not pass until you are in vet school, even if you do defer. As someone who had a relative pass during vet school, I could not get back for the funeral but I was also in a completely different country.

You also have to keep in mind that vet school is 4 years, I hope you don't have to deal with anymore illness in family during this time, but chances are that you will. And it sucks.

During my 4 years, my grandma's dementia worsened and she passed.

My mother's lupus progressed so she started having seizures. I couldn't go home to support her.

My dad had a DVT in his leg.

My sister had a baby, I didn't meet my nephew until he was over a year old.

No one can tell you if deferral is the right decision or not, nor can we predict what will happen. If you feel overwhelmed currently and need to spend some time, then defer and spend that time.

Overall, this is a difficult decision and I wish you the best in deciding what to do.

 

[AcreWoods]

Thank you all, for being so kind. I think I just needed to hear that it would be okay to defer if need be. It's always been a bad word in my brain. I'm going to continue thinking and considering this before making any decisions at all. And @DVMDream I see what you're saying about him still being around in my beginnings of vet school. That's part of what's holding me back. I think just more thinking is in order.


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[DVMDream]

Thank you all, for being so kind. I think I just needed to hear that it would be okay to defer if need be. It's always been a bad word in my brain. I'm going to continue thinking and considering this before making any decisions at all. And @DVMDream I see what you're saying about him still being around in my beginnings of vet school. That's part of what's holding me back. I think just more thinking is in order.


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You've got time to think. So think it out. Make up your own pro/con list. Talk to your family members too, they'll be a good group for support and they'll better understand your circumstances.

I wish you the very best. And we're always around if you need more support or just people to vent to.

 

[AcreWoods]

You've got time to think. So think it out. Make up your own pro/con list. Talk to your family members too, they'll be a good group for support and they'll better understand your circumstances.

I wish you the very best. And we're always around if you need more support or just people to vent to.

😍 Thank you!