Two week intern check-in

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eburnation

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New intern here! Two weeks in, and I feel super alone and incompetent. I have great seniors, but I still feel like they are holding a grudge or internalizing their anger/frusturation towards us. I also feel like my fellow co-residents have it together much more than I do.

Despite all these emotions, I’m still trying to keep a positive outlook, and i’m waiting for the time that we will be much more experienced and put together.

I know we’re supposed to give ourselves grace in these initial weeks/months. But it just feels so tough to go from a place where you knew everything, to a place where you are learning in trial by fire, and the stakes are so much higher.

Other than the constant screwing up, or feeling like I’m a failure. I love my program, I love my team, I love the autonomy.

How’s everyone else’s first few weeks going?
To the senior residents/attendings, any words of advice in these trying times?
 
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New intern here! Two weeks in, and I feel super alone and incompetent. I have great seniors, but I still feel like they are holding a grudge or internalizing their anger/frusturation towards us. I also feel like my fellow co-residents have it together much more than I do.

Despite all these emotions, I’m still trying to keep a positive outlook, and i’m waiting for the time that we will be much more experienced and put together.

I know we’re supposed to give ourselves grace in these initial weeks/months. But it just feels so tough to go from a place where you knew everything, to a place where you are learning in trial by fire, and the stakes are so much higher.

Other than the constant screwing up, or feeling like I’m a failure. I love my program, I love my team, I love the autonomy.

How’s everyone else’s first few weeks going?
To the senior residents/attendings, any words of advice in these trying times?

You are not alone, trust me… your co residents do not have it together more than you do. It’s all a poker face, I’m sure you are coming across that way to them too. Just find a good way to relax at home, and just talk solace in knowing you will eventually have it all together and be that senior who seems to know it all.

I struggled so much I almost quit residency. I had a near total mental break down, told my director I couldn’t do it anymore. He had me do two things, see a therapist and meet with the head of ACGME of the hospital before giving up. I’m so glad he made me do that because that changed my perspective completely.

Now I’m really happy and enjoy what I do. I work for an orthopedic group within a hospital system. I am thankful every day I didn’t give up.

You can PM me if you want 🙂
 
I’m so glad to hear that you ended up in such a great spot! I know it’s tough, and everyone else is going through it, but it just feels like it’s so hidden and despite it being such a common experience, it still feels so lonely.

I just never want to be the resident that the seniors talk behind my back and don’t have trust in me. I don’t want to be the resident that always needs hand held for every minor thing.
 
If it was easy and you were already amazing at it, then why would we be doing it.
That’s very true. I just feel like I’m screwing up on the most basic things. And that my senior residents are resenting me for it internally (even though they’re very supportive, no hate to them).
 
 
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What did that do?

Similar to a therapist… they sat me down and asked if you leave what would you do? I gave them some options. They then pointed out just how hard all of those other things are. Grass is always greener, they help me with perspective.
 
New intern here! Two weeks in, and I feel super alone and incompetent. I have great seniors, but I still feel like they are holding a grudge or internalizing their anger/frusturation towards us. I also feel like my fellow co-residents have it together much more than I do.

Despite all these emotions, I’m still trying to keep a positive outlook, and i’m waiting for the time that we will be much more experienced and put together.

I know we’re supposed to give ourselves grace in these initial weeks/months. But it just feels so tough to go from a place where you knew everything, to a place where you are learning in trial by fire, and the stakes are so much higher.

Other than the constant screwing up, or feeling like I’m a failure. I love my program, I love my team, I love the autonomy.

How’s everyone else’s first few weeks going?
To the senior residents/attendings, any words of advice in these trying times?
Give it time. Eventually everyone meshes into being part of a good team and being competent. When I was a senior the first years I thought would be trainwrecks ended up being ballers. Same when I was a second year mentoring first years.

IMO the only thing that makes someone a poor part of working with a residency is bad attitude not aptitude. Like either being extremely socially awkward or being a total jerk. Over the course of 3 years and particularly the first year this can be molded and corrected quickly.

99% of seniors and attendings worth their salt will be good to you as long as they know you’re trying to learn. That’s what medicine is all about
 
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I’m so glad to hear that you ended up in such a great spot! I know it’s tough, and everyone else is going through it, but it just feels like it’s so hidden and despite it being such a common experience, it still feels so lonely.

I just never want to be the resident that the seniors talk behind my back and don’t have trust in me. I don’t want to be the resident that always needs hand held for every minor thing.
You’re two weeks in. It’s normal for handholding to be needed. You’re too hard on yourself.
 
You're there because someone thought you were good enough to be there. You ARE good enough to be there.

Keep your head down. Work hard. Don't complain- even if its not your fault.

Be nice and genuinely helpful to everyone on every service you rotate through. The other residents from other departments will remember you.
It will go a long way when you are calling them a year later for a late admit and they recognize you from having to slog s*** together on the floor your intern year.

This goes double if you're married and plan to have kids.
The nursing staff and residents I knew since intern year were on OB/GYN.
Their whole team and even the attending kept a close eye on us.
They went out of their way to make sure my kid and wife were 100%. They have my gratitude.

You can go the kiss- ass route if you want but....idk never been a fan of that.

Learn as much as you can. Doesn't matter if you think the service you're on is a complete waste of time. Learn something. Anything.

Don't throw your coresidents under the bus. Don't shirk work while you're paired up with interns on other departments. Word gets out. They'll still remember you come 3rd year.

Remember, if you knew everything, you wouldn't be there getting your a** chewed out.
You're struggling. Uncomfortable. It means you're learning and growing.

Would you rather be at a country club residency?
 
My first month of internship: cardiac ICU. I took neither cards nor ICU in med school. I was doing a transitional year before starting ophthalmology residency. Learned a lot from the specialty fellow that month. Probably forgot it within a week of finishing my internship if not sooner. You'll get there but you will need help along the way. Find the right people in your work environment who can help you. It's a difficult year, but you'll make it. Attitude is half the battle. Hard work and consulting people more knowledgeable than you will make up almost all of the rest of getting through it.
 
My first month of internship: cardiac ICU. I took neither cards nor ICU in med school. I was doing a transitional year before starting ophthalmology residency. Learned a lot from the specialty fellow that month. Probably forgot it within a week of finishing my internship if not sooner. You'll get there but you will need help along the way. Find the right people in your work environment who can help you. It's a difficult year, but you'll make it. Attitude is half the battle. Hard work and consulting people more knowledgeable than you will make up almost all of the rest of getting through it.
Sir we are podiatrists
 
Sir we are podiatrists
The point is that if someone like myself with essentially zero knowledge for the situation at hand can get by, then OP can as well with hard work and seeking knowledge from others who know more.

I'm new here so sorry to step on your toes by posting in a subforum outside of my specialty if that's considered bad form.
 
The point is that if someone like myself with essentially zero knowledge for the situation at hand can get by, then OP can as well with hard work and seeking knowledge from others who know more.

I'm new here so sorry to step on your toes by posting in a subforum outside of my specialty if that's considered bad form.
To be fair all specialties outside of podiatry are welcome in our degenerate den here. Many have enjoyed making it their home.

We have an optho who is basically board certified in podiatry just from participating in memes here
 
To be fair all specialties outside of podiatry are welcome in our degenerate den here. Many have enjoyed making it their home.

We have an optho who is basically board certified in podiatry just from participating in memes here
I’ll take a break from my ABPM studying to clarify for my uninitiated colleague - the “just a podiatrist” thing is a running gag when talking DPM vs MD/DO. They ain’t mad at you. Our board is slow and has no sense of humor, so I’m part of the zoo here sometimes.

Weirdy more or less laid out the big stuff already.

For off service, they’re never going to expect you to do big management plans, but if you can be a helpful and team oriented limb (lower, obviously) of the group, you’ll be fine. The key is to try to glean some material that will make you more useful when you’re back to core rotations. So whatever is helpful from (I’m guessing here) ortho, vascular, derm, etc. - try to find something useful that’s pod-related every day. It’ll get better.
 
Your seniors have just internalized a bit of hatred for their intern year, don't take it personally. We all get moody during the transitional time, especially from intern to second year. Once a bit of time passes then everyone is essentially part of the team in a very cordial and friendly manner, as another poster above said. Everyone has their quirks that take a small amount of time to get used to.

Intern year at my program is especially brutal compared to the other years, YMMV.
 
New intern here! Two weeks in, and I feel super alone and incompetent. I have great seniors, but I still feel like they are holding a grudge or internalizing their anger/frusturation towards us. I also feel like my fellow co-residents have it together much more than I do.

Despite all these emotions, I’m still trying to keep a positive outlook, and i’m waiting for the time that we will be much more experienced and put together.

I know we’re supposed to give ourselves grace in these initial weeks/months. But it just feels so tough to go from a place where you knew everything, to a place where you are learning in trial by fire, and the stakes are so much higher.

Other than the constant screwing up, or feeling like I’m a failure. I love my program, I love my team, I love the autonomy.

How’s everyone else’s first few weeks going?
To the senior residents/attendings, any words of advice in these trying times?
Why are your uppers mad at you for? Is it something you did? Were you a scrambler and are they not happy with who they matched with?

I would say give it some time and work hard. Show them that you belong. You got it!!!
 
It's like anything, create mentors.

That worked in pod school, pre-health, and it works now.
That is what successful people do: model the best.
It'll work as a young attending doc also (shouldn't really need it after that, but you can use it indefinitely).

Your mentors will be busy too, but they are in a teaching situation, and they know that. They don't have to be your friends or even be on board with the idea (or even be aware of it). Simply target senior residents, attending, etc who you want to emulate... ones who carry themselves well, have good confidence, have good skills, relate to patients well. Model them. Most of them will probably have a quiet confidence, create winning systems, maybe a good energy that inspires the team, whatever. Pick what works for you. Add or change as needed.

Unfortunately, most people are not reliable, not consistent, not as competent as they could be... so pick the best ones. You have your choice. You can consider video surgery and books your mentors also... but most programs should have at least a few - hopefully many - worthy in-person individuals.

When you do that, you will realize you're version 1.0, but you ARE on track and WILL be version 3.1, version 5.6, 5.8, etc like your mentors are.

...And franky, if you are like 95% of podiatrists, you will barely see or talk to any of those people again 3 or 4 or 10 years from now, so learn what you can while you can. Stumbling here and there is of little consequence. But glean what you can; you don't get another chance.
 
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